Summer of Love (17 page)

When Helen and Andrew met again on the rock three days later, both had
flutters of shyness. They kissed timidly and then sat down side-by-side to
their little banquet.

    
"That was rather sneaky of you to hide the books in the clachan, Andrew,
without telling me."

    
He smiled happily. "I wanted to surprise you. Who found them?"

    
"Father found them, and mother brought several up to the shielings
yesterday. When did you put them there?"

    
"About ten days ago. I was beginning to wonder if they would ever be
found."

    
"But how did you do it? The men started repairing the cottages before
then."

    
"I got there at dawn, before anybody was around."

    
"Betty was thrilled. She guessed immediately that they hadn’t been
forgotten by the soldiers, but that you put them there."

    
"Do your father and mother know also?" he asked alarmed.

    
"No, I don’t think so. Betty promised not to tell."

    
Andrew gave a sigh of relief and then mused: "She’s a sweet girl. She
always makes such an inquisitive face… I’ve often wished I had a sister. But
then I didn’t have a brother either, nor a mother or a father." A frown
darkened his face for a moment.

    
Helen reached out to touch his arm. Their eyes met.

    
"You’re all I have, Helen," he murmured, and then suddenly grabbed her.
"I want to hold you forever."

    
She melted into his tight embrace, their lips warm on each other. Their
foreheads touching, they held each other’s eyes for a long time. She didn’t
want him to let go. "I love you too, Andrew," she whispered.

    
After trading peckish kisses, he exclaimed: "Look, there’s still all that
food left that I brought for you."

    
"Yes, you seem to want to fatten me up. There’s enough for three here."

    
"Yes, you’re still skinny. I can feel your bones." His hands traveled and
down her back, exploring her spine.

    
"I’m not skinny."

    
"No, you’re not. You’re beautiful."

    
She raised her face to him and her eyes sparkled.

    
After they had finished the last honey biscuit, Helen said: "I need to check
on my goats."

    
"I’ll come with you."

    
"I’ll race you down," she laughed and dashed off, Andrew close behind.
At the bottom of the path he caught up with her, trying to kiss her. Giggling,
she wiggled out of his grasp and ran off again, only to let herself be caught,
responding eagerly to his kisses.

    
Suddenly, she pointed to the sky, exclaiming: "Look!" and when Andrew
looked, she darted off again, laughing loudly, dodging him, until out-of-breath they both slumped onto a patch of soft grass.

    
"I got you now," he murmured, lying partially on top of her.

    
"You’ve got me forever, Andrew," she replied and put her arms around
his neck, pulling him down. They rubbed noses and then their lips met,
gentle pressure, opening slightly, exploring, their tongues touching timidly,
and then ever more passionately.

 * * *

Betty could hardly contain her excitement when she saw Andrew and Helen
kiss. It was like in the book mother had brought up to the shielings, except
this was for real. Helen must be so happy. She wished her sister would talk
to her about it. And then she remembered again why she had been sent to the
ridge. If she told, mother wouldn’t let Helen go back to the lochan. Maybe
she shouldn’t tell her that they kissed, just that they met. She was in
turmoil—the obedient daughter in her needing to tell the truth, the sister
wanting to protect Helen. For a long time her feelings were seesawing back
and forth. She didn’t know what to do.

    
She put her head into her arms, closing her eyes, trying to come to a conclusion. When she looked up again, she saw Helen and Andrew chase each
other in the heath. For a moment, she thought it looked silly. She had never
seen two adults play like children. But then she noticed that they let
themselves be caught again and again to steal a quick kiss, and she understood that this was their game of happiness. Suddenly, she wished that she
would one day fancy a young man like Andrew who would play such games
with her, and she knew at that moment that she couldn’t betray her sister.

    
So, getting back to the shielings later than usual, she again reported that
Helen had been alone all morning, as on the previous two days. She was glad
when her mother told her that she did not have to go up there anymore.

    
That night, when Betty and Helen were lying close to each other on their
straw mattress after their little brother was asleep and the adults were still
talking outside the hut, enjoying the unusually balmy evening air, she
whispered: "Helen, mother made me spy on you."

    
Her sister sucked in her breath. "When?"

    
"The last three days… I saw you today."

    
"You didn't tell mother, did you?"

    
She could feel her sister’s heart beating suddenly faster. "No, I said you
were alone all morning. She said I needn’t do it again. I think she believed
me."

    
Helen hugged her fervently. "Oh my dear little sister, I love you. Thank
you."

    
"I saw you kiss."

    
Helen did not answer, just held her closer.

    
"Do you love Andrew?"

    
"Yes."

    
"Has he told you he loves you?"

    
"Yes, he has."

    
Betty hoped that her sister would tell her more, but she simply whispered:
"I’m so happy."

