Swagger (Radioactive Tales of Love) (14 page)

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Authors: Nikki Prince

Tags: #Nightmare

BOOK: Swagger (Radioactive Tales of Love)
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Chapter 26

Roxie

 

Some days are easier than others. I’ve been reading the diary and learning more about the depravity that is Kathy. Macy states over and over again, that no matter how she tried to stay away from Kathy there was always a reason why she was around. I wonder if my mom ever figured out what was happening.

The more I read, the more I began to see why Macy didn’t think she had anywhere else to go. All the pain poured from the pages and I laid there across the bed in Cruz’s room with a box of tissue. Cruz told me he’d be back soon that he’d had to run some errands. So, I figured what a perfect time to do some reading. I feel nice and comfortable in one of Cruz’s t-shirts and a pair of panties. I love how the shirt smells like him. It’s comforting. It’s almost like he’s here and holding me.
I’m so damn, cheesy. Okay, reel it in girl and get to reading.

Dear Diary,

Mom told me today that I was her favorite daughter. I hate that she leaves Roxie out of everything. I tend to think its cause she looks like our dad. Mom isn’t getting along with him. She confides way too much in me. It’s weighing me down. It hurts me. I love my little sister. I try to protect her as much as I can. I’m going to protect her from that freak Kathy as long as I can. Forever if need be.

Macy

I grab a tissue and dab at my eyes. I hate crying, I really do. I hate this crying more because I hadn’t realized what had been going on with my sister. I’d been so wrapped up in Cruz at that time. This, to my way of thinking, hadn’t been a bad thing for the most part. He’d been my life when I was at my darkest. There were times I envied my sister. From the outside, looking in, her life had seemed so perfect and then to read what she really went through? It boggles my mind.

I have to keep reading. The diary really isn’t that big, but it does weigh on my mind when I read it. It’s so heavy with her emotions. It’s like Macy is sitting next to me while I’m reading it. I want to believe she’s an angel and that she is truly at peace now. There are others who would say differently.

Dear Diary,

I saw Roxanne with that guy Cruz Montoya the other day. They really like each other. I only worry that mom will put a stop to it. Ro is due some happiness and having someone tell her they like her. She really only has me in her life right now. I’m messed up. I don’t think I can hold on much longer. I am trying.

Macy

Thinking back, Macy did always encourage Cruz and I to be together. Those two got along great which I loved. I never felt jealous of their friendship. I wipe away some more tears. I don’t think I’ve cried more in my life since Macy died. I’d gotten so used to holding everything inside. If there is one thing I’ve learned from Cruz coming back here is how it’s best to talk things out. Through the last few days of trying to figure out what where I was headed, this talking things out and soul searching brought out so much for me to think about.

Dear Diary,

She finally did it. Kathy cornered me in my room when mom went shopping. She made me take off my clothes. She kissed me and put her hands on my body. She made me feel so dirty. She said if I didn’t go along, she’d go after Roxanne. She’d also said no one would believe me. I need help and there is no one to turn to. Daddy is gone most of the time. I know mom wouldn’t believe me. Though she says I’m her favorite. I think it has more to do with the fact that Kathy has latched on to me. You believe me diary. That will have to be enough. Until I find a solution to all of this.

Macy

Dear Diary,

It’s been three weeks since Kathy kissed me. I thought she wouldn’t do it again. I was wrong. This time, she made me go to the store with her. I’d tried to say no. Mom wasn’t hearing that. So, I went and yeah, we went to the store and then she took me to her place. She touched me and made me strip off my clothes. I had to let her keep touching me. I don’t want anyone to touch me ever again.

Macy

I’m finally hit with a moment of lucidity.
Kathy has to go.
It doesn’t matter what my mom will think. I’m her guardian and she’s half gone anyways. My path is so much clearer. I can’t wait to tell Cruz. I’m going to wait a little; I want to finish this diary like I said I would. Though, what I plan to do with mom and Kathy is going to get taken of tomorrow. It’s been a long time coming and I owe my sister this.

I wish she would’ve spoken out against Kathy. The more I think about it though, my mother would never have believed that Kathy was doing anything to Macy.
Kathy is the reason Macy killed herself.
I really don’t have to read more to know that. Macy left this record for a reason, so I will finish it out. I’m at the last entries, so I read more and then the last entry is the one that I had a distinct feeling would hold the key.

Dear Diary,

I’ve decided to end it all. This will be my only record. Most people will tell someone cause they don’t really want to. Me…I need to. My heart is too heavy. Kathy has messed with me for the last time. Dear God. Please forgive me for this. I’m 17 and all alone. I want to protect my sister, but I am weak. Let this end with me. If any of this is found out in time. In my jewelry box, under the red velvet lining that I keep in my room, there are letters from Kathy to me. I kept them on purpose. For this very reason, please find them and end what she has done.

