Succumbing To His Fear (13 page)

The bed dipped and I was engulfed in two arms that seemed to help shift the world back onto its axis. Breathing him in, I slowly turned around in his arms. Without words, I shoved my face in his neck and broke down. Fear’s arms tightened, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, I felt safe and grounded.

“I got you.” Fear’s voice was rough, but to me it sounded perfect. My arms tightened automatically, as if I were scared he would leave again if I let go. There were so many questions I wanted to ask. But none of them mattered. I didn’t care. He was there and holding me. The rest could wait. It would have to wait because I wasn’t letting go anytime soon.

It didn’t take long for Fear’s breathing to even out and slow down. I laid awake as long as I could, just enjoying being back in his arms. When my eyes grew heavy, right before I drifted off to sleep, I held on and vowed that no one would separate us again.

Fear

Alfie shifted in the bed, sending a sharp pain up my side. Getting stabbed would not have been my preferred method of getting out of jail, but as it led to me holding Alfie in my arms and him holding me in what can only be described as a death grip, I would gladly take every bit of the pain.

Easing out of the bed was no easy feat, but I finally managed to slip away without waking a thoroughly exhausted Alfie. In any other circumstance, there was nothing that would make me walk out of that room. But there were too many questions I needed answers to. I also really need to check in with the gang and Hayley. When I got back last night, I didn’t spare them more than a passing nod in my quest to get to Alfie.

Walking down the hall and into the living room, I was quickly tackle-hugged by my brave big sister. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. I was transferred from person to person and had the stuffing all but hugged out of me. I was once again amazed and grateful to be there. Happy wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how I felt about having such an amazing family. If I could, I’d tell them what they each meant to me. Yet again, the words stuck in my throat.

“Can you tell us what happened now?” Hayley asked the question that I knew everyone was dying to know the answer to. Nodding, I motioned over to the couch and everyone took a seat. Ben joined us, but Alfie’s mom, who I had yet to meet, was still out with the kids.

“After the good detective told me that I was disgusting for being gay, he pretty much made it clear that it didn’t matter if I was guilty or not. The only verdict I would get was the one he wanted,” I explained, and went on to tell them about the whole interview process. All of them were shocked by what I had to say.

“I was led to the cell, where I was told to wait until I was called before the judge. Unders kept up with his comments about me and how he knew I was guilty. If not of this crime, I was bound to be guilty of something.” I could remember seeing the revulsion on his face and hearing the venom in his voice.

“He left me alone when I wasn’t rising to his bait. I could feel him wanting me to make a move. It was like he was hoping I would give him the opportunity to attack me physically. The fact that I didn’t only pissed him off more.

“I’m not sure what time it was, but it must have been late. I couldn’t have been asleep for very long when I was shoved off the cot and held down. I was on my belly and couldn’t see who it was at first. When I bucked them off and got to my feet, I could see that it was two guys. Both had knives and were coming at me hard.” Remembering the determined looks they’d both worn made my body shudder. I didn’t get scared often. That’s where I got my nickname. Even as a little boy, I never feared anything. But looking into the eyes of those two unknown men, I could see they were out to kill me, and I feared for my life. 

“One of them stabbed me in the side while I was focused on the other. Once I had them both down, I shouted for help. Nobody came for a good while, and when he finally did, I was bleeding pretty badly. The officer who came was shocked to see the other two men in my cell, and even more shocked to see that they were armed and the blood leaking out of my side.”

“How did they get into your cell? Surely there has to be some kind security video.” Tate’s question was something I’d been asking myself.

“I wasn’t told anything. I was shipped off to the hospital and someone on the staff there said my lawyer would be called. I never really believed that, though. Someone at the jail, if not more than one person, has it out for me. When Curtis turned up and started making trouble and demanding answers, I asked him to call Alfie, and you all know the rest.”

“Curtis is still at it and hasn’t gotten back to us yet. But I have no doubt that he will. How’s the side?” Ben asked.

“I’m good. Tell me what’s been going on here. What have I missed?” I wanted to think about something other than my fucked up life at the moment. I also really needed to know what happened with Alfie. I was told that he was having a tough time of it, but no one wanted to expand or explain in more detail. Looking at my sister, “How are you, sis? You’ve had a lot happening all at once. You doing okay?”

