Surrender (20 page)

22-Goodbye

Kaliel stared at the packed bag against the door and dropped her arms to her side. She hung her head and paced in circles around the small room she had occupied since she had come to Orlondir a summer and a half ago. The Samhain Festival had just ended, and it was beautiful. Luenelle and Pux hadn’t come to visit her this time, but that didn’t matter. She had spent most of her time tucked away in the cave under the falls, waiting for trespassers and attempting not to giggle too loud to scare them away. The waterfall wasn’t a secret anymore to the kinfolk in Evennses, even the sisters in Araraema seemed to know about it.

She glanced in the mirror and touched the bags under her eyes. Her limbs were weak, her stomach barely full of food, and her heart heavy. Of everything she had been afraid of becoming, a Flame was something she never expected. And the thought of Lotesse and the shadowy figure made her shake. She tried to avoid dreaming. Not only had she seen Lotesse, but there was Tiki, and that was something she couldn’t begin to comprehend.

Atara was so cryptic with her answers. The Flames were the jewels of the universe—what did that mean? She felt more like a girl, a girl in love that was awkward and clumsy. What was out there that threatened to take it all away? She pulled her arms around her torso as a thick, sickening feeling crept into her gut. She wanted the fear to subside, but with Shimma’s words and the ordeal pressing against her, it was hard not to melt into the floor.

There was a soft knock and her eyes moved to the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone until tomorrow morning when Istar was to take her to The Kiirar. She didn’t even know where he lived, but it wasn’t in Evennses. Why couldn’t she go to Desaunius? Her childhood elder was versed in the language of herbs and remedies. Kaliel was obviously beyond the helpful scope of teas and tonics. Atara had taught her meditation and second sight, but she was nowhere near reaching her potential in any of her studies.

Another soft knock pulled her out of her stupor. She delicately moved to the door, wincing at the stiffness of her muscles. There was pensive breathing on the other side and her heart quickened. She hadn’t left the room for days, but Krishani was faithful with his visits. She opened the door, his back to it, his face tilted to the roof.

“Krishani?” Kaliel whispered, keeping her voice low.

His eyes fell on her and his expression warmed. He pulled his hands out from behind his back and plopped a rock into her palm. He said nothing as she backed away from the door and he came into the room, shutting the door behind him.

“What’s this?” she asked.

His eyes lit up. “I brought it from the cave.”

“Oh,” she breathed, turning over the plain gray rock in her hands. It was nothing special, but to her it meant memories, something sentimental. In her life she had acquired very little. The birthstone from Evenness was probably the most amazing thing she owned.

She glanced at the bags against the wall and tucked the stone into the hole at the top. There were also tinctures, herb sachets and the birthstone tucked into the bag, things that would make the time pass quickly.

“So I can keep you near me.” She smiled as Krishani shuffled back and forth. She knew he was trying so hard to contain himself. Her room was one of those places the maidens checked often, and she hated that he had to behave himself.

“I don’t agree with Istar,” he began, his eyes scanning the floor.

She knew if he looked at her it would be too hard to resist. There was a bed, it was soft; she tried not to think about it. She grimaced. “I think I have to go.” It wasn’t only Istar’s judgment; it was the death of Lotesse, and the revelation she was a Flame pressing against her temples.

Krishani’s eyes met hers. “I can’t bear to see you this way. I wish he would reconsider.”

She crossed her arms and paced towards the edge of the bed. She sat and closed her eyes. Standing made her chest heavy. “And what about when it happens again?”

Krishani groaned. She wanted to ignore the possibility of the Valtanyana. There was nothing in the lands that would endeavor to take her away from him. Lotesse had to be an accident. He moved towards her, stopping a foot away, making heat race through her limbs. “I want to be there when it happens again.”

She reached for him, sliding her hand into his. “Stop blaming yourself.”

“I should have been here.”

“You came.”

“I was late, the damage was done.”

“It would have happened regardless.”

“Not if you had been at the waterfall with me.”

Kaliel ripped her hand out of his and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. “And then a Flame would be dead, and I wouldn’t know what I am, and I wouldn’t know something is coming for me, or anything else for that matter.”

