Sweet Deception (Truth) (14 page)

Chapter 15

I couldn't even remember driving the few miles to Blake's house. I shifted, slowed, accelerated and stopped at traffic lights on automatic. Before I even realised it I was pulling through his driveway and parking the car. My hands were shaking and my eyes were glazing over, filling with tears that couldn't be spilled yet and it was painful. My heart was pounding in my chest, trying to break out of my ribcage, and I prayed to God that my Gran was mistaken. Every little detail that had made me pause and wonder at the time was now buzzing through my brain on a mission. The disapproving looks, the conversation changes and the awkward pauses, had they all known? How could he not tell me? As I sat in the car, I tilted my head up so I was staring at the felt on the roof. I took in a ragged breath and counted to ten. I needed to get this over with.
I jumped out and rushed towards the house, feet stumbling and unsteady. I pounded on the door, my hands hurting from the force but the pain was nothing compared to how torn up I was feeling inside. The neighbours could probably hear me, probably thought I was a crazy person. When I didn't get a reply I let out a growl of frustration and kicked the door with all the power I could drag from my body. It shuddered and cracked but didn't open. Just as I was about to turn round and leave, the door swung open and Blake filled the doorway, drying his hair with a towel. His frown turned into a grin when he realised it was me but slowly dropped as he took in my face and body language. Words were stuck in my throat, anger coursed through my veins, and I let out a half sob, half grunt as I brought my hands up to cover my mouth. Was I to blame? I had trusted him, let him in, let him lie to me, let him break me.
Words were jumbled in my head, so many thoughts, emotions and questions as I struggled to put them in the right order to form a sentence.
"Cassie. Sweetheart?" The sound of his words stabbed me like a knife and I cringed away from his outstretched arm. I shook my head and backed away down the concrete steps.
"You know." Those words were like a kick to my stomach. "Baby, wait. Stop and talk to me." His voice was soft, pleading, begging forgiveness, acknowledging betrayal. I wanted to scream, to yell, to inflict pain so he knew just how much it hurt. Something snapped inside that had me hurling myself into him. The release in my body jolted tears and they were freefalling down the side of my face. He hardly moved as I shoved my body against his and dealt blow after blow against his chest.
"They were my parents!" I yelled.
I was hysterical at this point. I felt his strong hands trying to contain my flying arms. Words were pouring from his mouth but with each one I shut down even more. I was so focussed on trying to hurt him. "I was going to tell you I love you!" I screamed.
I stopped fighting him to bend over and hold my face in my hands. Sobs were racking my body and my hands were soaked with tears.
He wrapped his arms around me, words and explanations and apologies tumbled out of his mouth but not one was good enough.
"Don't cry, I hate seeing you like this," he whispered as he rocked me gently. I just wanted comfort, to be held and rocked to sleep like my mum used to do when I had a nightmare. But he was the reason I would never have that again.
I shook out of his embrace. "Maybe you should have thought about that before you chose to lie to me! My Gran told me and I came here to find out whether it was true because I couldn't believe that the Blake I knew would be a liar and a murderer."
He flinched and recoiled away from me.
"It wasn't like that, I didn't kill them."
"Then why do people think you did? A woman I had never met told me to stay away from you. That you were dangerous. I should have listened to them." I looked him straight in the eyes. I wanted him to talk to me, to look
me
in the eye and give me a reasonable explanation for it all, but he didn't. He was shutting down; shutting me out from whatever he was thinking, feeling, going through.
"I just can't Cassie." He shook his head and looked down at his hands.
"You can't what? You aren't telling me anything. I thought you felt the same about me, so why are you keeping things from me? Something that’s so important. Do you know how it feels to think that three years later, justice still hasn't been served?"
"Oh it has, believe me," he replied stiffly, his jaw clenching and he brought one hand up to smooth through his hair.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I snapped back. He took in a deep breath. "Nothing" he mumbled, looking away again.
"Talk to me Blake. Give me something, please! Why do people think you did it?" I yelled.
Words started but got caught in his throat, "I-I don't know...I can't."
This wasn't getting us anywhere. I held out my hand to cut him off.
"Just stop then. You can't expect me to trust you when you don't trust me enough to tell me the truth." He tried to take my hand but I fought against it.
"Cassie, I swear I didn't know that it was you at first. Then I tried to stay away when I found out but I couldn't. You drew me in, and now I can't imagine my life without you."
His eyes were now pleading with mine and this time I was the one to look away.
"If you aren't going to tell me then I can't be with you. I cannot be with a man who knows something about my parents' death and does nothing. You have a conscience, use it!"
I turned and walked away. I was shaking and tears were streaming down. Seeing him made me want to just melt in his arms and forget about all the other shit. But I had to be strong. For my parents.
Blake
She left me. I stood there and watched the most amazing woman I had ever met walk away and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop her. Well there was, but I just couldn't go there. I never talked about my emotions and I hadn't told anyone the truth about Abbey. Not even James.
As I sunk to the ground I took one last look at the car and saw she was watching me with tears in her eyes. I felt sick. I felt my heart shattering. How could I do that to her? I knew how much losing her parents had hurt her because she told me. She was open and honest and all this time I knew I had been deceiving her. But she was too damn addictive, and if I told her, she would leave. Well now it didn't matter because she was gone and I was alone. Always alone. Seeing her pull away from me had me wanting to spill everything to her. But something stopped me. The words just got caught as though they hit a brick wall they couldn’t get past. I needed to pound my fist into something. I shot up and stalked back into the house, through the kitchen and out into the garage where I had a punching bag and gloves. I put them on, brought my fists up, pulled one back and swung it forward to hit the crap out of the bag. It felt good. I did it again and again and again, and didn’t stop until I was soaked with sweat, my muscles were aching and the burn was unbearable.

