Summer of Love (23 page)

‘I’m not moping.’ Lily shot her a glare from under her brows that sort of negated her words. ‘And you’re just trying to get me out of the dress before I stain it.’

‘Not entirely unreasonable,’ Cora said. ‘After all, the wedding’s in less than two weeks. You ruin the dress and you’re walking up the aisle in nothing but your fancy knickers.’

‘Maybe that would prove to Alex I’m not wife material.’ Lily took a glug of her tea, and a drop clung perilously to the rim of the mug before falling harmlessly to the table. Cora grabbed a napkin and mopped it up before Lily could lean on it.

Lily’s words registered, finally. ‘He asked you to marry him?’ The utter, utter idiot. Did he know nothing? Was he so damn determined to have his perfect, settled down life that he had lost all common sense?

‘Worse,’ Lily said, sounding utterly miserable. ‘He told me he loved me.’

Cora paused before responding. She loved Lily dearly, really she did. But sometimes, she was blind to the real world in a way that drove Cora crazy.

‘And this surprised you?’

Lily’s head jerked up. ‘Of course it did! We agreed, just a fling.’

‘Lil, you’ve spent every moment with the guy for the last month. I’ve never seen either of you smile as much as you have since you got together. You’re both helping the other realize their dreams and become the people they want to be. Of course he was going to fall in love with you!’ She’d thought, when he moved home, that Alex was trying to live out a fantasy, a dream that would never stick, just because it was what his dad wanted. But watching him, over the last few months, she’d known she was wrong. Especially when she saw him with Lily.

This was it for Alex. His dream, right before him. And Lily had thrown it back in his face.

‘You warned me, I know. Feel free to carry on with the “I Told You So” medley.’ Lily waved a hand at her that came alarmingly close to knocking over the tea.

‘I warned you that Alex was falling in love with you, yes,’ Cora said, leaning across and moving the mug. Then she took Lily’s hands in her own until her friend looked up at her. ‘But I didn’t tell you that I thought you were falling in love with him, too.’

Lily’s face flared briefly to the colour of her bridesmaid dress, then faded to a greyish white. Grabbing her mug, she slopped tea over the edge. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

Cora mopped up the tea. Again. At least this was good practice for becoming a mother, she supposed. Offering advice to sulking teens and cleaning up after messy toddlers, all in one sitting. ‘Yes, you do. That’s why you’re looking so scared right now.’

‘I’m not scared!’

‘Of course you are,’ Cora said in her most reasonable
don’t bother arguing with me
voice. ‘Because love is scary. That’s the point.’

‘I think you’re mistaking a revived crush for something deeper.’ Lily stuck her finger in a drop of tea Cora had missed and started drawing patterns on the Formica. Cora resisted the urge to smack her hand.

‘Lily, if this was just about a crush you had when you were fourteen, you’d have dropped it the moment he kissed you. And you’d certainly never have spent as much time together since.’

‘I told you, I’m not doing love any more. And I’m certainly not doing marriage.’

‘So I heard.’

‘I just want to be me again, for once. Is that so much to ask?’

‘And what makes you think Alex wants you to be any less than what you are?’

‘Because that’s what relationships are! They’re compromise, and keeping someone else happy, and always being the sort of person they expect you to be, someone who conforms to keep the peace. And I’ve had seven years of that, and I don’t want it any more. For God’s sake, it was Alex who told me to get the hell out of that position!’

‘Exactly. So why would he want to put you back in it?’

Lily sighed. ‘Maybe he wouldn’t. But it would happen all the same. You can’t tell me you’re exactly the same person you were when you met Rhys.’

Cora thought about it. Thought about who she’d been, and who she was, and what made her happiest. ‘No,’ she said slowly. ‘I’m not.’

‘So you concede my point?’

Cora shook her head, smiling a little sadly. ‘No, Lily. Because the person I am now is so much more than the person I was before I had Rhys. Yes, people change. But the key is to change
together
. And I know that together, Rhys and I are going to spend the rest of our lives becoming the people we were meant to be, because we have each other to lean on.’

