Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5) (4 page)

Chapter Five

Vicky

The
thought of Jacob naked, with water running down his body only mere feet from me was driving me insane. My tongue longed to lick the trail of water that would be running down his body to help quench my thirst for this man that I only met yesterday. That dance was amazing foreplay, I was soaked and yearning madly for a man that was my client. A line that I have never crossed in all the years of doing this. No one has ever tempted me to either. But then there was Jacob…

A
loud moan broke me from my thoughts. Without thinking, I moved into the bathroom only to be stopped dead in my tracks at the sight before me. Jacob leaned against the wall with his back. The water was pouring over his delicious body.  His hips pumped quickly into his fists that wrapped around his cock, a cock that had drool trailing down my chin with need to wrap my mouth around it.

“Ah!
Yes, fuck! Oh Vicky,” he moaned as he started to orgasm, spurts of semen shooting into the spray of water to disappear down the drain.

Quickly,
I turned and left the bathroom, heading into the first room with a door. Placing my purse on the bench, I decided to hurry up and change into my regular clothes. That would help erase the images from my head. Stripping my dress off, I laid it on the bench. Next came off my bra. Pulling out my other bra, I pulled on my tank top then my shorts. Bending over, I piled my hair in a messy bun on top of my head. Finding my make-up removal cloths, I scrubbed my face clean. Looking up in the mirror, this would definitely detour his thoughts. Proud of myself, I walked out of the room and into the main area of his suite.

Hormones
aside, I went back to professional mode. It was time to remember that he was a client. Squaring my shoulders, my mind went to work on the steps that I took with all
clients
that enlisted my services. Moving from room to room, I started searching everything. If he were at all like my other clients, it was here somewhere.

“What
are you doing?”

Without
stopping my search, “Where’s your emergency stash?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stiffen.

I
knew that stance. It was common in all my clients. They figured they’d hold on to their stash and when things got too tough they’d sneak it to make them feel better. The problem was that meant the process had to start all over. So for that little bit of relief they caused more damage. It was best to get rid of it so the temptation wasn’t there.

“I
don’t-”

“Don’t
you dare lie to me.” Deciding to play my trump card, I walked over to him and rested my hand on his arm, looking up at him through my eyelashes. “If you lie to me about this, then you’ll just be another man to lie to me about being beautiful.”

“Damn
it. You don’t have to go turning me on again. I just got it tamped down,” he growled before walking into the room across from where I was searching.

It
was an office. There was a big mahogany desk in the center of the room. Couch, two chairs and a coffee table sat to the right of the door. Walls of bookcases to the left. He walked over to a painting that he lifted away to reveal a safe. Entering the combination, he opened it, then pulled out a small box and handed it to me.

Opening
the box, I looked inside and back at him confused.

“It
is all I have. My habit isn’t very big, but doing it at all is too much for me.”

“How
often do you do it?”

“Whenever
I’m not working.”

“So
you can last long periods of time without going through withdrawals?”

That
confused me because no addict could withstand long periods of time without having a fix. There was something he wasn’t telling me.  He had to tell me everything or there was no way I could gage an appropriate plan for him.

“When
I’m working, I’m busy, focused. The need for the drugs doesn’t really register for me.”

Sitting
down on the couch, I pulled my legs under me and look at him. “Why do you do it?”

He
sat across from me with one leg bent up on the seat of the couch, his arm resting on the back, facing me.

“Me.”

“You care to elaborate a little for me. That doesn’t give me much to go on.”

“When
I’m not high or working, my brain keeps replaying my failures and I can’t handle it. So when I get high, the voices and instant replay stop. The guilt doesn’t eat at me.”

Shifting
to my knees, I scoot a little closer, resting my arm on the back of the couch. “Everyone makes mistakes, Jacob. That’s no reason to harm yourself.”

He
started to run his finger along my hand before lacing our fingers together. He sighed. “My failures are different. Did my sisters Kayla and Mary look familiar?”

“Well,
Mary’s kind of big in the music world, hard not to recognize her.”

“No
beyond that. Think about the news.”

I
sat quietly for a moment, thinking. I met his eyes with my wide ones. “You don’t mean…”

“Yes.
I’m their older brother. I’m supposed to protect them, see when they’re in trouble, but I didn’t see their problems. I was so caught up in me and my career that I didn’t see it. When I’m not busy, that’s all I see in my head is them being abused. They fought to stay alive while I’m partying and enjoying my life. One of my crew members helped pick me up when I crashed. He got me started. It was the only thing that helped the pain, stopped the voices.”

