Such a Rush (20 page)

“What do you mean, you’re across the street?” Molly asked. “There’s nothing over there but beach and shacks.”

He grinned at her. “I’m in a shack.”

“You
are
?” Molly yelled. “I want to see!”

“Okay, come on.”

He and Molly both got out of the car. I wasn’t sure
whether I was supposed to go with them or wait for Alec. Grayson might get mad at me if I didn’t wait. He might lob another insult at me. But I wanted to go. It seemed a little too easy right at that moment for Grayson and Molly to pair off and have private time at his shack of some kind. The thought of this made my stomach hurt worse than the thought of kissing Alec.

Molly peered through the windshield at me and motioned with her head for me to follow her.

At the same time, Grayson startled me by opening my door. “Come on, Leah. Alec will know where we are. Get the key.”

Carefully I turned off the ignition—I figured this worked the same in a car as in a plane—and slid out after them.

We started across the street, but Molly stopped dead on the center stripe and gaped up at the sky. “Wow, look at that sunset!”

It wasn’t a pretty sunset. The colors were as expected: violet clouds, bright orange and pink underneath, against the pale blue sky. But the clouds were high cirrus, wispy, and crossed with the contrails of F-16s, a colorful glowing mess. I said, “It looks like God barfed a rainbow.”

“So sentimental,” Grayson said under his breath.

Molly shrieked laughter. “Charming.” She swung her glam purse on its long strap and whacked me in the ass. “So, Grayson, why do you have a condo
and
a shack?”

“This property has been in my family a long time,” he said. “The highway follows the original Native American trail.” He pointed north, where the road disappeared under wide-branching water oaks. “Right here it runs so close to the ocean that you’re not allowed to build a house on the beach side, but you can build a shack. My grandparents moved here from Pennsylvania when beachfront property was a lot cheaper.
They owned a shack plus a house. Later they sold the house, which was demolished to build condos. They kept one condo unit, and they kept the shack.”

“Sweet!” Molly said. “You must be loaded.”

I couldn’t believe the comments Molly got away with sometimes. Maybe it was her matter-of-fact delivery. Or maybe, in this case, Grayson liked her.

Whatever the reason, he just smiled at her, almost shyly in the streetlights. “Not anymore. My dad sank most of that money into the business. Banner towing doesn’t pay all that great.”

“If your family is from here,” Molly said, “did you live here before your parents got divorced?”

I cringed. I guessed, sometime in the two years Molly and I had been friends and I’d crushed on the boys, that I’d told her about their family situation. I didn’t want Grayson to know this.

He didn’t seem to notice, though. Again, Molly got away with that nosey question. “Yes,” he said, “we lived here.”

“You must know a lot of people at our high school,” Molly said. “We’ll probably run into them when we’re out partying this week. It will be so weird, like a class reunion!”

I was still puzzling through the idea that all of us were going to be partying together all week—or maybe Molly just meant herself and Grayson—when he laughed. “I didn’t know
you
until today.”

“I just moved here two years ago,” Molly said. “My purpose in life is to keep mean girls away from Leah.”

“Mean girls don’t like Leah?” Grayson asked, looking around at me.

“I think it’s the hair,” I said.

“You
always
think it’s the hair,” Molly said.

“It’s all I’ve got.”

Grayson looked at me again. This time his gaze traveled from my hair down, and he let me see that he was looking. What he meant by this was that he thought I was beautiful, it was
not
just my miraculous hair, and we shouldn’t get distracted from our true love by the pesky detail that he was blackmailing me into dating his brother.

Right. I hung back and let him and Molly walk together up the wooden ramp to the shack. I’d never had a chance with Grayson anyway. All I wanted to do was fly. I needed to remember that or I was going to get myself in even more trouble.

The shack was so tiny that I was thinking Molly and I should stay outside while Grayson showered. But Molly followed him right through the door, exclaiming, “This is so cool! You can hear the ocean. When you wake up in the morning, it’s
right there.
” She must have thought I was going to hang outside myself, because she stood in the doorway, put her hand behind her back, and wiggled her fingers at me, coaxing me in. I didn’t want to cause a scene or seem weird, so I stepped into the shack behind her.

“It’s pretty cool,” Grayson agreed, looking around. The shack was made of weathered, smoothed boards on the ceiling, walls, and floor. A futon took up one wall, a surfboard leaned against another, and a mountain bike hung from hooks in the ceiling. An air conditioner took up half of one window, but it was off, and the sound of the ocean filled the tiny room.

“I guess the condo has stuff you’re missing here,” Molly said. “Like a kitchen. Why did one of you take one place and one of you take the other? It seems like you guys would want to be together, whichever place you chose. You’re not getting along?”

“You could say that.” Grayson opened his hands. “You know, our dad died recently.” This time he didn’t hesitate as he said it.

Molly nodded, oblivious to what a touchy subject this still was. She sounded like she was consoling an elderly neighbor on the death of his even more elderly father, a natural and expected ending, as she said, “Leah told me. I’m sorry.”

“And our older brother died,” Grayson said. “We’ve been through bad times before, but never without our brother. He was…” Grayson splayed his fingers and looked through the wooden ceiling toward heaven for an explanation. “… the leader. The peacekeeper. Alec and I didn’t realize that until we talked about running this business together. We have no idea how to get along. We can’t even order a pizza without being at each other’s throats.”

Grayson changed as he said this, from an angry, bullying boy into a kind young man with a horrible problem. He looked taller in the small room. The bare bulb cast dark shadows under his eyes.

Molly had been the one to draw these feelings and this truth out of him. I’d known him three and a half years. Molly had known him five minutes.

She made a joke of it. “Good thing you and Alec are living apart this week, then. And I in my infinite wisdom insisted that we should go out together.”