“I’m coping,” she said with a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m just worried about you… I-I… can’t help but think that if I had just given Mom the money in the first place, none of this would be happening.” I was up out of my seat and crouching down in front of her as fast as my battered body would allow, pulling her into a hug.

“This is not on you; do you hear me, H? Tula got herself involved in some shit and stuck us right in the middle of it. You just concentrate on JJ and I’ll take care of this mess.”

“
We
will,” Tate declared from behind me. “We’re in this together. All of us are here for you.” Not being able to voice my thanks for his words, I nodded, standing up returning to my seat on the couch. Tate had been my friend since childhood and he knew the words I wished I could say. He didn’t need to hear them.

“Can someone please tell me about Alfie now?” I said, my voice betraying the depth of emotion I felt when it came to that man. The silence that met my question had me looking around the room, searching for an answer. Nobody would meet my eyes, making the unease in my gut worsen.

“Fear, I think that’s a conversation you need to have with Alfie. He’s going to be fine. I think at the moment he’s just a little embarrassed that it happened in front of your friends,” Ben advised. I had no idea who the man was when he’d come to the hospital earlier. But I could tell he was very much a man who got things done. When he introduced himself, I was so taken aback that he was there, I shook the hand he offered and just listened to him explain what was going to happen. It felt good to relinquish the reigns for a little while. His commanding presence was comforting, and the fact that Tate and James where there telling me that I was covered only confirmed what I was already feeling. At my size, most people find me intimidating, but it took more than a big guy to intimidate a man like Ben. At about six-foot-two, with broad shoulders and a well-muscled frame that many would envy, the man did not take shit from anyone.

“But he
is
okay?” I needed reassurance.

“I’m fine,” said a shy voice behind me. Turning around, I saw Alfie shifting around on his socked feet. “I’m really sorry about before.”

Overwhelmed with the need to hold him, I stood up and held my arms open for him. He didn’t hesitate to come straight to me. I knew that Alfie and I had spoken about us being together and he assured me that he was all in, but I still feared he wouldn’t be able to do it. I never should’ve doubted him. There in front of all my friends and my sister, even his stepfather, Alfie came to me and rose to his tiptoes to kiss me on the lips. At that moment, the weight in my heart lightened considerably. I grinned down at him, knowing that as long as I had him by my side, I could deal with anything that came my way.

Hearing a small sob, I turned to see my sister tearing up. I knew she was happy for me. I couldn’t remember her ever seeing the side of me that Alfie brought out. Tate pulled her into a one-armed hug. He was amused by her dramatics, but I could see he was happy for me, too.

“You want to tell me what you’re sorry for?” I asked, leading him to sit down next to me.

Taking a deep breath, he gazed up at me and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. “I… erm, I had a panic attack.”

“Okay, why are you apologizing for that?”

“It was quite a severe one.” He glanced at Ben. Then he told us all about his condition and how he managed it pretty well, but that sometimes, no matter what he did, it could sneak up on him. I felt responsible for it “sneaking up on him” this time. It was because of me being arrested that it’d happened.

“No need to worry about it, Alfie. We all have our things. Carter has a condition too. After he eats a big meal, his ass can’t handle the love he’s shown his stomach and the love puff he shares makes us all panic. You are not alone,” James said with a straight face. After a moment of shock, we all burst out laughing. Alfie, Tate, and Hayley had tears streaming down their faces. Ben was trying to remain stoic, but was having a hard time of it. Carter attempted to look put out, but even he started laughing.

I loved my makeshift family. With one sentence, they’d managed to put Alfie at ease about something that he struggled with. It took us a while to calm down, but when we did, the air in the room was a lot lighter.

“I see that you met Ben, but I feel I should apologize in advance for when you meet his other half.” Everyone chuckled at that. But I did notice that no one disagreed with Alfie’s statement.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yep, she can be a tiny bit dramatic. Just make no sudden movements and it should be fine.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent filling in Alfie on what had happened and convincing him that I was okay. We made lunch for everyone, and waited for the kids and Alfie’s mom to get back. The whole time we hoped for some news from Mr. Curtis.

