Susan Spencer Paul (21 page)

“He loved you,” Rosaleen said.

It was too new, too amazing for him to believe. “No, he…”

Reaching up, she kissed him, gently, tenderly.

“He loved you,” she whispered, gazing into his eyes. “Your father loved you, Hugh. In all the years you had with him, he made you and Hugo his own just as surely as though you had been his in truth. And perhaps more so. To his other children he gave only his seed, but to you and Hugo he gave his love, as best he was able. In an odd way, you and your brother were more his true children than his natural children were.”

He stared at her, unable either to deny or confirm her words. Unable to do anything at that moment.

“He loved you,” Rosaleen repeated.

He was beginning to believe her and smiled faintly, saying, “He was more saint than sinner, then, I think, for I’m not very lovable.”

She set her hands on either side of his face.

“Oh yes, Hugh Caldwell, you are. For I love you with all my heart.”

He stopped breathing.

“I love you,” she said, pulling him down to her. “I will always love you,” she murmured against his mouth, “and I shall never love another.”

“Rosaleen,” he said, stunned.

“Make love to me,” she whispered.

“Rosaleen…”

“I want to be one with you, Hugh Caldwell, Hugh Baldwin, my own beloved Hugh. I care for naught else. Once, if only once, I want to be one with you.”

His arms went around her. “Not once, but forever,” he vowed. “Forever, for I have loved you longer than I have known life.”

“Yes,” she murmured as he kissed her, and then, when he had lifted his mouth, she said, “Make me yours.”

His hands moved to pull the chemise from her body. “You are mine already, love,” he told her. “You have always been mine.”

Reverently, he placed her upon the bed.

“I have never made love to a woman before,” he said, coming down beside her, smiling into her eyes as his hands moved over her warm, silken skin. “I have known many women, Rosaleen, but I have never loved one until this moment. I wish I knew better how to speak of my love for you. There are no words, I think, or if there are, I have never heard them.”

He kissed her, then lifted his head to gaze at her once more. “There is something I want you to know. Something important. I never joined my body with Erda’s. She told me, only yesterday, that I was so drunk that night when we came back from Stenwick that I did no more than fall upon the bed and commence snoring. Even when she removed my clothes I did not stir. She promised me that she spoke the truth. You can ask her, Rosaleen, and she will tell you.”

With loving fingers she caressed his cheek. “I believe you, Hugh, and I am glad. But even had it been otherwise, I would not have held it against you. I was foolish to be so angry, and I have since been ashamed. If you had turned to another woman the fault would have been mine, for I selfishly wanted all you had to give and gave you so little in return.”

“You gave me everything,” he murmured, “but my hunger for you is so great that I was never satisfied, no matter how much you gave. And I never shall be satisfied but shall always need you as I do now, as much as I need
air to breathe and water to drink. Rosaleen, let me fill myself full of you now…and again and again and again.”

“Yes.” The word was sealed like a solemn vow between their seeking mouths.

It was a mutual loving, for they had learned each other’s bodies in all the long, sensual nights they had shared. Now, their hands and mouths touching the tender places, the pleasure-giving places, they loved one another surely and well.

When the moment of union came, Hugh held her close and whispered her name, sanctifying the joining of their bodies for the first time and forever.

It hurt more than Rosaleen had expected—his manhood seemed to want to tear her apart—and she couldn’t stop the tiny yelp that escaped her.

Hugh, gripping her, groaning, heard her cry but felt useless to respond, having been suddenly transported into heaven. She was his now, forever and for all time and even beyond time. She was his and neither man nor God would come between them.

“Hugh?” Rosaleen’s soft voice came, questioning his stillness.

“Shh. I want to remember this forever.”

“You sound as if you’ve been running,” she said, laughing nervously. He was crushing her beneath his weight, but Rosaleen ignored this and began to stroke the hot, damp skin of his back with both her hands. She wondered if it was all over, since he lay so heavy and still.

“I’m trying not to move,” he said thickly, as if knowing her thoughts. “‘Tis a difficult task.”

“Oh? Is there more?”

“Much, much more.” His mouth was turned against her ear, and his breath and words pelted the soft skin there.
“But I want to remember this moment, when we became one, forever. I’m committing it to memory.”