Krishani closed his eyes. Clearly he didn’t want to fight with her.

She didn’t want to fight either. She was all too aware that the frequencies of his nightmares were increasing. He avoided them by being with her. She was afraid how bad they would become when she was in some unknown place far from him. She stood, wrapped her arms around him, knowing he feared for her. “Why is everything so difficult?”

He closed his eyes and ran his hands through her hair. “I wish you could stay.” He kissed her hair and tightened his arms around her. “Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I should be safe in Avristar. Atara told me there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

“Except for nightmares.”

“Aye,” she whispered, not wanting to admit the nightmares were as bad as the possibility of an attack.

Krishani pulled away and cupped her face in his hands. He stared deep into her green eyes, leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on her lips.

“This and nothing else,” he whispered as he released her and turned to the door.

“Wait.”

He turned; his eyes full of sorrow.

“Will you stay?”

Krishani frowned. “Won’t they check on you?”

She glanced at the trap door. “Can you be quick?”

He moved closer. “I can try.”

She took his hand in hers, running her fingers along his palm. “I don’t want to have more nightmares tonight.”

Krishani dropped his head and moved towards her, almost like he was a dead weight. She hated seeing him like this, the pale flickers of candlelight washing over his sullen features, outlining the angle of his jaw and tapering off into shadows in the crook of his neck.

She didn’t say anything as his hands circled her waist, gripping her ivory dress firmly and pushing her onto the bed. She had been with him long enough to know instinctively what he wanted and yet, this was different. This was her bedroom in the castle, not the cave behind the falls. Without the cover of the falls and the coarse grass poking into her back she felt comfortable and nervous.

Krishani stood over her thoughtfully and she raised her face to study his contemplating eyes, one blue and one green. It was like he wasn’t sure what to do with her next. She gulped as she waited for him to do what he had done so many times before, arching her neck towards him, meaning to wrap herself around him, but he took a step away from the bed, his fingers still locked in hers.

She gave him a puzzled look and he shook his head. “You’re sure they won’t come back?” He stole a glance at the closed door.

Kaliel sighed, and looked at the trap door. It was no secret this would be their last night together for awhile, until she had her abilities under control, until they knew what was hunting her, until she could protect the Flames the way Lotesse had told her to. She bit her lip and Krishani reached up and brushed his thumb across her cheek.

“We could hide in the tower,” she said, her eyes finding the string that dangled from the ceiling. Krishani lifted the corner of his lips and before she knew it she was on her feet and he was pulling down the creaky stairs. He let her go first and she brushed past him, climbing the capricious rungs to the dank wooden floor.

She stood and reached towards the curvature of the turret just above her head. There was the faint slit of a window in the rock, moonlight filtering through it, casting a rectangular shape on the floor. She almost moved to the other side of the tower when hands found her waist and fingers locked together and she felt weightless as Krishani pulled her against him. Her stomach was filled with throngs of butterflies as he dropped his lips to her elongated ear and instead of saying anything he moved further south to the baby soft skin below her jaw. She gulped and tried to hold back the urges racing through her, she wanted him, she always wanted him in a way that was irrational and irresponsible. She closed her eyes as he rocked back and forth like they were dancing. Her hands covered his as he dropped them lower, one hand trailing to the fabric against her thigh, the other hovering somewhere above her naval. She took a sharp breath and Krishani stiffened, his lips moving from her shoulder to her ear.

“Do you want me to stop?” he whispered and she felt faint as he pressed himself against her harder. She curled her fingers against his hand, the one on her thigh. She wanted to drink him in like he was the crystal clear waters of the lake and drown in him like she had forgotten what it was like to breathe. She didn’t have to say anything as his hand flowed in sync with hers, hitching up the hem of her dress and pressing his warm skin against her bare thigh. He pressed his other hand to her stomach harder and she felt heat spread through her.

“Don’t move,” he whispered. His forehead rested against her shoulder, his breathing ragged as she guided his hand between her legs. He slipped a finger inside her and she moaned, ecstasy trilling through her. Even in the cave he hadn’t ventured to touch her like that, but desperation to escape her nightmares and his came to a climax. She belonged to him, and wasn’t afraid of the things he wanted to do her.

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