Scooting
closer until my knees touched his leg, I reached my hand up and cupped his cheek in my free hand. “Don’t you see that even though you didn’t save them before it happened, you were there when they needed help? Think about your sisters. Do you think that even if you knew something was wrong that they would have let you help them?”

He
laughed softly. “Probably not.”

“See.
Now it’s time to save yourself so you can be around for them and their kids for the long haul.”

Jacob
reached up grabbing my hand that still cradled his face. Meeting my eyes, he held mine. I’m working hard to keep all these
feelings
that are stirred up by him at bay, but when he looked at me like this I felt like he could see straight to my soul.

“I
really thought you couldn’t get more captivating than you were today, but all natural like this…” he sigh/growled, “You are a vision. Like someone straight from a dream.”

He
leans forward, his lips caressing mine again. Pushing his tongue into my mouth on a groan, he released my hands grabbing me around the waist he pulled me onto his lap. The minute I felt the moan escape from my lips, I pulled away and tried to stand up. Jacob wouldn’t let me move.

“We
can’t do this,” I breathed emphatically.

“Why
not? I can’t get you out of my head.” He breathed against my neck as he trailed kisses across.

“You’
re my client. It’s wrong,” I replied weakly.

“It
can’t feel this good and be wrong,” he urged as his hand moved under my shirt up toward my breasts.

I
sighed and my hips started rocking against him. His touch was consuming and turned my willpower to jelly. His hand ran over my breast, causing me to arch into his touch.

“You
are so damn beautiful. When you’re around me, I see nothing but you. I need you more than my last breath. Your touch, look, words bring me to my knees.”

Pulling
the cup of my bra down, he leans forward biting my nipple through my tank top. The jolt shot straight down to my throbbing center, causing me to grind harder against him in my need for release.

“Fuck,
Vicky. I’m so damn close and you haven’t even done much of anything to me. Do you see what you do to me? You have me, Vicky. You have me. Forget all the reasons we shouldn’t and let me make you feel as good as I feel right now.”

The
voice screaming at me to stop this finally makes it through my lust fogged brain. Pulling back abruptly, I fall off his lap hitting my head on the coffee table. After a string of curses, I scrambled to my feet, moving quickly away from him. Stumbling again as I hurried backwards, I fell down landing on my butt. Jacob hurried off the couch toward me reaching out his hands.

“No!”
I stood and backed away from him. “No, don’t touch me.” Crouching down in a corner, my hands over my head as it rested on my knees, I kept repeating. “Don’t touch me. Please don’t touch me.”

“Vicky?”
His voice sounded muffled almost.

I
could hear the crashing of dishes again. The smell of alcohol was so strong that I almost gagged. The heavy staggered footsteps headed in my direction again. The blood trailed down my arm, I could feel the warmth it left behind. The heavy breathing mixed with the uneven thuds of the footsteps. It was building inside of me. I could feel it. If I could just keep quiet, just a little bit longer…

“Vicky?
Look at me. It’s Jacob.”

“Jacob?”
I breathed.

“Yes,
Vicky. It’s Jacob. Please look at me.”

The
breathing and footsteps slowly disappeared as I looked up and met the eyes of the one man that has made me feel safe. The relief that flooded through me shook me and I felt the room start spinning before it all turned black.

Chapter Six

Jacob

As
Vicky collapsed in my arms, her words echoed in my head. Someone
has
hurt her. Someone
has
scared her. This pissed me off more than anything ever has before. I wasn’t even this pissed when one of the women I fucked on occasion tried to sell a picture of my dick to the gossip magazines. Thankfully, my lawyer caught it and killed it before the picture got out. Not that I would have cared honestly. I was proud of my manhood. Though I wasn’t keen on the world seeing it, but more important I didn’t want my family to see it all over the place.

Carefully,
I carried her into the bedroom and laid her on the king bed. Gently, I lifted her to pull the covers over her. She looked so small on the big bed. Everything in me wanted to lie next to her, hold her, keep her safe until every last fear disappeared. Reaching out, I moved the hair from her face. Damn was she beautiful. Witnessing what I just did, I knew my constant attacks on her spurred some kind of nightmare.

A
thought occurred to me then. Rex had sent her in a violent outburst. She didn’t react that way with me. Or at least I don’t think she did. God the sexual tension between us wasn’t just smoking or on fire, it was searing. Just looking at her searching the television room in her short shorts, tight tank top and the messy thing with her hair, had me hard again even after the explosive release I had in the shower. Damn, I shifted slightly before pressing a soft kiss to her temple and standing. I had just made it to the door when she started tossing and turning on the bed.

“No!
Stop! Don’t touch me!” She screamed loudly as her head whipped to the side.

Moving
quickly to the bed, I cupped her face in my hands. “Wake up Vicky!” I urged her.

