Succumbing To His Fear (14 page)

Fear

The house was all closed up for the night. Alfie and Hayley were in bed. Alfie’s folks went to the hotel hours ago, taking the kids with them, and all the guys except for Tate had just left.

“You staying, man?” I asked. I already knew the answer. The guys had decided that at least one of them would stay over. We didn’t know what was going on with everything, like who really killed my mom, and nobody wanted to take any chances.

“Yeah, you turning in?”

“Yeah,” I said, standing and stretching, trying to get the kinks out of my back. I winced when the stiches in my side pulled.

“You okay?” Hearing the concern in his voice, I spun to face him so that he could see that I really was okay. He was the biggest worrier of us all.

“Yeah, just forgot and stretched too far, is all. You okay, Tate? I know that you’ve been putting on a brave face and I can’t thank you enough for keeping an eye on everyone. But do you need some space for a bit? I get it if you do.” Tate had just as shitty a life as I had. I think that’s what cemented our bond from the beginning.

“No, I’m good. Just real glad to have you home.” And with that, he walked down the hall to the bathroom. I let him have his time. If he wanted to talk, he would. 

The sight of Alfie sleeping reminded me of how lucky I was to have found him. I wasn’t sure how I’d have been coping if I didn’t have him there to anchor myself to. My heart broke for him earlier when he was explaining about his anxiety problems. It was so sad that he thought it made him weak. All I saw was strength. Not only due to what he willingly did for his family, but because he took a risk on loving me. It was one thing to follow your heart and take a risk when it went against everything you thought you knew about yourself, but taking on all my other shit—Tula, jail, JJ and Hayley  just proved what a truly amazing man he was.

When he told me that he loved me earlier, nothing had ever felt so right. I felt those words deep in my soul. I wanted to say them back. They were there, right on the tip of my tongue, but once again, I choked.

I stripped down to my boxers and slid slowly into bed next to Alfie, trying not to wake him. But the moment my back hit the bed he rolled over, right against me. 

“Fear?” Alfie whispered.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Will you love me?” I knew he wasn’t asking for a declaration. My Alfie knew words were not my thing.

I rolled over on top of him. His legs parted to welcome me and I used my arms to hold most of my weight off of him. I stared down into those beautiful green eyes begging me to say yes.

“What are you asking me for, baby? You need to tell me. I can make you feel good if that’s what you need.”

Already shaking his head, he clarified, “I want all of you. I need all of you.” My heart was pounding in my chest so hard I would not be surprised if Tate heard it out in the living room. I couldn’t lose my head, though. Alfie was looking to me to lead him through this and I had to put my cravings aside and take care him. A sudden thought hit me. We couldn’t do anything, because I didn’t have any condoms or lube. There was no way in hell that I was going to take him for the first time without lube.

“Baby, I would like nothing more than to give you all of me. But I don’t have anything with me. And trust me when I tell you; you are going to want more than spit and hope for your first time,” I said, beaming down at him lovingly. I was trying to convey how much it pained me to turn him down in that moment. I’d dreamt of being with him like that since almost the moment we met.

Alfie’s face suddenly went red and he looked completely embarrassed. “I… Erm… I have lube and condoms.” He looked so adorable, all shy and nervous.

Realizing that he’d planned it for us, I didn’t say anything, just raised my eyebrow at him and waited for the explanation. It only took two words to enlighten me. “My mum,” he said with a bashful shrug.

“Of course.” I couldn’t help the chuckle that followed. “Where are they?” His hand snuck up under the pillow and pulled out an unopened pack of condoms and a small bottle of lube. “You planned this?”

I got another shrug and a bright smile. “What can I say? A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. To get some loving.”

It didn’t take me but ten seconds to get up and off the bed, strip bare and have Alfie lying naked before me. He was my picture of perfection.

Sitting up, he looked at me and with the most serious expression I had ever seen on him. “What the hell is that?” he asked, pointing at my dick. I wasn’t sure what he expected. I mean, I’m a big guy. It stands to reason that I would be big everywhere. But from the way Alfie was looking at me, it was a bit of a shock to him. “Were you bitten by a radioactive spider?” My lips curled up of their own accord. What can I say? My man is funny. I also knew that when Alfie was scared or nervous, he got even funnier.

“Nope.”

“It’s like a giant anaconda waiting to strike. Do I need to call animal control?” I refused to respond to that.

“It’s moving. Will it attack me?” he asked, sounding almost hysterical. He got a cursory grin from me at his poor attempt to hide his nerves with jokes.

“Of course it’s moving, you’re looking him in the eye and talking about him,” I said around my laughter.

“Him? Does he have a name?” Was he serious?

“No, baby, I have not named my dick.”

