Substitute (3 page)

She lay on the bed, prostrate with searing shame and horror. She could hear the water tumbling into the bath as if it were far away in the distance. She closed her eyes and listened; the sound of the liquid was soothing, warm and inviting, just waiting for her to step into it, and wash away her shame.

She realised her hand was on her chest. She felt a deep urge to rub her nipple. Slowly, almost guiltily, she moved her hand and ran her fingers gently over it. She felt a tiny spark of electricity. She did it again; the same spark. She pressed a little firmer and curled her toes at the soft and lilting pleasure. She pulled down the strap of her nightie and exposed the nipple.

It was pink and hard now, proud and begging. She held it between the tips of her thumb and forefinger and increased the pressure into a slow pinch. The pressure revealed that straight line connection between her nipple and her pussy. She pinched it again and the tug got stronger. She pushed her other hand under the covers and ran her middle finger down into her now damp curls until she found the nub. It was already engorged.

She began to rub gently. She could hear the water fill the bath as her own wetness began to increase. She rubbed the flat of her middle finger up and down as her other hand pinched and tweaked her erect nipple. She dug her heels into the bed. Romy was just the other side of the open door; she could hear her humming in the kitchen. She had to stay quiet.

She rubbed harder, pressing the length of her finger against her clit, trying to imagine it was a cock. But whose cock? She had started thinking about Nathan, but realised that Tony’s face kept swimming into view.

Nathan’s face, then Tony’s face. Nathan, then Tony … Nathan face, then Tony’s’ face … Nathan’s face, then Tony … Tony’s face …Tony’s cock …

She stopped abruptly and gasped. What was going on? She didn’t like Tony, he was arrogant and cocky. Cocky! Literally. But Romy was right: he would be a hell of a ride. Nathan, well, he was altogether different. Thinking about him felt dangerous; he
was
dangerous. Too dangerous for her? He wasn’t a man to be played with, not that she knew how to play with men, Romy was right again. She needed to learn. Maybe Tony was the man to practise on, even if it was just in a fantasy?

She started rubbing again, this time harder, picking up speed. She arched her back as Tony’s blue eyes hoved into her imagination. She could hear his voice. ‘Ice can – melt …’

She groaned and thrust a finger into her soaking pussy, but it was a poor substitute for Tony’s cock. But she rubbed and rubbed and bucked underneath her own hand until she came. It was a short and almost perfunctory orgasm, but she needed it so badly after the tension of last night. The orgasm she’d given herself in that bathroom was intense, but nothing close to what she needed.

She lay still, breathing hard. The sound of the bath water, which had seemed so far away a moment ago, now re-entered her consciousness.

She got to her feet and looked at the laptop, still brazenly flaunting pictures of Nathan. She slammed the lid shut and walked into the living room.

‘Hey there!’ said a scruffy young guy.

‘What?’ She gasped.

‘Hey, sorry. Didn’t mean to startle ya!’

She heard a southern American drawl and looked at the dishevelled guy, wearing torn jeans and an old T-shirt. He might have needed a tidy up, but there was no denying he was sexy. His hair was collar-length and a little greasy, and he was unshaven, which gave him a lived-in look.

‘I’m Richard … Sorry, I thought Romy told you I was coming.’

Alexia composed herself. ‘Yes, she did. Sorry, I was – er …’

‘Yeah, I’m sorry I’ve disturbed you two …’

Alexia thought that he was referring to her and Romy when he said “two”. But she realised Romy was in the kitchen and Richard was nodding towards the bedroom.

‘Two? No, there’s no one else in there, just me … I just got up’

‘Got up?’ he said. ‘I thought maybe you’d just got off!’

Alexia flushed.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said, lowering his voice. ‘A little morning self-love is a great thing. Keeps you healthy.’

Alexia was still stumbling for a reply when Romy walked in.

‘Hey, you’ve met! Richard, this is Alexia. Alexia, this is Richard.’

Richard took Alexia’s hand and kissed it theatrically. He stopped for a moment, holding her hand and breathing in. A tiny half sniff. Alexia realised it must still smell of her come. She yanked it away as her face reddened.

