Sweet Obsession (26 page)

By now, the sun’s rays extended beyond the universe. Daylight entered the room, and it was time to part. I kissed her lips, not wanting to let go, but I knew I had to leave for now. I quickly jumped out of bed and dressed hastily, but as I leaned over to kiss her one more time, it suddenly occurred to me that no blankets were anywhere on the floor. I looked around the room and did not see any sign of Billal’s sleeping blankets. And then I realized the truth. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My knees buckled, and I almost dropped to the floor. I held on to the bedpost for support and gritted my teeth furiously.

Already knowing what her response would be, I asked in a dangerously low tone, “Where does Billal sleep at night?” I held my breath, preparing myself for the answer that was coming.

She did not answer right away. Unconsciously, Loula pulled the blanket up to her chin. Her lips trembled. “In the bed with me, but it’s not what you think. I can explain,” she said quickly and reached out for my hand.

I staggered backward as a loud roar rumbled out of my throat. The room started to spin.
This isn’t happening
, I thought wildly.

Loula choked back a sob. I was unsympathetic to her pain. She cried hysterically.

“Don’t even try to fake a cry. You destroyed everything I believed in,” I ruthlessly spat at her. “While I suffered and died a thousand deaths, you were sleeping in the same bed with the enemy!”

I wanted to hurt her, like she had hurt me, but I could not. I loved her still, but her betrayal was worse than death. I searched her face for a trace of regret. There was none. I looked deep into her eyes, deceiving eyes. They fooled me into believing in love. I searched her face for the truth, but I saw no truth there, only deceit. I took one last look of her face and turned and walked away. She jumped out of bed and raced after me, just as I opened the door to leave. She closed the door and pressed her naked body against it so I could not leave.

“Nidal, please,” she pleaded. “Let me explain.” She tried to catch her breath. “I have not slept with Billal! I have never slept with him!” she cried. I tried to push past her, and her hand came up quick and stopped me. “No, Nidal, stop. Listen to me. I swear I have not slept with him ever!” she cried. “I would never betray you in that way. You must believe me!” she said in an agonizing voice.

I drew my head back and allowed fresh air to enter my lungs. There was a tightness in my chest. I staggered backward and fell helplessly onto a chair that leaned against the wall. Loula dropped to her knees by my side and fell onto my lap in total submission.

I could not breathe. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. I took a deep breath and inhaled. I felt much better. I clasped my hands around her hands tightly. In my heart of hearts, I knew I could not live without her, even if she had slept with Billal. She was still mine, and somehow I had to find a way to forgive and forget and look past all this. I pulled her up on my lap and held her close to my heart. She was my heart. I loved her more than I loved my own life.

I had to think of a plan, a rock-solid one. We could not keep breaking up and making up and torturing ourselves even more, wasting our lives in turmoil, when we could live in bliss. Loula wrapped her arms around me and allowed her head to rest on my chest. I pushed the strands of hair away from her face and caressed her cheek. Her eyes were wet from the tears that were still rolling down her cheek. I wondered when the tears would stop, when the pain would go away, and we could live our lives to the fullest. The past fourteen years of my life I had suffered a tremendous amount.
Are we destined to be together, or is our destiny to be apart?
But the thought of a life without her seemed unbearable.

There is hope for a new beginning. I am sure of it. I know in my heart that we will prevail. Our love is strong. It is real, and I will stop at nothing to accomplish my goal.
Gently, I pulled Loula up, looked into her eyes, and smiled.
How long has it been since the last time I smiled at her?
Her eyes looked into mine. Hope filled them. I could see all the love and trust that was there. I never set out deliberately to hurt her. All of it was unavoidable.

I would do anything for her. I would give up my crown, my family, and even my life for her. I never wanted to be a king. I just wanted to live a normal life. I envied the commoners. They did not have much, but they were rich in places of the heart. They were happier than I ever was. I would trade lives with them in a heartbeat if I had the chance.

I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them. Her eyes searched mine for answers. Clearly distressed, she asked, “My prince, what ails you?”

