Suicide Forest (19 page)

“Have you seen him since you’ve been in
Japan?” I asked.

“No.”

“Never?”

“No.”

“Don’t you think you should have at least
said something to me about this history between you two?”

“Please, Ethan, like you ever told me
anything about Shelly and you.”

“There’s nothing going on!” I snapped.
“Nothing!”

“And there’s nothing going on between John
and I.”

“He’s here now, Mel. He’s fucking camping
with us. Do you see Shelly anywhere?”

“I can’t be friends with my ex’s?”

“You could have told me we were going to be
spending the weekend with one of them.”

“Well, now you know.” She stood. “I’m going
to get more tea.”

“Wait—I want to talk about this.”

“I don’t, Ethan. I need time to think things
over.”

My chest tightened.
Think things
over?
I didn’t like the sound of that. It sounded like
something you say when you’re contemplating breaking up.

“Think what over?” I asked.

“Things, Ethan. Things.”

She left.

I
remained where I
was, trying to make sense of what Mel had told me. So she and John
Scott had gotten together. I didn’t like it, but whatever. It
happened in the past. But why had she invited him to climb Mt.
Fuji? And why hadn’t she told me about her history with him? Why
the secrecy? Was this her way of getting back at me? She had known
about Shelly’s messages for a while now. She’d suspected, albeit
erroneously, that a spark had rekindled between us. So when John
Scott had called her up, looking for something to do in Tokyo, had
she invited him to climb Fuji with the sole intent of making me
jealous? Had she kept silent about their history, knowing I would
inevitably find out? Had she, in fact, gotten in touch with
him
, not the other way around?

Talk about some sick twisted shit.

Was Mel really capable of that?

And what the hell was that pseudo threat of
breaking up all about? No way she could be serious. It was a bluff,
a phase. After all, it wasn’t as though she’d caught Shelly and me
in bed together. That might have been a cause for something as
drastic as breaking up. This was just a couple text messages, a
misunderstanding.

Well, screw it
, I thought. If Mel
wanted to prance around with John Scott to make me jealous, fine.
If she wanted to threaten breaking up to make a point, fine. I
wasn’t going to get sucked into these stupid games.

In the distance I caught a flash of Nina’s
yellow jacket among the green foliage. She saw me and waved. I
waved back. She came over and sat on the rock Mel had been sitting
on. Her face was flushed and she was breathing hard, from anger or
exertion I wasn’t sure.

“Ben is gone,” she said, shaking her head.
“Did you hear?”

“Was he in your tent when you went to sleep
last night?”

“Yes, he was there. He wanted to talk, talk,
talk, about nothing. I was tired. I told him this. He got restless
and left the tent. I went to sleep.”

“What time was that?”

“An hour after you left me. Why, Ethan?”

“I thought I heard someone walking around
outside the tents last night.”

“So?”

“So nothing. I’m just trying to piece things
together.”

“Who was it?”

“If not Ben, I’m guessing someone who needed
to relieve themselves.”

“Relieve?”

“Go pee.”

“Oh. You know what I am worried about? I am
worried Ben got lost.”

“He must have gone pretty far,” I admitted.
“I mean, if he can’t hear you calling his name.”

“Yes, that, or he could not find his way
back and just went to sleep somewhere. Do you think he is sleeping
right now?”

“Could be,” I said. It was a better
alternative than lying in one of those lava craters with a cracked
skull. “I’m guessing you’ve tried ringing him?”

“I do not have a phone.”

“Why not?”

“I have one at home, but I did not bring it
with me. It is too expensive to use when you travel.”

“So you don’t have Ben’s number?”

“He does not have a phone either.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“I want to find him, of course.”

“Maybe he went to the parking lot?”

She frowned. “The parking lot?”

“If the forest was tripping him out, he
might have wanted to get clear of it, get in the open.”

“Without telling me?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“No, I think he is lost,” she said firmly.
“We must wait for him to come back.”

“And what if he doesn’t come back?”

“He will. He is probably just sleeping. You
will see.”