She
continued to scream and thrash. Panic started to build in the pit of my stomach. Hell, I didn’t know what to do in a situation like this. I’ve never been close enough to someone to witness it. Kayla had nightmares when she was younger and all I had to do was lay down with her talking about nothing to give her the peace she needed to fall back asleep. Now she had Jason. Colleen had Carson. Mary had Tobey. If they still had nightmares, I didn’t see them. I didn’t know what I should do. So, I did the one thing that seemed to distract her.

“Vicky,
it’s me Jacob. I need to kiss you.” I ran my thumbs on her cheeks. “I need to taste your sweet, irresistible lips. Do you hear me, Vicky? I’m going to kiss you.”

“Ja
-Jacob…”

That
was all I needed to hear to know she heard me. I kissed her lightly at first. Repeated the soft kisses until her thrashing eased some, then I kissed her deeper until her body relaxed against the bed. It was only then that I forced myself to stop kissing her. Pulling back, I looked down at her. Her eyes were still closed, but she was breathing normal and there was a slight smile on her face.

Before
I did more than just help push away her demons, I left the room and headed back to the shower. I’m going to be super clean with her around. Standing under the shower, I willed my erection away. Running anything I could think of through my head to get her out of it, but it wasn’t working.

“I
thought you’d already taken a shower once.”

Whirling
around, I faced the vision that danced in my head. Her hardened peaks weren’t hard to miss in her tight tank top as she walked toward me.

“I,
uh, need to relax some tense muscles.”

She
stepped into the shower fully clothed. “It looks like I might be able to help some,” she smirked.

“What…um
are you…”

Everything
I was going to say died on my tongue as I felt her hand wrap around me and stroke me slowly. The only thing I could do was moan and drop my head back looking up at the ceiling. When I felt her tongue run across the head, my arms shot out to brace myself on the walls. Just that little touching had my knees turning to jelly. This woman was far beyond what I thought she’d be.

All
thoughts disappeared as I felt her mouth wrap around me, taking me slowly into her hot, warm, welcoming mouth. My hips jerked forward, pushing further into her mouth.

“Damn
Vicky. I’m so fucking close. Stand up. Let me have you.”

Her
only response was to hum her ‘no’ around my cock. The vibrations rode straight down my shaft to my balls. I growled her name loudly as I began to cum well before I wanted to. It was an intense and consuming release. I’ve never cum so hard in my life. My arms could no longer support me and I collapsed to the floor of the shower breathing heavy. When I looked up to reach out and grab a hold of Vicky and kiss her with everything I was worth, she wasn’t there.

Standing,
I walked out of the shower grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist. Looking around the suite, I went to the bedroom. There she lay, in bed where I left her. Standing there dumbfounded, I stared at her.

“
That was all a fucking fantasy? No fucking way.”

Shaking
my head unable to believe it, I left the room closing the door behind me. Knowing that tomorrow was another charity event, I picked up my phone and started making some calls. There was no way I was going to embarrass her tomorrow. Tomorrow, Jacob Williams, the superstar, the family man, would be in full swing. Jacob Williams, the druggie, would be nowhere to be seen. After my phone calls were done, I went to the kitchen for some food.

Buying
this hotel was the best move I made. It gave me a ‘home’ when I came back to town. For about a year, the hotel was under construction so I stayed at Jack’s after I finished with whatever woman I met at the club. One of the things I loved about going to the club was no one knew that it was Jacob Williams. My assistant helped with the perfect disguise. Hell, I’m not even sure my dealer knew it was me. It was just nice to be someone else for a while. But now thinking back to the woman in my bed right now, never have I ever wanted to be just me before. To prove to that woman… What? What did I want to prove to her? That I was more than my addiction? That I was more than the man before the cameras? There hasn’t been a woman yet that has seen past the glitz and glamour that comes with my life, why would there be now? Shaking my head, I tried to busy myself with anything to calm my brain. It was going places I wasn’t sure I was ready to go just yet. Or maybe more that I wasn’t strong enough to go yet?

# # #

Knocking lightly on the door before I entered, I found her still asleep. Setting the bags on the floor and bed before sitting down next to her, I brushed her hair out of her face.

“Nap
time is over, beautiful. It’s time to get up and get dressed,” I said softly.

“Ugh!
Why? I just feel so drained.”

Part
of me wondered if she remembered what happened only a few hours ago. Well, more like almost fifteen hours ago, but I wasn’t panicking. It wasn’t me that called Jackson eight times worried that she needed to go to the doctors or hospital. That’s not me. I don’t stress over people I don’t know or care about. It most certainly wasn’t me that barely slept in the chair that sat in her doorway just to be sure she was okay.

