Substitute (5 page)

He took her nipple in his mouth and ran his tongue over it. She moaned and he smiled on hearing her reaction. With his free hand he reached for her other nipple and gave it a gentle tug. Alexia thought she would come then and there. Could that be possible? Just from having him play with her breasts? But the pressure was mounting and she wanted release, oh how she wanted it.

Suddenly Tony stood up. ‘Damn, we can’t!’ he said.

‘What?’ The word almost exploded from her mouth. She felt as if a blast of cold air had suddenly enveloped her.

Tony’s blue eyes were slightly cloudy. She felt his hardness pressing against her, and knew he wanted her. What was he playing at?

‘God, this is crazy, but Nathan needs me in the office. I only came in to get some blank contract copies. He’ll be wondering where the hell I am.’

Nathan? Her head swam. Alexia suddenly felt very naked and very exposed. She pulled her blouse over her exposed breasts.

‘Oh God, that’s a shame!’ said Tony, and buried his head once more in her cleavage.

She almost fell back over the table. He picked up his head again.

‘We have to do this – we absolutely
have
to –’ He gave a low growl. ‘But not now.’

Alexia was embarrassed and furious. Her emotions were flying around faster than her hormones.

‘No, we don’t!’ she spat.

‘Hey, come on. It’s just bad timing. We have to …’

‘No, we don’t.’ She was emphatic. She frantically did up the buttons of her blouse, her breasts tucked safely back into the embrace of her bra. She was pushing her blouse back into her skirt and trying to compose herself.

‘You want to, you know you do. What’s wrong with that?’ Tony protested.

‘Look, you caught me. I was … I wasn’t thinking.’

‘Well, that’s your problem. Too much thinking. You just have to feel it – and, gorgeous girl, you are definitely feeling it …’

He reached to put his hand on her hip but she twisted away.

‘No Tony, stick to Phillipa. She’s obviously happy with a knee-trembler in the office, but not me, OK?’

She pushed past him and dashed out into the long corridor; she wanted to get away as quickly as possible. What the hell was going on in her life? She seemed to be spending all of it running away.

As she reached the end of the corridor, she went to grab the door handle but stumbled on her heels as the door was flung open towards her. She suddenly found herself crashing into someone, then strong arms grabbed her shoulders and stopped her falling over. For a split second, she wondered what had happened. And then she smelt it, that soft, sexy aftershave. She looked up and realised that the person who was holding her up, holding her at arm’s length, was Nathan.

They stood staring at each other. She was startled, he looked puzzled. She wanted to fall, fall straight into his arms as they seemed the safest place to be at that point.

‘Are you all right?’ he asked, his voice as soft as the musk that invaded her nostrils and wrapped itself around her.

He was tall, and lowered his head to look into her eyes. She knew she must look strange; slightly wild, upset, flushed. Their eyes locked. There was an expression on his face she couldn’t read. Not like the last time, this one was … Was what? Concern?

She tried to speak, but couldn’t find her voice; she felt as if her lips were trembling. He looked down at her. His eyes seemed cloudy, troubled. She thought she felt him pull her towards him, but it was a tiny movement, almost imperceptible. Was she dreaming it? He looked at her mouth, and his own opened slightly with the merest hint of an intake of breath. Was he going to speak, or was he …?

A noise behind her broke the moment. She saw Nathan lift his head to look past her. His face darkened and he let go of her, suddenly setting her back on her feet and withdrawing his hands. She turned and saw Tony coming out of the stationery cupboard, adjusting his balls through his trousers. The only thing at the end of the corridor was that cupboard. It must have been obvious where she’d been.

She turned back to Nathan, who looked thunderous. But he kept his eyes fixed on Tony.

‘When you’re ready, Tony, we’re waiting for you.’ He was too classy to be openly angry or sarcastic, but Alexia could feel his displeasure. She was so close to him, how could she not?

Then he was gone, through the door again without a backward glance.

Tony sauntered up behind her. ‘Well, now the boss definitely thinks we’re doing it, we might as well make it official – when you’re ready, beautiful!’

He ran a hand up the side of her hip, then disappeared through the door after Nathan.

She stood for a moment, alone in the corridor, struck dumb.