‘I’m making breakfast,’ said Romy and went back into the kitchen.

Richard’s eyes twinkled at Alexia. ‘Maybe I could help you out one morning.’ He cocked an eyebrow and sauntered into the kitchen.

Alexia stood in the living room, her head swirling.

‘Alexia, get in the bath before it runs over!’ shouted Romy.

‘Oh my God, the bath!’

Alexia dashed into the bathroom and shut off the taps. She locked the door, then wiped the mirror with a towel and took a look at her reflection. She looked like a wood nymph, all wide-eyed and innocent. But her little hand job had left her flushed and wanton-looking.

She stepped away from the mirror and took off her nightie. She looked down at the little triangle of hair over her pussy. Blonde curls still glistened. Her lips were pink and swollen. She got into the bath, lowering her body into the water to wash away the evidence of her morning’s pleasure. The warm water lapped her lips and soothed her after her frantic rubbing. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily.

Romy was cooking bacon, and the smell of it was wafting into the bathroom. Richard was helping himself to coffee and sat on the windowsill in the tiny kitchen.

‘She’s nice.’

‘Hey, she’s had a rough time, so watch it,’ warned Romy.

‘OK, OK, just sayin’ …’

‘Yeah, and you were just thinkin’ …’ She copied his American drawl and curtailed verbs.

‘Actually, she looks real sweet.’

‘She is, and she’s been with a complete bastard. Took a huge amount of guts to leave him.’

‘How do you guys know each other? She’s not like your usual friends.’

‘I know. School together – hadn’t seen for years, then ran into her. She was always a quiet one. But she’s nice, you know. And I wanted to help. She needs …’

Richard’s eyes glinted.

‘Hey!’ Romy slapped his arm.

‘Am I wrong?’ asked Richard teasingly.

‘No. No, you’re not.’ Romy sighed. ‘I think she’ll come out of her shell once she’s settled down at work.’

‘You got her a job too?’

‘Er, yeah. But …’

‘She no good at it?’

‘No she’ll be great … But you know what it’s like at my office, it’s a bit on the wild side for her.’

‘Well, then she’ll definitely come out of her shell.’ Richard smirked.

‘Yeah, I just hope she enjoys it, I don’t want to see her hurt again. She needs to get back in the saddle but not with another arsehole.’

‘
I’m
not an asshole!’

Romy threw a tea towel at him.

‘Hey, watch it, sister!’

Richard folded the towel up neatly and put it on the counter top.

‘Look, I won’t touch her if she doesn’t want me to, and if she does, I’ll be real gentle, in every sense … OK?’

Romy shook her head. ‘Well, she is a grown woman, and a gentle jiggle with you might do her good. Better than Tony – or Nathan.’

‘Who’s Tony …? Nathan? How many guys does this chick have lined up?’

‘You’ve seen her. They’re queuing round the block, she just doesn’t know it.’

‘That’s kinda what’s sweet about her.’

Romy sighed. ‘Yes, yes, it is … But you can’t stay sweet for ever.’

‘And ain’t that the truth!’ Richard laughed. Then he smacked Romy’s arse and sauntered back into the living room. He walked past the bathroom door. He stopped and contemplated Alexia’s body in the bathwater and felt himself harden slightly. He blew out a long breath and moved on into the living room.

In the bathroom, Alexia was lying back, still staring at the door. She’d heard every word from the kitchen.

She looked down at her newly manicured muff. It
was
time to change, she knew that. It was time to claim her place in the world as a woman; not a good little girl, but a fully rounded, sexual woman.

‘You can’t stay sweet for ever.’ She repeated Romy’s words to herself – and she knew it was true. 

Chapter Three

Alexia spent the weekend in a daze. She tried to busy herself making her bedroom look more like her own room, buying cushions and baubles and new curtains. Her credit card was complaining, but she needed to nest and feel secure.

When she’d finished, her room looked like a French boudoir in beautiful blues and greens, with jewel-coloured cushions on her bed, and gorgeous drapes framing the floor-length window.

‘Wow,’ said Romy. ‘Who’s the lucky guy who’s going to get seduced in here?’

