Strong Signal (Cyberlove #1) (27 page)

It had hardwood floors, natural light, and a large enough lot for us to have plenty of room from surrounding neighbors. It was also on a quiet block but near enough to stores for him to walk to if he ever felt like it. Also—it was three bedrooms. Initially I’d wanted a spare room to use as a gym for myself, but the third was a great option for Kai to use as an office for his streaming.

I was living in a fantasy. I knew I was. But in an ideal world it would be…perfect.

However, when I returned to Pennsylvania two weeks later to start packing, the unrealistic swell of excitement I’d allowed to grow popped. All it had taken was two lackluster text exchanges with Kai to realize I’d fucked our relationship by taking this job.

He was never going to be able to drive for eight hours in aggressive traffic or trap himself in an airplane for long enough to use that spare room. I knew that, and he knew that, which is probably why his responses had read so distant. I was a fucking idiot.

“You look so bummed.” Nicole sat at the edge of my bed with her legs tucked under her. “Want a cigarette?”

“No, Nicole. I don’t want a fucking cigarette. And you two going wild with nicotine is stupid.”

She ignored my criticism. Unsurprising. “Want to go shoot for a while? That always makes me feel better.”

“Yeah, because you picture yourself taking out your mortal enemies.” I pulled the zipper around my suitcase with a grunt. My work boots and winter coats were bulky as hell since I’d not followed my mother’s suggestion to get some of those vacuum compressed bags. “That won’t help me since the source of my fucking bummed outness is my own idiotic decision to take this job.”

“Taking a supervisory position at the headquarters of a major corporation is hardly an idiotic decision. Considering I’m looking at a future career at Wal-Mart—”

“Shut the fuck up. You are not.”

“Whatever, I was trying to make you feel better.” Nicole picked at the hem of her jeans with her eyes trained on me. Concern wrinkled her brow. “For all you know, he’ll get used to the idea and eventually follow behind. Being long distance for a few months isn’t the end of the world.”

“That’s not going to happen.” I got to my feet and stared around my room, wondering what I needed to bring and what was just dregs of my adolescence and childhood. “Kai always had social anxiety but it wasn’t until he stopped having a reason to rejoin the outside world that it became…debilitating. It’s like avoiding going outside for years made it ten times worse because he stopped knowing how to cope out here. Him adapting to us being separated is more likely to make him hole up even further.”

“Well, it’s not like you won’t be visiting here.”

Giving up on my search for additional things to pack, I swept my gaze back to Nicole. I loved that her response wasn’t “just dump the guy and move on,” but her optimism was only making my heart heavier. I
would
be visiting Pennsylvania as much as possible, but it would never replace getting to see Kai every day.

“You look like you’re about to cry.”

I was. Instead of letting the prickling sensation turn into tears, I wiped a rough hand across my face. “Tell mom to have a yard sale to get rid of the shit I’m not bringing with me.”

“Are you sure?” Nicole looked around. “Because I think there might be a place in Peoria for your collection of five hundred beer caps.”

I snorted. “No one would buy that even at a yard sale. I’ll dump a bunch of shit before I go.”

“Uh, no. You don’t understand the rednecks who would love to present that bucket in their very own living rooms. Lying and pretending
they
collected those beer caps would be an honor.” Nicole nodded seriously. “I think we’re looking at a cool fifty right there.”

I nodded at the door. “Scram. I need to finish up.”

“Fine.” She pressed a quick kiss to my scruffy chin. “I love you, bro.”

I flashed a grim smile that fell away as soon as she was gone. It was hard not to feel hopeless even though, from an outsider’s perspective, I temporarily had everything going for me. Far more than some vets had once they returned from the service. Good health, supportive family, a job, a place to stay, and someone who loved me. Things weren’t perfect, but I was still lucky. It was just a damn shame that the clenching in my chest couldn’t be soothed by the reality of how much better I had it than most.

There were four heavy suitcases on the floor around me, along with a few boxes, and I needed to get on top of lugging them to the Bronco. I stared at them for several minutes, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. If I loaded the car, it would all be too real.

I would wait until I saw Kai. I was heading out to see him before the move. I tried not to call it
the last time.

“Garrett!”

Why was it so impossible for Nicole and my mother to leave me alone and let me agonize over all of this in peace?

