Sun Damage (The Sunshine Series) (9 page)

He stares at the countertop
then back up at me. “For a little while. He was the last human I fed from directly.”

My hands clench into fists in front of me and it’s incredibly hard to keep my arms from shaking.

“No,” I say, because I think I know where this is going and I don’t know if I want to follow him there.

“
You have to understand,” he says. “The only way blood like yours will work as an antidote is to turn you.”

“
Because that makes it stronger,” I repeat what he said before.

“
Yes,” he says. “But a vampire would have to drain you in order to be human again.”

I squeeze my eyes shut at his words, but it isn’t enough to stop him.

“Michael found out about your father...”

“
Wait. Michael?” I ask. “He’s involved in all of this too?”

Myles nods, but doesn
’t say anything for a few seconds. “He heard about the antidote. He went after your dad.”

I swallow
. Blinking only causes red spots to appear. Keeping my eyes shut makes the spots bleed together into one solid color.

“
Your father asked for my help,” he continues. “I was the only vampire he trusted, and he wanted me to make sure nothing happened to his family.”

For some reason,
those words clear my vision momentarily. “What did you do?” I whisper, but I don’t think he can even grasp the weight of those words.

“
He left,” he says. “And I stayed close, keeping an eye on you, your mom, Jade, and Laura.”

“
Wait.” I hold up a hand again, repeating that same word over and over again. “So my father…” I have to pause at the word, unable to face the fact that I’m using it–with Myles of all people. “What did Michael want with him?”

“
He wanted the antidote,” Myles says. “He wanted to be human. More than anything.”

I take in another deep breath.
“So he went off to chase my dad wherever the hell he went, and you, what, babysat?” I have to stare at the countertop, concentrating on its smooth surface.

“
Your mom knew me,” he says. “She knew the situation. I came over a lot when you were little. If something suspicious popped up, you’d move, and I’d follow you.”

My chest tightens and I force myself to glance at him.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” I say. “We only moved once, when Mom met Adam.”

He shakes his head.
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” He takes in a breath now. “Do you remember the first time you met me?”

I don’t know what this has to do with anything but I answer anyway.
“Yeah. You came in to the bookstore where I worked with Alex and Adrienne.”

He shakes his head.
“You met me before. Talked to me, even.”

I stare directly at him, wondering what’s he’s trying say.
“Where?”

“
You bumped into me at the hospital,” he says. “A few days before we officially met at your job.” Myles shifts his gaze to my fists and doesn’t look back at me until my palms are flat against the counter.

“
Your eyes were burning, and you dropped your bag,” he continues. “You wouldn’t let me help you and I couldn’t figure out why at the time.”

My mind wanders back to the end of last summer, when I was forced into going to Dr. Helmet
’s office and we tried out experimental eye drops. Then after we tried them, how I fell and someone tried to help me up when I banged into them. I never thought twice about it, never knowing what it could have possibly meant.

“
So?” My voice shakes. “We kind of saw each other before you introduced yourself?”

He shakes his head.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’m just nervous...that doesn’t have much to do with the other times you saw me.”

“
Other times?”

“
Times that you don’t remember because I wouldn’t let you.”

“
What?” I ask, my hands clenching back up again. “What do you mean you wouldn’t
let
me?”

“
Sophie,” he says. This time, his hand touches my fist. I let it happen, but I’m not sure for how long I can allow it to stay there. “Tell me what your earliest memory is.”

All of the air leaves my lungs.
“I–” I say. “I was at the park and...”

“
You got burned. Someone carried you away, out of the sun.” He pauses. “And when you asked your mother who it was, she said it was her?”

“
Myles,” I warn, though I’m not sure what I’m warning him against.

His eyes bore right into mine now.
“We can take memories away. We can change memories to something that didn’t even happen.”

“
No,” I say. “It was my dad, before he left us.”

“
No, Sophie,” he whispers, and I want to throw him across the room. “It was me.”

My world blurs and then turns completely brown before singeing into deep red. I can’t blink it away or keep my hands from shaking, searching for something to wrap
themselves around and squeeze. “Myles,” I say. “I don’t think I can take this right now.”

I’m reminded of last winter, him playing the photo album game with me
–how he kept asking me to remember things I couldn’t remember. All this time, could he have been the reason why?

My vision blurs again
and when I open my eyes, everything in Myles’ apartment is there, only turning neon colors, too bright. Too much light in the room. My pulse begins pounding, making my body shake. I want to run fast and far.

His hand tightens on my fist, steadying me.
 “I’m sorry, but there’s more.”

I try pulling away, but he has me. He won’t let go.

“Things were calm after your father left,” he says. “I came to visit less and less, and he checked in with me at the same day and time every week to ask how his family was. When he didn’t call at a scheduled time, I began to worry.”

I almost choke on the words, but I ask,
“What happened to him?”

“
Michael...”

Michael killed him. He do
esn’t have to say anything else; I just know it.

How is it possible to feel bad about someone dying that you never really knew? Someone who abandoned you?