I spoke with conviction. “You know I love you deeply, and I cannot and will not live a life without you by my side. We have to figure out what to do and fast. Shaeena’s baby is to arrive soon, and I am under pressure to marry her.” The last words rolled off my tongue without thinking the effect it might have on Loula. Immediately, she gasped for air and choked back sobs that were threatening to rip from her throat.

“If you marry her, Nidal, I promise I will throw myself off a cliff. Do not think for one moment that I will not,” she threatened with a deadly calm.

Fear gripped me at the thought of that. I grabbed Loula’s shoulders and shook her, and with a sharp edge of anger in my voice, I yelled, “You will do no such thing. We will be together, and I will do everything in my power to claim you as my wife. I promise you. You must be patient, Loula,” I begged.

Loula kept her eyes averted from mine. I could tell she was hurting. A miserable silence followed, and it was agony for me to try to figure out what she was thinking.

I broke the silence by calmly asking, “Loula, do you think you could wait until I figure out what to do? I promise you I will not take too long. I know you want things to change now, but it’s not that easy. This is real stuff. People can get hurt, lives could get destroyed, the country could suffer, and I need time to accomplish our goals without hurting anyone more than necessary.” I hoped she understood what I was trying to tell her.

“I need time. Please be patient with me. I love you. You know that to be true. I need to think of a good plan. In the meantime, my love, we will pretend that we are not talking. Our affair will be a secret for now.” I knew my words were killing her slowly. But I continued, “We have no choice, Loula. It must be kept a secret until we figure out what to do. I will come to you when Billal is away hunting.” I hoped my words brought her some comfort.

She dropped her head in her hands and started to weep. My heart went out to her. I knew her pain. It was like a knife twisting in the gut, and it hurt so much. But we had no other choice. It had to be done as I said. There was no other way around it, and she knew this to be true.

In that instant, we heard the horses outside. They were back from their hunting trip. We quickly jumped to our feet and kissed each other hastily, and before I reached for the door, I turned and whispered my love to her. I opened the door, stepped quietly outside, and closed the door behind me. I had to get to my room before they entered the palace. I flew down the stairs and ran to my room just in time. As I softly closed my bedroom door, I heard the commotion of the men down the hall. I turned and looked at Shaeena, and she was still asleep. I went into the bathroom to gather my wits.

I could still feel Loula’s scent on my skin. I took a deep breath and recalled her soft body next to mine, her lips, soft and sweet, kissing me tenderly across my chest, and her hands traveling up and down my body. I could not take it anymore. I was on fire. I grabbed my shaft and masturbated until I came. Immediately my body trembled. I called out her name and groaned when there was no answer. My body was still shaking from the aftermath.

Spent, I looked into the mirror and saw myself. I felt no shame.
Is it shameful to make love to the memory of the woman you love? When fate cast me this burden of living a life without her, I ran, but I cannot hide from her memory! When she is within reach but I cannot touch her, I was dealt with unfairly! The gods cursed me with a life of misery! I defy them!

I sighed, knowing we were dealt a life of pain.
But I am master of my life, aren’t I? I could turn things around. I must, for I cannot go on like this
. I walked out of the bathroom smiling. A light had to be at the end of the tunnel.
Things will work out. I’m sure of it
. I tiptoed to my blankets on the floor and dropped down, and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep instantly. When I woke up a few hours later, I looked up and saw Shaeena looking down at me from the bed. I blinked a few times, trying to focus.
If I blink hard enough, the nightmare will go away.

She smiled down at me, and I tried with all my power to smile back. My eyes slowly eased down to her stomach. She was huge. I swallowed.
Is that my baby she carries, or is this all an act? How can I find out the truth? There must be a way!
The days were closing in on me. In a few weeks, she would have the baby, and then by law, I would have to marry her unless, by some miracle, the baby was proven not to be mine.

