Sweet the Sin (13 page)

She asked, “So why are you letting me stay? This situation is kind of crazy, you know. We were strangers two weeks ago, and all of a sudden I’m living with you and sleeping with you. It makes me feel—weird.”

Caleb had no idea she’d been feeling this way, and he didn’t like things that he didn’t know. “So, we won’t fuck anymore,” he said tensely.

Kelly groaned. “Would you stop it? I’m not saying I don’t want to fuck you anymore. You must know how—how much I enjoy it. But I don’t like to feel dependent, and that’s how I feel with you.”

He was silent for a long time, recognizing that he liked her being dependent on him. He liked that, right now, he was the only person in the world she was relying on. What that said about him, he didn’t really know.

“So what are you planning to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can understand why you might not want to live with me indefinitely—and honestly, I can’t keep staying here myself. It’s becoming inconvenient for me to keep commuting to the city every day for work. But surely you don’t expect me to just let you walk away, when you have no resources.”

Kelly tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let her. So she grumbled, “I never said I didn’t have any resources. I’m hardly destitute. I can hire help if I need it. I can take care of myself.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Leave. Tomorrow morning, if you want. And take care of yourself.”

“Is that what you want? Me to leave?”

He let out a brief, frustrated exclamation. “No. Damn it, Kelly. Haven’t I just said so? I want to help you. I don’t want you to leave.”

It was true, but he couldn’t believe he’d just admitted it out loud.

The words seemed to have a good effect, though. She sighed deeply and was silent for a long time. She pressed herself up beside him again, burrowing under the crook of his arm. “All right. I’ll stay a little while longer, just because I feel a lot safer with you. But I’m not going to just let you support me. I’ll start figuring things out.”

“You can pay me rent, if it makes you feel better.” He intentionally made his tone very dry.

He was rewarded with a little laugh. “Thanks. I might take you up on that.”

Mid-morning on Saturday, Caleb found Kelly on the patio, drinking coffee and drawing something on a sketchpad.

“What are you drawing?” he asked, trying to catch a glimpse of it.

She gave a little twitch, since he’d obviously surprised her, and she ducked the pad away from his view. “None of your business.”

He frowned, but such a small secret felt too petty to pursue. “I’m taking Ralph to the park. Do you want to come?”

Closing her sketchpad, she stood up with a smile.

“Yes. I’d love to. I was wondering why…”

“You were wondering why what?”

She gave a pretty little shrug. “Do you take him there a lot? I’ve been wondering why you took him to the park in the first place, since your place here is so big and there’s plenty of space to run.”

“We usually go every Saturday, although I’ve missed the last couple of weeks. I’ll show you why.” He jangled the lead he held in his hand and called out, “Park!”

A couple of seconds later, Ralph was bounding toward them at full speed. Kelly laughed as the dog skidded to a stop, nearly plowing into Caleb’s legs.

“I have no idea why, but playing around here doesn’t come close to going to the park for him. It’s his favorite thing in the world. You should hear him crying as we get close to it in the car.” He felt a strange sort of pleased pride as Kelly laughed again and leaned down to pet the dog, obviously very fond of the animal.

When she straightened up, she said, “I’m going to bring my sketchpad. Maybe I’ll work on a drawing of him.”

“Sounds good to me.” He slanted her a teasing look. “It’s about time you started working for your keep around here.”

She gave him a little push against the arm, clearly not offended. He was sure she’d been serious about not living off of him indefinitely, but it was nice that she wasn’t too uptight about it.

They drove to the park, with Ralph whimpering louder and louder as they approached, until Kelly hushed him and told the dog he should be more like his owner and act cool and collected about things he was excited about.

When they arrived, Ralph ran ahead with his Frisbee to the corner near the woods where Caleb always took him. He and Kelly walked more slowly in a pleasant kind of silence.

He had never brought a woman to the park with him before. It had been a weekly ritual for a long time, and part of the pleasure for him was that he went alone, with only his dog. But he didn’t regret bringing Kelly.

