Sun Damage (The Sunshine Series) (8 page)

He probably expects me to say something else, to argue more, but I have nothing left in me. So he quietly shuts the door, shutting me in with myself and what I just did.

Chapter 6

The Past in The Present

“
You’ve got a mouthful of diamonds and a pocketful of secrets.”–Phantogram

“You should go home,” I say to Jade once we’re back at my apartment. He talked the whole ride over, describing again and again what happened. How he saw a burst of light shock Evan where my hands touched him. After that, I had to tune him out, too afraid of having more thoughts about his heart or burned colors.

“
What?” he asks, throwing his keys on the coffee table and sitting on the couch. “I’m not leaving,” he says. “No way.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose. My head’s starting to hurt.
“You haven’t been home in a long time,” I say, somehow keeping my voice calm. “You don’t have to stay with me anymore.”

He crosses his arms.
“And I’m guessing you wanting me to leave has nothing to do with what just happened?”

I say nothing.

“That’s what I thought.”

“
Jade—” A knocking at the door interrupts my sentence.

“
Maybe we should have called,” Trei says. I can hear her as if she’s in the room with me.

“
Screw that,” Boo says. “She wants to hide out, fine. We’re hiding out with her.”

Then more knocking.

“Boo and Trei are here,” I say. “What should I tell them?”

Jade doesn’t answer me; he gets up and opens the door.

“About time,” Boo says before he notices my brother. “Jade! When did you get here?”

Jade takes too long to respond so I say,
“He just got here.” More lies. More covering up

“
Yeah,” he agrees. “We were just about to invite you guys over.”

We spend the rest of the day catching up, like I wasn’t away for so long. Like I didn’t die and come back, like I’m not completely different than I was before. We spend so much time talking, eating, and watching movies that no one realizes what time it actually is. My brother and friends fall asleep on the floor as the TV plays the title screen of a DVD over and over. I don’t know for how long I was or when I started staring off into space, but I know I can’t sleep. I turn my head, glancing at Jade asleep on the couch. Did I really think that today? About his heart? About
him
? I can hear all three of them breathing evenly, how each intake of air creaks into their lungs, expanding them before being released. Their heartbeats are there too, but they aren’t loud like they were earlier. Just steady, thumping around each other. Boo murmurs something in his sleep and if I was paying closer attention, I’d be able to hear it.

The c
lock says It’s 2 AM, and ticks in the kitchen, louder than the beating or the breathing. I want to make the sounds stop, and I don’t know how far I’ll go to achieve that.

I can’t stay in the same room as them. I’m too afraid of what other thoughts I’ll
have, what other sounds I’ll hear. There’s only one other place I can go: downstairs to the practice rooms where the piano is sitting, calling out to me, promising that it’ll help me clear my head and think straight once again.

Climbing down the stairs is quiet.
Quieter than it’s been since I woke up–came back. But that changes once I reach the bottom and I can hear the muffled sounds of instruments and people talking. The first door is locked, but I’m not surprised since that’s where most of the sound is coming from. Most of the other rooms I try are the same: people practicing inside. The room we usually use is also locked, though I can’t hear anything going on behind it yet. When I press my ear to the door, there’s heavy breathing and a woman saying, “Come on, we’re supposed to be
rehearsing
.”

I pull my head away. I don’t know what I was expecting. I haven’t been down here in weeks, haven’t signed up for a space, and
it’s summer time. Of course the rooms would be taken. I don’t know what to do with myself now, unable to go back upstairs, but unable to stay here either. I find myself wondering if I should leave but my feet start moving toward the exit door. Maybe I should go outside and get some coffee or something. Take some time by myself to calm down so I can return to my apartment with my sleeping friends and brother inside. Maybe I’ll even be able to sleep too.

Myles catches me
just as my hands are pressing against the cool metal of it. “I thought I’d find you here,” he says. His hand on my wrist is something that sends warm webs through my body, but I can’t turn around. “Where are you going?”

I can’t speak. It’s all
too much and his touch is the thing that will make me fall apart.

“
You can’t go out there,” he says, coming even closer so I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. “There are only more people outside.”

I gulp, sliding my free hand from the metal and finally turning to face him. He’s in
the same jeans and T-shirt he was wearing this morning, but then again, I haven’t had time to change either. Maybe he’s been lying awake too. Unable to even toy with the notion of sleep because of me. The same thought I had in the office with Evan pops up:
Good.

“
Come upstairs with me,” he says. Though he’s not demanding anything, I can’t find it in me to fight.

He doesn’t speak again until we’re in front of his door.
“I thought we could talk.”

Gently, I pull my arm free from his hand, and before I can concentrate on how empty it leaves me feeling, I say,
“You said when I was ready.” I hear his keys as he unlocks the door. “And I’m not.”

“
I know,” he says. “But I don’t think you’ll ever be ready.” He opens the door and stares down at the keys in his hand for longer than necessary. “And the longer I wait, the harder it is to figure out how to tell you everything.” He glances up. “And Evan called me. Told me what happened.”

