Sweet Cheeks (29 page)

“Jen, it's um ... Travis.”

Holy hell, he has the crappiest timing.

I flick my eyes to look at Tanning, to find him staring at me. I bite my lip and look down at my slippers. “Oh, hi.”

“So ...” He clears his throat, “We have a baby girl?”

“Yeah, we do.”

I hear Tanning shifting in his seat, but I don't dare give him eye contact.

“I want to see her, Jen.”

I close my eyes as my heart races. I don't want to face this. I knew I'd have to, but I really don't want to burst the bubble I've been in over the past two days. Why can't I float away in that bubble, high in the sky where no one can burst it, ever.

“Okay, maybe in the next few days,” I whisper.

“Jen, I'm here. At the hospital. I'm downstairs in reception.”

Shit.

 I bite my lip harder, and I hear Tanning blow out a big breath.

“Oh. Right. Um...”

“Please Jen. We need to talk.”

He's right. We do. I just don't want to.

“I know. It's just...”

“Jen, please. I only have today, before I have to get back.”

“Oh.” He sounds desperate, but it's probably not a good idea to have Tanning and Travis in the same room right now. That just reeks of disaster.
What to do?

“Can you wait a few minutes?”

“Is
he
there with you?”

Oh, so Tanning has become
he
now. Never really heard that tone from Travis before. He sounds almost jealous. But that can't be possible. I was only a means to an end. A job. Travis never had real feelings for me. Or at least I don't think he did. Boy this is too confusing.

I sigh. “Yes.”

“Five minutes. Then I'll be up.” I hear the beep, as he ends the call not giving me the chance to argue further.

I swallow down the lump in my throat. Once again I'm faced with getting rid of Tanning. I've hurt him too many times. I'm not sure how to do this.

“Was that
him
?” Tanning asks, his voice husky.

Well now neither of them are using each other's names, that isn't good.

I glance at Tanning, seeing the hard set of his jaw and his narrowed eyes. He looks pissed.

“Um ... yeah. He wants to meet Felicity.”

Tanning folds his arms. “I won't allow it.”

What? Where the hell did that come from?

 I cough and splutter, “But, he's the father. I have to let him see her.”

“No, you don't. He's an asshole. He's not getting near you again.”

I blink, my mouth agape. “What? What ... what are you talking about?”

Tanning reaches toward my cheek and strokes his finger over my scar. I close my eyes at his tender touch. I hate being reminded, but having Tanning touch it, calms me and I press my cheek toward his palm, and he cups both of my cheeks with his hands and looks me squarely in the eyes.

“I won't let him hurt you again. I should never have let you go with him that day. I'm to blame. I'm so sorry Jen.”

Oh, god. This is such a mess. How on earth can I explain?

But I don't have time to contemplate further, as the door opens and Travis is standing in the doorway, his hands on hips, his jaw locked, his eyes with that icy glare, looking just as pissed as Tanning was a few minutes ago.

Hells Bells, what am I supposed to do now?

THiRTY-THRee

_________________________

Tanning moves so fast, his face as black as thunder clouds, and I don't have time to contemplate saying, or stopping anything. He shoves Travis back out the door and slams it shut, leaving me sitting here dumbfounded.

What the hell?

I can't let Tanning at Travis, not with what he thinks he's done to me. I mean technically he did slice my cheek, but not in anger or anything. Oh, God, why is my life so frigging complicated? Get rid of one monster problem only to be faced with another gruesome, ugly mess.

I look across and see Felicity sleeping soundly, I can probably creep out and try to find them, but I won't be able to leave her for long. Only a couple of minutes. I don't really want to leave her. But I don't want to let Tanning beat up on Travis, and from the murderous look in his eyes when Travis opened the door, I'm betting that's exactly what he had on his mind.

Oh Holy Crappy Messes!

I'm still not sure, when the door opens and Bailey walks in, with a huge grin on her face. The grins not for me. That grin is always for Felicity. I think Bailey has fallen in love with her. I was a bit worried how she'd react, after all she's been through, but I swear it was love at first sight. Cam's almost as bad. Those two really need to get married and start a family. I know they're young, but I think that might heal Bailey from her past wounds once and for all.

Bailey finally glances in my direction, while I'm sitting biting my nails.

“What's wrong, Jen?” she says, and diverts her path from Felicity's crib to where I'm sitting.

I roll my eyes at her. “My life, as usual.”

She takes a seat and frowns a little. “What now?”

“In a nut shell, Travis decided to pay me a visit today. Tanning didn't want him to. And now they've both gone off to ... I don't know what.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. It could be real bad. Tanning thinks Travis hurt me.” I trace my finger over my scar and Bailey sighs.

“You want to go find them? I can stay here with Felicity.”

I look over to her crib. I've never left her, even when I go to the bathroom I leave the door open a gap, so I can hear her.

“Um ... not really, but I guess I should.”

Bailey pats my shoulder. “It's a big mess, huh?”

I rub my eyes. “Yeah, but I guess it's time we sorted this out, once and for all. I've got to face facts. And I have to face Travis and Tanning.”

“You could wait, maybe Travis will set Tanning straight.”

“He won't. He knows how I feel about it all, and that I don't want Tanning to know. And besides, I don't think he can. We still have the trial.”

Bailey sighs and nods. “I'll do whatever you need me to do. Do you want me to go find them?”

I edge to the side of the chair and stand up. I'm still a bit sore from the birth but the nurses are encouraging me to move around and get back to normal.

“They can't have gone far. I just hope Travis is still in one piece. If it's okay, I'll go find them. But I won't be long. She's just been fed, and gone to sleep so she shouldn't wake for an hour or so.”

Bailey nods and plucks her phone out of her bag. “Just in case, take your phone and I'll call if I need you to come back. Okay?”

