Sugar Valley (Hollywood's Darkest Secret) (80 page)

November ninth came faster than Damen’s
thoughts of Sugar Valley. His tears drowned his eyes while he was
packing his suitcase, not knowing where to go or what to do. He was
stranded in a place that was evil to him, a place where he saw his
best friend become an enemy, a place where he lost his love for
Vivian, and a place that trapped him from beginning his career with
a star role in a movie.

As he walked through the hotel hallways, he
didn’t think about his dream anymore, all he thought of was the
Valley, where he felt safe. Damen was slowly losing hope, being
that the word was almost gone from his mind. He was so fatigued at
this moment, that the word ‘hope’ was almost lost in his
subconsciousness, crying out for him to help it, so it wouldn’t be
astray, lost, so it wouldn’t be forgotten.

As he walked into the elevator, his mind
became entrapped in a feeling that was much worse than losing a
loved one, much worse than thinking of suicide. His mind was
entrapped in a feeling that meant everything to Damen, the feeling
of hope. He found hope again, lingering in his subconscious, having
his mind’s eye gawking at it with remorse, and then wanting to
forget it again. His hope for fulfilling his destiny was gone; it
left him the moment he saw his best friend kissing the love of his
life. Damen was entangled in another feeling, the feeling of
confusion. He didn’t know of the lies Julienne told about him, he
didn’t know about the lies Julienne told to Jose, all he knew was
the corruption of his lie, the lie he was living at that very
moment; the lie that Damen actually believed he could make it
famous in Hollywood.

As the elevator door opened on the lobby
floor, Damen began to realize his life was over, gone, deceased,
having no reasons for living anymore. The only thing that Damen
lived for was his dream, a dream that was handed to Darell, and a
dream that was given to Jose. Damen didn’t get that.

It was my dream first.

As he walked toward the main entrance of the
hotel, Damen gave up on the past, and future, all he wanted at that
very instantaneous moment, was to go back to Ridge Crest and follow
in his father’s footsteps of becoming a farmer. It put him at
peace, visioning that career that he didn’t want but had to take
on, so his mind would be relieved from the pressure of him giving
up on the dream he did want, but gave up at. It was easier for him,
it gave him another road to travel on; it was a road that he didn’t
want to walk, but had to, for his own sanity.

He exited the hotel, looking up suddenly, and
saw Chuck running across the street toward him. At that prompt
moment, he dropped his suitcase and generated tears that he’s been
holding back for a while now, and began crying even more. His life,
existence, individuality, metaphorically speaking, was over, gone,
everything he worked for, vanished by Jose and Julienne leaving him
alone in New York.

Chuck came up to him, gave him a tight hug,
noticing the tears in his eyes, the way new tears formed over old
ones. “Damen, are you alright? I’ve been worried sick about
you.”

He just looked at Chuck and didn’t say a
word, feeling the cold draft from the November winter, rushing
against his tears, freezing them in place, knowing that they’re
there, like ironic icicles of heated pain. Chuck understood that he
was in shock, a shock of losing hope so suddenly, so abruptly
without a sign, or even a warning. He guided Damen to a taxicab and
put his suitcase in the trunk of it. They both got in the taxi.
“Take us to the airport,” Chuck announced to the cabdriver,
noticing Damen’s eyes of depression, staring out the window of the
cab. While the taxi drove off, Damen saw a billboard that was just
put up minutes ago, it was the billboard of Jose and Darell’s new
movie. Instantly, Damen turned away and stared at the seat in front
of him, not wanting to see Jose’s face again, or any further, not
wanting to remember he even had a friendship with him. “Damen, what
happened?”

He whispered, “Did they begin the movie
already?”

“Um, well, yeah, yeah they did; they gave
your part to Jose, but it’s gonna be okay.” Chuck put his arm
around Damen’s neck, showing him that he wasn’t alone anymore, that
he had Chuck to comfort him. “I tried to get them to wait a few
more days for you, but they said Julienne and Jose stated to them
that you went back home ... to Ridge Crest.”

Damen gave a small, minute grin, then went
back to a straight face. He whispered, “I want to go home.” His
voice was crackling from the tears and snot in his voice, drowning
his words, making his tone hurt whenever it was used.

“Don’t worry, we’re going home right
now.”

