Summer Star (The Blue Phoenix Series Book 1.5) (8 page)

I head into the shadows, away from the house and Sky. My shoes crunch on dry sand as I cross the beach, striding to the edge of the wave breaks and fight the pressure in my head. The day has swung from happy relaxation with the added bonus of kissing a smart, sexy girl who likes the new me, to a yank backward to the world that holds me tight. I crave to be part of hers, but using the wrong words and not understanding why they’re wrong proves I have a long way to go.

The low tide laps at the edge of my shoes, and I stare down at the quiet water.

Fuck it. I’ll back off Sky and enjoy my freedom from shit without this constant obsession about some girl I’ve known five minutes.

Probably.

CHAPTER TEN

From the bedroom window, I catch sight of Sky walking away from the house, along the beach toward the churning sea, and a mix of guilt and desire grips. This morning I’m calmer, a deep sleep thanks to the meds has left me fuzzy headed but determined to push away the crap from yesterday. Outside this window is a new place I live with Sky.

Am I crazy? Yeah, probably but isn't this what people do on holiday? Step out of time and live a fantasy for a few days. Sky just happens to be mine.

Deciding an apology is the way to go and hoping I remember exactly how to apologise to people, I grab my hoodie and head out of the house. Grey clouds darken the sky and I can prove what a thoughtful guy I am by taking her my jacket. Chicks like that, right?

I hurry barefoot across the beach, in case Sky heads into Broadbeach and I miss her. Sky isn’t far, a couple of minutes striding across the cool sand and I reach the edge of the shore where she hovers. We’re close to each other but not as close as before, an invisible line between us after last night. Sky's eyes are wary when she notices me, but she doesn't walk away which is a good sign. I smile in what I hope is an apologetic way and hand her the hoodie

Sky takes it. “Why are you giving me this?”

“I saw you on the beach from the window and I think it’s going to rain.”

“Very chivalrous.”

“And this is an excuse to talk to you and apologise about last night. We should talk about it?”

Sky wrinkles her nose at me and I itch to reach out and touch her face, to rub my thumb across the freckles on her cheeks. They’re part of the natural girl who refuses to hide any of who she is, but hides so much we promised not to talk about. Is it time we opened up?

Sky grabs her sandals from the sand. “It doesn't matter. Forget it.”

“I didn't mean to upset you. I was upset about something and that kind of took over.”

“Really?” she says with the old Sky sarcasm.

“I shouldn't have said the stuff. About sex.”

Her lips part and she fixes me with her Sky stare. “You mean fucking? That's what summer crushes do, right?”

I tense my shoulders at her words. “Not always. I never did, mostly because I was too scared to ask.”

“Don't tell me, you were a spotty teen boy who didn't know how to talk to girls?”

I laugh at her incredulity. “No, I was too polite.”

“Right... of course, because you weren't ruled by your hormones like every other teenage boy.”

“I'm not saying I didn't do anything, just not all the way.”

“I bet you've made up for it since, with all these girls you fuck.”

Jesus, woman.
“Okay, I said I’m sorry about saying that.”

“I came for a walk to be alone.” To confirm this she shrugs on my jacket; the blue material dips half way down her legs. Why does she look so bloody sexy in my clothes?

A drop of rain slides down Sky’s forehead.

“It's raining,” I say.

“Very perceptive.”

“What's wrong?” I ask, increasingly pissed off by her ice queen attitude. “Is this all because I said stupid things last night? Or because I kissed you? Can we forget what happened and rewind?”

“To before we kissed? So it never happened?”

Talking isn't working so I touch her lips, attempting to communicate the way I did last night. “No. To the point we got home.”

“Why?”

Rain descends as if somebody switched a tap on; reminding me of a video clip Blue Phoenix made a couple of years ago. I ended up soaked to the skin and pissed off, cold after a day of being drenched. Some chick, whose name I don’t recall, warmed me up nicely later.

Blue Phoenix who I'm not thinking about, and that Dylan I’m trying to lose.

I inhale some calm. “I thought summer crushes lasted more than one evening?”

“You do more than one-night stands then?”

“Sky, what the fuck is going on? How many times do I have to say sorry? Seriously, if you don’t want me to touch you again, I won’t. But let me back in.”

“Back in where?”

“Your life. Here. This.”

Her hair and clothes soak with the rain and she wipes some away from her cheeks. “This? What is this? You're not in my life because this isn't my life. Or yours.”

