Sure of You (24 page)

“I mean…I remember feeling it, but I don’t remember how it felt. Like that time at the candlelight vigil…”

“Harvey Milk’s?”

“John Lennon’s.”

“Oh, yeah.” He smiled, remembering it too. Brian had bought strawberry-scented candles to invoke “Strawberry Fields.” He and Mary Ann had spent hours on the Marina Green, paying homage to the world’s most celebrated househusband, then returned to Barbary Lane bleary-eyed and exultant.

“He was so sweet,” said Mary Ann. “And afterwards he left this note on my door that said: ‘Help me if you can, I’m feeling down, and I do appreciate your being ’round.’”

Michael nodded.

“It was so completely him. So overblown and corny and really nice.” She smiled wanly. “I wish to hell I could feel that now.”

“You must. You’re telling me about it.”

“Only what I remember. Remembering’s different.”

“But you must at least feel…”

“Not a thing, really.” She paused and gazed bleakly out at the fog. “Just a little sorry for him sometimes.” Turning, she looked directly at him, her eyes brimming with tears. “If that makes me a bitch, I can’t help it.”

He took her hand. “It doesn’t make you a bitch.”

She began to weep quietly. When he tried to take her in his arms, she pulled away. “No, Mouse, I can’t. I’ll come unglued.”

“Be my guest.”

“No. Not here.”

A clubby-looking woman appeared in the doorway. “Oh, isn’t this nice? Is this the study?”

“The orgy room,” said Michael.

The woman tittered briefly, nervously, before her face fell like a soufflé and she retreated.

“You’re terrible.” Mary Ann wiped her eyes.

“Well…it probably was.”

“Let’s get out of here.”

“Fine by me,” he said. “You wanna get some coffee in the Avenues?”

“Oh, that sounds wonderful.”

“I know a perfect place.”

“I knew you would,” she said, squeezing his arm.

They were nearly out the door when Mary Ann spotted the shining, sculpted faces of Russell and Chloe Rand, floating through the crowd like a pair of beacons. She stopped in her tracks. “Mouse, look…”

“Yeah.”

“We should say hello, don’t you think?”

“I thought we were…”

“They must be back from L.A.”

“Must be.”

He followed dutifully as she plowed through the throng. For a fleeting moment, when she reached back to take his hand, he thought he knew how it felt to be her husband.

Nickel-Dime Stuff

I
T WAS A GENERIC VALLEY
,
A DARK BOWL TWINKLING WITH
porch lights and undistinguished by landmarks. There was neither bridge nor bay nor pyramid to tip you off that this was San Francisco, but—to Brian, at least—it couldn’t have been anywhere else in the world.

Thack joined him on the deck, gazing out at the fleecy fog. “They must be socked in out at Sea Cliff.”

“I guess so.”

“There’s some Häagen-Dazs in the freezer.”

“Maybe later.”

“Don’t worry about it, Brian. He wasn’t upset.”

“Are you sure? I know I shouldn’t’ve brought up Jon like that.”

“Why not?”

“Well…you know…a dead guy.”

Thack smiled at him. “We talk about dead guys all the time.”

Brian nodded absently.

“It’s just the way it is.”

“I guess so.”

“He was defending Mary Ann, right? And it got out of hand.”

“More or less,” said Brian.

“Well…serves him right. He shouldn’t walk the fence so much.”

Brian was surprised by this cavalier reaction. “He’s known her a long time,” he said in Michael’s defense.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t expect him to take my side, just because…”

“He knows that,” said Thack. “He also knows you’re getting a bum deal. The trouble is he wants everyone to like him. He works at it way too hard. He’s spent so much time being a good little boy that he’s never figured out which people aren’t worth it.”

Brian figured this was said for his benefit. To convince him that what he was about to lose was nothing of value, nothing worth crying over. He didn’t buy it.

Thack kept his eyes on the fog bank. “Where’d you go after work? We were worried about you.”

“Just out for some brews.”

“You holding up O.K.?”

“Yeah.” He looked at Thack sideways. “You must be tired of hearing me piss and moan.”

“Nah.”

“It’s nickel-dime stuff, though, compared to what you and Michael have to deal with.”

Thack shrugged. “We’ve all gotta deal with something.”

