Sugar Valley (Hollywood's Darkest Secret) (103 page)

“What are you doing, talking to yourself or
something?” Jose asked. Damen saw himself and Jose, at the age of
eight, repeating history, repeating the past, a memory. His
flashback was so real to him now, overpowering, he actually saw him
and Jose, young as could be, meeting each other, and creating a
friendship that would be the best friendship ever. Damen began
laughing a little, seeing this memory taking place, caused that
prosperous feeling, that he felt when he met Jose, to be revived
and shown once again.

“I’m pretending I’m a cowboy, like from the
movies. Haven’t you ever pretended you were someone else before?”
Damen saw himself say that, he saw this memory, within the Valley,
and caused him to cry, to shut his eyes. He wasn’t laughing
anymore, the flashback was too real to him now, and allowed his
wounds to break open and bleed tears of misery. He defined these
tears now, finally, as being sad tears, and that’s not what he
wanted to do now; he wanted complete closure. But then, the memory,
the flashback ceased, died and Damen opened his eyes to the sight
of Jose’s grave.

“We could make a time capsule or something,”
Damen’s memory said. He stared at the Valley side again, and saw
Darell, at the age of twenty-one, holding the old box that he
wanted, so badly, to make a time capsule out of, a moment in time,
where they could come back and see what they left behind.

Damen shut his eyes again, and opened them
once more, to only have Darell’s grave in his sight. He realized,
through his adventure, that the Valley, Sugar Valley, was one big,
gigantic time capsule. It held the memories, the fears, the
happiness, and the dreams within it still, never allowing anything
to take or steal them away. He knew that it was the Valley’s magic,
its wonder that allowed these memories to take place once more, and
be so real to him. Damen looked at the graves of his friends, and
said, “Well, guys, this is it.” He stopped for a moment, catching
his breath through the nervousness and sadness. “Jose, you probably
already know, that they didn’t find your killer yet. How ’bout
this, I only talk about nice things now, no more sad things. Um, I
won the Oscar, could you believe that?” Damen gave out a small
smile, it was like Jose and Darell were really there, in life, and
listening to every word he said. “I wrote a book, about the Valley,
and believe it or not, they love it. The whole world actually loves
Sugar Valley, I think just as much as we do.” He then paused. A
tear fell once, and looked at the Oscar on top of Jose’s home, his
tombstone. “You guys probably already read it, my book, and you
probably already know that I made up the ending. But, in a sense, I
didn’t, because I’m here now, ready to complete that ending.” He
couldn’t take it, talking, through such melancholy, and conversing
with stones of death, stones that would cause sadness to live and
healing to die. He turned away from the stones, for a moment, and
then looked back; his healing began. His goodbye began; he was
about to make it into reality. Damen then lit up a cigarette,
staring at the light, he took a drag of it fast and quick, blowing
out smoke and saying, “It’s been awhile, since you know what, and
believe it or not, I still can’t get over it. I mean, I went to a
shrink, out of a dozen, and, and she said, and I quote, ‘Damen,
time heals all wounds.’ And you know what I said, I said, ‘well,
guess what, bitch, you’re wrong’.”

He started laughing at his remark, taking in
drags of his cigarette, the laughter slowly came to a halt. “You
see, what I realized, is that time is your worst enemy, it doesn’t
heal wounds, it only makes them worse, because it causes you to not
think of those you lost, and that’s bad. It’s bad. You can’t ever
forget about those you lost, it’s good not to, but what’s bad is
lingering on them and the past, which many people get confused
with. Remembering the people, really, in a sense, helps the healing
process, because, because remembering that bond you had with them,
makes you realize how lucky, and blessed you were to have those
moments, to have those years, like I spent with you guys, and for
that, it brings a smile to your face.”