“Right here and right now this is our life, and I'm pissed off if I fucked up last night. I guess I need to find a new way of relating to women.”

“Apart from seeing them all as a potential fuck you mean?”

Head spinning at her attitude, I push a hand into my short hair. “What is your obsession with fucking?”

“You're the one with the obsession! One kiss and you presume I'm going to say yes to sex with you?”

I step backward. “Wow. Just wow. I don't know what's going on here but...wow.”

“It doesn't matter. I'm just glad I didn't.”

“So am I.” Shit, wrong thing to say because her hurt pushes past the anger.
Sometimes, Sky, you can't hide
. “Not for the reason you're thinking. I told you that last night; it’s because I think sex would spoil this.”

Sky chews on a nail as we remain stuck in the wet sand, and I'm unaware of anything but wanting to rewind to last night. I want the happy, peaceful Sky whose kisses pull me away from the edge of my pain, even if only for a short time.

Sky breaks the moment by turning back to the sea and my neck prickles with irritation when she switches her attention to the ground. The waves foam across the sand and apparently, shells are more interesting than I am because she crouches down to dig them out. Ordinarily, I'd storm off, disgusted at Sky’s off-hand treatment, but I push my ego aside willing her to look back to me.

This conversation isn't over.

A wall of water catches my eye as a rogue wave sweeps through the gentler ones, heading toward an oblivious Sky. I don't have time to pull her out of the way, so I yell, “Sky! Waves!”

What follows is a scene straight from a comedy sketch. Sky loses her balance and the wave dumps its full force onto her, dragging Sky beneath the shallow water. Arms flail around; amusingly still gripping a shell, until the water draws back and a drenched Sky reappears, sitting in the sand. Laughter bursts from me, but Sky's expression confirms that was a bad mistake. She pulls herself to her feet, clothes glued to her body.

“That was fucking funny! You should see your face!” I slosh through the water and offer my hand.

“It was not! Screw you!” Sky smacks me in the chest and this physical contact is my cue. I catch Sky’s arms and pull her closer, in pretence of stopping another wave pulling her over.

Before either of us has another chance to speak, I close my palms around Sky’s damp cheeks and roughly push my mouth on hers. Sky makes a sound of surprise but doesn't turn away, and as the sea attempts to pull us apart, I keep hold of Sky’s face and part her lips with my tongue. Sky releases her tension and sinks into me as she returns my kiss with a passion that matches the temper she often shows. The taste of her drags me back to last night, to the second our mouths met - the point in time my world shifted a step away from the old one.

Restraint is pointless; Sky needs to know exactly what she does to me. I dig my fingers into her wet hair and squeeze her close; I don't register the wet material soaking my T-shirt, only the sensation of her body against me as she presses herself into my chest and holds my face in return.

Something is different here, not the holiday atmosphere or the hiding from the world, but Sky. Holding this girl in my arms is like taking hold of a part of myself that was lost. I could tell her she takes my breath away, but it's more than that. When Sky kisses me, she's the breath I need to keep going. Our mouths and bodies send the rush of desire through, but this is more than lust. Whether I leave Broadbeach today, tomorrow, in a week, I will never leave Sky behind because she's touched my life. My head can't keep up with why but my heart is certain.

I force myself to break the moment, to explain in better terms than last night. “I have never met anyone so…” Scared of saying the wrong thing, I rest my head against Sky’s. “I feel as if I’ve waited my whole life to meet you and then suddenly you’re here.”

Sky touches my cheek. “I can honestly say I've never met anyone like you, Dylan Morgan.”

The softness of her words, the new way she says Dylan Morgan, forges the understanding that to her I'm more. I'm the man I want to be, and can be him with her.

Gently, I rub the water from her face. When I look into Sky's eyes, I'm exposed, she sees to the very heart of who I am and can help me find him. “No one’s met Dylan Morgan apart from you, not for a lot of years, anyway.”

Sky holds out the shell, dazed confusion on her face. “I was getting this.”

“For your treasure box?”

“Kind of.”

In a strange way, Sky is indicating she agrees, that we can kiss and still be us with our parallel pasts, not two people with nothing more between them than physical lust. “Oh. A good find, definitely worthy of the secret box.”

“Not worth half-drowning for though.”

I put the shell in my shorts pocket, aware of the rain dripping down my face, as the downpour grows heavier. “Let's get you home.”

Sky doesn't need asking twice and strides across the beach away from me, head bowed against the downpour. I jog to catch up.