Back
at the camp
Mel was already dismantling our tent. Neil was still reading his
book, while Tomo had dozed off. John Scott was sitting up on the
patch of ground where he’d slept, smoking a cigarette. I had to
resist the urge to say something to him about Mel and him. It would
be a sign of weakness, a concession I saw him as a threat. He’d
likely get off on that; it would feed his alpha male complex.

“How late were you up last night?” I asked
him instead.

“Late.”

“Did you see Ben around?”

“Nope. What’s going on?”

“He is missing,” Nina said, placing her
hands on her hips. It was a confrontational pose, almost as if she
were blaming John Scott.

I was liking her more and more by the
minute.

“He’s fine,” John Scott said.

“You think so?” she said with an edge.

“Yeah.”

“You know, it is your fault he is missing.
You could at least pretend to be concerned.”

“I’m not his babysitter. If he can’t
handle—”

“Oh, just shut your mouth.” Nina turned to
the others. “He does not have a phone, so we cannot contact him. I
am going to wait here until he returns. You may all do what you
wish.”

“I still want to go check out that body,”
John Scott said. “Tomo was too chicken shit to do it last
night.”

“I was too drunk,” Tomo said without opening
his eyes.

“What about now?”

“Yeah, man, let’s do it.”

“Neil?” John Scott asked.

“I’ll live vicariously through your
description.”

I didn’t feel I was in a position to speak
for Mel right then, so I simply looked at her. She continued to
dismantle the tent in silence.

“Mel?” I said.

“Yes?”

“Stay or leave?”

“Of course we’ll stay until Ben returns,”
she said. “We can’t leave Nina here by herself.”

After
we finished
dismantling the tents and packing our stuff, we sat in a circle for
breakfast, which was leftovers from the previous night’s dinner.
Given everyone’s slim pickings, we decided to pool the food
together, then divide it up amongst all of us. In total we had a
bag of grapes, some nuts, dried fruit, a browning banana, and two
packages of instant noodles, only we no longer had any water in
which to boil them. I created seven portions, setting aside Ben’s.
Neil, however, said he wasn’t hungry, so we divvied his up as
well.

“Too bad you left your food at the ant
site,” John Scott said to me.

“We’ll pick it up on the way back.”

“If the ants didn’t eat it all.”

They wouldn’t have. I hadn’t left anything
open; it had all been packaged. Still, I didn’t bother telling John
Scott this.

I couldn’t stop picturing the fucker and my
girlfriend in bed together.

While we were eating, Neil disappeared into
the forest, returning five minutes later.

“You just shit, man?” Tomo said.

“You’re bloody vulgar, aren’t you?” Neil
replied, turning red.

“You have…” He made a farting noise.

“Come on, Tomo,” I said. “We’re eating.”

“How you say? Diareema?”

“The shits,” John Scott said.

“My stomach is upset, yes,” Neil said.

“Told you that fish smelled nasty,
dude.”

“It wasn’t the fish. Kaori wouldn’t have
given me bad fish.”

“Yeah, you right,” Tomo said. “Probably the
bottled water.”

Neil scowled. Color had risen to his cheeks
again, this time in irritation rather than embarrassment. He was
about to snap.

“So what’s the plan?” I said, changing
topics. “Should we start looking for Ben?”

“What’s the point?” John Scott said. “If he
can’t hear us shouting from here, then he’s too far away for us to
find regardless.”

“He might be injured,” I said.

“If he was, and within a potential search
parameter, he would still be able hear us.”

“Not if he’s unconscious.” I glanced at
Nina, then at each of the others, making sure I had their
attention. “He was gone when we woke up, which means he left
sometime during the night or early morning. He might have slipped
and hit his head on a rock…or fallen into one of those big
craters.”

“Whoa, slow down,” John Scott said. “If we
start wandering around aimlessly, we’re likely going to get lost
ourselves.”

“We won’t go far,” I told him, getting
pissed off he was arguing with me. “But we have to do
something.”

“When?” Nina asked.

“Now. There’s no point putting it off.”