Tears on top of tears were drowning his
voice, placing silence in them for a bit, but he kept on going.
“So, I stopped going to that shrink, as a matter of fact, last week
was my last session. It was funny, before I swore at her, and
yelled my ass off, she said, ‘Damen, you’re an Oscar nominee, you
wrote a novel that became the top seller, the most copies ever
sold, you have a beautiful wife, who’s expecting, they made your
novel into a movie, and you’re practically the King of Hollywood,
you shouldn’t have any reasons to be depressed.’ And you know what?
She’s right, she’s absolutely right. But she doesn’t understand,
comprehend in her little, simple mind, is that you’re my, or were
my, blood-brothers, and that bond, we promised, would never be
broken; not even through death. And I’m trying to keep that
promise, but therefore, I would have to linger on the past, and
like I said before, if I do that, my wounds will be opened till the
day I die.” He noticed things were getting out of hand, the way he
stuck on this conversation of truth, Damen knew what he had to
do.

So, he explained, “Um. Um, I wrote in my
story, about everything, the murders, the drugs, the
disillusionment, and just, you know, everything. But I lied at the
end of it, I said that I come back to Sugar, and cry of happiness,
and do something at the end, where my happiness is real. I said
that I smiled, and danced around in the Valley, but when it
happens, you’ll know if my smiles are real or not. You guys know
me, if I’m not feeling it, I won’t do it.” He turned away from the
stones, for a moment and then looked back; his healing began. His
goodbye began; he was about to make it into reality. “I promised
myself, that I wouldn’t come back here, at least for a while, but I
had to do this. I realize, that life doesn’t, doesn’t turn out,
exactly, the way you want it. But, in the end, the things that you
did want, come true, it’s just the things in between don’t. I guess
God does that for a reason; to make us stronger, immune.” The
healing was almost over, the hardest part that he ever felt, was
about to end. The tears came flowing out in his mind, but didn’t
reach his eyes yet. He could feel the pressure of the tears, inside
of his mind, pressing against his eyes, wanting to come out.

Damen began to push out his words. It was as
if he was afraid to speak, the tears, in his mind, were drowning
his tone, but he knew he had to do this. “I really hate the
silence. I mean, I really hate it. But maybe silence could be your
best friend and worst enemy at the same time. Even, even when I won
the Oscar Award, I felt that silence, because, because you guys
were missing and therefore, I didn’t cry of happiness altogether. I
mean, I knew Maria was there, and that made me happy, but I knew
something was missing. As a matter of fact, I never cried of
happiness, and that’s what I want to do tonight. Come on, you guys,
help me out with this.” Stopping, pausing, allowing his voice to
take rest for a bit, due to the muscles his voice used to get all
the words out, through the clogged tears and anguish, he stared
away from the two stones, and then back again. “How the hell could
everything fall apart so fast? I hate being alone at the top, it
wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It wasn’t supposed to happen
this way, we were gonna be a team. It wasn’t supposed to happen
this way.” Another piece of silence came to his tone, voice, his
painful way of speaking at the moment, and then turned back once
again to face the stones. He then continued his mission: a mission
of healing. “Um, I was so afraid, you know? I was so afraid,
because this disillusionment of Hollywood; it really gets to ya.
And without you guys, there to share it with me, to be by my side,
I thought I was going to be even more afraid.” He began crying a
bit, one more tear fell, but he kept on trying to push his words
out, like a mission of truth, a mission to complete the end. The
pressure in his mind from the tears was lessening, causing relief
to settle inside of him, but still he had a lot more tears to
go.

All the tears that he ever shed were unlike
this one tear that showed itself now. The tears from his past had
all forms of meaning, from pain, sadness, jealousy, to exhaustion
and fatigue. But, the tears in his mind, were tears sent by God,
holy water, a piece of God’s own tears, that once released fully,
gives a prosperous feeling that only angels get to have.