I give her a small smile. “Thanks Bales.”

Bailey takes her chair closer to Felicity and picks up a magazine. “Good luck.”

I grimace. Yeah I'll need several doses of that.

The raised voices are my first clue. Luckily they hadn't gone far, just to a private room at the end of the hall. There are no patient rooms here, thank goodness.

The door is closed, but I know they're both in here. I sigh big and grab hold of the handle and turn...

“Are you telling me you didn't do that to her?” Tanning is in the middle of demanding when I open the door.

Travis is sitting on the only couch with his head in his hands, looking better than the last time I saw him, but he looks defeated, like Tanning has been grilling him for hours on end.

Tanning is standing over him with his fists clenched at his side. They both look toward me when I walk in.

“Jen...” Travis, starts, but Tanning moves in front of him so I'm blocked from his view.

“Who's with Felicity?” Tanning asks, and I raise my eyes.

“Bailey's with the baby. I came to find you, before you did anything  ...
stupid
.”

It's Tanning's turn to raise his eyes at me. “Believe me it wouldn't be stupid, it'd be the brightest idea I've had for a while.”

I rub at my face. How am I going to explain this, without lying. I'm suddenly so tired. Tired of this whole sorry mess, and tired of the dishonesty and game playing.

“Tanning, you don't understand. You don't know the whole story.”

Travis stands and Tanning turns to glare at him. “Take a seat, before I make you.”

Travis throws back his head and sits down again. I know he's only holding it together for my sake. He and Tanning would probably be evenly matched if it ever came to blows, both of them being so well built and fit.

That's the irony. If the truth was on the table, they could almost become friends.
Almost.

I give Travis a quick knowing glance and he nods at me. He's giving me the chance to try and calm Tanning down.

Tanning turns back to me, narrows his eyes and folds his arms. “I won't accept more stories about, how he didn't mean it, and how he wants to be a good father. He's an asshole Jen, and you aren't safe around him. And neither is Felicity. You can't put you or the baby in that situation again. What if, it isn't
you
next time?”

I cringe and clench my arms around my stomach. I know Tanning is talking about Travis, but my thoughts immediately shift to Jason, and I think about Felicity being taken, and my legs nearly crumble beneath me. I couldn't imagine how agonising that would be. I'd rather go a thousand rounds with Jason than let him within a mile of my baby girl.

Travis leaps from the couch and dodges Tanning, making his way to me. He understands the distressed expression on my face. He knows what Tanning's words mean to me. He knows where my dark thoughts are headed.

Travis wraps his arm around my shoulder., “It's okay, Jen. It's really okay. You're okay. I promise.”

I nod into his chest as tears leak out, then I wipe at my face and look across to Tanning who is shaking his head and scrunching fistfuls of his hair.

“Un ... effin' believable. I can't watch this any longer. I'm done here. And when it all goes to shit ... I won't be here. I can't  ... I just can't do it again.” His jaw is clenched and his eyes are watery as he looks away from me and turns toward the door.

I choke on a sob, which comes from down deep, from the dark place where I keep all my demons.  I don't want to lose Tanning. But I have no way to stop him. And I can't blame him. I only keep hurting him, and I'll continue to do so.

This time I have to let him go.

So I do, as he slams the door in both mine and Travis' face.

THiRTY-FouR

_________________________

It's been a month since I left the hospital with Felicity. An incredible month. I can't get enough of being a mommy. I love and enjoy every single day, every hour, every minute. And I'm not one of those freaks who is on a love high, I get tired and I have moments when it's not easy, but I feel the most alive I've felt in, well, in my whole life. I finally have a place, a role, a purpose, and I have someone who loves and needs me, as much as I love and need them.

And boy do I love her. Loads.

I look around my little apartment. It's not much. But its mine. Travis helped me to find it. I refused to be a burden on anyone. I've been there, done that, and look how well that turned out.

The walls are painted light yellow, and I've decorated it with white antique furniture, which I picked up pretty cheaply from the thrift store in town. Travis gave me some money to set up, but I haven't used much of it. I intend paying him back one day. I'm returning to work next month. I've organised for one of Mrs Winters friends to come and look after Felicity in the mornings, till I get home. She's a lovely old lady, and has a dozen of her own grandkids, so she is all kinds of experienced.

She's coming tonight to get to know Felicity, so I can go out for a few hours. Bailey and Cam are finally having their engagement party. They postponed it when I had the baby, which was nice of them. They both said they wanted me there, and wanted to celebrate with me. Can't say I ever thought I'd be tearing up having Bailey and Cam acting so thoughtful. But that meant a lot. They really are true friends. And I finally appreciate having them in my life.

I've also organised to go and see my mom and dad next weekend. I talked to my mom, which wasn't an easy conversation, but one I had to have. They still don't know anything about the ordeal I went through, and I'm hoping they never find out.

Jason's trial is being brought forward to next week. Travis said the department is nervous his gang friends might get to him, so they have him in solitary confinement. It will be a relief to know when that is over. Travis said he'll testify, so I don't have to. They have my written statement and my recording which they can use if they need to. Jason has basically confessed to it all, so it should just be procedure in a closed court, no need for a jury or anything.

My thoughts flick to Tanning. I haven't seen him since he left me and Travis that day. He enters my thoughts more often than I'd like. On nights when Felicity is in bed asleep and I have a few hours to myself, my mind wanders to think over the few beautiful weeks and days we had together. I treasure those memories, even though It still kills me to think about losing him.

Travis and I finally talked. It is getting easier to be around him, the dark thoughts don't surface as often. He understands, although sometimes I get the impression, he would like to give us a chance to be a family. I just don't see him that way, and I never will. I couldn't. Not anymore.