Chapter 16

Cassie

Each day was harder than the day before. Everyone kept telling me that I would feel better with time but it wasn’t working. It felt like a piece of me was missing constantly. I tortured myself. I moped around the house and some days couldn't even bring myself to get dressed. Gran tried to get me to run errands so that I left the house and got some fresh air but I hated every minute of it. And the idea that I could run into Blake had me rushing to get back to the safety of home. He sent texts telling me how much he was sorry, and left voicemails begging me to call him but I deleted every one of them.
It was two weeks from that day at Blake's house and going out was the last thing I really wanted to do but Laurel got to me with her begging. I hadn't been an easy friend to get along with the past couple of weeks but I was hurting. Still. It felt raw and I was exhausted from crying. But she eventually wore me down and I agreed to go for a few drinks.
The table next to us was occupied by a rowdy group who were singing at the top of their lungs. With each wrong note I cringed a little more, they were so loud and I definitely wasn’t in the mood.
“Chick... You are out with your best friend in the world, drink in hand and great music that we can dance to all night! Cheer up sweetie. I love you, and you know I'm here for you but you’ve got to get over it soon! You cannot keep letting him get you down."
I sighed and looked up at her from my drink. "I don't know how to. Get over it I mean. They were my parents, Laurel! Every part of me is hurting right now. And in this stupid town I get reminded of it every day."
"I know honey, it sucks big time. Maybe you need to get away and clear your head, give yourself some space from the reminders. Fix yourself then come back. I'd miss you like crazy but it wouldn't have to be long. Just get some perspective."
I actually found myself nodding and agreeing. It couldn't make me feel any worse.
"But for now, we are out and we are going to have a great night so let's get our drink on, yeah?”