“Michael tried to have someone turn your father, and when Michael drained him for the antidote, he didn’t become human. It almost killed him instead.”

“
Why?” I barely hear it.

He shrugs.
“We think it’s because of his blood being poisonous to humans...or maybe he’s not meant to
be
human,” he says. “Nature has a way of weeding those things out.”

“
I can’t.” The brightness of everything in the room only intensifies. A white plate on a drying rack in the kitchen nearly blinds me. But then I think,
no
. “I need to know the rest,” I say out loud.

Myles nods.
“When your mom found out about your father, she asked me to do it. To take away all of the memories. From her, from you, and your brother and sister. It was supposed to be like I never existed.”

I rub my eyes with the back of my hand.
“How old was I?”

“
Nine.”

I open my eyes to glare at him, incredibly angry at
what he’s done, what Michael’s done. Not just to me, but my entire family. Thankfully, he looks normal and I can keep eye contact. “And you just did it? Wiped my brain free of any trace of you or him.”

“
It was the only way to be sure you were safe.”

“
Is that why I don’t remember things? Why half of my memories are missing?”
“It’s easier with younger minds, but it depends,” he says, pausing too long to look at me before continuing. “Your brother and sister remember things that happened during those years that don’t involve me or your father just fine.” He thinks for a moment. “I think your mind just adapted to forgetting things you didn’t want to remember; my taking your memories away was something that triggered that in you.”

I sniff. I can’t cry now
. “And my mom?” I ask. “How did she deal with it?”

“
She doesn’t remember me,” he says, “But it was impossible to get everything about your father out of her.” He swallows. “Her mind made up its own scenarios as to why he left.”

“
And they were all bad.” I have to keep talking. If I don’t, something bad will happen.

Myles nods.
“I think it was the way she coped with it. Her subconscious also saw your sun allergy as a threat, because in her mind, that’s what made your father leave...”

That explains why she pushed so hard to fix me.

Finally, I free my hand from his and place them both in my lap, afraid they’ll come crashing through the countertop if I don’t move them away. “So why did you come back?”

“
Michael,” he says, and I flinch at the name. “He was putting the pieces together. He found your medical records and thought you could be another carrier.”

“
So you came and went to my school?” I ask. I want to stand up again, but I’m afraid of my knees buckling. “You became my friend?”

“
I went to the hospital first. I had to make sure you had the gene.”

“
And I do.”

He nods.
“Then I decided that getting close to you was the only way.”

“
Only way to what?” It comes out as a whisper.

“
To get you to leave.” He’s looking right at me, but he seems so far away. Adrift. “To get you to a protected place.”

“
You brought me to New York to get away from him.” I realize.

He
’s silent. “I’m sorry.”

My hands start to shake in my lap, and my stomach turns.
“Everything...” I say. “Everything you did...”

“
Sophie,” Myles says, trying to get me to calm down. “I lied about a lot of things, but I never lied about how I felt.”

I figured that now I
’m a vampire, or a “delayed” vampire, or whatever the hell I am now, tears are supposed to be cold, but they’re warmer than anything I’ve ever felt. “You can’t say that,” I snap. “You just can’t.”

“
I love you, Sophie.” The words are like he’s twisting a knife between my shoulders. “I don’t expect you to trust me anymore. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just needed you to know everything so you could protect yourself.”

“
Was it always your plan to turn me?” I blurt out, swiping at the tears that won’t stop.

He looks taken off guard by the question.
“No. Never.”

I wipe my nose.
“How do I know that?” I ask. “How do I know you haven’t been wiping my memories clean this entire time?”

“
I wouldn’t do that.”

I can
’t be sure of that either. I can’t be sure of anything.

“
Sophie, listen to me,” he says, moving in closer. I back away, the stool making a scraping sound. “You may not want to be with me anymore, and I don’t blame you. But I’m not just your boyfriend anymore. I’m your
maker
.” He inches back. “You need me.”

My rib cage feels like it
’s about to crush my organs. The thought of us not being together physically hurts, but the truth of everything he’s kept from me hurts even more.

“
You need to be able to come to me with questions about how you’re adjusting to your new life,” he continues. “How to feed whenever that comes, how to be a vampire.”

I shake my head. I don
’t need him. I don’t need anyone.

I
’m on my feet then. “Fine.” I don’t know why I say it. “I’ll call you if any of that happens.”

He stands too, unsure of what to do next.
“I also think it would be a good idea if I went on tour with you guys.” It’s so quiet I barely hear it.

“
Why?” I want to grab him by his face and shatter him. I want to set the building on fire. I want to watch as he burns inside.

As soon as the thoughts appear, they vanish, and it’s the only thing I hav
e to be grateful about.

“
In case those things start happening while you’re stuck on a bus with a bunch of humans.”

I shake my head.
“I’ll be fine.” I doubt the words before they leave my mouth.

Myles takes a step closer, I take a step back.
“When you start craving, it’s unlike anything else,” he says. “They won’t look like people to you. You’ll only see their blood.”

I swallow hard.
“Fine,” I repeat. “Can I leave now?”