“Maybe, but…”

“If Michael were leaving, I wouldn’t consider it nickel-dime.” He gave Brian a sleepy smile. “You’re entitled to be miserable.”

There was another long silence.

Brian asked: “Doesn’t it scare you?”

“What? Michael?”

“Yeah.”

Thack seemed to sort something out for a moment. “Sometimes I watch him when he’s playing with Harry or digging in the yard. And I think: This is it, this is the guy I’ve waited for all my life. Then this other voice tells me not to get used to it, that it’ll only hurt more later. It’s funny. You’re feeling this enormous good fortune and waiting for it to be over at the same time.”

“You seem happy,” Brian ventured.

“I am.”

“Well…that’s a lot. I envy you that.”

Thack shrugged. “All we’ve got is now, I guess. But that’s all anybody gets. If we wasted that time being scared…”

“Absolutely.”

“You ready for that ice cream?” said Thack.

In the Loo

T
HE RANDS
,
BLESS THEIR HEARTS
,
HAD GREETED HER
like an old friend, obviously tickled to see a familiar face at yet another alien benefit. They were a little slow in coming up with Michael’s name, so she let them off the hook right away.

“…and you remember Michael.”

“Of course,” said Chloe.

Russell extended his hand. “Sure thing. How’s it going?”

“Great,” Michael told him.

“Were you on the way out?” Chloe asked.

“Well…”

“Oh, don’t be. I’m sure we don’t know a soul.”

“Yeah,” said Russell, addressing Michael. “Stay and keep us company.”

“Well, O.K.,” said Mary Ann. “Sure.”

“Fabulous.”

“How was the benefit?”

Chloe’s high ivory forehead furrowed.

“Didn’t you go to some AIDS benefit in L.A.?”

“Oh, sure,” said Russell. “It was very nice. Very moving.”

“Right,” said Chloe. “I spaced out for a second.” She perused the crowded foyer. “Is it this packed everywhere?”

Michael replied: “It’s better once you get past the bar.”

“Actually,” said Chloe, “I have to pee like crazy. Know where the loo is?”

“C’mon, I’ll show you.” Mary Ann took her hand, feeling sisterly and conspiratorial all of a sudden.

Chloe looked back at her husband. “Can you boys play on your own for a while?”

“Sure,” said Russell.

Michael shot a glance at Mary Ann. One of those stranded-puppy-dog looks that Brian was so fond of giving her.

“We won’t be long,” she told him.

The bathroom designated for women was gleaming black onyx, huge.

“So,” said Chloe, “I’m dying to know. I didn’t wanna ask in front of your husband.”

This threw her for a moment. “Oh…Michael’s not my husband.”

“Oh. Shit. The other guy…”

“Right.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s O.K.,” she said. “Really.”

“So…what’s the verdict on the show?”

Mary Ann gave a sheepish shrug. “I’m gonna do it.”

Chloe squealed and hugged her. Though she had never actually experienced it, Mary Ann felt like a freshman at a sorority rush night. “Tell me I won’t be sorry,” she said.

“You won’t be sorry. How’s that?”

Mary Ann smiled at her gamely.

“Is…what’s your husband’s name?”

“Brian.”

“Is he O.K. about it?”

She faltered for a moment, then decided to come clean. Chloe had felt like an ally from the moment she met her. “He’s not going with me,” she said. “We’re getting a divorce.”

Chloe nodded slowly. “Uh-huh.”

“It’s been coming on for a long time.”

“Was this your idea or his?”

“Both, really.”

“Well, that’s good.”

“I’m kind of freaked out about it. I mean, I know it’s the right thing to do, but…it’s a lot of new stuff all at once.”

“You’ll be O.K. Look at you. You’ll land on your feet like a cat.”

“Think so?”

“Absolutely.”

“It’s not just him I’m leaving, though. It’s my whole life here, my friends…Michael out there…”

“They can come see you. This isn’t Zanzibar you’re moving to.”

“Oh, yes it is.”

“Look, you’re talking to an Akron girl, remember? If I can do it…”

“But you did it with somebody you care about…”

“Yeah…well…”

“I am so envious of that. Having somebody on your own wavelength. Who loves the same things you love, laughs at the same jokes. Goes to things with you.”

Chloe looked as if she didn’t quite understand.

“It’s never been that way with me and Brian.”

“What has it been?”