“No, I mean I want to go home ... to Ridge
Crest.” Chuck then put his head down slowly and began to shake it,
feeling saddened for Damen’s wantings of home, not wanting him to
give up his hope, but comprehending that he’d been through a
lot.

They didn’t say anything to each other after
Damen said ‘Ridge Crest’ to Chuck. Reaching the airport and
boarding a privately owned jet, Damen finally broke the silence by
asking, “Whose is this?”

“It’s mine, I just got it two days ago,”
Chuck replied. Damen sat in a seat that resembled a couch,
contouring his bottom and back to it, reacting as if the couch was
giving him a hug. “You see, while you were missing, I became
worried about you. At that point I decided to call my son, that’s
when I discovered my phone was dead. As soon as I got it repaired,
I called John and talked to him about you. I was so nervous over
the phone, that my tears began to muzzle my words,” Chuck explained
with a smile. “Well, my son decided to come over and talk to me
privately. After a few days, we made up. So, in return, he gave me
his jet and told me to go find you. I mean, I told him I could
easily buy a plane ticket, but he insisted on me having his
jet.”

Damen lay his head back and looked at the
ceiling of the jet, hearing Chuck adding, “John told me he would
take us both out for coffee after he finishes his movie. I didn’t
realize how busy he really was, until I actually began talking to
him.”

The jet started trembling its body vividly,
slowly moving down the runway, getting ready for takeoff. Damen
turned to Chuck, watched him as he was sitting in a seat across
from him, and spoke with lowness, “I want to go home, Chuck. I want
to go back to Ridge Crest ... now.”

Chuck’s arduous quest to avoid the
conversation of Ridge Crest was fatiguing and depressing Damen. To
change the subject, Chuck put on a smile, and mentioned, “Hey, I
got John to sign his autograph for you, I told him you were his
number one fan.”

Chuck took out the autograph and showed it to
him. But Damen whacked it out of his hand, and yelled with
aggravation, “Chuck, I don’t care about a stupid autograph, I want
to go home.”

A flight attendant came up to them and asked
if they would please fasten their seat belts. After she left, Chuck
gazed his old eyes at Damen’s sad ones, and questioned, “Listen to
me, Damen, why do want to go home?”

“Because everything is over. It’s over. I
came to California to become famous, and I realize now that I
can’t. So, my journey is completed and I want to go home,” Damen
replied, feeling the jet beginning to go fast down the runway. “I’m
worthless, Chuck, I’m just a person that could only get zit
commercials to do. I’m a failure.” Suddenly Damen started crying,
not wanting to say his next words, but knowing he had to. “It was a
pipe dream, I should have known, I was so stupid, so stupid, I
actually thought that I could make something of myself, there, in
California. But I guess I was wrong, I should have known, I
shouldn’t have been that stupid to think that a boy, from
Mississippi, could be a movie star, let alone a celebrity. I mean,
Chuck, I’ve dreamed about this moment, all of my life, and what I
do with it? I go to New York, find my girlfriend kissing my
best-friend and then breaking up with her, and then having my
ex-best-friend ditching me and taking my part in my movie, that I
have dreamt about for so long. I’ve waited, dreamed, craved, wanted
this ambition, this stupid, dreaming ambition, so bad, and it hurts
to know now, that I was only a fool for coming to that place.”

He stopped his tears for a moment, feeling
the plane taking off, leaving the ground, and looking out the
window to see the land below him. “Chuck, I always feared this. I
mean, I always feared this moment, but I never thought it would
come, you know? I never, in my life, thought that I would actually
see it become reality. But now, it happened, everything happened to
me, that, I guess, was supposed to happen, and now I want to leave
and go back home to Ridge Crest, because I think God already proved
his point to me.” He paused, it was so hard to get out; his tears
started to fall again, but he still went on. “I guess I was
destined to leave my home, lose my friend, and probably lose my
other friend, only to see this moment, and learn the hard way,
realizing that I wasn’t strong enough, mentally, capable of having
this strength you need to be a famous actor, like I dreamed of. And
that is so difficult to comprehend; it is so fucking painful to see
that I wasn’t worthy of being there, with the stars of Hollywood,
with the great actors of America, and enjoy that one moment, of me
feeling prosperous for the first time in my life. I just want to
leave, Chuck, I don’t like this dream anymore, I hate it, but yet,
I still love it. I guess, I guess I wanted to prove that saying
wrong that my father made up. ‘You can’t have everything and be
happy too.’ Oh, who am I kidding? I’m a loser, like Vivian said.
I’m a failure who could only get zit commercials.”