She was walking beside him, looking around, smiling at Ralph whenever she focused on the dog, who was now running circles in pure
joie de vivre
.

Another woman would have moved closer to him, tried to deepen the connection between them, taken his hand as some sort of claim to their closeness.

Kelly didn’t, though. She did nothing to get nearer to him, even in a casual way.

For some reason, he kept noticing it.

When he edged toward her as they walked, she edged the other way to keep the same distance. It didn’t seem to be purposeful. It was completely unconscious—like her instinct was to pull away rather than move close.

As an experiment, he reached over to take her hand in his as they walked.

She gave him a quick, startled glance, but then smiled and didn’t pull her hand out of his grasp.

After a minute, though, when they had to move around a family sitting on a blanket in the grass, she slipped her hand away. She was so elusive. It was puzzling and tantalizing, both. All his life, women had done anything they could to get closer to him, use any opportunity to evoke soft feelings. Kelly was obviously attracted to Caleb, and it was apparent she liked him and wanted to be around him. But there was part of her that kept holding him at a distance.

Maybe he was hopelessly contrary, but it made him want to tighten his grip.

“Let’s stop here,” she said, when they started getting closer to the edge of the woods. “This is good, isn’t it?”

“We always go a little farther.” Caleb gestured toward Ralph, who had planted himself in their normal location.

She took a strange little breath and smiled as they moved toward the dog, closer to the woods.

While Caleb threw the Frisbee for Ralph, Kelly found a large rock and settled herself on the grass, leaning back against it as she sketched the dog.

It was like any other Saturday morning in the park, except it was a little better because Kelly was there to meet his smile or laugh or call out a teasing comment.

He enjoyed himself so much that it startled him.

After a while, he walked over to where Kelly was sitting. She gazed up at him as he approached, her fair face radiant in the morning light. She looked fresh and golden, like a blossom in the sun.

His breath actually hitched in his throat.

“Do you want to take a little walk?” he asked, instinctively shifting the moment to something more familiar. Sex. He reached his hand down toward her and nodded toward the woods. “We could revisit the scene.”

She obviously picked up on the seductiveness in his tone, but a strange expression flickered on her face as she glanced back toward the woods. “I don’t think so. I’m still working on Ralph.”

Her response was so unexpected that Caleb felt compelled to follow it up. He lowered himself to sit beside her on the grass, looking over at the sketch—which was very well done and almost complete. “Maybe we can revisit the scene when you’re done.”

She didn’t answer, focusing instead on the page.

He drew his brows together. Her cheeks had paled a little. Even though her expression was perfectly natural, something underlying it was almost skittish. “You did enjoy that first time, didn’t you?”

Her eyes shot up to his face. “Of course I did. You know very well that I did.”

He relaxed a tension he hadn’t been aware of before. “That’s what I thought. But it seems like something is bothering you about going back there.”

Putting down the sketchpad, she gave him a resigned look. “Yeah. I’m sorry. It wasn’t the sex at all. It’s just that—that I don’t like the woods.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t like the woods. Any woods. They make me nervous.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” With a sheepish smile, she leaned back against the boulder. “It sounds stupid, I’m sure, but it’s just this weird fear I have.”

“Did something happen in the woods, to make you scared of them?” His mind was mulling over this new piece of the puzzle that was Kelly, and he couldn’t help but be pleased by the information, since she so seldom talked about herself.

“No. I was just always scared of them as a kid, and the fear never went away. Kids are scared of all kinds of silly things.” She reached over to rub his chest. “What were you scared of when you were little?”

He thought about the question, staring out into the distance for several moments. With a little intake of breath, he turned back to her and admitted, “I can’t even remember.”

She snorted. “Right. You’re just pretending to be all fearless and manly. But I’m sure you were scared of something. But, even as a boy, I bet you didn’t admit it.”