I cross my arms over my chest as I follow him inside, knowing that when I leave, things are go
ing to be different. I’ve known deep down for a while that Myles has been hiding things from me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

It
’s weird being in his apartment when the last time we were here we were so close, probably as close as we could be at the time. I’m sure having a vampire drink your blood is up there on the list of “close”; being turned by someone you love is probably right above that. Everything is in the same place it was before: the living room set up the same as mine only neater, his big white dog sleeps on the couch before he realizes I’m there and comes over for a little petting before he returns to the floor to resume his nap.

“
Do you want to sit?” Myles finally asks. He motions to the couch but I pull out a stool from the counter. “You want something to eat?” I can’t help noticing the surprise laced in his voice. “Drink?”

“
No thanks,” I say.

He seems unsure of where to start as he pulls out the stool next to me.

“What did Evan tell you?” I ask when he doesn’t say anything.

Myles blinks a few times, lost thought.
“That you were unstable,” he practically whispers. “He wouldn’t tell me more than that.”

I take in a breath and wonder
why I need to breathe at all. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I decide. I know it’s stupid and childish, but something tells me that once I start talking about what happened with Evan, I’ll tell him what I thought towards Jade. I can’t deal with that, not out loud, anyway.

“
I want to know what you have to say,” I tell him to steer the conversation away from me. “I want to know why you lied.”

I watch as he swallows hard, maybe trying to decide if he should let the subject of Evan and I drop.

“There are a lot of things you don’t know about you and I,” he says. “But I want you to know that the only reason I’ve kept the things I’m about to tell you a secret was to keep you safe. Okay?”

Now
I swallow hard. “Okay.” I barely hear it.

Myles takes in yet another breath.
When he lets it out, the words follow in a breeze past my face. “I knew who your father was.”

I was staring at the counter, but my eyes travel back up to his in record time.
“What?” My lungs are on fire. Like nothing but a puff of smoke could have left my mouth.

“
Try to stay calm,” he says. “I know it’s hard.” He reaches out but keeps his hand from coming into contact with mine. “Emotions are stronger when you turn.”

“
Are you trying to say I’m overreacting?” Even as I say it, I can feel how hot the words are on my tongue.

“
No,” Myles says quickly. “But I don’t want you to shut me out before I’ve told you everything. You deserve to know this. All of this.”

I pause for the longest time.
“I’ll try to not freak out.” My face grows hotter, betraying what I’ve just said.

“
Your dad was a lot like you,” he says, sounding like he’s struggling to connect the words in order to keep talking. “He wanted to protect you because of it.”

I stare at him.
“What do you mean?”

“
Evan was right when he said your blood was different.” Myles pauses for a long time, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s letting it sink in or if he doesn’t know where to go from here.

I think of Evan’s words:
It will not work. She is too different...
“Different how?” I ask.

“
When Michael infected you the first time, I exchanged our blood,” he reminds me.

“
Yeah,” I say. “I had a cut on my head. You cut yourself.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You pressed the two together so his blood would go into you and not me. I was there.”

“
I know,” he says. “But ever since then, I haven’t been able to feel what you’re feeling.”

“
Okay...” I know this, too.

“
And after the first time Evan bit you, the same happened for him, only he couldn’t feel anything from anyone. After the second time, he couldn’t take pain away from Ava when she was feeling it.”

“
So what are you saying?” I ask. “My blood makes your abilities go down?”

“
Kind of,” he says. “In small quantities, your blood makes it so all of our vampire abilities diminish.”

“
In small quantities?” I ask. “Are you saying that in big quantities...what, you can’t read anyone’s thoughts or emotions? So what?” I’m starting to get annoyed. What does this have to do with him knowing my father and not telling me about it?

“
That was only when you were human.” Myles runs a hand through his hair.  “And now that you’ve turned...your blood has changed. Become stronger.”

“
Does that explain why I don’t want to drink blood?” I blurt out, and once I’ve started, I can’t stop.  “Why I can eat food...why my heart and lungs are still working?” I ask. “But my vision is clearer, I can hear more than humans.” I have to pause. That’s the first time I’ve said “humans” like I’m not part of that group.

“
That could be why.” He doesn’t look at me.

“
So what, I’m half vampire and half human?” Half normal?

Myles looks down, shaking his head.
“That’s not what I’m saying at all,” he says. “There’s no such thing.”

“
How else would you explain it?” I ask.

“
Your vampire traits will probably just take longer to develop. Someone with blood like yours hasn’t been fully turned before.”

“
Someone with blood like mine.”

“
Sophie,” he says quietly, his hand twitching on the counter, but not coming any closer to mine. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not half vampire,” he says. “You’re the
antidote
for vampirism.”

I blink a few times, not sure where to go from there.
“Huh?” is a good start.

“
Your father carried a rare gene, one that’s only been seen a few times.”

“
My father.” I repeat the word like it will make the fact of Myles knowing him more real. At once, I want to him to keep going and the conversation to come to a screeching halt.

“
Yes,” he says. “He was a donor.”

My head starts spinning now. My blood, antidote, my dad, what else?
“This is way too much.” I move to stand up but my legs are too heavy.

“
I know,” Myles surprises me by saying. “It’s a lot to have kept from you. But you need to know it all.” He takes in a breath. “That’s how we found out about him.”

“
Wait.” I hold up a hand like it’ll stop him. “Was he
your
donor?”