Chuck saw him pausing again, wiping his own
tears away, and that was when Chuck jumped in, saying with
strictness, saying with passion, “No, you’re not. Damen, before I
met you, I was a failure, I failed at everything. My career, my
life, and even my own relationship with my son failed. You made
that all go away. You made me want to become an agent, because I
knew you would be famous. You made me see that life is really made
up of dreams, and ambitions. You made me see the love you had, or
still have, toward acting. Damen, if it wasn’t for you, I would
have never called my son, and I would have never made up with him.
I owe you for that, and that’s why I’m not going to allow you to go
back home. Who cares that you lost the star role in a movie, and
who cares if your friends are beating you at this game. The thing
to care about is your ambition, and that’s something I know you
care a lot about.”

“Chuck, I have nothing. Do you realize that?
I have nothing to want anymore. This dream, or whatever you call
it, has been a pain in my ass ever since I began to follow it,” he
announced with anger.

“Yeah, but you still have to keep on
following it. Damen, you still have your friends, Vivian, and me in
your life. All that was because of your dream,” Chuck stated before
Damen interrupted him.

“Chuck, didn’t you catch on, I thought I told
you already that we broke up. Did you know that Vivian has been
cheating on me with Jose and some Mike guy? So, I don’t have Jose
as a friend anymore, and Vivian is out of my life. Did you know
that I hate the thought of fame right now?” Damen yelled.

Chuck paused, stared him straight in the
eyes, and spoke calmly, “Yes, I realize that. But I didn’t know
about Jose or Vivian. Damen, you still have me and Darell.”

“Darell, yeah right, Darell is someone that I
don’t know anymore. Darell didn’t talk to me like he used to when
he got back from England, or even before that. He changed the
moment he left to make his first movie,” he shouted; the attendant
looked at him, while she was sitting in the back of the jet’s
cabin, in a strange way. “You know what I wanted, more than
anything in life? I wanted my father to be proud of me, to see me
in Hollywood, with the stars, and to see me with the Oscar, and say
with proudness, ‘hey, that’s my boy.’ Chuck, I don’t have shit
right now!”

“Okay, but you still have me as your agent.”
Chuck tried his hardest to make Damen want to go back to
California, trying to find any piece of hope that was hiding in the
back of Damen’s mind and grabbing onto it before it died. “And I’m
proud of you.”

“Chuck, the only thing you got me in was a
zit commercial, but I thank you for doing that. Listen, it’s over
for me with Hollywood. I’m sorry, but I guess I’m not as strong as
you thought,” Damen announced in a medium tone.

“What? Damen, you are strong. You’re the
strongest little shit that I’ve ever seen,” he shouted with a small
smile. “Damen, if you go back to Ridge Crest, you’re going to allow
Hollywood to beat you. Listen, I know you’re a kind and gentle
person. But, I know damn well that you’ve changed to being a much
stronger individual. Tell me, Damen, what did you do when you found
out Vivian was cheating on you with Jose?” asked Chuck.

“I punched Jose’s lights out.” Damen crunched
his fists together and imagined he was punching Jose again, wishing
he could reenact that moment all over.

“Now, tell me the truth, before you came to
Hollywood, or California, would you of ever punched Jose for
messing around with your girlfriend?”

“I don’t understand, what do you mean?”

“Well, let’s say you were dating a girl back
home, and one day you found out Jose was messing around with her.
Would you have ever punched him like you did?”

Damen thought about the question and tried to
visualize the situation again, but before they came to Hollywood.
“No, I wouldn’t have.”

“You see, Hollywood has helped you realize to
stand up for yourself. Listen, how about this, you give me and
Hollywood one more chance to prove to you that we want you in our
lives, and that we want you to make it famous? Will you give us
that chance?” Chuck questioned in a serious voice, picking up his
cane and walking over to Damen. He sat down next to him and watched
as he started to think about it, seeing his tear-drenched eyes
twirling around his sockets.