Then she heard herself spit out the words, ‘Bastard! ‘You arrogant fucking bastard!’

Pent-up emotion exploded from her. Hot tears welled up behind her eyes and she felt her lungs heave. She was almost hiccupping, trying to catch her breath. She ran into the nearest toilet, straight into a cubicle, and locked the door behind her. She stood breathing hard, leaning her head against the door, her hand still on the lock, as if just getting in and slamming the bolt shut was the most she could do before all her energy abandoned her.

She felt so confused, emotions whirling, writhing, competing for attention. Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan. She was banging her forehead against the door and saying his name out loud. When he’d held her shoulders, the way he’d looked at her, what was he thinking? She felt there was almost – almost – a “moment” between them? She didn’t trust herself, she must have imagined it.

But then what did it matter now? He’d seen Tony. Then she knew exactly what he was thinking. He hadn’t even looked back at her as he left, just put her firmly back on her feet and disappeared. The tears were running down her face now. She let them fall and just waited until they stopped. She stood with her eyes closed. An eternity seemed to pass. Just breathing in and out. She opened her eyes and remembered Tony’s words about “making it official” now their boss thought they were “doing it”.

She hated him! But she couldn’t deny she was so turned on by him. Her panties were still soaking. She pulled some toilet paper off the roll and pulled up her skirt to wipe herself lest she stain her clothes. As she pressed the tissue to herself she felt that deep need still there, lurking, reproaching her for thinking she could ignore it.

Her fingers seemed to move on their own, without her permission. She started to stroke her clit, like a robot. She had to get rid of this feeling as it raked at her. She pressed and stroked, the pleasure suffusing her core, but almost as if the pleasure was happening in a dream. She parted her legs, her calf muscles taut as she balanced on her heels and the tension filled her limbs.

She closed her eyes and this time it wasn’t Tony’s face that flooded her imagination but Nathan’s. Nathan’s soft gaze as he’d held her at the door. She stroked and stroked, remembering the smell of him, the heat of him. She let out a sharp, almost silent gasp at the thought of him. She clasped her free hand to her mouth; the room was empty but the tiny sound echoed around the tiled walls and came back to her ears as if the cry came from someone else. She stood breathing hard. Her palm was cupping her pussy, as if trying to comfort it, comfort herself. She needed comfort, but she also needed release, a release that seemed so far away.

Suddenly she heard women’s voices, outside the door at first, and then inside as two secretaries came in, chattering. She tidied herself and smoothed down her clothes, wiping her juices off her hand. She flushed the toilet and came out to the washroom.

The girls were in the cubicles, still chatting to each other. She saw herself in the mirror, her eyes were moist, but she didn’t look as if she’d been crying; she looked strangely calm, or was that empty? She washed her hands then smoothed down her hair.

She took a deep breath and pulled the door. As she went back through the corridor, she didn’t see Nathan look up from the office and see her going past, ash blonde, beautiful, troubled. He was troubled too.

She went into the open-plan office and sat in silence. She ploughed through the rest of her work, trying to blot the afternoon from her mind. She was aware that she was getting glances from some of the men, but she didn’t care.

At 5.30 she grabbed her coat and made for the door. She didn’t wait for Romy; she just needed to get home, back to her bedroom, her haven, as far away from work as fast as possible, away from Tony – and from Nathan.

Once home, she ran into her bedroom and threw herself on the bed, burying her head in her beautiful blue/green cushions.

Chapter Four

Romy heard Alexia come home and padded into her bedroom. She found her friend face down on the bed.

‘Hey, what’s happened?’ she asked.

‘I have to leave, I can’t work there. I just can’t …’

Alexia was crying softly, not wracking sobs, but little miserable moans that made her speech sound like a long one-note wail. She told Romy about her flight from the cupboard, and her gut-wrenching encounter with Nathan.

‘Oh sweetie! said Romy.

She scooted up on the bed and sat with her arm around Alexia.

‘Come on, it’s not that bad.’

‘Bad? It’s awful!’ Alexia moaned.

‘Nothing’s happened really, it’s just that – well – Tony’s being a twat. And Nathan, well, he’s …’

Romy took a deep breath and looked at Alexia’s face and crumpled shoulders. She was dripping with misery. She gave her a squeeze.

