Surrendering to Us (26 page)

I went in to check on him and decided not to wake him yet. His wet hair was all over the place, and he was sleeping on his back, which he almost never did unless he was exhausted. I stood beside the bed and pushed some of his hair out of his eyes. He was going to have a hell of a cowlick when he woke up. I had to stop watching him because it made my heart feel like it was going to burst, and I wanted to cry.

I backed out of the room and shut the door, moving back to the couch and turning on the television for a little while.

Two hours later, I heard noises in the bedroom and Lucah emerged, his eyes still squinty with sleep and his hair something else entirely.

“Good morning, my love.” He groped his way toward the couch and collapsed down next to me. He was naked when he’d gone to bed, but he’d put some boxers on before he came out.

“What time is it?”

“Uh, nearly nine.”

“Shit, we should get back.” He tried to get up, but didn’t quite make it.

“It’s okay. Sloane and April and Tate have it. I’ve been texting them.” He nodded.

“Are you hungry? There’s pizza. I didn’t do anything fancy with it, but I’ve been keeping it warm in the oven for you.” His stomach growled as if it had been listening to me.

“Be right back.” I went and got the pizza, cut slices and put them on paper towels because I was too lazy for plates.

“Dinner is served. Do you want something to drink?” He nodded.

“Thank you, this is great.” I grabbed two bottles of water and sat back down with him while we each inhaled our first slice, and then went back for seconds and thirds. I’d never eaten that much pizza in my life. Between the two of us, we finished the entire thing in less than ten minutes.

“That was the best pizza I’ve ever had,” Lucah said, folding his hands on his stomach and leaning back.

“Food always tastes better when you’re really hungry,” I said, trying to figure out if I could get up from the couch.

“Yes it does. But still. We should probably get back.” He actually made it to his feet this time.

“Um, you might want to put some pants on first. And maybe a shirt,” I said as he pulled me up as well. I’d just thrown a robe on when I got out of the shower, so I had to actually get dressed.

What seemed like hours later, but was only a few minutes, we were dressed and heading back to the hospital.

“Will you stay the entire night again?” I said.

“I think I should, at least until they release him, which will probably be tomorrow. And speaking of that, I need to ask you something. I’ve been thinking about it all day, but I wanted to ask you before we make any final arrangements.” I waited as we rode down the elevator to the first floor.

“And what is that?”

His eyes watched the numbers go down instead of looking at my face. “I, uh, want Ryder to move in with us.”

My jaw hit the floor. Or at least close to it.

“I just don’t think we should send him back where he was, wherever that was. The people he was living with haven’t even bothered to call, or check in on him even though they knew that he was in the hospital. Plus, they’re part of the problem. We talked today, and he told me that he’s been trying to get off drugs for a while now, but they were always high, so it wasn’t the best environment for him to quit in. And I feel partially responsible for what happened. For not being there for him.” I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, but I didn’t think that was going to get me anywhere. I got over my initial shock pretty damn fast.

“Well, we have an extra bedroom,” I responded, because that was the best thing I could think of to say.

“Are you serious? You’re okay with this?” The elevator opened to the ground floor, and he moved to get out. He was looking at me as if I’d just handed him a check for ten million dollars.

“If Ryder is up for it, we have the space, so of course. He’s your family, and so he’s part of my family. You’ve done a lot for me, and for Sloane.” He opened his mouth and then closed it, at a loss for words. Then he grabbed my face and kissed me fiercely. We hadn’t kissed like that since the situation started with Ryder, and I’d missed it, even though it had been less than two days.

“I love you so much that I can’t breathe sometimes. How did I find you?” His thumbs skimmed my cheeks and he smiled so big, I thought his face might crack. I was smiling too.

“eBay.”

He leaned forward once more and kissed each cheek and then the tip of my nose and the middle of my forehead.

“It’ll take some getting used to, having him around, but it will only be temporary. I’ll get him set up with his own place, and get his ass employed and he’s going to get his shit together whether he wants to or not. And then we can go about our merry way.”

The last part made me laugh as I imagined Lucah and I skipping through a field of wildflowers.

“Now we just have to break it to Ryder.” Lucah said as he hailed a cab.

“Oh, I’m sure he’s going to be
thrilled
about it.”

That was an understatement.

“You are fucking kidding me!” Ryder said when Lucah pitched him the idea. We’d stopped at Ryder’s favorite taco place to pick up a bunch of tacos to soften the blow, but it didn’t really work. He’d known something was up. Sloane had gone to make a few phone calls, and April and Tate were out in the hallway talking about something kid-related.

“I am not moving in with you. I’m not some stupid kid. I’m an adult. I have my own fucking life.” His face was getting red, but so was Lucah’s.

“Yeah, you do Ryder, and look where you ended up. In the fucking hospital. You can’t keep living this way, and I will be damned if I’m going to let you fuck your life up any more than you already have. What would Mom and Dad think?”

There was a charged silence after Lucah’s outburst. The two men were nearly shaking, they were so worked up. I was torn between thinking that I should leave them to it, and staying to make sure they didn’t get into it. On the plus side, we were already in a hospital.

I stayed.

The rage simmered and I thought it was going to explode, but it didn’t. Ryder looked away from Lucah and out the window.

