Sweet Deception (Truth) (16 page)

"Blake, then what happened?” Her voice was small, barely a whisper but full of sadness.
I shook my head.
"Oh God, I...She...I found her Cassie and it was the worst day of my life." I blurted it out in between the heaving and stream of tears that I had given up trying to keep in.
"She was lying on the bed, pale, curled up. I thought she was just sleeping so I shouted for her get her lazy arse up. She didn't move, or twitch. I went round to the side of the bed and realised she had an empty pill bottle in her hand. The rest of the day is a blur." I thumped my chest to try and suppress the emotion that was heavy on my heart and took a deep shaky breath in and out. Wiping my face with my sleeve I looked at her beautiful face that had gone from torn up to no reaction in a matter of seconds. "We tried to find him but it’s like he just disappeared. Or overdosed or something. The only reason I didn't tell anyone what happened was because she was gone and I didn't want anyone to think badly of her. I wanted to protect her memory. For people to look back and think what a great kid she was." I paused, looking for some kind of emotion I could work with.
"What are you thinking?"
Cassie
Blake's question floored me. I was thinking a whole bunch of things and nothing all at the same time. I felt like I could finally close the door on what happened to my parents. Not knowing had definitely been worse than finding out the truth. I was angry at Ben, sad for Blake, and anxious about the future. He was just trying to protect his sister, the most important person in his life. But at the same time I was resentful that he hadn't told me the truth. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and switch off from the world.
"To be honest, it's a lot to take in. I don't know what you expect from me but I can't give you anything at the moment. Hearing about the car crash has brought back a lot of memories and now I can finally mourn them the way I should have been able to three years ago."
He looked so distraught. I knew how difficult this must have been. He had just bared to his soul to me. It was something he had been carrying on his own for such a long time, but I didn't know what to do to make him feel better. I just wasn't capable of anything at that moment and I had to use all my energy to take care of myself.
I moved to stand and see him to the door but he grabbed my arm and tugged gently, turning me so I was facing him.
"Blake..." I sighed, warning in my tone.
"Cass, I get it. I just want you to read this."
He reached into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a folded piece of paper which looked like it had been thumbed a thousand times.
"Please don't make any decisions about us until you have. I haven't shown it to anyone before, but, I think you need to see it. Give me a call when you're ready. I'll be waiting for you. I'll always wait for you."
I nodded and he kissed the top of my forehead before leaving. I heard the car pull away and I sent a quick text to James.
He needs you.
I laid back on the sofa with my head resting on the back cushion. I needed sleep before I even thought about what came next.