‘Look, Nathan is a really good guy. He’s not all strutting and full of piss and wind like the others, and you know, once he gets to know you …’

‘Well, that’s never going to happen, is it? I’m just a temp, remember.’

Romy thought for a moment. ‘Well, you never know. Perhaps we just have to make sure he does get to know you.’

Alexia snorted. Romy eyed her for a moment as if calculating her next words carefully.

‘We just have to make sure he gets to know you because, after all, a boss needs to know …’ She stopped for moment and chewed over what she might say next. ‘Needs to know his employees, and he does like to do that. Really he does.’

‘I thought you said he never bothered with the junior staff?’

‘Did I? Oh well, that was when you were worried he was going to sack you.’

Alexia looked unconvinced. Romy was undeterred.

‘Look, you want him to think well of you, so we’ll make sure he does!’

‘How? He thinks I’m Tony’s office shag who does it on tables and in cupboards.’

‘Well, you nearly did do it in a cupboard!’

‘Romy!’

Alexia shook off Romy’s arm.

‘If Tony hadn’t stopped, would
you
have?’ Romy arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow to emphasise her point.

Alexia sat, her mouth opening and shutting. No words came out, just confused noises. Romy was right: would she have stopped him? His face flashed into her thoughts. The feel of his hands on her breasts, his mouth …

She felt her nipples harden as she thought of what had happened. She crossed her arms in front of her, afraid Romy would see. But she couldn’t deny the yen she felt in her pussy. The ache wasn’t going away, and it was getting stronger all the time.

She breathed out heavily. Romy tilted her head to show her sympathy.

‘Hey, come on, Alexia, it’s OK. God, if I thought he wanted me, I’d jump on him before he’d had time to clear his throat to say “fancy a fuck?” …’

Alexia laughed weakly. Romy pressed on.

‘Look, he is a terrible flirt and a tart, obviously, but it would help you get Carter out of your system. Or you could just laugh and flirt with him and concentrate on your job, and Nathan.’

The mention of Nathan’s name yanked at Alexia’s loins even harder. Just the thought of his hands on her shoulders … But it was crazy. She didn’t know anything about him; he thought she was a flighty office tart. Her stomach lurched at the memory of his disapproval. Why did he have this effect on her?

‘And as I said,’ said Romy, watching her friend closely to judge her reactions, ‘we can work on him getting to know you. Anyone who has spent any time with you can tell you’re …’

‘Can tell I’m what?’ asked Alexia. ‘An ice queen? Frigid?’

Romy sighed. ‘I was going to say more discerning than many.’

‘I thought you said I needed to learn more about men and get Carter out of my system?’

‘Hey, there’s nothing wrong with getting a good seeing-to when you need it, but first things first … You think Nathan’s got a downer on you and we’re going to make sure he doesn’t.’

‘
We
are going to make sure?’

‘Yes, we.’ Romy winked at her, then got up slowly, ‘Actually, I’m not feeling too hot this evening. Feeling a little achy and I’ve got a bit of a sore throat. I think I’ll go and watch TV in bed and get an early night.’

‘Oh,’ said Alexia. ‘Do you need me to do anything?’

‘No, no,’ said Romy breezily, ‘I’ll see you in the morning. Night, night.’ She left the room, the grin on her painted lips barely suppressed.

Alexia got up and put on her nightie and a cuddly dressing gown and went into the kitchen. Richard was making pasta again. Is that all he cooks? she thought.

‘Hey there, darlin’, I’ve made a huge panful, and Romy’s not eating, so plenty for us. And there’s some crisp Californian Sauvignon to wash it down. You look like you could do with a drink.’

Alexia couldn’t deny that, and smiled as she accepted a very large glass of wine.

She took a long sip of the chilled liquid, all grass and gooseberries. It cheered her.

‘Now sometimes what a girl needs is a boyfriend, and I stress that’s
boy friend
, as in a friend who’s a boy.’ Richard pointed at himself. ‘One with wide shoulders and two good ears.’

He dished out the spaghetti and handed Alexia a fork and a plate.