“I’m not trying to punish you, Ryder. I’m fucking trying to keep you alive. And like it or not, I’m all you’ve got. Me and Tate. I can’t lose any more of my family, I can’t. Don’t make me have to.” Lucah’s voice went from loud to soft and intense. Ryder kept glaring out the window, but I could tell that he was fighting a losing battle. He might be a grown man, but he was still Lucah’s little brother. Something like that didn’t change, no matter how old you got.

“You don’t have to talk to me, that’s fine. Give me the silent treatment. Get it out of your system. But when you leave this hospital, you will be moving in with us, and you will be going to counseling. If you can’t comply with that, then I will be very happy to tell the hospital that you can’t be responsible for yourself and need to be admitted to a treatment facility. Trust me, that place probably isn’t going to have food cooked by Sloane Harris every night.” At the mention of Sloane’s name, Ryder startled, just a microscopic amount.

“I am going to get some coffee, and I will be back.” Lucah left the room and I followed him.

“What’s going on?” Tate said, looking worried. Lucah explained the situation as Sloane came back with coffee for everyone.

“Are you sure you’re up for that? It’s going to be like having a full-grown toddler in your house. I would say he could come and live with us, but I think that might make things worse, and I don’t know about having him with the girls.” I could understand that, absolutely. Which was why letting him stay with us was really the only option, and the best option.

“We’re up for it, aren’t we, Sunshine?” Lucah slung his arm around me. “We probably won’t even notice he’s there.” That was the biggest lie I’d ever heard, but I didn’t call him out on it because I wanted to believe it.

“He could stay with me,” Sloane said, looking at the coffee cup in her hand.

I had the urge to scream,
NO
, but Lucah cut in for me.

“He’s my brother. My responsibility—” He was then cut off by Ryder standing in the doorway of his room, hanging onto his IV pole.

“I’m not anyone’s fucking responsibility, and I’m sick of you talking about me out here. So if you’re going to do it, go somewhere else.” He turned around and I hid my eyes because his gown was tied in the back, but not very well. There was a lot of exposure.

We all stood there silently after Ryder called us out.

“On that note, I think we’re going to head home,” April said. “We’ll talk about . . . everything at some other time.” There was more hugging and then they left.

“I also think I’m going to head home. I have a lot of laundry to do. Keep me updated.” More hugs for Sloane and then it was Lucah and me and a surly Ryder.

“I’m thinking maybe we should both spend the night at home. Give him some space. The nurses are watching him and the doctor is always on call.” Ryder had to meet with a psychiatrist and would have to continue doing so for a little while to make sure that he wasn’t harming himself further. They were also changing his medication.

“I think that would be a good idea. He’s kind of been in a fishbowl lately.” We both spoke in low voices so Ryder couldn’t overhear.

“True. I’ll go tell him we’re leaving. Why don’t you stay out here?” I nodded and he went to say goodnight to Ryder. Only a few minutes later he was closing the door and shaking his head.

“This is going to be interesting.”

The realization that Ryder was going to be moving in with us the next day hit both of us as soon as we got back. We had a bed in the spare room, but we hadn’t really decorated it or anything. Plus we were going to have to feed him, and . . .

“I can see you starting to panic,” Lucah said as he got out some sheets for the bed while I made sure the drawers in the room were empty.

“I’m not panicking. I’m just . . . “ I didn’t know what I was. I’d never lived with another boy before. Lucah had been the first, and obviously it was different than living with Ryder. I barely knew him.

“It’s going to be an adjustment, but I’ll deal.” I gave him what I hoped was a confident smile and went to check the refrigerator to make sure there was actually food in it. It was well-stocked, and I couldn’t remember it being that way when we left. Just as I was about to go back down the hall and thank the refrigerator fairy (otherwise known as Sloane), there was a knock at the door.

I didn’t think it was her at first because she almost never knocked, but it was.

“Wow, this is new. The knocking and everything,” I said as I let her in. She had a box full of . . . stuff.

“What’s this?”

“Just some things for Ryder. I know he doesn’t have a lot of stuff, so I went out and got some shaving cream, and shampoo and I brought him some clothes I had kicking around.” She always had clothes “kicking around” at the most convenient of times.

“You really didn’t have to do this,” I said as she proceeded to take the box into the guest room and surprise Lucah.

“I know, but I wanted to. So there. Take it or leave it.” Lucah didn’t say a word as she started folding shirts and putting them in the drawers.

“Speaking of Ryder’s stuff, are you going to go over and get it from wherever he was crashing? Has he told you where he was?” I asked Lucah as Sloane flitted around the room, putting everything in order.

Lucah and I stood back and watched. It was like one of those home makeover shows, only it was happening in our apartment.

“Um, he just had a duffel full of his stuff and someone dropped it off at the hospital for him, minus his cash of course, and I guess that’s all he had. So he can just bring it when he comes tomorrow.”

Sloane finally emptied the box and turned around, a triumphant smile on her face.

“Tada! Now we just need to get something on the walls and some candles and this place will be livable.” I didn’t know what she was talking about. The sheets were 400 thread count, and the furniture was from Pottery Barn. It was by no means uninhabitable.

“Candles?” Lucah said, one ginger eyebrow raised.