“I’m sure I’ll never forget it,” Rosaleen teased, thinking of the pain, which had blissfully receded.

He lifted himself above her, keeping his weight on his elbows. Grinning down at her, he moved his hips very slightly, very slowly, and gained the response of surprised pleasure that he had sought.

“Yes, love,” he agreed softly, kissing her parted lips, “I vow that you will never, never forget this.”

A
mazon’s sharp complaints woke Rosaleen, and when her eyes fluttered open she saw that it was morning.

Pressed against her back, Hugh slept like a dead man, exhausted beyond salvation. Smiling, running one hand gently along the warmth of the arm that held her tight, Rosaleen understood perfectly well why that was so. Her own body felt battered and bruised from all the lovings they had shared and she, too, thought she would sleep several more hours.

But Amazon kept complaining, moving back and forth agitatedly upon her perch, and Rosaleen understood after a moment that the poor creature was hungry.

It took a little work to get Hugh to relax his tight grip on her, but eventually Rosaleen managed to slip out of the bed and don her chemise.

Alternately clucking and speaking to Amazon in what she hoped was an imitation of the pattern Hugh used on the creature, she tied the leather wrist strap to her arm, removed Amazon’s hood and gently took the proud bird from her perch. Continuing to speak softly to the bird, who eyed her with perfect amiability the while, she carried it to the open window.

“Go and break your fast, madam,” Rosaleen said as she lifted her wrist in a motion that sent the bird flying, “but be pleased to come home when your master calls you.”

She watched the magnificent creature fly and listened to its fierce cries, and then, without warning, Rosaleen began to tremble. The import of all that had passed the night before crashed down upon her with shattering force.

She was no longer a maiden. She, the heiress of Siere, would not go to her marriage bed a maiden.

“God’s mercy,” she whispered, utterly horrified.

“You told me months ago that you had several birds of your own,” Hugh said sleepily from the bed behind her, “and I thought you spoke lies. I wish I had let you handle Amazon then and seen how skilled you are.”

Rosaleen turned and looked at him. He was lying against the pillows, magnificently naked, both hands behind his head, and he was smiling at her with eyes filled with love.

“You’ve only been out of bed for five minutes and I miss you already.” He held out a hand to her, beckoning. “Come and lie with me again.”

She stared at his hand as though it were an asp. “Hugh,” she said, her voice shaking, “how did you come to discover my whole name?”

His hand dropped heavily on the bedclothes, and he breathed out a weary sigh.

“Simon of Denning was at Briarstone yesterday.” At her frightened gasp he quickly added, “He does not know you are here. Indeed, for the space of half an hour, while we spoke with one another, I never realized who it is he seeks. It was only as he left that he said the name of his betrothed and I realized it was you.”

“And then you decided to send me away?” she asked in a small voice. “Because you discovered who I was? Because of my noble birth?”

“Rosaleen—” he held out his hand once more “—come to me. Let me hold you.”

She came, hand outstretched toward his, and let him grasp her and pull her into his arms.

“When I realized who you were,” he began, “and that Simon of Denning and your uncle
and
the king were searching for you, thinking you’d been taken captive, I understood at once the danger you are in. I knew that you must get to London in order to be safe, and I knew that I couldn’t take you myself. I’ve been trying to stay away from you these past two weeks so that I could bear to let you go when the end of the month came, but if we were traveling together, forced to be in one another’s company for so many hours each day, and each night…do you not understand, love? I never could have kept my hands from you. I wanted you too badly. So I wrote Alex and asked him to come at once, with his army to protect you.”

“That’s why you were so angry when you told me he was coming?”

He hugged her tight and buried his face in the warm silk of her hair. “Yes,” he admitted miserably. “That’s why, and it was damned hard to carry out. The look on your face when I told you…it was worse than torture! I wanted to hold you and tell you the truth of how I love you, of how I have loved you for so long and never wanted you to leave.” He pulled away and looked at her. “But what else could I do when I knew I had to let you go?”

Rosaleen searched his eyes. “And now what will you do? What will
we
do?”

With a gentle hand he touched her cheek, wanting to smooth away the anxiety stamped upon her lovely features.

