Survival -Guardians of Vesturon [1] (16 page)

The next day, I returned to Madeline’s side, to check on her progress. At least, that’s what I told myself. The truth? I just could not tolerate the separation anymore.

As soon as I entered her quarters, the questions hit me. She was
not
giving up on finding the answers. So, I again was forced to give her vague responses. I knew she wasn’t satisfied, and I could see her fiery nature at war with my explanations. She clearly wasn’t accepting my vague answers.

Maddie was a part of every thought I owned. I was tormented by her, as I knew that what I indubitably desired could never be. The kisses we shared, though brief, ignited something within me that I could not put out of my mind. I had never experienced such depth of emotion over a female. I was at a loss and unable to cope with it, yet I could think of nothing else.

I finally did the impossible. I made the decision to leave her because of the feelings she evoked in me. I had no experience in these matters, but this was interfering with everything I did, clouding my judgment, rendering me ineffective. I had to back away in order to maintain my sanity. It was self-preservation.

I ventured out on patrol, in a pitiful attempt at escaping from my situation, Maddie, my duties, my obligations, and myself.

I also searched for that despicable barbarian. I wanted to be the one to find him, so I could mete out the proper punishment. This was completely out of character for me as I was usually the levelheaded pacifist. That I wanted to seek out vengeance for this wrong should have spoken volumes to me.

I thought of ways I could get Maddie to Vesturon to be healed, ways in which I could do it undetected, and then erase her memory so no harm on either side would be done. Sadly, I could not find a way to do this. If I acted on this idea of mine, there would be a great price for me to pay. I just had to decide if the steep price was worth it.

I wanted to confide in my family, but I knew that would only cause problems for them. I had to find the answer myself, and it would take some soul searching and discoveries.

I finally made the decision to send her back to her world. I would have Therron, Rykerian and Tesslar return her and erase her memory from everything that happened after she went on her hike. I wanted them to dissolve her memory of her attacker. It would be better if she didn’t face nightmares of her captivity. They would take her to a hospital in Spartanburg, and leave her for the medical personnel to find her. She would be ensured of the best care there, and she would learn to function with her disability in her world—a world in which she was familiar.

I could not be a part of this for I knew I would be unable to let her go when the time came.

I made one final visit to her—to tell her good-bye and to apologize for any pain or misery I may have caused her. I still was unable to tell her the truth. It nearly killed me to do this to her. I could feel the depths of her emotions. I wanted so badly to stay, but that was not possible. I then did the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I turned and walked away from her, cursing the Vesturions and the way our souls latched on to their mates. I never understood how consuming and painful it could be.

* * * * *

Weeks passed, but instead of the pain diminishing, it worsened. She had unwittingly attached herself to my heart and soul, ever present in my mind. I had hoped her absence would absolve these feelings of mine. That could not have been further from the truth. She was like air and water to me, the basic requirements of life. Without her, survival would never be possible.

I began to dream of her nightly. The dreams were vividly explicit, not like the normal dreams I was used to. I could feel her warmth when I touched her. I could see and hear her. I saw us with my family on Vesturon. I saw her with young children, and somehow, I knew they were ours. In one dream, I glimpsed her wrists and noticed they bore the markings of a Vesturion mate. I would awaken from these dreams shaken, disturbed and deeply saddened because they were only dreams.

Finally, tired of trying to fool myself any longer, I decided to request assistance and guidance from the Divine Being. I would beg for His help if I must. I didn’t know where else to turn.

That evening, after returning home, I went to my special place outdoors. It was high on a mountaintop with a staggering view of the celestial heavens. The night was clear and cool, with a slight breeze whispering through the trees. I knelt down, bowed my head and reached out to the Divine Being for answers. The mist encircled me, enfolded my spirit, and I abruptly became aware of His presence.

“What is it that you seek, my son?” He enquired.

“I need much assistance from You with a decision I have to make.”

