Supernova (25 page)

“And
what’s the third reason?”

“I’ve
been in love before.” He gave her a hard stare. “Don’t tell
anyone
I
told you that.”

“With
who?” she asked sarcastically.

“Many,
many women,” he said, dramatically placing his hand over his heart.

“Bullshit.”

“It was
a long time ago. It doesn’t matter now.”

“Maranda?”
she guessed, remembering his ex-wife.

“No,” he
replied quickly. “Just trust me on this.”

Lily
tried to process his talk about her being in love and his ability to see auras.
She didn’t want to talk about the former yet. “So you don’t consider yourself
psychic even though you can see auras?”

“Psychics
don’t exist.”

She shot
him a look. “You know what I mean.”

“Lots of
people have minor extra sensory abilities. It isn’t special. I bet Mora does,
too. She’s part Kurran, and they can see them, probably more easily than I can.
I only sense when it’s a very strong emotion. That’s not the mark of a
telepath.”

“I see.”
She took another swallow of coffee. “You know, Taz, I really would have
preferred to have figured out the whole love thing on my own. It’s a big deal
to me, and I don’t know if I feel it yet.”

“Your conscious
mind doesn’t know yet,” Taz replied sagely.

“Shit
like this is why you get into trouble,” she muttered.

He
shrugged noncommittally. “What happens, happens.”

“It’s
just—kind of weird, that’s all. And before you ask, no one sees that where I’m
from, and if they do, I didn’t know about it.”

“Maybe.”
Taz appeared unconvinced, like it was impossible for her to live among people
who didn’t have that ability. “If it makes you feel any better, Rian’s aura
never shows up when I’m around, even when he’s angry about something.”

“It
doesn’t, but thank you.”

He stood
up. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry I said anything.” He didn’t sound sorry in
the least, more gleeful that he had pulled something over her. “I have to get
to communications.”

* * *

After he
left, Lily turned on the last episode of
Lightning’s Luck
but couldn’t
focus on it. She should be thinking about the Nym and what she was going to do
when she eventually left the
Defiant
, but she kept mulling over Taz’s
pronouncement and fearing it was true.

She
was
falling in love with Rian. It had sneaked up on her without her noticing. After
her disastrous relationship with Cameron, she had always thought if she fell in
love again she would treat it like getting into a swimming pool: forever
dipping in one toe and recoiling at the shock of cold water and then gradually
easing in. She hadn’t anticipated it being like luxuriating in a bath.

She had
already been thinking about Rian’s inclusion in her new life in whatever way
she could have him, whether it was by video phone calls or they were assigned
to the same station or ship. She couldn’t see herself living in the Commons
without him. She needed him.

She
ordered a glass of juice from the replicator—it almost tasted like orange even
though she knew it wasn’t—and settled back on the couch. She left the glass on
the coffee table and leaned back against the cushions and let her eyes drift
closed as the
Lightning’s Luck
crew battled a huge space lizard. She
needed some sleep, too.

The
doorbell pinged, rousing her from her nap. “Enter,” she commanded, and bundled
her sweater around her.

Rian
stepped in, looking exhausted and stressed. She shot to her feet to greet him.
He was paler than usual, and his blue eyes had half-circles beneath. The door
slid shut behind him. She paused a couple of feet from where he stood, frozen
by the look on his face. His expression was a mix of fear, anger, and desire.

“Rian,”
she whispered. “What happened?”

“They’re
talking about a court-martial,” he said, his voice low and angry.

Shock slammed
into Lily’s chest. “Why?”

“I
responded to their hail. I opened a comm link. I should’ve just fired.”

“They
can’t be serious. They can’t court-martial you for that.”

“They
can,” he said. He took a step closer to her. There was an unfamiliar, almost feral
look in his eyes, one that made Lily’s heart skip a beat, but she stayed put.

“But it’s
just talk, right?” she asked.

“No,” he
said. “There’s more.” He took a deep breath. “The
Defiant
is being taken
out of service. We’re changing course for Kevnar, and the crew is being
reassigned. A battleship is going to patrol our territory until the Nym is
dealt with.”

“Where
will you go? You’ll be the captain on the battleship?”

“No,” he
said and looked away for a moment. “I’m being reinstated as a commander. I’ve
been posted to Kevnar, and I’ll be taking an executive officer position.”

He was
being demoted, and he wasn’t even going to be on a ship. Lily’s hands balled
into fists and she fought back tears of guilt and anger at this new injustice. “That’s
not fair,” she protested. “They’re wrong. You had the guts to talk to them and
you actually managed to destroy their ship. You should still be a captain.”

“Fleet
doesn’t see it that way. It’s not just the Nym. They don’t like how I handle
certain things. They refuse to see that you can’t look at everything in black
and white when you’re in the star lanes these days. Things have changed since
the admirals were out in space.” He relaxed a little, some of the tension
easing from his shoulders. “Lily, the Nym—I had to find out what they wanted,
even though I already knew.”

“Me.”

He shook
his head. “Not just you. I won’t let that happen.”

Rian
wouldn’t let that happen. Not
Fleet. Him.

“I think
they’re planning an invasion into Commons space,” he continued. “I told Fleet,
and they said they’re always planning an invasion. But this is different. I
know
it is. They don’t believe me.” He moved a little closer to her.

“I
believe you,” she said.

He
closed the short distance between them and gathered her in his arms, pressing a
kiss to her forehead. “And they’re figuring out what’s going on with us,” he
said, his voice strained. “Technically, they can’t punish either of us, but
Admiral Kentz said I should ‘re-examine my personal relationships with others.’
He saw my comm logs.”

“I’m
sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t know I was going to cause so much trouble for
you.”