“I'll carry you?”

She half-runs away from me. “Don't you dare put me over your shoulder again.”

I stride ahead and turn, walking backward so Sky has to look at me. “Piggy back?”

Sky cracks a smile. “You are one big kid.”

“Yep. And loving every minute! Come on!”

With less hesitation than I expected, Sky relents and climbs onto my back and wraps herself around me. Usually, this closeness would be purely sexual; with Sky, there's a playfulness I want to hang onto. Grabbing her cold legs, I run in the direction of the house.

“You'll drop me!” she cries and the grip around my neck tightens.

“You're not heavy! But stop strangling me!”

Sky shifts, holding my chest instead, and our damp cheeks brush. The same strange teenage excitement of being touched by a girl follows us back to our current home. Reluctantly, I disentangle myself from Sky and set her down in the hallway.

“So we rewound to last night after the kiss. What now?” I ask.

Sky trembles in her soaked clothes, and I fight against paying too much attention to the way they cling to her. “What did you intend to do last night?”

“I was leaving that up to you. I didn't want to scare you off. What would you have done?”

“Probably, I’d have kissed you some more and finished my fish and chips. Maybe not in that order.”

I love this woman
. I have no idea exactly what I mean by that, but the indefinable word crashed into my head looking for a definition
. I love being here. With Sky
.

“Sky, you are the funniest girl...” I press my lips against hers, reeling against the shock of the words my subconscious dragged into my head.

“I think you need to get changed,” I say, helping Sky out of the hoodie.

Sky steps back, eyeing me cautiously.

“Because you're shivering,” I explain. “You need to warm up, not because I want to take all your clothes off.”

Total lie.

The hesitation before Sky leaves the room, the weight of the look that passes between us, carries enough tension to knock even the most chaste of people into hard and dirty sex for the rest of the day.

I swear this between us will end well.

Or very, very badly.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Sky holds up a DVD, a smile tugging the corner of her mouth. “Twilight?”

I rest my arms on the seashell-patterned duvet and attempt to hide my disgust. Not my usual viewing choice, that's for sure. Is this a Sky thing? Watch a chick flick with her and I pass the first test?

When Sky agreed to sit with me and snuggle on the sofa to watch a movie, I didn't bargain on not having a choice in the viewing material. If I say no, she might decide to read a book and ignore me; I don't want to be ignored.

“Sure. I've never seen that one,” I reply.

“That's what I thought.”

“But I know...”

“You know who?”

Didn't we just reconfirm that we're in a bubble world of our own? “Do you have popcorn?”

“No, why would I?”

“I’ll get some of your crisps then, you have plenty.”

Breaking from her delve into my reality, I walk away. Crisps and drinks retrieved from the kitchen, I head back into the lounge where Sky sits on the floor. Despite the rain pouring outside, I'm filled with a warmth and calm I seldom have unless I take the pills in my rucksack upstairs.

And there's one thing that will make the afternoon even better.

I pat the sofa. “Live dangerously.”

For a long moment, she stares at the box in her hand and my planned afternoon of getting up close and personal with Sky retreats. Then Sky joins me, pulling the duvet over her knees as she hesitantly rests against me.
Awesome.
I shift and wrap an arm around her waist, careful to leave my hands there. If Sky thinks I'm obsessed by fucking, I'll prove I'm not; I can control myself. I stroke a strand of hair behind her ear, and she shivers at my touch.

My eyes glaze after half an hour into the crappy movie, as I attempt to figure out why the hell I should sit through this. One reason. Sky is cuddled into my side, head against my shoulder as she shares the crisps, the only thing keeping me awake. So far, I’ve been careful to keep my hands mostly to myself because I don't want Sky jumping off the sofa and leaving. As the film progresses excruciatingly slowly, Sky shifts closer, placing a hand on my leg.

I wasn't lying when I told Sky I couldn't remember the last time I snuggled. I meet, flirt, fuck, and then leave; or if I’m a real bastard tell the chick to leave. Some girls want a lot of cuddling and I could never figure out why until now. Something about Sky's touch triggers a calm happiness, the feel-good chemicals I'm missing in my life. So, I keep my hands off because I want more of those.

Halfway through the movie, I can't stand any more pained teenage expressions. That chick is driving me mad with her whining and I seriously can't see the appeal of the pale, skinny dude. Sky's intently focused, clearly enjoying the movie. Time to remind her I'm here.