Alexia felt good about her new little haven. It was the first time since she’d left college that she’d truly had a space of her own. It was tiny, but it was hers, and that was all she needed.

Richard and Romy spent most of Saturday and Sunday out and about, leaving Alexia to her own devices. They’d invited her along but she wanted some alone time.

She couldn’t get Friday night out of her head. The sight of Tony’s buttocks kept intruding on her thoughts; the way the muscles in his perfect, tight arse twitched and flexed as he pumped Phillipa over and over. She didn’t want to think about it, but the images just invaded her mind. Whatever she did to distract herself just reminded her of that night …

She was washing dishes, and the slurping water made her think of the wet, slapping sound of Tony’s cock in Phillipa’s cunt. She leant over the table to pick up her handbag, and saw Phillipa’s arching back and begging eyes, urging Tony to pump faster and harder. She went to the kitchen door, and saw Nathan stride through it; saw his eyes, and how he looked at her. Nathan.

She still couldn’t fathom the expression on his face when he’d found her. He’d looked at her with what? Hostility? Disappointment? She couldn’t pin it down, but the image kept looming into view, nagging at her, reproaching her. But she hadn’t done anything wrong, so why did she feel so wretched?

‘Get a grip!’ she barked out loud to herself.

There was only one way to tackle this; she’d have to get out. She put on her running shoes, shorts, and a T-shirt and grabbed her keys and iPod as she headed for the door. I’ll have to run it out, she thought, and headed for the street.

Running always cleared her head. But this time she needed to clear more than her head; she needed to get rid of the nagging ache in her groin. She headed for the park near the flat where runners pounded the paths every day. She hit the circuit and found her stride.

She wasn’t very tall, but her legs were long for her body and she had an even, rhythmic stride. She was engrossed in her music and her own footfall. She found the steady motion to the heartbeat of the music, and it calmed her mind. Thud, thud, thud on the asphalt. She wanted to feel free and calm, but the strong, insistent beat of the music and rhythmic pounding of her feet on the floor made the pounding in her pussy even stronger.

It started to rain softly, but she didn’t care; the water felt good on her skin, cooling and healing. She ran for almost an hour and then, exhausted, she made her way back to the flat.

It was Sunday evening and the sun was hanging low in the sky, one of those lazy London days where the city seems to take its rest from the hectic bustle of the week.

She padded softly up the stairs to the flat and let herself in. She caught sight of herself in the mirror; blonde tendrils had escaped from her pony tail and were hanging around her face. Her hair was damp but she was glowing, and the wet hair made her look even sexier. Her blue eyes were clear, betraying no sign of the heaviness she felt.

She went into her newly decorated bedroom. The room needed air; she walked over to the long window and opened it. The glass was draped with soft white voile that shifted lazily in the breeze from the open pane, diffusing the light in the room.

‘Beautiful,’ said a soft voice behind her.

Alexia wheeled around, startled. Richard was leaning against the doorway, arms folded, assessing her.

‘You have a great eye,’ said Richard. ‘This is quite a little love nest!’

‘It’s just a few bits and pieces to make it, you know, cosy,’ protested Alexia.

‘Cosy. Ah, that’s one word for it. Sumptuous. That’s a good word. Inviting, there’s another, but not quite right.’ He thought for a moment. ‘Enveloping … Oh yeah, that’s it. This room could
envelop
you.’

His mouth caressed the word as his eyes roamed over her. Bedroom eyes, she thought, quite literally. She felt a lurching in the pit of her stomach, and lower down, which surprised her. He was attractive, soft and as laidback as his Southern drawl. Alexia suddenly felt very naked in her flimsy running gear.

He had been leaning against the door; now he stood up suddenly and turned to go into the living room. Alexia felt a surge of regret and relief that he had removed that knowing gaze from her.

‘Romy’s gone out with some guy she met. Glass of wine? Looks like you could use one.’

‘I – er – need a shower,’ Alexia stammered.

‘Sure thing. I’ll have a glass waiting for you when you come out. I’ve made some pasta too; you’ll need it after all that exercise.’