“What, why? Mine has a name. Can I name him?” Did he really just say that he named his dick? I loved this guy. He made all the darkness surrounding me disappear until all I saw were bright blue skies. Giving up on just standing there, I laid down on the bed next to Alfie, who was now kneeling. “Can I touch it?” he asked.

Hell yes
. Outwardly, I nodded, answering, “Baby, you never have to ask permission to touch my cock.”

Moving down my body, Alfie tentatively reached out and circled his hand around my shaft, gently moving it up and down.
Fuck that feels that good.
“Harder,” I growled. Alfie immediately gave me what I asked for.
Fuck if he keeps this up, I’m going to come in seconds.
“Baby, if you keep that up this is going be over very, very quickly.”

Alfie let go of my dick and laid over me, wearing nothing but a grin. There wasn’t a part of us not touching from head to toe. His lips touched mine and it felt like fireworks going off inside my body. I’d never felt that way before. Wrapping my arms around him, I placed both hands on his butt and squeezed. “You sure you want to do this? We can just keep doing what we’re doing,” I suggested. I wanted nothing more than to sink inside him and connect in a way I wished could be expressed in words, but I didn’t want him to rush into anything. Our whole relationship had been on fast forward. The first time we made love was too important to not make sure it was the right time for both of us.

“I love you. Now, will you and Baby Zilla love me back?”

“Baby Zilla?”

“No don’t like it? I’ve got it… Monty.”

“Monty?” I was almost too scared to ask.

“Yes, It‘s perfect. Monty… I decided to go with my British roots. Monty Python.” He wriggled down my body and kissed the wet tip of my cock “From this day forth you shall be known as Monty. May you not rip me a new one when you christen me.” Fuck, he really was funny. I pulled him back up so he was on top of me again and kissed him gently.

“Okay, baby. Comedy hour is over. Are you sure this is what you want?” I had to ask again, all the jokes were a sure sign of the depth of his nervousness.

At his nod, I rolled us both over so I could explore him unhindered. His tattoos somehow looked brighter as I ran my hands over his chest, arms, and stomach. My brain felt like it was going to short circuit at any moment, but I knew I had to make it perfect for Alfie. I didn’t want to ruin the moment by listening to the wrong part of my body.

“I’m going to get you ready to take me, baby. Just tell me to stop if I do something that you don’t like, okay?” I saw that he was overwhelmed and apprehensive, but I also saw the need in his eyes. “Hold your legs up for me. I want to see all of you.” His face turned red, but he did as I asked. Gripping his legs behind the knees, he brought them to his chest. I got a glorious view of his tight, virgin hole.

I made sure that my fingers were coated lavishly with lube before I reached down and applied gentle pressure. I wanted him to get used to my touch there.

“Have you ever touched yourself here, baby?” Based on the way his whole body tensed, I would’ve guessed not. When he shook his head, the caveman in me pounded his chest that I was the one and only who got to touch and see him that way. The trust he was showing in me only confirmed to me that he was all heart.

“Take a deep breath for me and try to relax… Yeah, that’s right.” I heard his grunt as my finger breached the tight ring. “You’re doing so good. Do you want me to keep going?” I asked. God, I hoped he wanted me to keep going.

“This is about to feel a whole lot better,” I promised, pushing my finger deeper inside his heat. I knew I’d found what I was looking for when he almost jumped off the bed. “Wha…. what, what was that?”

“You like that? That was your prostate. Want me to do it again?”

“Absolutely.”

I rubbed the magic gland with my fingers and enjoyed the squirms and noises the motion caused. His breath came out in short, fast pants and from the ball of pre-cum that was leaking from his straining cock, I knew he was enjoying what I was doing.

Alfie

Fucking hell. Who knew having something shoved up your arse could feel so fucking amazing? My mind was scrambling to catch up to my body’s reactions. The foreign sensations caused by Fear’s touch were sending me into a tailspin.

“You ready for more?” Fear asked. Was he kidding? Bring it on. Unable to speak, I nodded and looked into his expressive blue eyes. I really did love him. I had no idea how it happened or why it happened so quickly, but I was tired of thinking that I should second-guess what I was feeling just because Fear was a man. I felt what I felt. He was mine and I was his. Fuck the rest.

Fear added a second finger with the first. Wow, that was amazing. I felt so full. I closed my eyes tight and tried to enjoy the all-new sensations. Unfortunately, I couldn’t shut my brain off completely. If two fingers made me feel that full, how would I survive having his cock inside me?

“Hey baby,” Fear said, pulling me from my inner ramblings. “Take a deep breath for me and try to relax.” What? How was I meant to relax?

“Sorry, I can’t seem to shut my brain off,” I told him honestly. I might as well let it all hang out. I didn’t think I had ever felt so vulnerable and I needed his guidance and reassurance to help keep me calm.