“I didn’t.” He smiled and repositioned himself, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer. “I’ve probably blocked any childhood fears out now, along with any other trace of weakness. I know as a boy I never admitted to being scared of anything.”

“Or as a man either.”

He thought about that. Recognized it as true.

“Or as a man.”

“What were your parents like?”

“They were—were busy a lot.”

“Were you close to them?”

“I don’t even know. I was never conscious of not being close to them, but sometimes I would watch other families—that were affectionate with each other—and I’d wonder what that would be like. My dad was a classic workaholic. He started a tech company and made a fortune purely because he was brilliant. I always assumed he loved me, but he didn’t have time for us to hang out. And my mom was always trying to climb the social ladder. They were”—he paused, trying to sort through the years of memories from his childhood, most of the milder memories overwhelmed by the one year of hell he’d lived through—“they were fine.”

A silence followed his conclusion, making Caleb suddenly self-conscious. He never spilled like that. He never revealed himself in any real way. And he didn’t know what Kelly was thinking now.

When he looked over, he saw she wasn’t even focused on him. She was staring off in the distance. But her hand was still stroking his chest, and the touch felt comforting somehow.

“What were your parents like?” he asked, wanting to change the subject.

She lifted one shoulder. “I was adopted. My adoptive parents were very nice. They did everything they could for me. They were older, and we never really bonded the way other kids do with their parents. But I liked them and appreciated them. I tried to be good to them.”

“That doesn’t sound much like a family.”

“I don’t know. It was better than nothing.”

She felt small and fragile for some reason, so he tightened his arm around her. “Do you remember your biological parents?”

After a pause, she breathed out, “Yeah.”

“What were they like?”

Kelly didn’t answer immediately, and the tension in her body made Caleb think she was hiding something devastating.

“Were they that bad?” he asked, softly, like he might speak to a trapped animal.

“No. They weren’t bad. My mom was always distant. She worked as a—she worked all the time and didn’t seem to care about me much. But my dad”—something shuddered through her briefly before she whispered—“I loved him.”

“He died?”

She nodded mutely.

“He’s the one who was taken away from you?”

She ducked her head, hiding her face against his shirt.

He wrapped his other arm around her too and hugged her against him for a minute. Feeling this way was entirely new to him—like he was both giving and taking comfort—but he felt like he needed it, so he didn’t try to pull away.

Caleb was working in his office several days later when his phone rang.

He picked it up to glance at the screen, preparing to ignore it, but when he saw it was Wes, he connected the call after all.

“Hey, are you in town?”

“Not yet,” Wes said, sounding unusually serious.

“Did something happen?”

“No. I was planning to fly in yesterday, but I couldn’t get away from work. I’ll come in next week now. But I was wondering if you’d do me a favor.”

“Sure.” Caleb replied automatically, but he was starting to feel a sinking in his gut, intuition telling him he wasn’t going to like this favor.

“Shit, I hate to ask, but Dad is sick as a dog with the flu, and my mom needs to get in for a blood transfusion.”

“Don’t you have someone there to help them?”

“Of course. There’s always a nurse, but Mom’s gotten really”—Wes cleared his throat—“she needs someone she knows with her.”

“I haven’t seen her for years.”

“I know that. But she knows you. I know it’s a lot to ask, but they’re falling apart on me, and I’m on a different continent.”

Caleb couldn’t remember ever hearing Wes so stretched, almost helpless. All of his well-practiced instincts at self-preservation were screaming at him to hang up, to get away. But he heard himself saying, “I’ll do it. When does she need to go in?”

“This afternoon. Can you get away?”

Caleb glanced at his afternoon, most of which was scheduled with meetings or calls, a sick weight churning in his gut.

“I’ll do it.”

As soon as he said the words, he knew this was the last thing he should have agreed to.

Three hours later, he dropped Wes’s mother back at their townhouse and could finally let out his breath.

He felt ill and exhausted in a way he hadn’t for years, and so many memories were bombarding him now that—if he didn’t distract himself soon—he might just go home and drink himself into a stupor.