“Do you not already know the answer to that? Did we not make a holy bond when we joined our bodies last eve?
You are my wife, though we have not yet taken vows, and I am your husband. Now that I know you love me as I love you, we shall be wed as soon as possible.” He smiled as an idea came to him. “I’ll write Hugo and ask him to come. He can perform the ceremony here at Briarstone. It will have to be done in the great hall, of course, since we’ve no chapel, but that matters not.” His smile widened as he thought of it. “God’s teeth! Wait until we tell those below stairs that you are to become their lady in truth, that you’ll not be leaving Briarstone. What a celebration there will be!”

“Oh, dear God,” Rosaleen murmured, trying to pull from him. “Hugh…”

Seeing her lost expression, Hugh held her fast.

“My darling! If it means so much to you, we’ll go to Gyer and be wed. There’s a beautiful chapel there, and Alex and Lillis will be glad to put on a whole celebration for us. I never thought I’d have to suffer through such as that, but if it’s what you want, I’ll manage to get through it.”

“You don’t understand! Oh, Hugh!” she wailed. “We cannot be wed!”

“Of course we can,” he countered with certainty. “Never worry about your uncle or Simon of Denning. With a little help from Alex we’ll be able to settle with them quickly enough, and they’ll cause no more difficulty, I vow.”

“No, no! Hugh, you must listen to me!” Rosaleen pulled away and grasped his hands. “I am Rosaleen Sarant, the heiress of Siere. I cannot stay at Briarstone. I must return to Siere and take my rightful place as lady there, and I must marry a suitable husband and produce the next Earl of Siere.”

He frowned. “Simon said your uncle was to be made the next Earl of Siere when you wed. You were to become Simon’s baroness.”

“Yes, and that’s why I ran away! As part of the marriage contract, Simon of Denning promised my uncle that I would give up my claim to Siere and to the earldom. I refused to make any such bargain, and when my uncle tried to beat me into doing it, I knew that I must somehow get to London and plead my case to the king. Once the king understands that my uncle and Sir Simon were forcing me into that unwanted bargain, I know he will take my side and protect me from them. My father was one of old King Henry’s favorites and was as loyal to the throne as any man who ever lived. His son would never turn his back on my father’s only child.”

Hugh stared at her.

“I…I cannot marry a commoner, Hugh,” she went on in a voice filled with misery. “There is no other choice for me, and the king would not allow it, anyway. I am the last living Sarant, the last of a great and noble family. It is my duty to carry that family’s name on. Can you not understand?”

“I understand.”

The emotionless tone of his voice made her want to weep. “I do l-love you, Hugh, but I have no choice in what I do. From my birth I was taught to put duty first. I cannot walk away from that, not for any reason.”

“I see,” he said.

“There is one possible answer for us, Hugh.”

“Yes, there is one,” he agreed.

Rosaleen swallowed before suggesting, gently, “You could become a knight, and accept the name and nobility of being a Baldwin. I cannot promise that the king would approve you as the Earl of Siere, but I’m certain he would
not deny us marriage. And your eldest son would be the Earl of Siere. That would be something, would it not?”

The expression of disgust on his face answered her question.

“There is another way,” he countered curtly. “You could tell the king that you will deed Siere, along with your grand title, to your uncle. I’m sure Henry wouldn’t mind letting you wed with a bastard commoner after that.”

Rosaleen gasped, shocked, and stood up from the bed.

“How could you suggest such a thing to me!”

“And how could
you
suggest such a thing to me?” he demanded just as hotly.

“I asked you to give up little and offered you much!” she shouted furiously. “You asked me to give up all in return for naught!”

Hugh’s eyes narrowed. “Briarstone is
naught?
My love, my life, my children are
naught?”

“Don’t be foolish,” she returned impatiently. “I meant that Briarstone is as naught compared to Siere, and compared to what will come to you through marriage to me.”

Eyes blazing now, Hugh tossed the covers aside and stood. “You wish to buy me like cattle and keep me as your legal whore, is that not what you mean? What will you do with me when I’m not engaged in warming your royal bed, Rosaleen? Will you keep your bastard husband hidden away as it pleases you? Will you bring me out on occasion to display to your people? Your obedient, dearly bought husband?”

“Hugh!”

