Swan (19 page)

She sat me down at the counter and proceeded to give
me a mini makeover right then and there.

‘What kind of look are you going for?’ she asked.

‘Something natural,’ I murmured as she blended
foundation into my cheek.

‘Well, you’ve got really pale skin. Do you want to
go for a bronzer or something? Give yourself a lovely sun-kissed look?’

‘Oh no, nothing too drastic. I want to maintain my
natural skin tone. I just want a bit of a shimmer, that’s all.’

The girl nodded. I was hypnotised by her extremely
large nose ring.

‘Right, okay,’ she grinned, ‘you want a flawless
finish without making it look theatrical. In other words, you want make-up that
doesn’t look like you’ve got anything on.’

‘Exactly!’ I beamed.

‘Just close your eyes and lean your head back. I’m
gonna work some magic here ...’

About ten minutes later, she handed me a mirror to
check out her handiwork. ‘Oh wow! That looks fantastic!’ I gasped. My face had
never looked so immaculate. My skin had an ethereal glow, and the blusher she
had used gave my features a dewy radiance. I was impressed.

‘All right, I’ll take it all.’

The girl grinned broadly. She was obviously working
on commission and keen to close the deal.

‘Wicked! Just come over to the till and I’ll throw
in that make-up bag we talked about.’

Somehow, I ended up leaving Boots £70 lighter, but I
didn’t care. The makeover had left me positively glowing. As I walked through
Canary Wharf, my phone started to beep. I glanced at it and read a text message
from Beth. We were due to meet in Prêt A Manger at three-thirty.

Taking a deep breath, I started walking towards our
designated meeting spot. My sister would be the first person to see my new look,
and I dreaded her verdict. Beth didn’t mince her words when it came to telling
you what she thought. Without a doubt, I knew if I’d made a disaster of it,
she’d be the first to let me know.

As soon as I entered Prêt A Manger, I heard an
ear-splitting shriek from one of the back tables. Beth was running towards me,
arms outstretched to embrace me in her infamous bear hug.

‘Darling, what have you done to yourself?’ she
squealed.

I drew away from her, fearful. ‘Er, do you like it?
Is it too much?’

‘You look absolutely divine, darling. I’m loving the
hair. That colour is wonderful on your skin. Where did you have it done?’

‘Tony & Guy.’

‘How much did it cost?’

I told her as discreetly as I could.

‘Hmm not bad. I might have to get mine done now. You
look simply gorgeous!’

My cheeks coloured up. It was at times like this
that I adored my sister. When she complimented me, it made me feel like
everything was right with the world.

After we had paid for our coffees, we took a window
seat. Beth couldn’t get over the change in me.

‘Darling, I don’t why you didn’t start wearing
make-up ages ago. It really brings out your features.’

‘Thank you.’

She took a sip of coffee, looked at me shrewdly.
‘So, let me guess what this is all in aid of? Our dear David Powell no doubt.’

‘No, not in the least. I just felt like having a
change, that’s all.’

‘Bollocks. I know you, Maddy. You wouldn’t go to all
this trouble just for the hell of it.’ She flashed a mischievous grin and asked
me if I’d heard from him. When I told her I hadn’t, she immediately started
grilling me further.

‘So what is the situation between the two of you?
Are you getting together or what?’

I shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’

‘Where did he go again?’

‘He’s in Paris, Cologne or somewhere.’ I tried to
feign nonchalance.

‘He could have at least phoned you, Mads. You must
be going crazy.’

‘No, honestly I’m fine. He’s probably just been
really busy. You know how these fashion shoots are.’

‘I don’t actually. All I know, darling, is that if I
was really into someone, I wouldn’t be able to go for months without speaking
to them.’

‘It hasn’t been months,’ I replied indignantly,
‘David only left in November.’

‘Okay, a month then. Either way, I think he’s
behaved disgracefully.’

I shook my head. There was just no reasoning with
Beth sometimes.

