Susan Spencer Paul (13 page)

“I’m not beautiful!” she sobbed unhappily.

“Ah, you are,” he said, stroking her hair. “So very beautiful, my wife.”

“No!” she insisted. “No!”

“Yes. Oh, yes, you are. Beautiful as none other is. Your hair is the color of the stars, Lillis. White and pure as they are. And your skin is smooth and—rabbit’s fur—that’s just what it is. White and smooth, soft, like a white rabbit’s fur. And your eyes, madam—” he set his fingers beneath her chin and lured her wet eyes upward “—your eyes are the loveliest shade of blue I have ever seen. Very light and clear.” He tilted his head consideringly, looking into her disbelieving face. “Not like the sky, exactly. Not the pale blue of water, either. Perhaps a combination of both. There is a light blue stone I’ve seen which, when polished, reminds me of your eyes.” He tilted his head the other direction, still considering her. “I cannot believe you do not know these things. Were there no mirrors at Tynedale? Did no one ever tell you the truth?”

Lillis lifted a hand and wiped her cheeks, sniffling, blinking. “The sisters told me how I looked. They told me my coloring was odd, that I was mannish and unladylike and would be fortunate to find a husband who was as tall as I. And this is true,” she insisted when Alexander made a face. “You cannot deny that I am tall and ungainly.”

“I do not deny that you are tall,” he agreed, “but you have never appeared ungainly, my lady. Perhaps, when you were growing you were given to some amount of clumsiness. That is common enough in all growing creatures.” He had a fleet vision of her childish awkwardness being like that of a young deer trying to gain its feet—a sight both fascinating and lovely to watch.

“I am not beautiful,” she said once more. “No one has ever said so before. None of the other girls—no one. It cannot be true.”

Alexander smiled and lifted a hand to stroke her cheek. “You are a victim of ignorance, my dear. No female, vain of her own beauty, will admit that another is lovelier than she, especially not when the other is so very much lovelier. The sisters of Tynedale, I can only think, must have wanted to keep you from growing too great in your own estimation, and thus never spoke of your beauty to you. The men who passed through Tynedale were probably too stricken to speak to you, afraid that such a fair maid would spurn them outright. Indeed, Ywain Giraut received a strike on the head for his pains. You never encouraged any of them, did you, Lillis? You assumed they found you unattractive.”

Silently she nodded. “I am not beautiful. Not beautiful as Lady Barbara is.”

“My cousin is indeed lovely,” he admitted, “but her beauty is very different from yours. Your beauty, my lady, is unique, like none I’ve ever before seen.”

Her tears had stopped, and Lillis set both hands on Alexander’s shoulders and pushed from his embrace.

“You are fanciful, my lord,” she told him, “but sometimes kind. Sometimes. I am sorry that I called you cruel.”

Alexander felt bereft when she left his arms, and cold from the lack of her warmth. Yet he held his expression blank and replied, “If you think me fanciful, madam, then you know nothing of me.” It was no more than the truth. He was no romantic, but a practical man with a practical mind. Alexander realized, with something of a jolt, that if circumstances had fallen differently, if he’d had to court Lillis of Wellewyn in order to make her his bride, he wouldn’t have had the least idea of how to go about doing so. Which was certainly one reason why he’d been so grateful for Barbara, whom he’d never had to bother courting at all. “And if I have sometimes been unkind to you, it was not intentional.”

She had returned to the bench, and sat wearily upon it. “Any man who tells his wife that he is going to take her children away from her is certainly not intentionally kind.”

“I never said I would take your children from you,” Alexander replied tautly, his former gentleness gone. “I merely stated that they would be raised at Gyer, as they should be. And I have told you that you may live here, as well, if it pleases you to do so.”

Lillis felt too weary to begin an argument, especially with Alexander of Gyer, who had evidently lost very few of them, if any, in his lifetime. Instead she asked him a question that had kept her awake for part of the previous night.

“Have you fathered any bastards, my lord?”

His look of shock was rather what she’d expected, but it passed quickly, and instead of shouting at her, he stated very calmly, “I believe I shall write the sisters of Tynedale and express my displeasure with the training you received there. How many men, I wonder, would not beat their wives for speaking to them in such a crude manner?”