“Honestly, it will help if you can.”

“It’s not that easy, you know. What if I do something wrong?” I said, before attempting to do as Fear suggested. 

“Alfie, try it and see. Shut down that brain of yours. You can’t fail at this,” Fear said in a soothing voice. “I want you to just feel, let me show you how amazing this can be. How amazing we can be.” Yes, it was amazing. The slow push and pull of his fingers was starting to drive me crazy. It was as if my body was on fire, and not in a painful, screaming for help kind of way. More in a coming-out-of-my-skin-warm-all-over-tingly-feeling way. It felt incredible. I trusted Fear to lead me and I wasn’t regretting that decision. The look in his eyes as he studied my every move and reaction. The care he was taking to make sure that I felt as good as possible. He knew it was all new, that I had never been with a man before, and the tender way he was seeing to me served to convince me further that I was exactly where I was meant to be. 

I let go and just felt. I wanted to feel everything, unhindered by my distracting thoughts. I didn’t want to analyze everything. I wanted it to be about just Fear and me. 

“Argh, that feels so good. I’m going to come. Shit, stop, stop!” I shouted, covering my face with my hands, trying to hold off my orgasm. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted it to last as long as possible.

“Baby, it’s okay. Just let go.” I heard the words Fear spoke but in the fog of arousal, I couldn’t understand them. Not that it mattered, because at that moment my control snapped and I came—hard. To my astonishment, it shot everywhere. My chest, Fear’s. I even managed to get some on my chin. My range was impressive.

“You doing okay?” I heard Fear ask. I was fucking fantastic, I wasn’t ever going to be able to walk again because my bones had liquefied and shot out of my cock along with everything else. And I didn’t care one little bit. If that was gay sex, I was fully on board. Sign me up, send me the newsletter, I was in.

Fear sat back on his heels, just watching me, the soft smile on his face and the shine in his eyes told me that he was enjoying my inability to do anything that involved motor skills. I had a feeling that if he thought he could get away with it, he would’ve been patting himself on the back. But it was the look on his face that finally had me removing my hands from my face. 

“You freaking out?” he asked with a hint of vulnerability in his voice. That was not going to happen. I felt good. No regret, just a wistful promise of what was to come. Not wanting to spoil the moment with an inappropriate Alfieism, I simply shook my head and returned his smile.

Slowly crawling up my body and laying over me, Fear grabbed my face in his large hands and kissed me. I felt everything. All the words that were unsaid and all the promises of what was to come. 

“You’re perfect,” he said as I watched him reach for a condom, ripping it open and rolling it down in one swift move. Using the lube that still lay open on the bed; he coated his sheath-covered cock, and finished by running his lube-covered fingers over my incredibly sensitive hole and pushing even more lube inside me. When he finally leaned over me and aligned himself so I could feel the blunt head of him against me, all my nervousness was gone and I felt safe, wanted and loved. “Look at me,” he instructed. I complied instantly because in that moment there was nothing else I would rather do. Very slowly, he started pushing against me.

While gradually filling me, his eyes bored into me, making sure to watch for any signs of discomfort, but any pain I experienced was equaled by how right it felt. My body was trying to adjust to the size of him. “Wait, Fear—stop!” I cried out.

“I’m so sorry, baby. Is it horrible?” he asked, remaining still, but with his cock still in me. Gazing into my eyes, he said, “I know it sounds ridiculous, but try to relax again. It will help so much.”

I wanted the connection with him and nothing was going to stop me from sharing in that moment with him. I tried so hard to relax. Then I sensed a sort of… loosening inside me and murmured, “Try it now, but go slow, please?”

“Okay, baby. If you need anything different or want me to stop, just tell me, okay? I don’t ever want to hurt you.” With small, shallow thrusts, Fear worked his way inside me. Any pain I felt after the initial entry was eclipsed by my need to have all of him. The moment he bottomed out and I could feel his balls against my skin, I felt complete, whole. I had to ask him to stay still again; I needed to adjust to his size. He had me filled so full of him that I knew I would never feel empty and lost again. 

“You’re mine,” Fear whispered into my ear. Yes I was. I was completely his.

“Yes, yours,” I responded easily.

Time seemed to stop, along with everything else. I was lost in feeling him move unhurriedly inside me, his weight over me, his eyes never leaving mine. With each thrust, he hit my prostate and it felt as if fireworks were igniting inside my body. Everything around us ceased to exist.

“Are you doing all right Alfie? I think I’ll die if I can’t move faster,” Fear huffed the words, a grimace on his face.

