Sweet Montana Christmas (25 page)

“I'm glad you waited,” she said. “I'm stronger than I was last year. I've launched my business, and it's going better than I could have expected. Reed is out of my life, and my mother and I are closer than ever.”

“What about whoever you're in love with?” Her grandmother put a kettle of hot water on the stove.

Tea. Her grandmother always made tea for serious discussions.

Sue Anne put the molds on the table and settled into a kitchen chair.

“How do you know?”

“I can see it in your eyes. You seem sad, though. It's not going well?” Her grandmother set the floral English teapot on the counter, with two bone china teacups and saucers next to it. Henri may have had French ancestors, but her grandmother was solidly British.

“You could say that. I thought we had something worth sticking around for. I mean, Zach told me if the opportunity came along for him to move to a bigger airport, he'd go, but I thought if he loved me enough, he'd stay.”

“I take it he's going. Would you sell your business and follow him?”

“Hell, no. I'm just getting started.”

The hot liquid streamed into the cups.

“It's so much more complicated today with different careers and desires,” her grandmother said. “It wasn't much easier for Henri and me, but there was still the holdover thought that a woman followed a man's career, so that's what we did.” She set the teacups on the table. “It worked for us.”

“But I'm not talking about a career. I'm talking about a building and a shop—something I've invested every last penny I have into. Giving it up makes no sense—financially or otherwise.”

“I see your point. And it's a good one.” She sipped her tea. “Have you told Zach how you feel?”

“You mean have I told him I care about him? Of course.”

“Care about him?” The eyebrow arched with practiced ease. “How can he give more emotionally if all he thinks is you care about him?”

“Well, I certainly can't tell him I love him.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

The tangy lemon flavor swirled around her tongue as she sipped the tea.

“You really think I should tell him how I feel?”

“I can't tell you what to do.” Her grandmother's teacup rattled in its saucer. “But I know if I'd never taken a chance and told Henri how I felt, I wouldn't have spent decades with the most wonderful man I could have ever found.”

“
You
said you loved him first?”

“Of course. Henri was very good at thinking. Not so good at letting people know how he felt about them.” She smiled the dreamy expression of memories. “But I never had any doubts about how he felt.” She shrugged. “I just had to be the one to put it into words.”

Would Zach's choices change if he knew how she felt? Or would she be depriving him of his own choice? He had the right to work where he wanted to go, didn't he?

“You're overthinking.” Her grandmother put her hand on hers. “If you never take a risk, you'll always regret what might have been. He's a grown man and needs to make his own decisions. But he has to have all the facts first.” She released Sue Anne's hand and gave it a few little pats. “Now, let's get some laundry done so you can pack for your trip home tomorrow.”

But even as her grandmother got up, Sue Anne sat and stared at her tea. Did she have the courage she needed to have to reach for the brass ring of happiness? What if it fell from her hand?

What about her self-respect? She couldn't go chasing a man who wanted to leave. If he knew she loved him, would he stay? Or would it make his departure that more difficult?

• • •

“Am I an idiot?” Zach asked Pat as he spotted his friend lifting weights.

“Depends on what we're talking about.” Pat said as he set the bar back in the rack with a grunt. All around them, the clank of metal hitting metal reverberated.

Pat sat up and wiped the back of his neck and his face. Both men were dripping from heavy exertion, as they pushed each other further down the fitness track.

Zach liked their friendly competition. In fact, he and Pat had done a lot together over the last few months—from hikes, to grabbing a beer and talking trash about sports. He was going to miss the Alaskan once he went to LAX.

Which brought him back full circle to his question.

“About leaving Sue Anne,” he said.

“How do you feel about her?” Pat asked as they walked back to the locker room.

“I like her.”

“That's it? You've been seeing this woman on and off since March, and all you can say is you ‘like' her? Then why does it even matter?”

Zach stumbled over the question. Why did it matter?

Because he was lying to himself. His feelings for Sue Anne ran deeper than a mere friendship. But was that enough of a reason to change his entire life plan?

“Your turn.” Pat gestured to the weights.

Zach slid under the bar and braced himself. He steadied himself, blowing in and out a few times. Competition with Pat had pushed him to the edge of his physical ability, something he didn't regret.

He lifted the bar from the rack, engaged his pecs, and thrust the bar up as far as he could. Everything was steady as he slowly lowered, feeling the pain of tiny tears in his muscles, minute damage that would only make him stronger in the long run.

Maybe a person grew stronger the same way.

The new perspective made him lower the bar slowly back to the rack.

“Ready for another one?”

“I think so,” Zach said.

The men finished their workout, then stopped at the protein bar for a shake.

“I never did answer your question,” Pat said after they were served. “But for the record—yes, you're an idiot. You have friends, a good job in one of the most beautiful places in the world, and a woman, who, from the looks of it, would give you a shot at a pretty happy life. And you're ready to walk away from it all because of some master plan you made up when you were twenty-one.”

“That's quite the speech,” Zach said.

“I've been practicing it for weeks. Just waited for the right moment.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But if you don't love her, forget what I said.”

“I don't know.”

Pat shook his head. “What are you so afraid of?”

“I'm not...” Zach stopped himself. Pat was saying the same thing Sue Anne had said—he was running way. “I guess I don't want a repeat of Denver.” He'd given Pat a high-level view of the whole situation during one of their hikes.

“So when did that happen again?”

“Couple of years ago.”

“Don't you think it's about time you got over it?”

Zach stared out the window at the traffic on Reserve. In his head, he knew Pat was right, but some part of him still wanted to hang on to the hard kernel of fear. What if he took the risk and everything turned out wrong again?

What if he left and things went just as wrong, and he lost Sue Anne and the friendships he'd made?