“But, the truth is, I’m not anymore. I’m not
going to blame myself anymore, I’m not. Look at me, I’m crying like
a baby. Um, I, I realized, that even if you guys didn’t come with
me, I would have still made it in Hollywood, only because I saw it
happening, I envisioned myself being that person of fame.
Everything happens for a reason, right? I’m not going to blame
myself anymore. I’m not going to look at my reflection, and cry of
sadness, anymore. And you know why? Because I’m alive. I’m still
alive, and I want to enjoy the moment, for once in my life, of
having this vision, my dream real. It’s weird, I cried before I
made it big, because I wanted it so much, and after I made it, I
still cried, because something else was missing: you guys. The
past’s the past, and I’m finally happy with my life. Is that
wrong?” Tears fell out more, it was like this virus, that was made
up of guilt, sadness, and torment, was flowing out with his tears,
and causing his heart to heal, to be happy and complete, like it
should have been always.

Damen’s tears then ceased, died, they stopped
flowing, for the last time, and now the Valley, God himself,
blessed Damen with its grace; the grace of prosperity. “I was proud
when I won that Oscar, I was proud when I wrote about the Valley,
and I was proud to have you guys as my best, best friends.” Damen
then turned for a moment, and saw something out of the corner of
his eye; it was a memory again. He saw himself, Jose, and Darell,
all putting their hands together, and making a deal to go with on
the journey to Hollywood. Damen began to smile, to laugh, the
Valley’s kindness, its magic still was alive, and showed him a
memory of happiness. So Damen went over to his satchel, and opened
it, and caused the memory to turn to snow. The ghostly memories
watched him as he pulled out a thick manuscript, the original he
wrote. It had “Sugar Valley” imprinted on the front cover that was
tinted with gray and he held it tight in his grasp, like a newborn
baby seeing his father for the first time. “It belongs here now, I
mean, you guys are the reason for it, this book. This is its home.”
He took off the clasp of the manuscript, which held it together,
and pulled out the papers within it; he held the loose, naked book
in his hands. Damen took his left hand, and rubbed the letters on
the manuscript, caressing it, as if it was alive, and a creature of
innocence. “I know what the meaning of life is now.” He stopped his
words for a moment, and continued with, “The meaning of life, is
life. That’s it, you live it, you hate it, you love it, you
remember it, and then you let it go, while thanking it.” He held
the manuscript up higher to his chest, completing the ending to his
novel, turning its end from fiction to nonfiction. “Thank you,
Jose, for being my friend. Thank you, Darell, for, for being my
friend too.” Damen then lifted the book up to his chest and said,
“And, thank you, Sugar Valley, thank you.”

He threw the pages up in the air, before it
took flight, not knowing or feeling that a drop of his tears, a
single drop that was finally a prosperous one, fell on the cover of
his book, right on the title. He watched the pages separate within
the wind, noticing the sunrise admitted its light right there and
then, and began to lift his arms and dance in the rain of papers.
Each paper that fell opened up its story and showed Damen a picture
of his adventure. He saw them traveling on the train, he saw them
getting in their first fight, he saw Jose get shot, he saw himself
winning the Oscar, and he finally saw the last page, the ending to
his book; a picture of himself, dancing around in a downpour of
papers. He gave out a scream; it was a scream of happiness, of his
hope being regained and reborn once more. Damen looked up at the
morning stars that were above the falling papers, memories, the
falling story of his life, and saw two of them twinkling in the
distance. At that moment, he saw two shooting stars that soared
across the sky, like fireflies racing the wind. Damen felt as if
the stars symbolized Jose and Darell, and that brought a smile to
his face. That’s when Damen whispered in pure tranquil,
felicity-filled ecstasy, “Thank you, God, thank you for Sugar
Valley.”

About The Author

STEPHEN ANDREW
SALAMON is an award-winning author. He's the prolific writer of
Sugar Valley (2014), The Wrath of Jeremy (2015), Mask of a Legend
(2016), and many more that are scattered across different genres.
He holds a BA degree from Columbia, in Screenplay Writing and
Literature. He finished his first 100-page story at 14, wrote his
first epic novel at 17 and was published by 21. He lives in
downtown Chicago.