“How am I doing?” I ask, shifting to look at her.

“Doing?”

“At snuggling.”

“I don’t think snuggling is an art form.” Sky stares at my mouth as she speaks.

“But this is how it's done?” I catch the smile she tries to hide. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing. Snuggling. Whatever.” Wresting her gaze from my face, she switches her attention back to the crisps. Not me.

However nonchalant she's attempting to be, Sky's body tells me a different story. Flushed face, shallower breathing, not exactly difficult to guess why, and I fucking love her reaction.

“What are you thinking?” I ask.

“What are you thinking?” she says in a whisper.

“Honestly?”

“Okay. Tell me. Honestly.”

My resolve to keep this non-sexual for as long as possible fails the moment she moistens her lips. “I’m not thinking; I’m fighting.” I follow the path her tongue just took across her lip with my finger. “I’m fighting with the overwhelming desire to show you what you’re doing to me.”

“Oh…”

Silencing Sky is an art form I think I may be mastering.

I am totally fucking kidding myself when I say I don't want sex with this woman. I constantly fight the desire to take Sky upstairs, and show her how the amount of sex I've had in my life has led to a certain expertise that'll leave her begging for more.

When Sky’s response is shifting closer, and running her hands across my face, I know I'm lost. Lost in the illusory place we're in, my desire to move further away from the real world is reflected in her eyes.

“I know I pissed you off last night, Sky, but I really want to kiss you again.”

“Really?” She bites her lip in the coy way chicks do when they know they have you hooked, and my blood continues its journey south.

“Really, because your mouth on mine feels fucking amazing.”

“Don't swear at me!”

“You're also fucking funny.” I kiss the freckles on her nose, the freckles of my real girl. Her hot breath reaches my cheek, mouth so close... “And you’re unbelievably, fucking sexy.”

I hold back; Sky doesn't, knocking away any last attempt to keep this cool. When my lips brush hers, she grabs my head and slams her mouth against mine with a need that surprises me. When Sky shakes against my urgent hands and mouth, I almost stop but after holding back for the last torturous half-hour of that movie, it’s not happening.

Her soft lips move against mine, tongue delving into my mouth and the taste of Sky pulls me further into her and away from myself. I pull her lip into my mouth and when I nip, the soft sound of her arousal ramps up mine, which Sky worsens by biting my lip in return. Kissing's not my 'thing' but I could kiss her all afternoon, all night, forever, and still crave more.

I drag the duvet over our heads and the urgent kisses heat the space around. The all-encompassing scent of Sky blinds and my hands take on a mind of their own. Sky groans into my mouth and kisses me like I haven't been kissed for years, unrestrained and passionate.

I stop, checking she's okay - as if I need to - and touch her cheek. The look in Sky’s eyes is unmistakable, aroused lust. “Is this part of the snuggling process? I wasn’t aware,” I say.

“I think this is optional.”

“I think this should be compulsory.”

“Fine, but I can’t breathe.” Sky throws the duvet to one side and blows her dampening hair from her face. I twist a lock around my finger. What now? Shit, this is confusing.

“Okay?” she asks.

“This is strange. Good strange, but strange.”

“Strange?”

“This. Slow. Not all about me.”
Fuck it.
I pull Sky onto my lap and her breath rushes out as I grab her hips and hold her against me. Yeah, I'm hard for Sky without her touching my dick. Again, not normal. “Restraint – it’s different.”

“You, umm, don’t have to be totally restrained.”

Green light
. I sneak a hand beneath her shirt, stroking the impossibly smooth skin. “I can tell this is okay with you. But tell me when to stop.”

Watching for her reaction, I move my hand from Sky’s waist, along her side and hover at the edge of the tits I crave my mouth around. Sky makes the decision for me, shifting so I can reach; my common sense retreats further as my finger brushes her hardened nipple beneath the satin.

Fuck
. 

Roughly kissing her, I unclasp Sky’s bra, pushing the material. Another noise of appreciation from Sky and self-control is over.

I'm having her.

Here.

Now.

I hastily tug my T-shirt over my head. Sky's appreciation of my physique is obvious, always has been but this time she's brave enough to explore with a teasing touch across my chest.
Unfair.

“Your turn?” I suggest, resting my head on the sofa.

Sky drops her hand, the abrupt halt accompanied by the old wariness.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing, I’m just feeling a bit…shy.”

“I hope you're not doubting how fucking gorgeous you are, Sky. I’ve spent a lot of time the last few days fantasising about your tits.”