She asked the question with her voice full of hope. I replied with a 'yeah ok' and downed the rest of my drink. Maybe not the best response to a broken heart but I was going to try and forget about him. If only for one night.
We danced and we drank and the minutes ticked by until I looked at my phone and realised it was eleven. The bar was packed now and the smell of the alcohol and sweat was making me feel queasy. Just as I was about to suggest we leave, a loud female cackle caught my attention from the other side of the room. I watched as the owner of the laugh had her hands wrapped around a bicep.
Blake was standing with Amber's hands all over him. And he wasn't pushing her away, in fact he seemed to be laughing and smiling at her. Anger was boiling inside of me and heating me to the point I felt like I would explode. Here I was feeling devastated and broken hearted, trying to get through the night minute by minute, and he was out with that bitch.
"Ugh," I screamed into Laurel's ear. "What the hell? Look!"
Laurel flicked her head up from her phone and I saw recognition register on her face. "Oh shit" was all she said before I felt eyes on me. Amber had noticed us and she was looking right at me. She smiled and subtly moved herself so we had a full view of what she was doing. Her hands were running up and down Blake's arm, then went to rest on his chest as she leaned up on her tiptoes and whispered in his ear. I wanted to look away but I couldn't. I was giving her the satisfaction that she wanted but I just couldn't tear my gaze away from where she was touching him.
She moved her hands down over the pecks that were prominent under his shirt and clasped them in one of his hands, dragging him towards the corridor to the bathrooms. Actually she didn’t seem to be dragging, he was following willingly and the realisation was another kick to my stomach. She glanced over at us with a sly smile, and then disappeared with him through the door. I sat there staring after them for minutes. I couldn't speak, or distinguish between emotions at that point. The sound of a glass on the table stirred me out of the trance.
"I thought you could use a shot so I went to the bar. Drink. It might help with the pain."
"Nothing is going to help with it Laur. It's too much,” I replied, knocking back the Sambuca. The liquid burned at the back of my throat then subsided and left me feeling numb.
Reaching over to the empty stool I grabbed my clutch. I just wanted to get out of there quick, go home and cry myself to sleep. If I stayed I would only be able to think about what they might be doing back there. As we weaved in and out of the tables and were about to pass the door my eyes were glued to, Amber appeared straightening her clothes. Her lipstick was smudged; her hair slightly messy and she looked too pleased with herself. Blake emerged from the same door with his hands around his waistband, tucking his shirt back into the top of his trousers. I was staring now, and it was blatant too. I wasn't hiding myself, and I was in full view of him.
He noticed me and reached out for my hand, "Cassie..." I flinched at the near contact, jerking out of his reach and looked between them. He looked at Amber then shook his head violently, “It isn’t what you think...we didn’t…” I cut him off and stopped him mid-sentence. "Blake it doesn't matter. You're single now. You can do what you want, and who you want…"
My eyes diverted from his to Amber's who still had a smirk plastered on her face.
"…I just don't understand why you would let your standards drop so low." I flicked back between them both, and walked as quickly as I could in the opposite direction, dragging Laurel out the front door with me.
As the cool night air hit me the tears tried to escape the corner of my eyes but I blinked them back fiercely. I would not let Blake and Amber have the satisfaction. And I knew he had followed me. As the music died down the further we walked from the bar, Blake's voice came into focus. I heard his footsteps gaining pace as he shouted my name over and over.
"What? What do you want?" I spun around and glared at him. I wasn't interested in hearing his apologies. I'd heard it all before but it didn't change anything. My parents were still dead.
"Baby please. It wasn't what it looked like. There's no way I'd do anything with Amber, you've got to believe me.”
"Well I don't,' I shot back. "I saw her face, I saw you with her and you both went in to the bathroom to fuck. I’m not stupid. But I don't care. You can do whatever you want." I shrugged like it was nothing when really I felt like I was dying inside. “We are nothing to each other. I'm just some girl you mucked around with a few times.” He stared at me incredulously. "You can’t believe that's true. You’re fucking everything to me. I want you. I want us to be together. Please, sweetheart." My heart tugged at his term of endearment, and I remembered all the times he had called me that and had me putty in his hand. Now, it just reminded me of how much he hurt me.
"Please what? Please forgive you for hiding what happened to my parents from me? Please forget that you didn't last two minutes after we broke up before you banged another girl? I'm not even upset that you lied anymore. I can deal with that. But now I can never trust you again. That's what really hurts. You've shattered any hopes I had for our future. I can't stay around here and see you with other people. It just tears me in two. I’m leaving Blake.” The hurt in his eyes nearly had me clawing the words back.
"But you can't leave, you have your Gran here, she needs you.
I
need you. And it’s not what you think with Amber. She said she wanted to tell me something important so we went into the corridor. She spilt her drink on me so I went into the bathroom to dry my shirt. I swear nothing happened. You are the only one I want."
I sighed heavily, knowing once and for all this had to be it. "Look Blake, it doesn't matter anyway. Do what you want but I can't stay around and watch. I'm going to leave next week. I've got to go."
He was still sobbing my name over and over, begging me not to go as I grabbed Laurel's arm to steady myself. I walked quickly out of desperation and frustration. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone. I had to get home. Then I could pour my heart out into my pillow.
"Do you want to talk about it?” Laurel asked after a few minutes of silence.
"No thanks. I just want to forget about it. About him."