‘So,’ she continued, ‘where do you see this
relationship heading? Marriage, kids?’

‘Look, I don’t know, okay? We’re just taking things
one step at a time.’

‘What’s he like in bed?’

‘How can you ask me that!’

‘Of course I can,’ Beth smirked. ‘I am you’re sister
after all. We’re not supposed to have secrets from each other. Besides, I tell
you about my sex life, don’t I?’

‘Or lack of it,’ I quipped.

‘Naughty, naughty.’ She snorted with laughter.
‘Well, come on then. Out with it. I want all the gory details. Every last spit,
grunt and thrust.’

‘Well, actually, we haven’t done anything yet.’

‘What? Not even heavy petting?’

‘Nothing. Not even a kiss.’

‘You must be joking! He’s not gay is he?’

‘No. That is, I don’t think he is.’ I thought of the
Screenface foundation in his cupboard, and then hastily pushed the image from
my mind.

‘Impotent?’

‘Oh God, stop!’ I smiled despite myself. ‘Maybe he
just likes taking things slowly. He holds my hand, which is nice. I think it’s
all kind of refreshing, really. It shows that he respects me.’

‘Darling, there’s respect and then there’s just
plain weird. Come on, neither of you are exactly spring chickens are you? Who
in this day and age dates a woman for three months without getting her knickers
off? It all sounds a bit strange to me.’

‘Well, I don’t think you should worry about it. I’m
not bothered.’

‘Well, maybe you should be. Darling, I honestly don’t
know how you cope. You must be gagging for a good shag. Now, my advice to you
is this: when David gets back, take him out, put on something slinky and tell
him you want him, can’t live without him. Then, slip into the sexiest Ann
Summers underwear you can find and shag his brains out.’

I couldn’t keep the smile from my lips. Beth was too
much sometimes.

‘Don’t laugh; I’m being serious, Mads. Your body
needs some serious attention or you’ll spontaneously combust. Don’t say I
didn’t warn you.’

I didn’t say anything.

After we’d finished our coffees, Beth took me
shopping – with my money of course. We went to Ann Summers, and she
picked out a number of racy looking bras and knickers sets. Some of them were
positively indecent, but my sister assured me that this was what was required
to turn me into a consummate sex goddess.

‘Beth, you’ve gone too far,’ I giggled, flexing what
looked like a frilly size 16 elastic band between my fingers. ‘I mean, this is
totally obscene. Can you seriously imagine me in these?’

‘The more obscene the better,’ Beth trilled.
‘Goodness Mads, you really do need to loosen up. When David gets back, you’ve
got to pull out all the stops. You’re over forty so there’s no second chances
in this game. You’re competing with all those supple-bodied twenty-something’s
he’s been seeing in France. When you reach our age, it’s all about making an
impact.’

I narrowed my eyes. I still wasn’t convinced that
this ropey underwear was going to make quite the sort of impact I had in mind.

‘Right, try these on,’ Beth said, shoving a fistful
of double E push-up bras into my arms. ‘These will give you maximum cleavage.’

‘But don’t you think it’s all a bit much?’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Well, do you really think I need extra push-up?
Aren’t I big enough already?’

Beth shot me a withering look. ‘Darling, it’s all
about maximising your potential. Shyness is a terrible affliction. Trust me,
your tatas are going to be integral in this mating ritual. They’re like your
war paint, your battle cry. You need them on full display, like melons on a
orangutan.’

I raised my eyebrows. Tatas? Orangutans? Where the
heck did Beth get these words from? The sales-assistant stifled a smirk. My
ears burned with embarrassment. I felt like a naughty schoolgirl being shunted
around by her mother in search of her first sports bra.

By the time we had finished in Ann Summers, I had
bought two new bra and knickers sets and something pink and fluffy that Beth
insisted was a chemise. To me it looked more like a clump of lumpy candyfloss.