“Garrett, get your ass down here!”

Biting back an angry shout, I stalked out the door and to the staircase. “What, Nicole?”

“There’s someone here to see you.”

I hoped it wasn’t Kevin. The last thing I needed was another depressing chat about how everyone in his life was dead or jobless. I debated not answering and locking myself in my room, but avoided the childishness by jogging down the stairs. “Who—”

Framed within the narrow front door was Kai with a small bag at his feet.

I froze, unable to believe what I was seeing. It was only Nicole’s gawking presence that prevented me from pinching myself. This wasn’t a hallucination—he was here. Windswept, pale, and peering at me with dark-circled eyes, but here.

“Kai,” I croaked. “How—”

“C-can I come in?” He wrapped his arms around himself. “Please?”

“Of course!” Nicole blurted at the same time as I stumbled down the rest of the stairs. “I was so surp—”

“It’s okay.” Kai’s voice was strained. “I’m okay.”

I pulled him to my chest just as Nicole scampered out of the room with an awkward mumble. I rested my chin on his hair. “Why didn’t you tell me you were thinking of doing this? I could have met you in Philly and come with you!”

“Because then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, dummy.”

There were so many things on the tip of my tongue. Scolding words that all formed the same implications—that he was a helpless person and needed me to take care of him. But that wasn’t true. Maybe my presence helped in some ways, but he’d made his way in this world long before I’d come along.

Swallowing all of those admonishments, I kissed his forehead before pressing a kiss to his lips. His heart was pounding, but he wasn’t trembling or sweating profusely. There was no sign of a panic attack on the horizon even though he was clearly out of his element.

“Do you want to come up to my room?”

“Yes.” Relief shone in his eyes. “Please.”

With our fingers tightly twined, I grabbed his bag and led him up the stairs.

Kai

I gripped Garrett’s hand as hard as I could, reminding myself that this was why I’d hired a driver to take me two hours across the state. Of course, I was doped up on Xanax as prescribed by my new doctor, which was a major help, but I still wanted to huddle under a blanket.

I didn’t even glance around Garrett’s house. There’d be time for that later. Right now, I needed to get myself under control and tell Garrett the news I hoped he’d be happy to hear.

He led me to his bedroom and pushed my shoulders until I sat on the bed. Once the door was shut and locked, he faced me.

“So, I’m here.”

“Yeah, and I’m happy to see you, but….” He glanced at the window and frowned. “How the hell did you get here?”

“I hired a driver.”

His eyes widened. “For real?”

“For real.”

“That must have cost a fortune.” There were a ton of questions in Garrett’s eyes, but he only asked, “Are you staying the night?”

“How long until you need to go back to Illinois?”

“I’d planned to come visit you for a day, then head out. So…two days I guess.”

“Then I’m staying two days.”

Garrett seemed flustered by my evasiveness. “How are you getting back to Philly?”

“I’m not going back.”

For several seconds, Garrett just stared at me. “What do you mean?”

With my fingers gripping the edge of the mattress, I inhaled slowly. “I’m, uh, coming with you. To Illinois. If the invitation is still open.”

There was a pause, where neither of us moved. Then Garrett moved faster than I’d ever seen as he dropped to his knees in front of me. “Don’t mess with me, Kai.” He squeezed my shoulders. I could feel his damp palms through my shirt. “I swear to God. Don’t fuck around.”

His expression was so full of hope, my heart felt close to bursting. “I’m coming with you.”

Garrett’s hands tightened. “Please be sure. Please be fucking sure because if you change your mind, I don’t know if I can take it.”

I turned my head to brush his knuckles with my lips. “I’m sure. I’m scared to death, but I’m sure. I can’t do this. I can’t live with only seeing you in 2D now that I know what you feel like in the flesh.”

Garrett lunged at me, and I fell back on the bed. His lips fused to mine as he devoured my mouth and sealed the decision with our lips. The bed squeaked wildly when I wrapped my legs around him and began to grind. This bed was tiny, and my head was nearly hanging off the side, but I didn’t care. Not when Garrett’s hand was fumbling between us, pulling down the zipper of my jeans and thrusting his hand inside.