Lillis found his words funny, and discomposed him by laughing. “Was it wrong of me to ask?” she questioned. “Forgive me, my lord. I was only curious, since you told me that Baldwins inherit certain familial features. I wondered how you would know this is so, unless you had children of your own already.”

He frowned at her. “You are a very odd female,” he said. “Your personality matches the uniqueness of your features, I think. Would you be upset were I to tell you that I had children outside of marriage?”

“Oh, no, my lord,” she answered quickly. “Men are given to do such things, I understand, and children can be the greatest blessing of life. I should only be angered if you gave them no support, though I cannot believe even you would be that hard-hearted.”

“Thank you,” he said dryly, sitting beside her. “I have no children out of wedlock, or none that I know of, leastwise. I have always been careful about such things. A man who cannot keep from peopling the world with his bastards is an idiot for whom there is no excuse. I despise such men.”

Lillis regarded her husband with some surprise, and not a little approval. “You are wise, my lord,” she said softly, and when he looked at her she smiled. “Justin and Candis said that there is a pond in the garden.”

Alexander nodded, and wondered if the throbbing in his chest foreboded some dire illness. “Yes, there is. We keep a supply of fish there for our meals. Would you like to see it?” Standing, he held out his hand to her.

“Yes, I should, thank you.” She placed her hand in his.

“I’ll show you the rest of the gardens first,” he said as he led her forward, setting her hand on his arm and keeping it there.

“If it pleases you to do so.”

“It does. You should see everything.”

“Yes, I suppose I should. You may decide to never let me out again after this.”

“On the contrary,” he said. “I shall bring you out at least once a day for the remainder of your time here. Weather permitting, of course. I should have thought to do so earlier. It was lax of me not to know that you would enjoy being out of doors during the day.” It was more than lax, he thought, it was purely unlike him. Never before had his usually competent brain been so useless and weak.

She glanced at him with surprise. “Your cousin will not like that,” she said. “Do you not take her walking each afternoon?”

“Occasionally,” he admitted. “When time permits.”

“I have seen you in the gardens with her every day since I’ve come,” Lillis protested. “Every day, my lord.”

Now Alexander truly was surprised. So surprised that he couldn’t think of what to say. She’d watched him, then, over the past few days, just as he’d watched her. The very idea made his heart beat that much more painfully.

Several moments of silence passed, and when Lillis realized he wasn’t going to answer her, she asked tentatively, “If you will indeed take me walking in the afternoons, my lord—which I would much enjoy, I thank you—may the children and twins come with us? The children, especially, should be encouraged to play out of doors when they can. Do you not agree?”

The idea of spending the little free time he had with any of his siblings other than Willem was an idea that had never before entered Alexander’s thoughts, but he said, “They may come if they wish.”

The smile that lit her face almost made him forget to breathe. She was very easy to please, his wife. He found himself smiling back at her, and decided that he would lead her through the gardens very, very slowly.

* * *

“How beautiful it is. You are quite talented, my lady.”

The man’s voice made Lillis jump, coming as it did unexpectedly and from behind the chair in which she sat. She twisted to find John Baldwin standing next to her, nearly leaning against her chair and smiling pleasantly. She’d not heard him approach and didn’t know how long he had been there. Once her initial shock left she felt rather irritated. She’d not yet had a chance to become acquainted with John Baldwin, though they’d been introduced at her wedding and had sat at the same table through several meals now, but she knew very well that it was exceedingly rude to sneak up on a person. Turning stiffly, she readdressed her needlework.

“Thank you, sir,” she said. “I believe I have some skill in sewing.”

“But you do, my dear Lady Gyer. I cannot remember when I have seen such perfect stitches. We will be most fortunate when you are able to grace the castle with one of your works.” His voice was smooth and pleasing, like warm honey poured over bread. He moved to the chair beside her, which Alexander had vacated only half an hour earlier, having finished one of his short, regular visits to see how she fared.

“May I join you, my Lady Gyer?” he asked, seating himself before she could reply.