“I have sensed your troubled spirit. Does this decision involve the young female you rescued?”

“Yes, and I am facing something I do not know how to handle. She has a severed spinal cord from her fall, and she is paralyzed. I would like to take her to Vesturon to be healed, but I would be breaking our Covenant.”

“This is indeed a difficult choice.”

“There is another integral part to this story which is much larger than that of her injury. I have become emotionally bonded to her. I cannot function without her as part of my thoughts. She is ever present in my heart, mind and soul, and I know not what to do.”

“Your honesty is refreshing as I know of this bond. Rayn, this female is your destiny, as you are hers. This union with the human is going to cause you much pain and suffering. It is your fate, so you must make your decision in this matter very carefully.”

“Can you not tell me what path to take? Am I to take her to Vesturon? Is she to be my mate?”

“I have told you of your fate, but I cannot tell you more. You must find these answers yourself. She is a virtuous female with a strong and loyal heart. Follow your heart to the path that is as it should be. Remember, Rayn, life is and should be lived as a mystery, not something with all the answers you desire.”

“But…”

The mist dissipated, and I was left alone, still unsure of how to move forward. Evidently, Maddie was my path to the future, but, this was going to anger my family. What would my father say? I couldn’t begin to imagine, nor did I want to. I had always chosen the path that pleased him. Was this a kind of test for us both? I loved my father and did not want to cause any discord, but I could no longer continue on this path of mine.

I woke with the sun the next morning, its amber rays bringing a picture of Maddie’s eyes to mind. I couldn’t remember returning home after my communing with the Deity. I couldn’t even recall climbing between the sheets and falling asleep. My mind, now solely focused on Maddie, didn’t allow any other thoughts to invade its depths.

I began to visit her nightly. Initially, I thought I would just enter her dreams to ensure she was happy. What I discovered shocked me to the core. Her dreams were mirror images of mine. I saw through her mind, what I had seen in my own. Surely this had to mean something. Why else would our dreams be aligned? I had heard of this before, but only with bonded mates whose souls had merged. Maybe this was supposed to happen as part of our destiny.

I came to the conclusion that I would need to air my dilemma with one of my brothers. My decision was made with Maddie. I would give her the choice of going to Vesturon or staying here. But first, I needed to inform Therron and explain my decision to him. I knew he would be hurt and upset with me, but as this was my destiny, I had no choice.

“What is it, Rayn?” Therron inquired.

“I need to make you aware of something. I tell you of this for two reasons: one, because I respect you as my brother, and two, because you would stand in my place if something happens to me. Make no mistake Therron, I do not seek your approval for this.”

I explained my predicament and how I desired to take Maddie as my mate.

Before I could say another word, Therron shrieked back, “What? What are you saying Rayn? You cannot be thinking of this! For the love of the Deity, she is human!”

I quickly shot back, holding up my hand, “Therron, as I have already said, I am not asking for your approval or for your permission. There is so much more to this.”

I raked my hand through my hair, which was my telltale sign of frustration. Then, I began my usual pacing. I knew in moments, Therron would be matching me, step for step. We always seemed to be in sync.

“When we first saw Madeline, I felt an unbelievable magnetism, a force, drawing me to her. I tried by best to shake it, to deny it, to walk away and forget about it. But every day it kept growing stronger. Surely, you have noticed how strange I’ve been acting lately. Did you stop to think why I’ve spent so much time on patrol? Why I’ve been away so much?”

Therron just stared back at me with a look of shock upon his usually calm face. His jaws were clenched, and I could see the little muscles on either side of his cheeks twitching.

I was impossibly calm as I spoke. “I tried everything in my power to forsake this, but it was not to be.”

I looked up to the heavens as I continued, “Do you remember that time when we were youngsters back on Vesturon and you just had to have that speedster—the fastest one made—but Father forbade it? You kept hounding him repeatedly, and he wouldn’t relent. So you took it upon yourself to find one and steal it. Do you remember?”