‘I need a spoon as well,’ she said.

‘No, you don’t. Romy taught me to cook pasta like her Neapolitan mamma and eat it Italian style. So into the living room and let’s chow and pow-wow!’

He turned her around and scooted her into the living room. The feel of his hands on her back was comforting and sent a little charge through her midriff. He had a wicked smile but he was soft and gentle and there was a kindness to him. And suddenly she wanted that kindness very badly.

They sat on the floor listening to soft jazz. Alexia had never been a fan, but Richard was a Miles Davis fan, and somehow it seemed perfect for her mood.

Richard expertly twirled the pasta on the tines of his fork, then delivered the spaghetti into his open mouth. The last two centimetres of a strand lingered on the outside and he sucked it into his mouth, the tomato sauce coating his lip. Alexia watched his mouth. He saw her watching and licked it. She felt another jolt. She looked down and grabbed her drink, swallowing two huge gulps.

Richard laughed softly. ‘I cook it better than I eat it!’

She laughed.

‘That’s better,’ he said. ‘You look beautiful when you laugh.’

Alexia felt his eyes on her, but they were kind as well as wanting.

‘Bad day, huh?’ he said.

‘You could say that.’

Richard looked enquiringly at her, his soft eyes languid under his lashes.

Alexia picked up her fork and started to twirl the spaghetti on it as Richard had done. She was used to using a fork and spoon, and she found it difficult.

‘Just a couple of strands at a time on the edge of the plate,’ he said helpfully.

‘Oh, OK.’ Alexia complied.

She moved two strands of spaghetti as instructed, and twirled slowly and carefully until it was neatly wrapped around the fork. She lifted it to her mouth, but as she tried to deposit it, one long strand escaped, forcing her to suck it up noisily, the sauce coating her chin. She giggled and dropped her fork to wipe it away.

‘No, no, no … It may not be an Italian tradition, but I am going to make it mine.’ Richard leant forward and ran his finger along her soft, white chin. He put the sauce-coated finger into his mouth and sucked it.

Alexia felt a rushing surge in her pussy. She looked at his hand, and couldn’t help remembering how his fingers had felt when he’d plunged them into her pyjamas and caressed her intimately.

She grabbed her wine again and drained the glass.

‘Hmm, really tough, I guess.’ Richard smiled and poured her another.

They were very large glasses, and in the space of 15 minutes Alexia had drained the best part of a bottle while eating her pasta. The sauce was incredible. Deep, dark flavours of tomatoes and sunshine. Its slippery oiliness helped the pasta to glide over her tongue.

She twirled the strands and put them in her mouth. Each time she missed, Richard obligingly wiped the red, silky sauce from her mouth, the last time running his finger along her plump lower lip. She wanted to suck his finger, to pull it into her mouth and run her tongue over it, licking all the sauce. But he removed it before she had a chance to embarrass herself.

He poured her another glass.

‘What happened today?’ he asked quietly.

Alexia was a little drunk. She was warm too. She shrugged off her dressing gown, revealing creamy bare shoulders covered by the dark blue straps of her knee-length satin nightie.

Richard sat very still, trying to keep his attention on her face.

Alexia was exhausted and in need of unburdening.

‘Do you think I’m an ice queen?’

‘A what? God, no!’

‘The men in the office call me that, apparently. Maybe I am. You said the other night that I –’ she faltered
‘– needed
it
more than anyone you know.’

Alexia looked miserable. Richard wanted to pull her into his arms, but he sat looking at her.

‘Yeah, you did, and I think you still do, but that doesn’t make you icy, sweetheart. You’re no ice maiden, you just need …’

‘Need what? A good fuck?’

Alexia was slightly startled by her own frankness. But she felt as if she needed to be blunt, and to let everything go.

Richard was silent. He reached over and smoothed a strand of her wavy, ash blonde hair from her face. She looked up at him with her big blue eyes. She was very beautiful and she was wearing a look he hadn’t seen before. She gazed levelly at him.

‘Well, I nearly fucked someone in a cupboard today.’

‘OK …’ He nodded slowly, taking in her statement and trying to sound as if she’d just said something very ordinary like, “I bought a new dress today”.