As her friend stared at her in silence, Cora realized that, for once, Lily didn’t have a comeback for that one. Wiping a napkin over Lily’s tea doodles, she said, ‘Come on, let’s get back to the shop before the assistant phones the police to say we’ve run off with one of their dresses.’ And before Lily tipped tea over herself in shock. Cora couldn’t help but think they’d dodged that bullet long enough.

The fact that Lily followed without arguing gave Cora hope. Maybe what she’d said had got through to her. Maybe there was hope for her and Alex after all.

* * * *

Alex cursed under his breath as he started the long walk up the hill back to his cottage. It had been perfectly sensible not to bring the car when he was planning to drink champagne and get tipsy with Lily before dragging her home with him, hopefully into bed. But now it was just another stupid thing he’d done today.

How had it even happened? One moment he’d been admiring the beautiful curves and lines of her body in that corset. The next… Shaking his head, Alex decided to blame the dress, and therefore, by extension, the woman who had chosen it. Cora. If she hadn’t been filling his head with thoughts of forever lately, he’d never have said those bloody words to Lily. Or any woman.

Maybe he’d been wrong about it being time to settle down and get married. He’d always assumed that, when he was ready, the right woman would come along. And everything seemed to be going to plan – the cottage, the photography, the studio at the Mill. Lily.

Except Lily wasn’t the right woman. She didn’t want to get married and, now more than ever, he knew for certain that she didn’t love him.

He’d felt it, that look of shock and horror on her face as he’d said the words. Felt it hitting against his chest bone, attacking his heart. Felt the disappointment clattering around inside his rib cage.

So, so stupid. And far too late now. Even he, in his optimistic, everything-will-come-together, we’ll-worry-about-it-later mind-set couldn’t see a way back from this one.

It was later. And he was screwed.

Finally, he crested the hill and came to the edge of the village, his cottage in sight. Squinting, he tried to read the registration plate of the car parked outside. Not Lily’s, anyway, which was all that really mattered. This one was silver, generic, nothing at all like the woman he wasn’t supposed to love.

In the end, he recognized the figure sitting on his doorstep before he identified the car.

‘Gareth?’ Alex let the gate clatter behind him, and stared at his brother. ‘Everything okay?’

‘You know, I never really thought you’d do it. Settle down to this chocolate box cottage lifestyle, I mean.’ Gareth waved an almost empty beer bottle around his head, encompassing Alex’s not-yet-dealt-with garden and peeling front door in the movement. ‘Give up the city, and the women, and the money. The lifestyle.’

‘It grew old,’ Alex said, taking a cautious step closer. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Gareth drunk. His stag do, maybe. Della didn’t like it when he drank. Said he regressed to about fifteen. ‘I’m sure you understand that. Della not with you?’

‘Not ever again,’ Gareth said, a hard, bitter note in his voice. ‘Finally rid of the hag.’ He tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a sob. ‘We should celebrate! Go down the pub or –’ Alex watched as his brother collapsed back against the door, tears rolling down his cheeks. ‘She kicked me out, Al. Says it’s over. I don’t know… I don’t know what to do.’

Alex thought of Lily, running out of the shop still in her bridesmaid dress. ‘Trust me. You’re not the only one.’ Hefting an arm under Gareth’s shoulders, he pulled him up enough to get to the lock, and fished his key out of his pocket. ‘Come on. I need one of those beers if this day is going to keep screwing both of us over.’

Alex waited until they both had fresh drinks, and Gareth was safely ensconced on the big, comfy sofa, before settling into his armchair and asking, ‘Okay, so what’s going on? You and Della had a fight? One you think it’s going to take diamonds to resolve? Because if you’re looking for a loan –’

‘It wasn’t a fight.’ Alex had never seen his brother look so defeated, so uncertain. Gareth was always the one that made decisions, who moved forward, who kept things going. But now he looked… broken. Beaten.

‘Then what?’ Because none of this made any sense. Gareth and Della… They were rock solid. They were the couple every other couple aspired to be. Hell, they were half the reason why Alex had decided to come and settle down, finally. He wanted what Gareth had. That companionship, support. Love.

Of course, he’d probably be having better luck if he didn’t want it from Lily Thomas.

‘I told you,’ Gareth said, looking up for the first time since he entered the house. ‘She says it’s over.’