Either way, he could get screwed. But if he didn't use fear to make his decisions, how was he supposed to know the right thing to do?

“You've got a point.”

“I suggest you start with getting up front about how you really feel about Sue Anne.”

“Who made you boss?” Zach asked.

“We're friends, aren't we?” Pat gave him a light jab in the upper arm. “That's what friends are for—to rub your face in the truth when you're being too much of a guy to see it.”

• • •

Zach stared at the arrivals board. Sue Anne was due in on the five o'clock flight from Seattle. Everything should be fine, but it had been snowing all night and had stayed below freezing all day. No chance for the runway to ice. Still, it would be dark when the plane landed. Pilots had to have special training to fly into Missoula because of the surrounding mountains, and he hoped this one was experienced as well.

He'd feel more secure when she was on the ground. There were things to say.

Holiday tunes had been playing for weeks, beginning at midnight of Thanksgiving Day. Normally, Zach blocked out the good cheer, but since his talk with Pat, the songs had snuck into his heart and filled it with hope.

The plane took shape as it descended, but then he lost it against the backdrop of the Rockies. He kept his eyes on the lights as they loomed closer and breathed a sigh of relief as the wheels touched down on the far runway.

The plane taxied down the runway, slowing as it neared the terminal, but it still seemed to be going too fast.

His heart raced as he watched the thin CRJ-700 race down the runway. What the hell was the pilot doing? His velocity was too high.

Beside him, he could feel Tony tense.

The pilot must have applied the brakes, because the plane finally slowed ... and slid right off the runway toward the fence.

“Shit!”

Zach and Tony took off for the engine before the command came over their communication devices. His heart was in his throat as he grabbed his gear and took up his station on the fire truck before it roared out to the airfield.

By the time the truck reached the plane, the aircraft had stopped. It was on the snowy grass a short ways from the fence, but still upright. In fact, it looked like they might be able to tow it back to the tarmac and over to the disembarkment area.

Zach's heart stopped thudding quite so hard, but he knew he wouldn't be totally satisfied until he saw Sue Anne was safe. He paced around the truck, unable to do anything constructive while the powers that be decided what should happen next. He stared at the sleek aircraft, willing Sue Anne to come to a window. The reflection of the lights on the glass was all he saw.

After much investigation and discussion, the safety team sent for one of the aircraft tow operators to bring the plane to the ramp.

The squad returned to the terminal and waited for the plane to arrive, just in case any of the passengers needed assistance.

Alaska Airlines personnel crowded the area as the first passengers began to descend the stairs, ground crew getting the overnight bags and placing them on the luggage cart. The sounds of planes taxiing and taking off roared around them.

Everything was normal, except as the passengers started to come off the plane, many were pale, and some of the older passengers held the rail with trembling hands. He anxiously scanned each figure as he or she descended. Finally, when it seemed that the plane must be empty, he saw her.

“Cover me,” he said to Tony as he moved toward the metal stairs.

“Sure.” Tony's voice faded into the background.

“Sue Anne,” Zach yelled to be heard over the engine noise around him. “Are you okay?”

She looked to the sound of his voice, and a smile slowly came to her face. She nodded. As soon as she hit the ground, she moved toward him.

His stride lengthened, and he closed the distance swiftly, pulling her into his arms as soon as he reached her. “Thank God,” he mumbled into her hair. “Thank God you're safe.”

Then he knew. There was no doubt of what his decision must be.

He cradled her face in his hands.

“I love you, Sue Anne. I love you, and I'm never leaving you. I hope in time, I can convince you of that. And that, maybe, with some effort, you can learn to love me, too.”

“How does right now sound?” She smiled up at him, the deepest expression he'd ever seen. “I love you, Zach. I just couldn't let myself believe it because I thought you were going away.”

“I know. I'm a jerk sometimes. I hope you can put up with that.”

She laughed, a full throaty laugh filled with the joy of being alive.

“I'm sure I can learn to do that. As long as you can put up with me losing things ... and Sugar.”

Happiness filled his entire soul.

He lowered his mouth to kiss her, barely aware of the clapping of his entire squad behind him.

• • •

Christmas Day...

Sue Anne couldn't wait for the flight from Seattle to Missoula to end. She'd had a good time spending Christmas Eve with her family—even her Mom's new beau Paul had come for the festivities—but it was time to get back to her life—chocolates, Sugar, and Zach.

She couldn't wait to see if more of her list was under the tree—a book on the history of chocolate, a couple of CDs that had been on her list when she was a teen, and colorful stationery.

But he'd already given her the most important thing on her list before the holiday arrived.

He was staying in Missoula. They had a chance at happiness.

She'd hesitated before she'd written that item on her list, but did it anyway. Wishes had no chance unless they were spoken aloud.

The lights of the airport appeared at the bottom of the valley. A little bit of fear ran through her nerves. This was the first time she'd flown into the city since the near disaster a few weeks before.

This time, the flight touched down gently and taxied to the gate with no problems. She grabbed her overnight bag from the rack and wheeled it into the terminal. Zach had said he had something special he had to do, so she'd driven her car to the airport.

A few minutes later, she was staring at the empty spot where her Subaru was supposed to be. She looked at the ticket in her hand. Yep. Right space.

She groaned and headed back to the terminal. Now what had happened? Zach's squad was going to think she was so dumb.

“Pat,” she said to the first officer she found. “I can't seem to find my car.”

“Oh? Okay. Are you sure where you left it?”

She kept from rolling her eyes—just barely—and handed him the ticket where she'd written down the lot and slot number.

“Okay. I can't think of why it would move. Anyone else have your keys?”

“Only Zach. And he knows better than to move my car at the airport.” Didn't he?