“I don’t know. Sex, mostly.”

Chloe fixed her lips in the mirror. “Poor baby.”

Mary Ann laughed uncomfortably. “I don’t mean we did it all the time. I mean that’s what…you know, kept us together.”

“Is that what you married him for?”

“No, not completely.”

“Then what?”

“He was also…very gentle.” Mary Ann paused. “Plus he didn’t have a name for his dick.”

“Excuse me?”

She rolled her eyes. “For the longest time every guy I dated had a name for his dick.”

“You’re not serious?”

“Yes.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Ol’ Henry or something.”

Chloe snorted. “Ol’ Henry? Was this here or in Ohio?”

“Here! It was so depressing!”

They laughed together raucously.

“So,” said Chloe, recovering. “Ol’ Brian came along with this nameless wonder between his legs…”

Someone knocked on the door.

Muffling their giggles, they composed themselves. “Come in,” said Chloe with exaggerated mellifluousness.

The door swung open slowly and a face appeared. Mary Ann recognized her as one of the pillars of the ballet board. “Oh, I’m sorry,” the woman blurted. “I thought…”

“No problem,” said Chloe. “It’s all yours.”

She recognizes us both, thought Mary Ann. Won’t she have something to tell the girls?

They were in a sort of glass gazebo now, high above the water.

“Shouldn’t we look for the guys?” Mary Ann asked.

“Fuck, no. Let ’em look for us.”

Mary Ann chuckled. She felt a little guilty about deserting Michael, but she knew he could handle himself. Besides, he was probably thrilled to death to be hobnobbing with Russell Rand.

“This house is weird,” said Chloe. “So seventies.”

Mary Ann nodded, though she wasn’t quite sure what Chloe meant.

“This looks like one of those elevators at the Hyatt Regency. You know?”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

“I guess it was pretty hot shit once upon a time. Russell said it was, anyway.”

“This house?” said Mary Ann. “He knows it?”

“He knew the guy who lived here.”

“Oh.”

“Not well, but he came to a few parties.’

Mary Ann nodded.

“If you know what I mean,” said Chloe.

That Eternity Crap

I
SN’T THIS WHERE WE STARTED
?”
ASKED RUSSELL RAND,
grinning boyishly.

They had wandered from one crowded level to another in search of Mary Ann and Chloe. So far, all they’d come up against were slack-jawed fashion victims, people who simply stopped what they were doing and gawked when the famous New Yorker appeared.

“I think you’re right,” said Michael.

“I know I’ve seen that one before.” Rand nodded toward a champagne-blond matron in gold lamé knickers.

“You’re right. Maybe she moved, though.”

“No. She’s been there the whole time. A veritable beacon. I’m sure of it.”

“Well…”

“Oh, Christ.” The designer spun on his heels, ducking his head in the process.

“Who is it?”

Rand seized Michael’s elbow and steered him away from the advancing menace, all the while pantomiming a surprised, jovial greeting to an imaginary person in the other room. Michael played along, waving vaguely to the same phantom.

When they had made their way to a lower, less populated level, Michael laughed and said: “Who was that?”

“Prue Giroux.”

“Oh.”

“You know her?”

“No. I know of her.”

“Don’t
ever
know her. You’ll regret it deeply.”

Michael laughed. “She likes to talk, I hear.”

“Oh, Christ. I thought we could get through here without seeing her this time.” He gazed imploringly at Michael. “Let’s get some air. This is too much for me.”

Without waiting for a response, the designer opened a door leading out to a cliffside rock garden. A pink spotlight beamed through the fog at a bank of succulents. At the end of the path was a stone bench, where Rand sat down with a sigh of relief. “The people in this town are carnivores,” he said.

Michael joined him on the bench. “Not everybody.”

“Well, everybody here.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

“What do you do?” asked Rand.

“I’m a nurseryman.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Uh-huh.”

“That’s a nice solid profession.”

“Well…” Michael shrugged, not sure what to say about that.

“Have you known Mary Ann long?”

“Years.”

“Has she told you about her new show?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Why isn’t her husband here tonight?”

Michael decided not to elaborate. “He doesn’t like this kind of stuff.”

Rand nodded ruefully. “But you do.”

“Not really. She asked me as a special favor.” He hoped he hadn’t come off as her walker.