Richard retreated to the kitchen and Alexia breathed out. He was very attractive, and the way he’d looked at her made her unsure whether the dampness in her shorts was all down to rain and sweat.

She jumped into the shower and stood under the spray, letting the warm water wash off the perspiration. As she soaped her body, she kept thinking that Richard was just the other side of the door. Was it time to throw away the little sweet girl? Or was it too soon? She couldn’t just jump on him, could she? Or could she? Her soapy fingers were circling her stomach. And then they started to circle lower, and lower, almost involuntarily. The suds caressed the curls and her middle finger slid slowly and seductively down …

Don’t be silly, she told herself. Just get dressed, have some pasta and a glass of wine and get to bed; you have work tomorrow. Work! Oh yes, there’d be the office tomorrow and work – and Nathan. Her knees felt weak at the thought of having to face him again. She’d spent barely 30 seconds in his presence, but the very thought of him made her head swim.

She came out of the bathroom to find Richard holding two large glasses of red wine. She was wearing a towel which barely skimmed her backside.

‘After you …’ He stood to one side to let her pass.

She didn’t want him walking behind her, she knew he’d be looking at her too-short towel, but she had no choice. She dived towards the bedroom, her towel riding up at the back, exposing the very barest hint of the curve at the top of her thighs. She felt Richard’s eyes burning into her. She knew he was watching. She shut the bedroom door behind her and stood against it, breathing hard, clutching her towel. The silence was broken from the other room.

‘Food’s on the table,’ shouted Richard through the door.

Alexia pulled on her soft, velvety pyjama bottoms and a T-shirt and re-emerged into the living room.

‘I preferred the last two outfits,’ said Richard with a little tone of reproach. ‘Nice T-shirt, though.’

Too late Alexia realised that she’d pulled on a pale pink top which showed only too clearly that her nipples were standing to attention.

‘I’m really tired, Richard. This is really sweet of you, but I think I’ll just have a little pasta and go to bed. I’ve got a big day at work tomorrow and I …’

She didn’t get to finish her sentence as Richard strode over to her and grabbed her, pulling her into his arms. It happened so suddenly she had no time to protest. His face was inches from hers; she could smell his masculinity and the warm red wine on his breath.

‘I have never met a woman who needed this more than you do right now.’ His voice was low and warm.

His mouth was on hers. She felt her legs buckle with the sudden rush of pleasure that flooded through her. He was only kissing her, but her belly and her pussy felt as if a sudden rush of water had coursed through them on its way somewhere more urgent. As his kiss deepened, she felt the surge build.

She wasn’t sure why, but she found herself kissing him back, her mouth hungry for his. She felt the need to breathe him in as he kissed her. Her need was sudden and raw, and he felt it.

He pushed her backwards to the wall and their mouths parted. She looked into his lazy brown eyes. They stood motionless for a moment, breathing, watching. He didn’t take his eyes from hers as she felt his hand find its way into her pyjama bottoms. She gasped. His aim was spectacular. With one smooth, silent move, his hand had buried itself in her curls. She wanted to protest, but his mouth was on hers again. His lips were warm and insistent as he kissed gently but deeply, so she felt as if she might only be able to breathe while he was kissing her.

His fingers circled in the soft, downy hair on either side of her sex, but avoided the middle, the place that ached to be probed. His fingers circled round and round, never parting her lips. It was torture. She was breathing hard as his mouth had been on hers without release. She wanted him to touch her, really touch her. Then, without warning, he pressed down and found her clit. A desperate moan escaped from her mouth into his.

There was no hiding from him. She was wet, really, really wet. He had found her out. She did need this, she needed it very badly. He worked her nub with firm, even strokes which matched the rhythm of his moving mouth. Stroke, stroke, stroke … With each one she felt the wetness increase and her need get stronger. She parted her legs slightly and he gave a little laugh. But the laugh broke the moment and suddenly she could see Nathan’s face in front of her. She opened her eyes and saw Richard’s cloudy gaze looking into hers.

She pushed hard against him. She felt his hand yank out of her pyjama bottoms and away from her pussy.

‘No,’ she stammered. ‘I can’t!’