“You
need to get ready for the charity function that I have today.”

She
bolts upright in the bed only inches from my face. The confusion was plain on her face as she looked around the room before her eyes fell to me.

“I
stayed the night?” She gasped, looking down at her clothed body and I heard a sigh of relief.

It
stung that she’s relieved that she didn’t have sex with me. Normally, I’m fighting women off, unless I’m in a randy mood and want more than one at a time, not having them being relieved that they still had their clothes on. Part of me wanted to make some wise crack about having to get dressed instead of just cuddling with me naked, but instead I found myself saying.

“Yeah,
you kind of passed out on me,” wanting badly to get answers to what happened, but I said nothing.

“Where,
uh, where did you sleep?”

She
looked so adorable.

“In
bed,” I lied just to rile her up. “Man, do you snore and hog the damn bed,” I faked irritation.

Truth
be told, I would have loved to have shared the bed with her. To hold her in my arms and keep her safe from whatever haunted her, but I couldn’t bring myself to take advantage of her like that. I had been tempted to use my secret stash just to calm myself, but I couldn’t stand the thought of having to lie to her when she asked about it. I knew she would too. She was good at her job. Whether she believed it or not, but I’ve seen it in her in the time we’ve been together.

“What?”
She breathed.

“I’m
kidding. I slept on the couch,” I still lied, but only because I didn’t want to have to explain what happened. Now once we get to know each other better, yeah I’ll tell her the truth, but just not yet.

She
breathes out a heavy breath and my cock jumps in my shorts. What was it about her that constantly had me hard? Every little thing she did made me hard.

“Jacob,”
she whispered.

But
I couldn’t stop myself, I needed to kiss her. That’s what it was becoming too, a need. She may be helping me with my drug addiction, but she’s created a new addiction. My addiction to her.

“I
need to kiss you. I need to taste your sweet, irresistible lips.” I repeated my words from yesterday.

“Oh,”
she breathed.

First
, I brushed my lips against hers, then reached up and cupped her face in my hands completely sealing my lips over hers. She moaned when I pushed my tongue against hers. The overly erotic sound had me leaning her backward and crawling between her legs. The kissing intensified and I began to thrust against her. Vicky’s hands roamed my back and down to my ass. A hungry growl traveled through my chest. I continued to thrust against her, wishing that there weren’t clothes or a blanket between us.

She
broke the kiss. “Jacob,” she gasped. “Fuck! We can’t do this. We- Oh shit!”

Running
my mouth down her neck until I reached her breasts, I bit the hardened tip through her clothes. She arched against me. My hand tweaked the other nipple.

“Please
let this happen. Please. Just this. No actual contact, please,” I begged.

She
laugh/moaned. “This is so high school,” she breathed as she clutched me tighter.

“Yeah
well, I’m taking what I can get. I need you so damn bad.” I breathed before sealing my lips back over hers.

Moving
my hand to yank the blanket from between us, it was bad enough that clothes were going to stay on, but I’ll be damned if I was going to fight a blanket too. Her legs immediately wrapped around my waist and I pushed against her hard.

“Fuck,
Jacob! This shouldn’t be happening,” she protested weaker this time.

“Yes
it should. This and so much more should be happening,” I growled as I bit her neck lightly. “Tell me you don’t want me. Tell me you haven’t been feeling this every moment we have been together. Tell me and mean it and I’ll stop,” I said looking down at her holding her eyes.

She
ran her hands up and down my bare chest stopping to toy with my nipples. Her eyes followed her hands the whole time, before lifting her eyes to meet mine. “I want it, believe me I do, but you’re a client. We’ve already pushed way past the line here.”

“Can’t
you forget for a minute that I’m a client? Can’t you just look at me and see me, not a job?”

Hoping
just for once that someone will see the man hidden behind all the roles and problems. Something told me that Vicky was that woman, but as her legs loosened from around my waist and fell to the bed my heart dropped. I couldn’t keep the disappointment or hurt from my face.

Climbing
off her, I pointed to the bags. “I got you clothes for the event today. There are some hair dressers coming soon that will help you finish getting ready. I don’t want to embarrass you tonight so I went all out for this event. At least for a few hours, I’ll be worth it.” I gave her one last look and apologized before walking toward the door. “Oh I left my stash on your stand. Get rid of it please.”

I
headed to my office and shut the door. This was the first time since I got into acting that I’ve felt worthless. For whatever reason, her rejection and inability to see
me
caused my chest to clench tightly and I was lost for breath. When I was with her, I didn’t have any urges to get high because I already was. She gave me the same feelings that I had with the drugs only better. More importantly when I’m with her, the voices weren’t beating me up from the inside out.