Surrender (The Forbidden Series Book 3) (2 page)

Two

Kira

We own a small bar on the main street in town – JK’s. Our initials. Jon and Kira. A little twee, perhaps? Maybe. I just wanted to do something that meant I could spend time with the man I love. Something that actually nudged ordinary. Something relatively normal. And this, it’s nice. The bar might not be big but it’s become a meeting place for a lot of people we like to call regulars now because everyone here in town, they’ve welcomed me and Jon with open arms. From the day we first arrived to start our new and uncertain life they were there, with offers of support and invites to dinner. We had friends before we’d even unpacked our first suitcase. And they know nothing about our past, no details of who we used to be, and that’s just how we want it. To them we’re just the English couple who wanted a fresh start, and beyond that they’ve asked no questions. And for that both Jon and I are grateful. Because we needed to make that fresh start, without the past holding us back. And that’s exactly what we got – a brand new start; a whole new life.

‘What you got there?’ Jon asks as he hauls a crate of beer up onto the bar, where I’m sitting eating toast and checking through the mail we didn’t have time to sort through at home.

‘Wedding invitation,’ I reply, feeding him the last of my toast.

‘Joey and Benni?’

‘Who else do we know who’s getting married?’

He smiles and jerks his head back and I lean over to let him kiss me, tasting butter from the toast on his lips. ‘Us.’

I return his smile and kiss him back. ‘Yeah, but, I don’t think either of us need a reminder about turning up for that one.’ I slide down from the bar and shove the post back into my bag.

‘So, when do they want us in New York?’ Jon begins taking the beer from the crate and for a few seconds I just watch him. We’ve barely even mentioned New York since we came here. It’s a place that’s felt so far away these past few months, but now we’re going back, for the first time since I turned my back on that other life I’d almost started living. And I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it just yet.

‘A couple of days before the wedding, Joey says.’ I edge closer to Jon and rest my chin on his shoulder, sliding my hand down the back pocket of his jeans. ‘So, we might be spending New Year in New York, but at least we get Christmas at home.’

‘And you’re OK with that?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

He takes my hand and turns to face me. ‘I just thought you might want to spend
this
Christmas with Joey and Benni, that’s all. I mean, you told me last Christmas was the first one you’d spent apart from Joey in ten years, and what with him getting married and everything, and our wedding not that far away…’

‘A lot’s changed, Jon. Things are very different. We’ve all moved on. Joey’s got Benni now, and all the New York Bam-Bams family, and I’ve…’ I grab hold of his shirt and pull him closer, kissing him deep and dirty as he groans into me, ‘I’ve got you.’

He laughs quietly, his fingers brushing against the side of my neck, and I shiver. ‘Yeah. You got me.’ He takes my left hand and lifts it to his mouth, kissing the engagement ring he put on there just a few months ago. ‘You got me good.’

I slide a hand around the back of his neck and push him down, kissing him slowly, loving the normality this new life has brought me. Is this what I could have had if we’d just taken our chances and ran, all those years ago? Or would we have constantly been looking over our shoulders? Maybe it’s fate we were meant to wait all this time before we could finally love each other the way we never could before. All I know is he’s here now, and we’re together, and I love him with every beat of my battered heart.

‘And you’re alright? About going back to New York?’

I pull back from him slightly and frown. But there’s a part of me that always knew, from the second Joey and Benni announced that they were getting married, that this conversation was going to happen. ‘I’m fine about it.’ But I also know that neither of us is going to mention the real reason why I may be just a little unsure about my return to Manhattan. We both know it’s there, like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off, but nobody’s going to say anything. Not until we have to.

He kisses my forehead and squeezes my waist. ‘OK.’ And then he lets go of me and goes back to unpacking the beer.

Subject closed.

For now.

And our new life continues.

Neal

I throw the invitation down onto the bar and pour myself a shot of whiskey.

‘Bit early for that, isn’t it?’

I glance up, fixing Joey with a look that tells him I’m not really in the mood.

‘You got yours, then,’ he says, picking up the invitation and turning it over in his hand.

‘You could’ve just shoved it under my office door. You didn’t need to post it when we see each other almost every day.’

He looks at me and purses his lips and I hope he isn’t gonna launch into one of his lectures. I’ve had a few of those over this past year, and even though I probably needed and deserved most of them, I’m really not in the mood to hear one now. ‘I thought you’d be pleased.’

‘About what?’ I ask, pouring myself a second whiskey. And he’s right, it
is
a bit early but fuck it. I need the hit.

‘You
know
what.’ He leans over the bar and takes the whiskey right out of my hand.

‘Hey! What the hell are you doing?’

‘I’m making you a coffee,’ he says, striding back behind the bar and switching on the machine.

‘What exactly am I supposed to be pleased about, Joey?’ I lean back against the counter and fold my arms, watching him as he fusses about fetching me a mug and tidying up the small mess I’ve made in the ten minutes since I arrived here at The Playroom.