    
"Will you tell mother?"

    
"Not yet."

    
"Why?"

    
"She told me to stay away from people of the castle. She doesn’t trust
them. She’ll forbid me to see him again."

    
"But when will you tell her?"

    
"When things have settled down. Maybe next year. Please, don’t tell on
me."

    
"I won’t."

    
Helen hugged her again. They remained quiet for a while.

    
"Helen, how is it to be kissed?"

    
"You’ll find out yourself one day, Betty."

 * * *

Helen and Andrew always met first on the rock, but were invariably drawn
to the heath, lying in the grass, hugging, kissing, whispering endearments
into each other’s ears, sometimes on their backs, watching the ever present
white or billowing gray clouds float past, talking, sometimes side-by-side,
locking eyes, gently stroking each other. Innocent lovers, just content to be
close.

    
Short as their meetings were—Andrew could not be absent for more than
a few hours and even these started to raise questions at the castle—they filled
their whole life.

    
Helen now always brought something of their banquets to Betty, a biscuit,
a piece of sausage, or cheese. It wasn’t only to make her even more an
accomplice, but she also felt bad to have all that wonderful food while her
dear little sister had to live on a diet of oats.

 * * *

Helen visibly blossomed. She grew beautiful. There was a radiance about
her. People noticed. One of the older women made a remark to Mary,
wondering what had got into the lass.

    
The girl reminded her of the time, years back, when she had lived at the
castle in Inveraray and had been madly in love herself. She was also sure that
the object of Helen’s love couldn’t be one of the two young men of their
little clan. When they came back to the shielings after working on the
cottages, Helen barely ever looked at them, ignoring their attempts to attract
her attention. So the object of her love must be that visitor. And she was
more and more convinced that this man was still visiting her regularly,
despite Betty’s reports to the contrary and her husband’s claim that nobody
had been seen riding into the mountains these last two weeks. The suspicion
that Betty might have lied to protect Helen crossed her mind. She always saw
them together most evenings, often whispering.

    
So one morning, in the middle of August, she climbed herself to the ridge
above the lochan. She spotted the goats first. They were grazing at the back
of the glen. Helen was nowhere in sight. After searching for several minutes,
she decided to go down to the lochan. As she neared the shore, she saw
Helen on a flat rock at the edge of the water drying herself in the sun, her hair
still wet. She had not seen her daughter naked for many years. She admired
her youthful womanly body. If she felt that safe to bathe, she couldn’t expect
any visitors, or was she already intimate with him?

    
When Helen saw her, she quickly slipped on her petticoat. Mary waved
and after some hesitation, Helen waved back and came to meet her.

    
"Hello, mother, what brought you here?"

    
"It’s high time that I checked on our goats. I’ve neglected it all summer.
You took a bath?"

    
"Yes, I do it often."

    
"Aren’t you scared somebody might come?"

    
She shrugged her shoulder. "Nobody except you and father have so far."

    
"Come help me catching the goats. I want to have a look at them."

    
After inspecting all six goats, she left again.

 * * *

While her mother was with her, Helen made an effort to hide her agitation.
She had no doubt that her mother had come to spy on her. Did she suspect
Betty had lied? What would happen if she caught her with Andrew? Would
she tell father? She suddenly broke out in cold sweat. She had to warn
Andrew. Maybe they shouldn’t see each other here anymore. But where else?
… "I want to see him," she whispered. She knew it was more than simply a
wish. It had become an emotional, even physical need! They had agreed to
meet again tomorrow. What should she do? She found no answer. However,
she would be much more vigilant from now on.

    
The following morning, rather than follow her usual gradual ascent to the
lochan, she took the more direct but strenuous route over the top of the ridge.
Andrew was already on their rock, waiting. She would have liked to shout
a greeting, but cowered in tall clumps of grasses, watching the approach
from the shielings. It did not take long, and she saw her mother rapidly come
along the path. Quickly, she ran down to meet her.

    
"Why aren’t you with the goats?" her mother called out, when she saw
her.

    
"There’s a man near the lochan."

    
"Where are the goats?" her mother questioned alarmed.

    
"They are still in their shelter. I saw them from the top. I thought I would
wait there until he has left, and then I saw you and came down to warn you."
She surprised herself how calmly she could lie. "You want to come up and
see for yourself?"

    
Mary hesitated for a second or two and then said: "No. You go up there
again and wait until he is gone." She turned to leave. "Be careful, lass."

    
Did her mother swallow it? She watched her return to the huts and then
quickly scrambled up to the crest again. There she waited for about a quarter
hour, keeping an eye on the shielings. Only then did she make her descent to
the lochan. Andrew saw her scampering down and came to meet her near the
shore.