Alfie

“I don’t want to go to bed Alfie. Can’t I stay up and see Fear? Pleeeeeeease?” Talk about laying it on thick. Mum had brought the Nuggets back a couple of hours before. Not only did I have pouting seven- and three-year-old kids on my hands, I also had an extremely dramatic mother who was just as bad, if not worse, than they were.

Fear and the guys had gone to check on the shop and cancel or rearrange appointments so their sole focus could be on Fear’s case and Hayley and JJ. They were torn as to what to do, James and Carter wanted to shut the shop down completely, but Fear refused. I knew it was less about what people thought of him and more about not bowing under the pressure of an unknown force. In the end, they decided to shut down for a couple of days and re-open at the start of the following week.

Needless to say, when Mum came home all keen to meet the man who had the power to turn her straight son fabulous—her words not mine, she was not happy to find he wasn’t there. I was pretty sure she’d planned a very dramatic entrance, only to have it fall flat when Hayley, Ben, and I were the only ones home. She’d been curtain twitching ever since. Both Griffin and Lily were exhausted after their day out with Mum, but they both wanted to see Fear and make sure he was okay.

Before I could respond to Griffin’s whine, a car pulled up in the driveway. Griffin must have heard it too, because his whole face lit up. It looked like Fear had gotten to all of us in the short time he’d been in our lives.

I heard little feet running down the hall and knew that my other little Nugget had been waiting for our big man to come home too.

“He’s here!” Lily’s sleepy voice whisper-yelled. I could practically see them vibrating with excitement. I was quickly forgotten as they both ran to the door and waited impatiently for it to open.

Tate was the first through, quickly followed by the rest of the gang. Fear entered last and wasn’t prepared for the double tackle he received. The surprise on his face at Griffin and Lily’s enthusiasm to see him was priceless. Kneeling down, he picked both the Nuggets up with ease and held them close, and from the looks of it, the kids had just as a tight grip on him.

“We missed you, Fear,” Lily’s little voice said. “Don’t go away again.” I could see Fear trying to retain a hold on his emotions. He peeked at me, and all I could do was offer a smile. He was going to have to learn that when you were in deep with one of us, you were in deep with all of us and became a member of our little McKenzie family.

“Sorry honey. You and Griffin been okay?” Fear asked Lily.

“Yeah, Gamma took us shopping and bought us ice cream and a funny burger.”

“She did? You get anything good?” Lily nodded. Griffin had yet to let go of his death grip on Fear’s neck, remaining unusually silent throughout the entire exchange. Sensing that Griffin was struggling, I made my way to the three of them and extracted Lily from Fear’s hold, sitting with her in the chair by the door. I wanted to be close in case Griffin needed me, but I wanted him to be able to say what he wanted to without feeling like I was hovering.

“You okay, little man?” I heard Fear whisper to Griffin.

“I was scared that you weren’t coming back.” Griffin’s little voice broke.

Fear’s eyes darted to me and I could see that he was taken aback by Griffin’s declaration. He knew about Griffin’s fears of losing those he cared about and the pain that flitted across Fear’s face was heart-rending. I could see straight away that he felt guilty for causing Griffin and Lily even a second of pain.

“I’m not going anywhere. If I ever have to leave, there is one thing that you can be sure of.” Fear made sure to make eye contact. “I will always come back. There is nothing that can keep me away from you little Nuggets and Alfie for very long.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, I promise.” Hearing those words was like a balm to me and from the looks of it, it was the same for Griffin. Fear’s voice was so strong and determined that I couldn’t doubt his sincerity. I knew without a doubt that I loved him and was just about to let it slip when our beautiful moment was shattered by a scream from the living room entrance.

“Oh. My… You are a big boy.” Then turning to me, “Now I know how he turned you whoo hooo,” Mum said, fanning her face with her hand. “He could turn Mr. Straightson on Straight Street in Straightville. Ben, have you seen this hottie who has claimed my son?” Ben shook his head in amusement but said nothing; he was used to my mother’s theatrics.