Chapter 19

Blake,
If you're reading this then I finally took the coward's way out and ended it all. I hope that eventually you will stop being angry with me and realise that what I did was for the best.
I heard that the people in the car had a daughter about your age. If I found out that mum and dad were killed in a hit and run I would despise the people that did it for the rest of my life. I would wish that they had died instead of my parents. I can't give her back her parents, but I can give myself what I deserve. I didn't control the car, but it was all my idea.
I hope no-one blames you. I've written this to say goodbye, but also so you can show people and they will know that it was me and not you. You've been the best big brother I could ever wish for. You never judged me. You were always willing to listen to my stupid problems. Don't spend time mourning me. I just want you to be happy.
Tell mum and dad I love them.
Love ya more than ice-cream.
Later, alligator.
Abs
Tears were falling so heavily I could barely read the writing on the page. The guilt and the anxiety that this little girl must have felt broke my heart. She took it all on herself when it wasn't her fault. And the little weasel Ben had just left her to deal with it on her own.
My heart wrenched for Blake. He had done what he could to protect his little sister but in the end it just wasn't enough. I wanted to bring his heart to my chest, wrap my arms around it and protect it always. Could he get past this now he had let it all out? Would I be able to forgive her, forgive him and put it behind us? I thought about Blake's arms around me. His playful smile. The night he saved me from being attacked. The answer was, maybe.
There was something I needed to do before anything else. I swung by the store to make a purchase of my own and pulled up to cemetery, flowers in hand.
I knelt in front of Abbey's grave, and swiped some tears away with my hand before composing myself. I didn’t know her, but we did have something in common. Blake. And although I was still reeling from hearing the circumstances surrounding my parents’ death, I think it was the closure I needed. It hadn’t been Abbey’s fault. And I didn’t blame her. But I had to talk to her and let her know what I was feeling.
"Hey honey. You probably weren't expecting me. When I was here last I didn't know anything about what you went through. Blake gave me your letter to read. I have to tell you I was mad at you when he told me what happened. It tore my whole world apart but I definitely do not blame you. I wish for Blake's sake that you had let him help you. He would have done anything in his power to protect you. He loved you so much."
I breathed in the fresh air deeply. The breeze was picking up and specks of water landed on my face and clothes.
"I hope that you have found peace. I know you thought you were doing what was best. So I just wanted you to know that I'm not angry anymore. I forgive you.
I love your brother. I haven't told him yet. But I will. He's a good man, and I will do everything I can to make him happy. Just like you wanted. I won't let him slip away, I promise."
I laid the flower on top of the soil and stood to brush myself down. In coming back here I felt like I could really move forward now.
My phone buzzed. James.
He's flipping out thinking you've gone. No answer on your phone. Gran won't tell him anything. And you're not at home. Please tell me you haven't left and not said goodbye.
Been to the cemetery. Home in five.
I looked at my phone and sure enough there were ten missed calls and two voicemails from Blake. I didn't want to listen to them. I just had to get home.
"Where is he?” I asked James as I hopped out the car.
"I tried to stop him but he went to the cemetery after you. I told him you would be back soon but he didn't want to wait."
"Damn it. He drives me fucking crazy." I laughed and threw my hands around in frustration.
"You're not going to break his heart are you?" James was worried. I didn't even want to know what he'd had to deal with the past twenty-four hours.
I shook my head. "No, hopefully I am going to help heal it. I love him. Pure and simple. And I know it's strong enough to get us through this." My voice was firm and insistent. I knew what I wanted. And that was Blake. James smiled, pulling me into a bear hug and kissing my cheek. "Go and get him babe. Take this." He closed my hand around the cold metal and waved me off.
Minutes later I was pulling up to Blake's house. His car wasn't in the driveway so I had made it here before him. I gripped the key James had given me and opened up the house. Immediately it felt like I was home. It smelt of Blake. And citrus. A warm comforting feeling wrapped itself around me and I took off my coat, laying it over the back of the sofa. I paced up and down the living room mindlessly. Any speech I had practiced on the way over here went out the window when I heard the door slam shut. I swallowed hard to try and push my heart back down to my chest.
"Cassie? Cassie?” He shouted loudly, his deep voice echoing throughout the whole house.
"I'm in here," I shouted back, my own voice cracking with emotion. Breathe
. One, two, three.
"Oh thank god, I thought you'd left. And I felt so sick like I was gonna throw up there and then. I went to the cemetery but you'd already left. Please just hear me out." He begged. He didn't even let me reply before he carried on talking, crossing the room as he spoke. "I am so, so sorry for hurting you. I hate myself for it. I should have trusted you, and told you everything from the start. I was just so scared of what I was feeling at first, and then how you would react when you found out. I’ve never spoken about it before and I found it hard to believe that you were there for me no matter what. No-one has been before."
I tried to talk but he held his hand up signalling he had more to say.