“Or will you allow me the run of all your vast estates as long as I do nothing to disgrace you?”

“That is
not
what I—”

“And any children we might create, will I be allowed to have anything to do with them? If they’ll be such damned
highborn, noble creatures, you surely won’t want their bastard father dirtying them with his commoner’s ways.”

“Stop!” Her hands closed into fists at her sides. “That was not what I meant and you know it very well! My offer was the highest honor I could ever think to bestow, while yours…God’s mercy! Do you not know how you insult me, asking me to spend the rest of my life in this wretched little fief as the wife of a man who’ll not even lay claim to a decent name?” She lifted her chin. “My ancestors hail back to the time before the Romans came to Britain and include kings, queens, royal princes and princesses, archbishops and cardinals and even a pope!”

Hugh affected a look of amazement and swept her a mocking bow. “God’s mercy, I do beg your pardon, great highness. I wish you’d told me that last night before I took you to bed. I feel as though I’ve slept with the whole royal court and half the Holy Bible!”

“That’s better than sleeping with only God knows what!” she flung back at him. “You don’t even know what you are, Hugh Caldwell…Baldwin…Ryon, whatever else you may be! Why, you’re naught but a…a mongrel!”

“And you, mistress, are naught but a haughty, highborn bitch!”

Stunned, Rosaleen fell silent, staring at him wide-eyed.

In silence they gazed at each other, unable to speak. After a long moment, and lowering her head so that he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes, Rosaleen walked to the door and opened it.

He said her name before she was able to get out of the chamber, said it so softly that she barely heard him, but she walked out into the hall and carefully closed the door behind her.

Three hours later Rosaleen emerged from her chamber, fully dressed and bearing herself as regally as a queen, and
made her way down the stairs to the great hall. She found there, as if waiting for her, all of her ladies and several of the men, including Christian Rowsenly, who normally would have been hard at work out in the fields at this time of day.

“I’m glad you’re here, Christian,” she said when he rose from where he had been sitting, flirting with Jehanne, to greet her. “I must speak with Hugh Caldwell at once. Please ride out and ask him to return to the keep.”

Solemnly, Christian said, “He is not in the fields, Lady Rosaleen. He is not at Briarstone at all. He rode out more than two hours past.”

Every bit of color drained out of Rosaleen’s face. “To where? For what purpose?”

“I do not know, my lady, but he took Amazon with him as well as money and his sword, so I cannot think he means to return anytime soon. He spoke to me for a few minutes before he left, however, and gave me very clear commands regarding yourself.”

She felt faint but managed to whisper, “Regarding me?”

He nodded. “You are not to be let outside the castle for any reason whatsoever until the Lord of Gyer arrives to take you to London. And until that time every man at Briarstone is to stand guard over you, as they are now doing both inside and outside the castle, rather than work in the fields. He said if you gave me any trouble I was to lock you in your chamber until Sir Alexander arrives, and to feed you bread and water to teach you better manners. Of course,” he said with a small smile, “I think that last was in jest.”

Rosaleen didn’t believe that for a minute. “And then he left? With no other word?”

“Oh yes, there was something more. He left a message for you. He said that he wished you a pleasant journey to London.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s
all.”

Stunned, Rosaleen tried to gather her wits about her. “Christian, I know that your master gave you very strict instructions, but I fear I will have to countermand them. I must get to London, and I must leave today. My getting there is of the greatest importance, I vow that by all that is holy. I also vow that Hugh Caldwell will never be angry with you for letting me go. Indeed, if you and several of the men will only escort me there I promise he will be most grateful.”

Christian’s expression was unwavering. “Forgive me, my lady, but his commands were most clear, and as much as I honor you,” he said, delving into his tunic pocket and pulling out a heavy chain of keys, “if you prove to be troublesome, I will do as he bade me.”

The rattling keys held Rosaleen’s horrified attention for several seconds, until another noise sounded over them. It was a loud banging at the front doors, and even as Rosaleen turned, the doors opened, admitting several persons who had clearly been putting all their weight behind them.

The foremost of those persons was an outraged monk, who set his hands on his hips and declared to those in the hall, “Are you all deaf? Why in God’s holy name has none of you answered?”

Relief poured over Rosaleen.