“Mum! How about you try not to humiliate me. I know it’ll be tough, but please try really hard.” I tried to convey to Fear how sorry I was with a look, but he wasn’t paying any attention to me. He was staring at the crazy woman who was drooling all over him like she was about to pounce.

“You be quiet. You’re so rude to your mother,” she snapped. “Not even an introduction to my new son-in-law and you start with this nonsense. I swear I raised you better.” She went to Fear and extracted him from Griffin’s grip. If the situation hadn’t been so mortifying, the look on Fear’s face alone would’ve been hilarious. He very much did not want to let Griffin go. “Mind getting out the way? The Nuggets’ Gamma needs a hug.” Both Griffin and Lily were giggling and the rest of the guys, who had remained in shocked silence throughout the exchange, were all snickering and enjoying Fear’s discomfort. They’d all seen my mother’s antics over the past couple of days and were becoming somewhat used to her.

Fear looked like he wanted to bolt but indulged my lunatic of a mother. I love her to pieces but there were times when even I know that less is more.

“Okay, Mum. Back it up. You’re making him uncomfortable,” I said, trying to untangle the crazy woman from a very shocked looking Fear.

“Don‘t you start with your rubbish Alfie. This man and I are just saying hello. There’s no need to get all territorial. Though, I
can
see why you want to keep him all to yourself.” She finished her mortifying statement with a head to toe assessment and a wink at a less shocked and now amused looking man.

“This is not embarrassing at all,” I mumbled to myself, but I knew everyone heard me, what with the chuckles and snorts that followed. Looking to Ben for assistance, I said, “Can you control your wife, please?” His glance at the woman in question was followed by a shrug and a helpless look. We both knew there was no way to stop her kind of crazy. Even if he could’ve, he wouldn’t want to, which only served to highlight that I was the only semi-sane person in my family, including the Nuggets, as they thought the whole show was hilarious. Where’s the damn loyalty?

After my mother had finished feeling up Fear, everyone settled down. The guys were spread out throughout the house doing god only knew what. Hayley was taking a nap. Mum and Ben had taken the Nuggets and gone back to their hotel for the night, and Fear was sleeping. The events of the past few days had finally caught up to him. I was on JJ duty. Holding the sleeping baby in my arms while lounging in what had become my favorite spot on the deck, I looked out at the neighborhood.

The baby was so beautiful. He was protected and wanted and loved. He had a mother and father, uncles and cousins, and if Sheridan had a say about it: grandparents. From the moment Mum met Hayley, she took the younger woman under her wing. And when Hayley told her that John’s parents had died a few years ago and that JJ would never have grandparents, Mum was quick to point out that,
Oh yes he did!

Yes, she was a crazy wonky donkey but she was also awesome and I wouldn’t change her for the world. Although, I’d never admit that to her.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts I didn’t hear the door open behind me.

“What’re you doing out here, baby?” Fear’s deep voice rumbled.

Turning toward him, my heart leapt. He looked like he’d just woken up. Even with the messy hair and barely awake look he was sporting, he was still the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

“JJ and I were just out here having a meeting of the minds,” I told him.

Coming to sit next to me, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. It felt instantly like home. “Yeah? How’s he doing?”

“He’s good, just relaxing. He had a busy day with his crazy Gamma and cousins.” I could feel Fear’s chest moving and knew he was laughing.

“Your mama is something else. But Hayley told me about all she’s done for everyone.”

“Yeah, she adopted your whole family slash friends. You won’t get rid of her now. Christmas, birthdays, JJ’s graduation. She’ll be there,” I warned him.

“Yeah, I think Hayley has adopted her right back and Tate, James, Carter, and Drake are in their element. Ben seems solid, too.”

“Yeah, he’s great, the complete opposite of Mum. But they just fit. They’re perfect for each other.” Turning so I could see him, I said, “Kind of like us.” I rested my head back on his shoulder and snuggled in closer.

“Yeah, baby, like us.”

“Love you,” I whispered. Fear didn’t respond, but his arm around me got tighter. I knew he felt it. I knew that words didn’t come easily for him. I also knew that with Fear I didn’t need them. I knew his feelings as sure as I knew my own.