Alexia looked down, thinking. There was a long silence.

‘The man I left, to come here – to come and live with Romy … His name was Carter. He – he was a complete bastard. He was a bully. A selfish, nasty, horrible, bullying, bastard, selfish …’ She was on a roll but she’d run out of words. ‘Cunt!’

The last word came out as an explosion, as if all the pain and stress of her time with Carter needed to be ejected in one go. Tears started to roll down her face but she wasn’t going to stop.

‘He got me when I was vulnerable and then he played on it. I’d only ever had sex with one other guy, in college, and he was – well …’

Richard tried to finish her sentence. ‘Crap in bed?

She scrunched her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears.

Richard ploughed on. ‘Came too fast? No foreplay?’

Alexia blurted, ‘Boring!’

Richard roared with laughter and Alexia found herself joining in.

‘Man, that hurts!’ said Richard. ‘I feel for the guy.’

Alexia was giggling now.

‘He was really bright and brainy and he was all about the books. And he was sweet, I really liked him, but sex was just so pointless! I couldn’t understand why everyone else was raving about it. It was, well, just not …’

‘Fun?’ asked Richard.

‘No, it was definitely not what you’d call fun.’

‘Then he definitely wasn’t doin’ it right.’ Richard laughed.

Alexia went quiet again. ‘No, no, he wasn’t,’ she said after a long pause.

Richard got up and walked into the kitchen. As he stood, Alexia noticed a bulge in his trousers. She was drunk and feeling the lust that comes with intoxication. She was sure Richard knew how to “do it right”; the confidence in his fingers in her pussy had shown her that. She wanted that again, she wanted to feel that fire. She shifted on the floor; she could feel her pussy getting wet, and she didn’t want leave a puddle on the rug.

Richard returned with another bottle and filled her glass and then his own. She took it gratefully and swigged down the thrilling, cold, gooseberry taste.

Richard waited for a moment before he spoke. ‘And then …?’

‘I met Carter,’ Alexia said flatly.

‘The cunt?’

She snorted to hear her words coming back to her. Had she really said that? ‘Yes,’ she said, blushing.

‘Was he boring in bed too? I’m guessing not, but not in a good way.’

‘No, not in a good way.’

Alexia went quiet and Richard waited. He could tell she needed to share, but he knew she shouldn’t be rushed. She took another long swig of wine.

‘He didn’t like me too wet.’ She was being very bold this evening, the wine loosening her tongue as well as her inhibitions. She felt Richard’s gaze on her.

‘He didn’t want me too wet, because he said it felt better if I wasn’t.’

‘That’s crap … God, half the fun is to feel a hot,
wet
pussy clamped around your cock.’

Alexia felt another hot squirt of moisture at Richard’s bluntness. God, then Carter would hate me now, she thought. She felt the wetness in her own pussy. She was absolutely soaking; she could feel it on the top of her thighs.

‘That guy was just an asshole, honey. That was about control, not about sex.’

Alexia looked at him. He smiled with closed lips and raised his eyebrows, nodding gently to assure her he was right.

‘He only ever really liked it –’ Alexia realised she was talking in intimate detail, but the wine had made her bold and she wanted to unburden herself ‘– liked it from behind. He was always trying to stick it in my –’ she faltered ‘– and it hurt so I used to shout for him to stop. Then he’d ram into me, you know, normally, because he couldn’t get what he wanted. He used to hold my head down. Sometimes I felt like I was suffocating, but I just wanted him to finish and get off.’

‘Oh sweet girl, that ain’t right. Hey, anal can be great but only if you’re with someone who wants you that way. No guy should ever force a girl. If she wants it, great; if she don’t, move on, buddy, find another girl or another way to please the one you got!’

Alexia listened to his soft drawl. It was so seductive, those deep, southern vowels, like melted molasses.

‘It’s about pleasing a girl?’

‘Hell, yeah!’ Richard smiled. ‘A hundred per cent.’

She looked into his face and knew she wanted him now, really wanted him. He wasn’t like Nathan, he wasn’t powerfully masculine, but he was all man. The stubble on his chin looked as if it would be soft and caressing. She imagined it plunged deep into her pussy.