I had to go to my father and ask him if there were a way around the law. He was, after all, the king.
Couldn’t he change the law if he chose to?
I quickly got up and dressed. I knew that Shaeena’s eyes were on me, making me feel uncomfortable. I walked over to the bathroom and closed the door. I threw cold water on my face, and I looked in the mirror and remembered last night. Right here in this spot, I had touched myself. My woman was upstairs with another man, and I had touched myself! I braced my hands on the porcelain sink and leaned closer to the mirror. A jack-off stared back at me.
This is what I have become!
But I felt no shame. All was fair in love and war. I ran my fingers through my hair, combing them into place, and then I raced out of there. I had to find my father. If anyone could help me, he could. I ignored Shaeena’s questioning glance and walked right past her to the door, where I exited.

The servants scrambled to their duties when they saw me coming, and if I weren’t in such a hurry, I would have laughed my head off. Even though they didn’t realize it, I envied them. Their lives were so simple. They cleaned the palace. I served the crown for a lifetime. I couldn’t run like the wind and live a life of pleasure and happiness. Instead, I was committed to serving a life of duties to the throne. I was told who to love and who to marry, and my whole life was planned out for me. That was no life at all. I would rather be a servant, a peasant. Servants had a much richer life full of happiness.
True happiness is not measured in the amount of fame or money you have; true happiness is measured by all the love you have and feel. I am rich in money and power, but I am poor in love and happiness! I would trade places with the peasants any time.

I found my father in the tearoom drinking tea with Mother. They did not look too happy to see me, which made me hesitate a bit before I spoke. “Father, I come to you begging for mercy. I know you have been disappointed in me lately.” I stole a glance at Mother. She looked as if she wanted to box my ears off my head. “Father, I come to you not as the prince of Arabia, but as your son. Please may I ask you for a huge favor?”

The king put down the teacup and looked curiously at me. I could tell his patience was running thin with me. “I can’t wait to hear what you have to say, son, for lately you have been full of surprises,” he said sarcastically.

I took a deep breath and dropped the bomb. “Father, I can’t marry Shaeena! I know the law says I have to, but I cannot marry her in good conscience for I am in love with Loula! I want her to be my wife. She is the one I love.”

The king looked angry upon hearing my words, but my mother looked as if she were pleased with what I had just confessed.

My father was about to say something, but I quickly spoke, “Father, please, hear me out. I beg you.” I kneeled down next to him and looked up into his face, begging for mercy. “Father, I know you are angry with me. I messed up. I know. But I meant no harm. I promise you. You know how I feel about Loula. You also know that I cannot live without her. Please, have mercy on me, Father. Change the law. I do not wish to marry Shaeena. In fact, I despise her! And I do not even know if it is my baby she carries!”

“Enough!” the king roared. “You made your bed. Now lie in it! Even from a young age, you disobeyed me! You ran like a bull and chased the wind! There are consequences, Son! You chose this, not I. Now you must live with it!”

He hit the table with his fists. The servants jumped out of fear, ran out the door, and disappeared. Mother put down her teacup and grabbed her neck. I could see fear in her eyes as she stared at me sympathetically. I stood my ground. My father did not intimidate me; nor was I about to run scared from him. He could rule his country, but he could not rule me.

“I will not marry Shaeena! I do not love her, Father,” I raised my voice to another level, knowing how that would infuriate the king even more.

In a very calm voice, the king smiled coldly. “Oh, yes, you will. Prepare for the wedding. It will be in two weeks,” he said with a finality in his voice.

I knew I could not say anything to change his mind. I felt defeated. Loula’s face came to my mind, and I thought about the promise I made her, how I would fix everything. I had lied. Deep in my heart, I knew my father would stick to the law. He was the law. He was hardheaded. I suddenly felt sorry for my mother, who had put up with him all these years. I looked into her eyes, and I saw tears there. I had won her favor, but I could not win my father’s. I stood, bowed, and walked away in silence.

As I stepped into the empty hallway, I felt deeply depressed. Knowing not what to do, I slumped against the stone wall and allowed my head to roll from left to right in agony. Upstairs was my lover, for whom I would give up my life, and I could not claim her as my wife. There had to be a way around all this. I would find a way.