I broke away from the kiss and rested my forehead on his as we rutted together. “Don’t want it like this,” I panted. “I want you inside me.”

“Goddamnit, Kai.”

Garrett flipped me over onto my stomach and yanked down the back of my jeans. I craned my neck to see him rummaging in a drawer with shaking hands and pulling out a tube of lube. I let my head fall back onto the mattress as he slicked himself up before pushing inside me with a sharp thrust. There was no finesse to this fuck, which was just the way I liked it. Garrett and I didn’t do gentle.

“You know I love how loud you get but not in this house,” he breathed after I’d released an anguished moan. A hand slid over my mouth. “But Jesus Christ, I made it all this time not fucking anyone in my childhood bedroom, and you go and screw it up days before I finally move out.”

I laughed into his hand, which broke off into a moan as he changed angles and hit my prostate. I wrapped my hand around my cock. After a few tugs, I came with a shudder, and he wasn’t far behind.

As we lay on his bed in a crumple of damp clothes, it occurred to me that I shouldn’t have encouraged him to fuck me before meeting his mom.

I bit Garrett’s hand until he took it off my mouth. “I guess you’re happy?”

“I’m so fucking happy.”

“Yeah, me too. Except for being in the wet spot on your bed and not wanting your mom to see these sheets. Fuck, this is awkward.”

Garrett was still lying on my back when he began to shake with laughter. I had to become part owl to turn my head and shove him off me. He fell onto his back, still chuckling, with his pants around his thighs and his shirt rucked up to his chest.

“I love you, Kai. Thank you for coming here.”

“Thank you for not giving up on me.”

Once we were both cleaned up—and Garrett had dealt with the sheets—we shuffled downstairs. His mom and sister were sitting at the kitchen table. Nicole wore a big smile, and his mom eyed me through a cloud of cigarette smoke. I gave a weak wave.

“Hi.”

Nicole took that as a cue to jump out of her chair and run toward me. She wrapped me in her arms, smelling like perfume and chocolate. I hugged her back even though Garrett was shaking his head in exasperation.

“I’m so happy to meet you. Garrett talks about you all the time, and he never talks about anyone.”

Garrett sighed loudly.

“Quit smothering him,” Garrett’s mom said, and Nicole backed away in a huff. Mrs. Reid patted the seat next to her at the table. “Come sit down. Visit before you have to go back to Philly.”

Beside me, Garrett cleared his throat. “Kai’s coming with me.”

Nicole’s eyes bugged out. “Really?”

“That’s why he’s here.” Garrett grabbed my hand. “He said he’s moving with me.”

Nicole’s gaze darted between us. “But—”

Garrett growled—an actual growl—and she stopped talking.

I understood her doubt. Hell, I doubted myself. But I didn’t doubt Garrett and I didn’t doubt our relationship. It was the first bit of realness I’d had in my life—one of those
you’ll know it when you see it
kind of things.

Garrett’s mom didn’t ask questions, only gestured for us talk while she got some food together for us. My stomach growled.

“How’d you do on the drive?” Garrett asked.

“It wasn’t too bad. I put in my headphones and listened to an audiobook about this big hacker scheme and before I knew it, the driver was pulling up to your house. The worst part was leaving the apartment, and I got really freaked out once I got to your door.”

I finally had a chance to glance around Garrett’s home. It was small, the linoleum was a little ragged and the walls were faded, but it was a home. There were pictures everywhere—a smiling Garrett in uniform, a cheerleader Nicole in mid-jump—and magazines on a side table. The table we sat at was scratched and scarred, but I was sure each mark had a story. Maybe a toddler Garrett dropped a fork or a teenage Nicole jabbed it with her butter knife.

This was a real home, and that was what I wanted with Garrett. If I had to travel to Illinois to get it, I was willing to do that. But I also wanted this for myself.

When Garrett’s mom returned to the table, she carried a tray with cheese, crackers, grapes and strawberries.

“What, you getting fancy showing off to Kai?” Nicole asked as she popped a grape in her mouth. “Because damn, I didn’t even knew we had fruit.”

“I buy fruit!” Garrett’s mom insisted.

I took a piece of cheese and a cracker and smiled. “Thanks, Mrs. Reid.”

“Pauline,” she said as she sank down into her chair. “You can call me Pauline.”