‘Nothing. Forget I said anything.’

I push a hand through my hair and sigh quietly, bowing my head and breathing in deep. ‘Is she coming, Joey?’ I look up, and his eyes meet mine, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to.

‘Drink this.’

‘I’m OK, Joey.’

Again, he just looks at me and stays silent. He knows I’m really not OK. I haven’t been OK since the day she walked out of my life, I’ve just learned to get on with things. I’ve learned to accept that, sometimes, life deals you shit and you’ve just got to live with it.

‘How’s Helen?’

He leans back against the counter behind him and mirrors my stance, folding his arms, his eyes on me as I sip my coffee.

I shrug. ‘She’s fine. To be honest, you probably see more of her than I do.’

‘She’s still refusing to set foot in here, then?’

‘Yep.’ I can’t help a small smile escaping. ‘But it’s nice to see
you’ve
finally gotten over your Playroom phobia.’

He smiles back, and I’m grateful, that he comes down here more regularly, even though I know he’s just checking up on me. It’s what he does, he’s a naturally caring person. ‘Yes, well, there’s no weird stuff going on in here at half past ten in the morning so I figure I’m safe.’

I laugh quietly and take another sip of coffee, eyeing the tumbler of whiskey which is still sitting on the bar. If I could just reach out and grab it it’d make this coffee even more welcome than it already is. But Joey reads my mind and removes it from within grasping distance, pouring it down the sink.

‘Hey, Joey, come on! That’s my best bourbon that is.’

‘You’re hardly destitute, Blue Eyes. I don’t think one wasted shot is going to bankrupt you. And I hope this isn’t becoming a habit of yours.’

‘What?’

I finish the coffee and place the mug down behind me.

‘Drinking. Before lunch.’

‘I’m just having a bad few days, Joey, is all.’

Neither of us says anything for a couple of beats, and I dig my hands into my pockets because I know where this conversation’s going now. Both of us do.

‘Yes. She’s coming. Of course she’s coming.’

I raise my head and look straight at Joey. ‘Alone?’

He shakes his head, and I feel my stomach lurch. ‘Look, Neal, I think there’s something else you should know. And maybe I should have told you this sooner, but I didn’t know how you’d take it, so…’

I narrow my eyes and hold his gaze. ‘Told me what?’

‘Kira and Jon, they’re getting married, too.’

His words are like a hammer to my heart, slamming into me with a painful force that almost makes me want to cry out. ‘When?’ I whisper, still refusing to tear my eyes away from him.

‘Valentine’s Day, next year.’

‘Bit predictable, don’t you think?’

I’m only being like this because I’m trying to make it look as though I couldn’t care less, when I care way too much. But there’s no point in me wishing and hoping anymore, is there? Not now. She really has made her choice, and maybe this is the kick up the ass I need to make me finally realise that moving on is the only option I have left now.

‘If this is going to be uncomfortable for you, Neal…’

‘Would you prefer it if I stayed away, from the wedding? Would that be better for everyone?’

I’m acting like a kid who’s just thrown all their toys out of the pram now, I know that. And I’m trying to pull myself back from this childish behaviour, I really am, but it’s almost like I’m not in control anymore.

‘You’re my friend, Neal. You’re one of my closest friends. One of my
best
friends. So is Kira. I want
both
of you there.’

‘Has she said anything? About me? Has she ever even asked how I am?’

He shakes his head and again I feel my stomach lurch.

‘She’s doing OK, though? Right?’

‘She’s doing good, Neal. She’s just trying to get on with her life. Which is exactly what
you
should be doing, too. Helen’s good for you, and she adores you. And I know she’s got some kind of aversion to coming down here, but…’

‘Yeah, well, that’s becoming a problem, Joey.’

He folds his arms tighter against himself, and his expression changes. ‘You’re not thinking of…?’

‘Dumping her? No. I just wish she’d get over whatever it is she can’t get her head around.’

‘Not everyone’s mind is as open as yours, handsome.’

‘Kira’s was.’

I really hadn’t meant to say those words out loud, and I think Joey knows that.

‘Look, Joey, I… I’m not gonna do anything to ruin your wedding day, I promise you that. I’m fine, OK? I’ve accepted that she’s moved on, and I really am trying my best to do the same, so, seeing her again – I’m gonna be fine. Really.’

He smiles and gives my shoulder a quick squeeze as he walks back out from behind the bar. ‘I know you are. After all, it’s going to be one long party, my wedding day. There won’t be time to focus on anything other than enjoying yourself, I can guarantee that.’ He winks at me before he heads off back upstairs to Bam-Bams and I once more eye the bottle of bourbon that sits taunting me on the shelf opposite. But I don’t think I need it anymore. I’m OK. I’m good.
 
She’s getting married, and I can deal with that. I knew she was probably never gonna come back to me, so this is no real surprise.