Alex met his brother’s gaze with his own and felt a chill run through him. Gareth’s eyes were cold, dead, his face an utter blank. This wasn’t a row about the dishes, a drunken night on his brother’s sofa, and rowdy make-up sex the next day while the kids were at Della’s parents. Alex had seen that with Gareth and Della before, especially in the first few years. Then, as the babies got older, they’d grown more stable, more settled.

Until now.

‘But… why? She loves you. You love her. You have two kids together, for Christ’s sake. What the hell is she thinking?’

Gareth took a long swig from his beer, then set the bottle down on the coffee table. ‘She said she woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and didn’t recognize the person looking back. And worse than that, she didn’t want to. She says she can’t live like that.’

Lily had said that marriage changes people. Even if they don’t mean it to. And for the first time, Alex started to believe she might be right. That either you stayed exactly the same, to keep the person you married happy, or you changed until they didn’t love you any more. Frustration or abandonment. Were they really the only options?

‘But still,’ he said, clinging to some hope. ‘What you two have… Not everyone gets that. It’s got to be worth fighting for, right?’

Gareth just shrugged. ‘The thing is, Al, she’s right. I’m the same. I can’t remember whether I like olives or not.’

Okay, now that one had to be the beer, right? ‘Sorry? I’m not seeing where the olives fit in.’

‘It’s like this.’ Gareth leant forward, an earnest seriousness on his face, as if he were about to impart a great wisdom of the age. ‘I’ve been thinking about it while I was sitting on your doorstep, waiting for you. When I was younger, right, before I met Della, I knew who I was. I knew what I liked, what I disliked. What I wanted out of life. But now…’ He shook his head. ‘It’s all muddled. I can’t remember which are things I like, or want, and which are things Della wants me to like or want. I’ve lost track of who I am.’

Like Lily would have done if she’d married Edward. He’d thought she was wrong, that she would have fought it whatever. But if it could happen to Gareth and Della, people who actually loved and understood each other, who’d known the person they were marrying…
It could happen to me
, Alex realized. To him and Lily.

He shook his head, trying to make his world round again. It felt like everything he knew had stretched out, then snapped back into place, the same but different. Just this morning, he’d been so sure about the world. But now… No. This wasn’t about him and Lily. This was about Gareth and Della, and helping his brother win back the woman he loved.

Except, Gareth didn’t sound like a man planning to go down fighting. ‘So… wait. You’re not trying to get her back?’

‘What’s the point?’ Gareth asked, and lifted his bottle to his mouth again. ‘She’s right.’

‘But… you love each other. You want to be together.’

‘We did. And of course I still love her. But… We haven’t been happy together in a long time, Al. And sometimes the best thing is to admit defeat and live to fight another day.’

No. No, no no. This was wrong. This wasn’t Gareth talking. This wasn’t the man who’d proposed in front of his entire family at his twenty-first birthday dinner, then waited for long moments, visibly nervous, while Della chewed her steak before she answered.

‘What about the kids?’

‘They’ll be better off with two happy parents who live apart than two miserable ones together.’

‘It’s really that bad?’ Alex slumped down in his chair, and tried to remember the last time he’d seen the whole family together. Usually it had been him, Gareth and the boys. That probably should have been a sign.

‘It really is.’ Gareth sighed. ‘I don’t know. Della’s saying trial separation, and there are a million things we need to talk about. But yeah. I think it’s really over.’

Alex let that sink in for a moment. ‘Well. Okay then. You want to stay here for a while?’

‘Yeah.’ Gareth tried for a smile, but it looked false and sad on his face. ‘We can have all those cool bachelor times I missed out on by getting married at twenty-two.’

‘It’ll be fun,’ Alex said, knowing it sounded like the lie it was. Because that was what he’d moved to Felinfach to get away from. He’d done the bachelor life for long enough. Now was his time to settle down, marry a girl who adored him. That had been the plan, until Lily ran out on him this morning.

Except, now he was starting to think maybe he’d had a lucky escape.

Chapter Sixteen

‘I did the right thing,’ Lily told herself as she caught sight of her reflection in one of the many mirrors dotted around Tiger Lily Jewellery. They were supposed to reflect light, and shine, and sparkle, making her rings and bracelets and pendants irresistible to the off-the-street buyer. But for the past three days, all they’d done was reflect Lily’s own doubts and misery back at her.