He put both hands up.

‘OK, OK.

He looked at her and saw the confusion in her eyes. He lowered his hands and his voice and spoke very gently.

‘I’m sorry, really, but you looked like you needed …’

‘I can’t … I’m sorry, I – I just can’t. Not right now.’ Alexia felt exposed, scared, turned on and oh so needy. But she couldn’t, she just couldn’t.

‘Hey … I’m real sorry.’ Richard moved to put his arms around her, but she squirmed away. ‘Listen, Alexia, I’m sorry, I overstepped. I’m used to girls who are a little different from you. I know you’ve had a bad time, Romy told me, so I’m sorry … Really.’

He looked genuinely pained. His soft American drawl made him sound sweet and vulnerable. Alexia breathed out. She felt suddenly foolish and petulant.

‘No, it’s OK. You weren’t wrong, I do need …’ She looked down. ‘I need to get my bearings.’

She looked at him and gave a weak smile.

‘Hey, kiddo, I hear ya. Look, just think of me as a friend who’s here to make you feel better,
whichever
way that is … OK?’

‘OK,’ she said softly.

They stood in silence. Then Richard moved to the table, and she could see the straining bulge in his trousers. The material was stretched tight across his groin. He was being gracious and seemed very in control for a man who was clearly so turned on. Why couldn’t she have that same level of control?

‘Well, the food’s still hot, you need to eat, and I promise, no more moves. Just food, wine, and some friendly conversation.’

‘Thanks, but I’m not really hungry. I’m going to go to bed’

‘OK.’ Richard said, looking slightly crestfallen. ‘Am I forgiven?’

Alexia sighed and smiled at him. ‘Yes, yes, you are.’

He was very attractive. Alexia knew she wanted him and she must have been giving off some pretty strong signals. She didn’t blame him; he was being very sweet. She turned to go into the bedroom and stopped. She looked back at him.

‘When I’m ready, then maybe.’

Alexia smiled at him and he dropped his head and looked back up at her through thick lashes.

‘I’ll be here,’ he said.

Alexia went into the bedroom and closed the door. She turned off the light and climbed into her big bed and pulled the covers up tight. She suddenly felt howlingly lonely. The ache she felt was raw, like an ancient need nagging inside her. But she was too tired and worn to give it what it wanted. She closed her eyes.

When the hideous screech of her alarm clock burst into her consciousness Alexia felt as if she had only just fallen asleep. It was 7 a.m.

It had been a torrid night, with Nathan and Tony’s faces swimming in and out of her consciousness again, now joined by Richard’s face.

She crawled out of bed and went about getting ready for work. Washed, dressed, and with make-up more carefully applied than usual, she could hardly remember the journey to the office. She’d been alone, mercifully. Romy had gone in early to finish a pressing contract.

Alexia sat at her desk in the open-plan office and tried her best to look composed. She felt as if everyone in the company knew something about her; perhaps they’d heard about Tony. But as she studied the faces she realised she was probably just being paranoid.

The morning went past in a blur of typing. It was boring work and she found it hard to concentrate. But the monotony wasn’t to last long. Tony appeared from nowhere and sauntered past her desk like a cat who’s just managed to steal the last bowl of cream in the fridge.

‘Good morning,’ he said. He was almost licking his lips.

She felt her stomach lurch; well, not just her stomach. She was feeling it much lower down.

She glanced up at his retreating figure. He stopped to talk to one of the junior staff, standing with his back to Alexia. His trousers couldn’t hide the muscularity of his arse and legs. As he shifted his weight from one leg to the other, the fabric moulded around the cheeks of his bottom and Alexia felt a squirt in her panties.

‘Hey.’ Romy appeared from nowhere and sat on the end of Alexia’s desk. Alexia flushed. Romy leant forward conspiratorially and whispered, ‘Well you have seen his butt before, only last time it was naked.’

‘Be quiet!’ Alexia hissed.

‘Don’t worry, no one will hear. Oh my God, you’ve gone bright red! Come on.’ She grabbed Alexia’s arm and her handbag. ‘It’s time for lunch, let’s go to Joe’s.’