John Baldwin was a handsome man with red hair and a boyish face. He was forever smiling, Lillis thought, save for the few times she’d seen him arguing with Alexander. She didn’t know what their arguments were about, though she thought they must involve Barbara. He was, after all, her brother.

“We’ve not yet had an opportunity to know each other, beyond introduction,” he said, leaning forward slightly. “We are cousins by marriage now, and I should be greatly honored to improve my acquaintance with you, if you would allow such a thing, my lady.”

“Of course,” Lillis replied cautiously, wary of his solicitous manner, though he seemed most sincere. “Though our relationship will be a short one, my lord, as I will be leaving Gyer soon. But this you already know, I think.”

He chuckled warmly. “Oh, yes, Cousin Alex was quite firm about that when he explained the necessity for your marriage. I believe you had already retired to your room when we had that particular family meeting, but, of course, you were in a great deal of confusion that night. The marriage was quite as distasteful to you as it was to Alex, was it not?”

The words fell like a hard slap, momentarily stunning Lillis, so that a moment passed before she managed to say, “Yes.”

“The whole matter was distasteful,” John went on with a disgusted shake of his head. “Never did I think Alex would be capable of doing such a thing—wedding an innocent woman by force, against her will, for the sake of a strip of land. I can only imagine how distressed you must have been, my dear lady, and how distressed you must still be. It is a very great sadness, and I am deeply sorry for what you’ve suffered.”

“Thank you,” Lillis murmured uncomfortably, all the happiness she’d known only an hour before when Alexander had sat beside her evaporating like dew under a hot sun. They had grown easy with each other these past two days, she and Alexander, since he had first taken her walking in the gardens, and now Lillis looked forward to those times during the day when he would seek her out and sit with her for a while, talking and laughing and telling her of the things he was working at. There had been no word from her father yet, and no sign of Edyth, but Alexander had promised that he would send some men to Wellewyn soon, if he still received no reply. Lillis rarely pressed him on the matter; she hated the discord that sprang up between them whenever her father was mentioned.

She had determined, instead, to make the best of her situation for the few remaining days she had at Gyer, and to make a friend of her handsome husband, instead of an enemy, and to enjoy his company whenever she could. Each afternoon, for the past two days, when he had finished his day’s work, Alexander had come to take her walking just as he had promised, and each afternoon had passed as the most enjoyable of Lillis’s life. Never before could she remember feeling so happy as she did when she walked with him, her hand upon his strong arm, and never would she forget the amity and pleasure of these few too-short days.

“My dear sister has suffered, as well,” John Baldwin continued. “I never thought Alex would hurt her as he has. He always claimed to love her so well.”

“I—I’m sure he has,” Lillis said. “I’m sure he still does. He only did what he thought he must, and saw no other choice. She must understand that, surely.”

“I do not know. This has been very hard on her. She has loved Alex forever, you see. Since she was a child. They were betrothed when they were very young and Barbara has spent her life expecting to be his wife. The disappointment has overwhelmed her.”

“I am sorry,” Lillis said sincerely. “I wish you would tell her how deeply I regret what has happened, and whatever part I may have played in it. I certainly never wished for the situation, and I am sorry she has suffered so.”

“Yes, I will tell her, my lady, and I thank you for your kindness. She’ll be most grateful for your words. She has convinced herself of late that Alex has fallen in love with you and has stopped loving her, though Alex himself has repeatedly told her that this is not so. Your kind words will be most reassuring.”

“Oh,” Lillis said foolishly, not sure what to think. John’s words seemed so normal, so perfectly expected, and yet for some reason they knifed at her heart.

“Yes.” John sighed. “Sometimes I think Alex will grow weary with having to reassure her of how much he loves her, and of telling her that things will be as they once were between them when you have left Gyer. Barbara does her best to believe him, of course, but it is hard for her to wait until all of the matters have been settled, just as I know it is hard for Alex. And also for you, dear lady. I’m certain you will be very glad to finally be able to return to your own home and life.”

“Yes,” Lillis agreed softly, feeling as if she might cry. What did it matter to her if Alexander loved his cousin? She’d known all along that he did. She’d known all along that his invitation for her to remain at Gyer had only been a polite one, not something that he would ever truly desire.