“I noticed.”

“So…?”

If I was religious, I'd offer a prayer for Sky to strip, especially when seconds feel like an eternity as I attempt to figure out if she will or not.

In a swift movement, Sky pulls at her clothes, and the T-shirt and bra fall to the floor, revealing the amazing body I’ve pictured repeatedly since the open button of her dress begged for the others to be undone. The idea Sky would ever let me see her like this once seemed impossible. The fact I no longer need to second-guess whether she wants my hands on her is awesome.

And she’s perfect. Absolutely, fucking perfect.

I say something, I'm not sure what because my mouth is on her skin seconds later, and talking is done with as I tease her nipple with my tongue.

Sky's reaction is equally perfect as she grips my hair, holding my head against her. Lost in my own bliss, I savour the dream I've had becoming reality; Sky’s nails dig into my back and I suck a nipple harder, clasping her to me.

Urged on by Sky’s increasing sounds of loving my attentions, I roughly push her backward onto the sofa and nudge her legs apart with my knees as the growing heat slicks the skin between our bodies.

More of her...

I slide my hand up Sky’s leg, tentatively sliding my hand along the rough denim barrier between my fingers and her pussy. How wet will she be for me?

“Oh!”

Her noise of surprise arrests me and I move my hand. “What’s wrong?”

“No, nothing. It’s fine.”

Oh, shit
. I move so she can too, remembering her words last night. She doesn't fuck. I can't fuck her on the sofa and turn her into something she isn't. “Sorry. You’re right. I don’t think we should.”

“No, honestly, I’m good…”

When Sky runs a hand along my shoulder, imploring eyes on mine, I almost change my mind, ready to pull her shorts off and finish this.

“No. I said. This isn’t good.” Grasping back the new Dylan who doesn't use girls for his own selfish pleasure, I move from Sky’s touch and grab my t-shirt from the floor.

“What’s wrong?” she asks

“I said last night. What if this gets spoilt?”

“This? What’s this? Two strangers having a holiday romance?”

“Yeah, kind of, but this is more, Sky. You're worth more.”

“This doesn’t have to be more.”

Jeez, she wants this...
What the hell is wrong with me? I shove my fingers in my damp hair. “I told you what happens when I fuck girls; I don’t want to have that with you, I want to…”

“Be friends?” Sky's face darkens; she covers her breasts with her arms and searches for her t-shirt too.

“Yes…no… Fuck, I don’t know. The last couple of days with you have been amazing. There’re a few more before you need to leave – I don’t want to spoil this.”

My attempt at being a gentleman has fucking failed because the tension is palpable as Sky yanks her t-shirt back over her head. “Don’t let me down so gently, Dylan. If I’m not the kind of girl you like to fuck, fine. Just say.”

“Sky, in case you didn't notice, I have a hard-on the size of fucking Florida here, you’re sexy as hell. And I wasn’t going to fuck you. You deserve more.”

“It’s not as if we’ll ever have a relationship, is it? So, either we do this or we don’t. I don’t think this between us would ever be more than sex, Dylan.”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe what?”

“Look, sorry I upset you. You have no idea of the self-control it’s taking not to drag you upstairs and show you exactly what you do to me.”

“Show me a good time, you mean? Arrogant much?”

And the old Sky is back
.

“I don’t get complaints usually.”

“No, your endless lines of girls are probably grateful that the famous Dylan Morgan lets them into his bed. You know, I think you’re probably right. This is a bad idea.”

“Sky…” I catch her arm to stop her leaving but she shrugs me off. “Oh, great; so, even this has fucked things up?”

“Forget it ever happened!”

As she rushes from the room, I crash my head on the back of the sofa. Should I follow her? Show her how much I fucking want this too?
Yeah, right, you kinda ruined the moment, Dylan.
I lick the taste of her from my lips, images of the last ten minutes flickering across my mind as I focus on grounding myself. I wasn't lying, I'm more turned on than she realises and I’m frustrated – not just because I wanted more, but also because I fucked up.

I head upstairs to talk to her; fix this.

I can't.

Throwing myself on the bed in my room, I fight the desire to deal with my own needs, because knowing my luck she'd catch me at it. Rain hits the window and I grab my phone and my jacket, and head out of the house to cool off.

A few metres down the path, the fact I have nowhere else to go apart from back to the house hits, and I stand for a few minutes lost at the edge of the place I created with Sky.