Next, we went to Topshop – somewhere I rarely
shopped because I found the styles a little too young for my tastes and the
sizes often came up small. Still, Beth managed to find me a nice pair of
leather ankle boots and some costume jewellery. I looked enviously at all the
rails of sexy dresses and wished to God I were two sizes smaller. Apart from
M&S, the only other places I shopped was New Look and Evans, but when it
came to sexy, their clothes weren’t saying much. I thought it was a scandal
that most of the clothes I actually liked would never fit me.

We left Topshop laden with shopping bags (Beth just
couldn’t resist buying herself an identical pair of my boots, with my card of
course). When we got outside, she paused, ran her fingers through her hair.
‘You know what – if you really want sexy clothing, I know this wonderful
little boutique in New Bond Street that does fantastic plus-sized dresses.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘New Bond Street? That’s going to
be really pricey, isn’t it?’

‘Not necessarily. It depends on your budget. How
much are you looking to spend?’

‘A couple of hundred. But I’d want a whole new
wardrobe for that.’

Beth nodded enthusiastically. ‘I think we should be
able to find you something. Come on, let’s get the Tube ...’

When I got home that evening I had five new dresses,
three tops and a skirt. I’d ended up spending more than I’d planned to, but in
return I’d got a beautiful selection of clothing. The day had been a success
and I was happy.

Next morning I decided to wear one of my new dresses
to work: a brown knee-length dress with a corseted waist that accentuated my
curves spectacularly and gave me that ‘60s hourglass figure I’d always craved.
So this was how Monroe and Loren achieved those wonderful coca-cola bottle
shapes. The secret was in the upholstery! ‘Do you think those women were born
with tiny waists?’ Beth used to say. ‘No! They were curvy girls who just wore
the right kind of underwear.’ So all those times when I’d crash dieted and
endured the slow torture that is the cabbage soup plan, I could have saved
myself the trouble by buying a stiff undergarment!

I noticed the impact of my new appearance the moment
I arrived at work and took off my coat. As I fiddled with my locker, Jaiman
walked past me and had to do a double take. I closed my locker and wiggled
towards the staffroom (actually the wiggling was more to do with the fact that
my new boots were killing me rather than any premeditated attempt to be sexy).
My heaving bosoms and bouncing derriere seemed to cast a spell over Jaiman that
was priceless. He just sort of stood there staring at me like a lustful little
puppy dog. Then, with a perplexed frown, he approached me at the water cooler.

‘Maddy, you look really different today. Have you
had something done?’

‘I had a haircut.’

‘Oh ...’ his voice trailed off. ‘Well, er, it looks
good. Really good.’

‘Thanks,’ I grinned. I turned off the water tap.

Jaiman fiddled with his pockets and made a hasty
exit.

I couldn’t stop smiling.

When I entered the staffroom all eyes were on me,
like I was exuding a ray of light.

‘Oh wow!’ Sabina gasped. ‘You look amazing, Maddy. I
almost didn’t recognise you. I love the hair.’

‘You’re a lickle rude gal,’ Rodney laughed, giving
me a high-five.

I nodded my head, smiled.

I wasn’t very good at taking compliments in public.
There were murmurs of approval all round, except from Margery, who hinted that
I looked like I was dressed for a wedding. On the whole, though, I took great
encouragement from the positive way everyone had responded. Now all I had to do
was have the same effect on David.

Chapter
Fifteen

I got back to Blackwall at just after six. As I
approached Falcon Mews in the failing light, I recognised the figure of one of
my neighbours up ahead - the elderly lady who lived at number two.
Instinctively, I slowed down, hoping to avoid an awkward encounter. If I waited
long enough, she’d go in before me and I could make a sneaky entrance.

As the woman stood looking for her keys, one of her
shopping bags burst open, sending two cans of baked beans and a couple of
vegetables sprawling onto the pavement. The poor thing then had a terrible time
trying to pick everything up. Clearly, she needed my assistance, so I put aside
my reservations and did my best impression of Supergirl.