"I love you. I love you so much and I know we can get past this if you just say you will take me back. I swear I'll spend my whole damn life trying to make you as happy as you make me. You mean everything to me. Being without you these past few weeks has been like someone has switched off all the lights and I couldn’t see a fucking thing. I can't take back what my sister did, the hurt it must have caused you but I'll do whatever I can from here on in to protect you from any more pain."
His piercing blue eyes found mine and were holding them in place. I couldn't look away even if I wanted to.
"Say something, my stomach's in knots here." He pleaded.
I frowned trying to think of the words that would best get across how I was feeling but I came up empty handed. Instead they just rolled out.
"I love you too. I just told your sister that I wasn't going to let you go. That I was going to make you happy because that's what she wanted. And what I want. You have to be honest with me about everything. Please don’t ever keep something from me again. If we can talk it out, we can get through anything. Just say the word and I will be right there whenever you are hurting to share your pain with you. I promise. I can’t fight the feelings anymore. I need you." I smiled up at him through blurry eyes and he let tears drop before wiping them away.

"God, love has turned me into a blubbering idiot. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I am so lucky to have found you, Cassandra Wilson." He pulled me close and wrapped his strong arms around me.
"I'm going to keep reminding you of that every day. You'll be sick of hearing it." I assured him. My hands went round his waist and I buried my head into his wide chest as far as I could.
"I'll never get sick of hearing it sweetheart. You are the only one I ever want. You make it all worthwhile."

Epilogue

Eight months Later
The cool breeze picks up and I pull my sweater round my shoulders trying to stop the chills running through me. But I don't think it's down to the wind. Blake has asked me to meet him here. In the clearing at the side of the road that heads straight into town. The place he brought me on our first date. And the place we have visited many times since just to catch an hour together alone.
We have needy friends who can't get their shit together. Laurel and James have been creeping around each other for the past eight months and even after numerous attempts at matchmaking from Blake and I, they still haven't managed a repeat of their one night together.
Gran had another heart attack not long after Blake and I got our own shit together. It's still a long standing joke that it was the shock of finding out about us that caused it to happen in the first place. She is getting better slowly, but I spend a lot of my time with her and in between that, running the florist and Blake's job we haven't had a whole lot of time to just, be. That's what tonight is about he told me.
We are both healing each other. I miss my parents everyday and he still finds it hard to talk about his sister. But he does, because he wants me to know her. We continue the tradition of putting a flower on her grave every week because it helps us to deal with it.
He still makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. And I still look at him and want to tear his clothes off. And when he wears those shirts with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, much like he is doing now as he appears from behind the trees, I get all hot and bothered, and have to take a few breaths to calm myself down.
"Hey sweetheart," he says as he reaches me and plants a kiss on my forehead. I reach up and grab a fistful of his shirt, pulling him into me and crushing my lips against his. He moves his hands down to cup my butt and stumbles slightly as I jump into his arms. I wrap my legs around him tightly and glide my fingers through his hair. I cling my legs to him so he can run his hands all over my body and moan as he parts my lips with his tongue, sending my blood pumping round like that damn freight train. He pulls away breathless, panting and rests his forehead against mine. "Marry me?" he whispers so low I'm not sure if I heard right.
"What?" I squeak, needing him to repeat his question. My legs unclamp his waist and slide down to settle on the ground, but they aren't steady enough to hold my weight so I cling to his arms as tight as I can.
He reaches into his jeans pocket and pulls out a little blue box that I have seen a million times in films. This is really happening. He lowers himself onto one knee and I feel like I'm going to faint so I'm still clinging to him. "I kinda need to move my arms for this baby."
"Sorry" I mumble and move my hands but I'm so nervous I don't know what to do with them and I end up just fiddling with my cardigan buttons. He reaches out and grabs my hand, "Cassie, you've completely changed me for the better. I want to carry on being the man you deserve. Let me spend forever showing you how much you mean to me. Marry me?"
He looks up at me eyes sparkling, hands shaking, waiting for me to agree to forever. Can I give him that? The answer is a resounding
hell yes,
and a smile plays across my lips. I give my answer and fling my arms around him. He pulls back and grins at me with the smile that shows all teeth and those cute dimples, and I know then that this man will be my happily ever after.