“I’m perfect. Please, please….” Fear took that for what it was. Me begging him to fuck me, and when he started pistoning faster, as cliché as it sounds, time lost all meaning. Hours, minutes, who knew, who cared how long passed. We were so lost in each other as the need and hunger grew. Fear’s movements became more frantic. The tingle at the base of my spine started and I knew I wouldn’t last much longer. “I’m gonna come!” I shouted.

Fear doubled his speed, each plunge inside harder and more forceful. His groans became louder. Then I heard and saw nothing because I was coming like a fucking racehorse without a touch to my dick. I could feel my release shoot onto my stomach, and with Fear still chasing his release and brushing over my prostate with each thrust, I wasn’t sure if my orgasm would stop anytime soon. I could see the veins in Fear’s neck protruding with the strain and then with a roar, I felt him pump his cum into the condom. After one final push, he stilled, then let all his weight fall on me. My arms instinctively came around to hold him. I wanted to keep him as close as I could.

“I love you,” I whispered in his ear. I wasn’t sure he heard my declaration over our combined heavy breathing at first, but the tightening of his arms told me that he had. The moment was perfect. The man I loved was still buried deep inside me and holding me tight. Nothing could take this away from us. No matter what we had to face, we would always have this perfect moment.

After waiting a few minutes to regain some strength, Fear slowly withdrew from me and took care of the condom. I knew that I should get up and deal with the fact that I was sticky mess, but I just couldn’t seem to move. Fear came back to the bed with a warm washcloth. He cleaned me up and asked if I was in any pain. “It’s not too bad. I think we’ll have to wait a day or two before we do that again. That’ll give us a chance to explore all the other things you have to teach me about my body and yours. Thank you,” I said and pulled him to down to me.

The silence between us was comfortable and nothing needed to be said, but since I’ve never been one to appreciate a nice, comfortable silence, I felt the need to speak. Everything I came up with sounded lame. I knew I was letting my insecurity get the best of me.
“You were amazing, was I okay?”
I should’ve kept my mouth shut because what came out was not pretty. “I’m awesome at gay sex. You hit the jackpot with me.”
Way to sound stupid Alfie. Good job.

Fear rolled me and shoved his face in my neck. His body was shaking so hard with laughter that I thought for a second the bed might collapse.

“Yep. I lucked out. It was perfect, you were perfect, and we are perfect.” He was right.

Waking up and rolling over was all the reminder I needed of what we’d done the night before. My arse felt like I’d sat on a fire poker. Fear was not in the room, so I didn’t have to hide my discomfort. Getting up slowly and attempting to walk to my bag, I quickly realized that I wasn’t going to be able to hide the fact that I had been well and truly fucked. Oh well, just another thing added to the never-ending list of humiliating events in the life of Alfie McKenzie. It was totally worth it, though.

I took a warm bath, thinking it might help, and topped that off with a couple of ibuprofen from the medicine cabinet in Hayley’s guest bathroom. Finally dressed and ready to face the others, I made my way into the kitchen trying not to walk like I had been given the good stuff the previous night. Massive fail, because the moment I turned the corner everyone went quiet.

Mum, Ben, Tate, Drake, James, and Carter were all standing in the small kitchen. I could see Fear, Hayley, and the kids playing outside.

“What’s going on?” I asked, starting to feel like a freak show attraction. Nothing. No one said a word. “Mum?”

“Morning Alfie, how about a cup of tea?”
Okay what’s going on?

“Sure, thanks,” I said, making the short trip over to the cupboard where the cups were. I could hear the snickers. Wankers. Spinning around, I put on the most annoyed face I could muster. I had to face it; it
was
funny. I was walking like John Wayne’s long lost son. “Problem?”

“We’re all fine honey, but you seem to have developed a bit of limp.” They weren’t even trying to hide their laughter anymore. My mother! Everyone. If I didn’t love her so much I would’ve disowned the woman.

“Yes, Mother, I am fine. Ben, reign your wife in, will you?” I said to my stepfather, who was across the room leaning casually on the counter. Did he help? No! All I got from him was a definitely unhelpful lip twitch.

“So, what did you get up to after we left last night?” my mother asked oh so innocently. Tate lost the battle and burst out laughing. No one else bothered holding it in any longer, either.

“You’re a little twisted, you know that, right?” I declared to my crackpot of a mother. Well, if she wanted it, she was going to get it. “I got well and truly fucked, if you must know. Which I’m guessing you do. What with all your not so subtle questions.” I shot her a pout, turned around and looked over my shoulder at her, bent over slightly, and in my mostly manly voice, said, “Mummy, I got a boo boo.” The whole room erupted in laughter. Those people were fucking loopy and it looked like my mother was their queen. Showing them mock disdain, I decided against the tea and slipped out the door to the backyard.