Macy

It was dated earlier in the morning on the day she died. I remember she’d gone to school with me. We did the whole dinner with the family thing, and then we all went to bed. I wonder if I could’ve stopped her. If I’d known, I would have tried. This is why she didn’t say anything to me. She was so done with it all. I cry for me, but most of all, I cry for her and her innocence.
She had letters.
I would go look for them when my game plan is complete.
Kathy is going down.
I was going to do this with the help of Macy.

“Dear God, I can only hope you have her on gilded wings,” I say this aloud to the universe with the hope that He hears me. I’m not a religious person per say, but I believe in a higher power.

The closer I get to Macy’s anniversary of her death, the stronger I seem to feel. I like to think she’s helping me from wherever she is. She’s propping me up on her shoulders with her wings out spread. Usually, this would be a sad thing. I like this closure thing. I like it a lot. She’s gone but having read what happened to her…faith buds and grows within me. I hear the door open and I squeal, jumping up I run to Cruz and wrap my arms around his neck.

“Oof!” He says and hugs me close.

“It’s so good to see you!” I rain kisses all over his face.

“I told you I’d be back baby.”

I cup the back of his head and place my lips on his.

Cruz utters a groan and picks me up in his arms, cupping my ass.

This is where I belong.
With this strong man who loves me and
me
alone. I suck on his bottom lip as he walks us to the bed.

He sits me down on the edge and gets on his knees in front of me.

I nip his lip.

“Ow. You’re a little feisty tonight.”

“You’re gonna tell me that really hurt?” I laugh.

“Nope, it felt just right. I was just being dramatic.”

I bring my legs up and lock them around his waist, pulling him forward, so he’s pressed against my bottom. “You look tired.”

“I am but not so tired, that I can’t make love to my woman.”

“There you go, claiming things again,” I tease him.

“Yep, cause you’re mine and no one else’s.”

“So then…that makes you mine. I’d better not see any other girls trying to mess with my man.”

“I’m all yours to claim. You don’t have to worry about that other stuff.”

“I have some stuff to tell you but it can wait until afterwards.”

“Girl, I hoped you would say that.” He kisses my shoulder, his shirt having slipped, baring it. “You look good in my shirt.”

“I’m claiming this as mine.”

“Claim away. All that I am is yours, Roxie. I have been for a very long time. I’m not letting you get away from me this time.”

I couldn’t think of anything to say the moment his lips took mine in a sweet kiss. Then, we were touching each other, clothes were being removed and he was taking me to heights unimaginable.
God, I love this man. Love him so much.
Everything has to be okay, it just has to.

Chapter 27

Cruz

 

I decide it was time to talk to her. To let her know what’s been going through this head of mine. In order for us to survive whatever was going to happen, we had to be honest and forthright with one another. I sat in the bed with my back propped against the pillows as I wait for her to return from the bathroom.

“Well, you look deep in thought,” Roxie says as she pauses at the foot of the bed.

“Yeah well, there are some things I want to discuss with you. They’re important things, things that will make us stronger for talking about them. At least that’s what I’m hoping for.”

The look she gave me was pensive but she still sat down on the bed with her hands on her knees. “Okay well…I’m ready when you are.”

“I told you about my mom, but I never finished with what happened to Cisco and my father.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Well, let’s see. Cisco and I started to do anything and everything we could not to be home when our dad was. It’s funny how much of a functioning alcoholic my father was. No one ever knew he was a drunk except for Cisco and I. He made sure to beat us where it wouldn’t be seen and dared us to tell anyone.”

Roxie sat watching me as sadness crept into her eyes.

The memories flood in and I swallow hard, forcing myself to continue, “The day I got arrested was because I beat my father to a pulp. I’d gotten tired of the beatings and I lost it. Cisco finally pulled me off him. I cleaned myself up and got ready for school. That’s when the police came for me. Dad pressed charges. Because of my age, they sent me to juvenile hall.”

Roxie looks as if she was hanging on my every word. “And Cisco—what happened to your brother?” She reaches over and touches my leg.

I place my hand on hers with a small smile. “I found out later that because of what happened, they did some investigating and Cisco was sent to a foster home. I don’t know where and they wouldn’t tell me. In juvie, I was told he got adopted at a later date. I’m happy for him. Anything was better, than for him to be with my father still. My father didn’t deserve us. My father left the area.” There—it was all out and it felt good.

Roxie squeezes my knee. “I didn’t know all of that was happening.”

“Like I said before, you had problems of your own Roxie. What could you have done?”

“I don’t know—tell someone?”

“It’s neither here nor there anymore, Roxie. What happened to me and my brother just happened the way it did. It’s one of the things that make me who I am today.” I believe this with each passing day. I won’t make any excuses anymore. Moving forward, I intend to
live
life and make the best of it.

“That’s true. I just wish he would’ve paid for what he did. It sucks that he got away with it.”