“It’s okay.” He dismissed the problem with a wave designed to make her feel better, something he would
never
have done for me. He told her, “We don’t have Jake, but at least we have someone to run interference so we don’t need to talk to each other. We have you. And you.” He finally looked at me.

His expression turned uneasy as he read my face. I don’t
know what he saw there—my stupid jealousy of Molly, maybe, or my sense that he’d betrayed me in confiding all this to her instead of me, when he and I had never been friends in the first place.

He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ll just be a minute. Make yourselves comfortable. Or try.” He disappeared into a bathroom carved into the corner.

“Come on.” Claustrophobic in the shrinking room, I pushed Molly all the way through the shack to another door that opened onto a porch.

Weathered stairs led down to a hundred yards of clean sand pitted with dry footprints. Beyond that lay the dark blue ocean. “Want to walk down there?” I asked her.

“God, no. I’ve been at the beach all day. Sick of it.” She sank behind me into a wooden lounge chair and closed her eyes. I waited for her to tell me her opinion of the boys. She was meeting them for the first time, and they were hot. Their suffering made them dreamy. She would want to tell me this and scold me for keeping them to myself all this time. But she didn’t say a word. She must be very tired from her long, hard day of lying on the beach.

I turned for the ocean again, inhaled the clean scent of it. Folding my arms on the porch rail and setting my chin on my arms, I watched the white waves slowly roll in. Like everything, the ocean looked completely different in person than it looked from the air. Hypnotized by its beauty, I forgot where I was and why. I jumped when Alec put his hand on my bare shoulder and asked, “Ready?”

Grayson’s insistence that we have
an early night worked out well. When we arrived at the club, we could still get in the door. The place was already packed, though, mostly with
strangers, lots of them seedy, and a few seniors from my high school, all of them drunk.

I was in a mood to break my no-drinking rule again because of the stress I’d been under that day and the situation I was in with these boys. But Grayson took up residence at a graffiti-covered pillar, watching all of us for bad behavior. So Molly and I danced to the throbbing beat under the spinning colored lights instead. Alec played along with us, doing an unembarrassed white boy dance. Molly asked Grayson to dance three times. He refused. She tried to send me over to ask him. I wouldn’t go. I was having a lot of fun dancing with Molly and dancing with Alec, who was acting like a not-too-interested boy/friend, something I’d never had before. I didn’t want to ruin it by dragging Grayson over—or having him turn me down.

Finally we took a break. Grayson had ordered food for everybody. When I opened my billfold to give him money for it, Alec frowned at me and shook his head. We found an empty table a group had just vacated on the crowded deck outside, overlooking the ocean. Molly went back inside to grab a strawberry daiquiri using her cousin’s old ID. Alec whispered that he’d get me a soda.

Which left Grayson and me snacking alone at the table, if you could call it alone when we were surrounded by four hundred and fifty people. I expected him to insult me over the noise. But he watched the crowd with a half-smile on his face, a lot like the half-smile Alec wore most of the time. On Alec it was the default setting. On Grayson it meant he was happy.

I leaned across the table and said, “You’re back.”

“What?” He jerked his head toward me, surprised that I’d spoken, losing part of the smile.

“You seem like yourself again,” I explained. “The way
you’ve been acting, I thought the old Grayson was gone forever.”

He nodded. “I think he might be,” he said slowly. “I mean, if I were the type of person who talked about himself in the third person. I think he might be.”

“You think he might be gone forever?” I asked. “Or you think he might be back?”

“Gone.”

That one word sank deep into me like a hot rock disappearing into a snowbank somewhere up north. I noticed again how tired he was, how he sat low on his stool, broad shoulders hunched, with dark smudges of fatigue under his gray eyes. I felt lost on his behalf. I felt lost myself. As we shared a look of understanding across the table, the drunk spring-breakers and colored lights faded on one side of us. I was more aware of the blackness off the railing on our other side, a black sky and a black ocean we knew were there but couldn’t even see.

“I’m sorry about Jake,” I blurted.

Grayson didn’t take his eyes off me. His only reaction was a little tic of his jaw.

“I talked to your dad every day about what happened to Jake, but I never told you. I guess I never saw you again until your dad’s funeral. And…” I could feel my cheeks burning, but now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop until I’d blabbed everything. “… I’m sorry about you and Alec. I wish you’d tell me what exactly is going on between you and why I have to date him. You spill this whole story to Molly when you’ve just met her, but I’ve been right here the whole time and you treat
me
like the stranger. Less than a stranger. Like the enemy. What did you mean when you acted incredulous that I’d never been to your dad’s condo?”

Grayson’s lips parted. He watched me for a moment before
he found words. As he spoke, his voice was so quiet that I could barely hear him over the music. “I was talking to
you
about Alec and Jake.”

“You were looking at Molly,” I accused him.

“I was talking to you.” He looked down at his half-eaten food. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to look at you. Just like it’s hard for me to be here. At the shack, at the condo, at the hangar.”

I understood now. He associated me with the tragedy of his family. He would take what he thought he needed from me in order to save Alec. That’s all I was good for.

Molly cackled somewhere in the crowd. I couldn’t make out what she was saying. As she and Alec emerged from the throng, the first word I understood was, “Cocktalls!”

“I was telling Molly about Zeke losing the spelling bee today,” Alec explained, sliding me a soda and slipping onto the stool beside me.

I grinned at him. If I concentrated hard enough on joining his light-hearted conversation with Molly, maybe the tension between Grayson and me would ease, and I would be able to breathe again.

“I can just see the tourists on the beach,” Molly said, “squinting up at the sign. ‘Cock… talls.’ They probably thought it was for real. Some new drink invented by the tourist-trap bars on the boardwalk. They would be bubble gum flavored! They would come with a piece of bubble gum on a toothpick as a garnish instead of a lemon!”