“And what if we don’t find him?” Mel
asked.

I looked at Nina. It was her call.

“Then we wait here,” she said. “If he does
not return by lunchtime, then we head back to the parking lot.”

John Scott shook his head. Everyone else,
however, seemed okay with the plan.

I said, “I think we should search in pairs.
How about John Scott and Tomo, Nina and Neil, Mel and me?”

“I’ll go with Neil,” Mel said pointedly.

I looked at her. She looked away.

I shrugged. “Okay. Mel and Neil. Nina and
me.”

“I think Tomo and me will follow the string
to the body,” John Scott said, standing. “Who knows? Maybe Ben
wanted to go back and see it for some reason.”

“Why would he want to do that?” I said.
“It’s what tripped him out in the first place.”

“Maybe once he sobered up he wanted to see
what all the fuss was about.”

I didn’t want to concede to the prick,
especially when I knew he only wanted to visit the body to assuage
his own curiosity, but he had a valid point. Ben might have
returned there.

We got to our feet, paired up, and began
spreading out.

Nina
and I went in
the opposite direction she had gone earlier. We walked mostly in
silence, focusing on searching for signs of Ben’s passage. Then,
suddenly, she tripped on a rock, stumbling forward. I grabbed her
by the waist, preventing her from toppling over.

“You okay?” I said.

“Yes, thank you. I was not paying
attention.”

We began walking again.

I said, “I’m sure Ben’s okay.”

“I am sure too.”

“Even if we don’t find him, the police will
put together a search party. They’ll find him. This isn’t
Yellowstone Park.”

“Where the bear Yogi lives?”

“That’s Jellystone.”

“You know,” she said, “I feel bad—”

“He’ll be fine—”

“No, you do not understand.” She frowned.
“You see, I think he loves me.”

I looked at her. “That’s a bad thing?”

“I do not love him back.”

“Oh.”

“I know, I know. That is not nice thing for
me to say, especially with him missing, but it is true. It is why I
feel bad, because I am thinking like this, now, when I should be
worried for him.”

I didn’t say anything.

“You know,” Nina went on, “I was not sure I
wanted him to come with me to Japan. But he did. He insisted. I
thought why not. Better than being alone. But maybe I was wrong. I
like being alone.”

“Where are you going next?”

“After Japan? The United States, your
country.”

“You’ve never been?”

“No.”

“You should visit Wisconsin.”

“That is where you are from?”

“Yes—no. It’s where I’m from, yes, but you
don’t need to visit. I was joking. There’s not much to do
there.”

“It is peaceful?”

“Quiet.”

“Ah, that is what I am looking for!
Remember, I told you I am searching for a place to meditate. You
should come with me, Ethan. We will live together.”

I looked at her again. She was brutally
blunt.

“So what do you think?” she pressed.

I shook my head. I didn’t know what else to
do.

“Do not be shy,” she said.

“I’m not shy. You’re just—I don’t know.”

“I am what?”

“Is Ben going to the US too?” I asked.

“He cannot.”

“Why not?”

“He has not completed his service in the
military. We both finished our three years around the same time,
but he has to do an extra nine months because he is an
officer.”

“You were in the military too?”

“Yes, in Israel, both men and woman have to
serve.”

“That’s nuts.”

“We are a small country, in a part of the
world where not many other countries like us. We do what we can to
survive. Women have served in the military since before the
Palestine War.”

“What did you do—your role or whatever?”

“I was part of the Border Guard.”

“Like the Border Patrol in the US?”

“Do they protect against terrorists?”

“More like illegal immigrants.”

“Then I do not think they are similar.”

“Have you ever shot anyone?”

“No, but I am trained to use machine guns,
grenades, mortars, anything. So do not mess with me, Ethan.”

“And you have a mean karate chop.”

“That is right.”

I tried picturing Nina in military uniform
with a machine gun, and for some reason the image came easily.
Perhaps it was her headstrong personality—

Mel screamed.

The sound iced the marrow in my bones
because it wasn’t a scream of surprise or alarm.