“Well, they say Karma is a bitch. So, even if we don’t see it now…life has a way of catching up with people.”

“One can hope.” She shrugs, and then gets on her knees, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me softly.

“I’m not done,” I say to her.

“Oh…”

I grin at the cute little O shape she makes with her mouth. “Yeah, I have a lot of skeletons and a lot of demons.”

“It’s okay. None of us goes unscathed in this life.” She kisses my cheek and settles back down on the bed.

“I told you earlier that I was going to go somewhere quiet and get some writing done.”

“You didn’t?”

“No. I’m sorry for not telling you, but I actually went to see my shrink today. Doctor Hubert Ballantine. I know I shouldn’t have said I was writing when I wasn’t. I think, I just wanted to go there without having an extra voice in my head besides my own.”

“Please, just don’t do it again. I understand though, why you kept it to yourself. It’s hard doing what we’re doing. Opening ourselves up like we are—when we’re not used to it. But it’s like you said…in order for us to work we have to talk.”

I sure like this girl.
She’s using my own words to battle with me. “I promise I won’t do it again.”

“So, what else did you want to tell me about this visit?”

“I talked to him about us and my issues with PTSD.”

“PTSD?”

“I’m sorry. I’m acting as if everyone knows what it is. Post-traumatic Stress Disorder is basically, an anxiety disorder. It’s one of the reasons I have a hard time sleeping because of thoughts of the war, along with flashbacks that come from the emotional trauma of being there.” This term has been around for a while but still…people didn’t know of it or understand it.

“So, is there anything they can do to help you?”

“Counseling and pills. At this point, I’d rather just go the counseling route and it seems to be helping. My addiction to alcohol makes me a very addictive personality and I don’t want to even try it with a drug.”

She nods her head.

“The most important thing is for us to keep our line of communication open. I can’t say that enough.”

“Well, on that note, I want to tell you what I found out so far from reading the diary.” Roxie bends and picks the little book up, which must have fallen on the floor near the bed and she sets it in her lap.

“Go on.” I’m eager to hear this. It’s one of the things holding us back from fully being together. I see her take a deep breath and I tune in. I want to hear every last word she says.

“Kathy and my mother were lovers, remember I told you before? It’s why my dad left.”

“Yeah…” I scowl.

“Yeah, well that’s not the really the problem though. The problem started with Kathy messing with Macy.”

“Messing with her how?” I actually understand what she means, but I found myself in disbelief.

“Sexually. It started with kissing, and then went into full fledge sex. She warned Macy not to tell anyone. Basically, what your dad did with beating you and Francisco, except it was with sex.”

“Damn. I didn’t expect that. I mean I didn’t know why she killed herself. That sure wasn’t the first thing on my list.”

“Same here. I was so blind to it all. I feel so much guilt about it. I mean I’m the younger sister, but maybe I could have done something. She was going through so much Cruz and I didn’t see it,” Roxie sobs out.

I pull her into my lap, holding on to her. I held her as her body shakes with her grief.

She pulls back a bit and she seems so sad.

“Baby, there was so much going on. You were even younger than her. Just as much as she didn’t know who to turn to… you wouldn’t have known what to do either.”

“I know, I know—it’s just so fucking messed up. Kathy is walking around while my sister is dead Cruz. Macy deserved to have a happy life just as much as anyone else. Yet, she chose to end it because that bitch couldn’t keep her hands to herself. I’ve decided that I’m going to put mom in a home. I just wish I could prosecute Kathy for what she did to my sister. I have to wonder if she’s done anything to anyone else.”

“Well, maybe there is something we can do? Some sort of law on the books that will enable us or I should say,
you
to prosecute.”

“I was thinking of going to the law library tomorrow. You want to go with me? Then we can go to Macy’s gravesite. Perhaps, I’ll have good news to tell her.”

Through the tears, I could see the desperate hope shining in her beautiful brown eyes. I would pour over whatever kind of books I had to—to bring a smile to her face. “Yes, I’ll go with you babe…”

She sobs and buries her face against the side of my neck. Her tears coat my skin like a warm blanket. They’re tears of joy and sorrow mixed in.

My baby has been through a lot. I will so be there for her. “So, you’re off at the motel?”

“I took your and Candy’s advice to use those who work there. I don’t have to kill myself just working all the time. It’s why I have employees to take the slack. It’s the anniversary of her death. There is no way I’d work tomorrow anyway. The library first and then the gravesite later.

“Are you done reading her diary?”

“I finished tonight. I’m actually ahead of schedule. I didn’t think I’d finish this fast but I had to know what happened.”

“Then, we should get some sleep. Well, at least you should get some sleep, as I don’t sleep much.” We were already naked, so I stood up, pulling back the covers and held my hand out to her. We were together for a reason. She settles sweetly into my arms with her head tucked under my chin. In my head, I chant her name.
Roxie, Roxie, Roxie.

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