“Remember? How could I forget that? I was punished for years, it seemed. I was banned from everything. Father was always so strict, and he was not pleased I had actually stolen the blasted thing. But what does this have to do with you?”

“Think back Therron. Do you remember how you felt when you just had to have it?”

Therron nodded. I could tell his thoughts went back, and he was remembering that day. “I did not think I could live without it,” he admitted.

“Therron, what I am feeling now for Maddie is a billion times stronger than that. My protective instincts are in high gear where she is concerned. It is something I have never before experienced. I can feel her anguish and pain, like she is a part of me. It is not going away. Therron, I can feel her soul coiled around mind. I have even discussed this with the Divine Being.”

“You did what? You called on our Deity? And received an answer? Are you insane?”

We were now both walking in circles, our actions mirroring each other’s.

I stopped and turned to face him. “I did. Maddie is my fate, my future. I had to call upon the Divine Being because I want to take her to Vesturon so that Julian can treat her spinal injury.”

Therron abruptly dropped to the ground and placed his head into his hands.

“Dear heavens above, what are you saying? If you do this Rayn, you will be imprisoned. Father will bring his wrath down upon you. You will be stripped of your rank and disinherited. You will become a criminal, and, worse, you will be treated as one. Do you understand what I am saying to you?”

He arose and came to me and grabbed my shoulders. “Please, Rayn, for the love of everything, you must rethink this. I beg you. Please, do not do this.” His beautiful eyes were pleading with me.

With more peace and serenity I had felt in days, I placed my hands on his shoulders and calmly replied, “I absolutely understand…everything. Therron, what I am saying to you is that I am willing to take that chance or risk anything for that matter. I cannot live with myself knowing she is out there, and there is something I can do for her. I struggled with this before we even returned her to the hospital. I knew if we did that, and cleansed her memories, she could go on with her life, without any interruptions from me.”

I dropped my arms from him and resumed my pacing. “Her mind is strong, however, and every night, she dreams of me. Therron, we have dream walked together. I can no longer stay away from her, and I will be with her, if she will have me. I am afraid we are deeply connected, Therron.”

“Is she aware of all of this? Wait, what are you saying? You have dream walked with her? That is impossible.” Therron just shook his head, as if he were trying to allow himself to understand all of this. “She is human; she does not have that capability.”

“I do not know. I have heard of it in bonded mates, but never with a human. Therron, there exists something between us that I cannot explain.”

“Does the human know any of this?” he asked, while we still walked in circles.

“Not yet. I am planning on letting her choose what she wants. If she chooses to go to Vesturon for the cure, I will take her. If she refuses me, I will leave her be. I’m telling you this because if she chooses the latter, I can no longer stay here. I will request to return to Vesturon. That is why I needed to discuss this with you. Either way, you are going to be required to fulfill my role. If I take Maddie, I will most likely be rank stripped which leaves you as second in command here, to step in as Leader of the Guardians.”

Therron stood up and came to me. I tapped into his thoughts and felt his torment.

“My brother, I know this is difficult, but I beg of you to at least try to understand my position here. I know you understand me better than anyone, to the point of knowing me better than myself at times, so please find it in your heart to know that I do not choose this without great thought and trepidation. But also know that I would do anything for her.”

He bowed before me, placed his hand over his heart, and spoke to me in the ancient language, “
Brother of mine, I will stand at your back and protect you always. If this female is worthy of your love and honor, she too will have my protection
.”

I briefly laughed and said, “Therron, I am not sure if
I
am worthy of
her
. I am unsure if she will trust me enough to go with me. After all, we have wiped out her memory, and when I return it to her, she will know I abandoned her in the caves. I do not know if she will even want me.”

“Rayn, one thing I do know about you is that when you set your mind to something, you will not stop until you achieve your goals. If your goal is to be with this female, then so you shall be. When do you go to her?”