He
tilted her face up. “Don’t be sorry,” he said firmly. “Any trouble I get into
is worth it.
You’re
worth it. And you’ll be on Kevnar, too, so this isn’t
all bad news.”

She
debated whether or not to tell him she was falling in love with him, but
something held her back. This wasn’t the right time—not with his career in
jeopardy, largely on her account. “Rian,” she started.

“Mm?” he
said against her hair.

She
pulled away slightly so she could face him. “All that’s happened—” She bit her
lip. “I don’t want to go back. I mean, I know I
can’t
, but I don’t want
to anyway. There’s nothing left for me there. I want to be here.” She took a
deep breath. “With you.” That was as close as she could get right now to
confessing she loved him.

He
seemed surprised, then pleased. “I don’t want you to go, either.” There was a
palpable ache in his voice. A wistful sigh ruffled her hair. “Lily—I’ve told
you how important my career is to me. It was the only thing in my life that
kept me going.” His grip tightened around her. “But all that’s changed since I
met you.” He looked down at her and raised a hand to brush away a tear Lily
didn’t know was sliding down her face. “Why are you crying?”

“I don’t
know,” she admitted hoarsely. “It’s a lot of things. The Nym. Your demotion.”

A hint
of a smile ghosted across his lips. “Technically I was never a captain. I’m
just being reassigned to a position that was available to me before. It’ll be
an adjustment, not being in the star lanes, but I’ll get used to it.”

“Fleet
should have given you a chance,” Lily protested.

“They
did. They don’t like how I run things. I can’t change that, and I’m—well, I’m
not fine with it yet, but...” He drifted off and pressed his lips to her
forehead, and despite its chasteness, Lily couldn’t suppress a shiver.

“I’d
rather be with you,” he finally finished. “I don’t know what we can call what
we have, but I want it to continue.” His hands slid under her pajama top and
caressed the small of her back. “I need you.” He softly kissed a trail down her
cheek to her neck. “I want you.”

Lily’s
eyes closed, her breath catching when Rian’s lips found the sensitive spot
under her ear. She angled her head to kiss him, but he stiffened and loosened
his hold on her.

“I’m
sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

The
words yanked Lily back to reality. Her body protested at his stepping away and
it took a few seconds for her brain to form a cohesive response. Irritation at
the interruption, followed by amusement, colored her words, and she couldn’t
help but roll her eyes. “I know,” she affirmed. Taking a fistful of his shirt,
she pulled him back to her. “And you’re going all beta male on me and
overthinking this.” She stood up on her toes and kissed him fiercely. He
immediately responded, lifting her off the floor. “My room,” she gasped. “It’s
that way.”

Her bed
was unmade and there were some clothes littering the floor, but he didn’t
notice. He stripped off her pajama top and tossed it on a pile of laundry near
the bed. He pushed her to the bed and slid her pants down her hips before
kneeling over her. She felt exposed and a little self-conscious under his
heated gaze.

“This is
hardly fair,” she protested, her fingers on his shirt seal. It slid open,
revealing the expanse of lean muscles beneath.

“I like
how you look,” he replied simply. He tossed his shirt to the floor with the
rest of his clothes. He kissed her, and she arched her body to meet his. His
mouth drifted over her face and neck, his teeth lightly grazing her skin.
Marking
me
, Lily thought, a shiver of excitement running through her. Branding her,
claiming her for his own.

Her hand
traced a line up his thigh to the erection that strained against the front of
his pants. She wanted them out of the way and clumsily fumbled with the placket
for a moment until they were open. He sucked in a harsh breath at her touch and
helped her push them off.

He
positioned her over him, and she raised an eyebrow. “I insist on my crew
sharing the work,” he whispered, and she couldn’t help but giggle at that. It
changed to a sharp gasp as he slid into her and grasped her hips, urging her to
move along with him. With each thrust, she felt herself being taken higher and
higher until she shattered, the force of her climax tearing a cry from her
throat.

Without
missing a beat, Rian smoothly flipped her on her back. He slowed down enough to
kiss her neck and let her catch her breath for a moment. He pressed his mouth
against hers and teased her lips open, his tongue tangling with hers
possessively, sending another thrill through her. He hooked his arm around the
back of her leg and started again, his strokes harder and deeper this time.
Lily felt another climax building and whimpered. He slowed down again perceptibly.
“Don’t stop,” she murmured against his neck.

His
thrusts became more intense and she held on to his back, her nails digging in
his skin. He moved faster and his body shuddered his release as she cried out
again, both of their bodies spasming.

His
breathing was ragged in her ear when he finally sagged against her, his face
buried in her neck. Aftershocks still twitched through both when he rolled on
his side and pulled the sheet over them. He pulled her against him, spooning
her perfectly against his chest as though their bodies were made for each
other. Oh, hell, Lily reasoned, they
were
. His breath tickled the back
of her neck, and he pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

She
debated whether or not to tell him she loved him, and didn’t. Declarations of
love post-sex—no matter how spectacular, how
necessary
—seemed false to
her, even though she meant it.

Instead,
she rolled over to face him. “Hey,” he said softly. He brushed a few strands of
hair off her face.

“Hi,”
she whispered back. Her arms circled his chest. Their breathing was almost in
tandem, and soothing. All of her fears from the night before were fading, a
soon-to-be-distant memory. They would be on station soon, the Nym stopped, and
she and Rian could...continue what they had started, as he put it, she thought
sleepily. Make a new life with the man she loved at her side.

“Lily,”
he said and nudged her back awake.

“Mm-hm?”

“Was it
that boring?” She heard the grin in his voice, but her eyes still flew open.