Swept Away (30 page)

Mom panted and gripped the chair. The contractions didn’t seem to ease at all.

Dr. Shepherd returned with a cool washcloth and placed it on Mom’s forehead. “I sure wish you’d told us sooner, Peg.”

“I kn–know. I just didn’t want to … interrupt what was … happening.” She scrunched her face and squeezed her eyes closed.

The door burst open and two emergency medical technicians pushed a gurney into the room. “We heard someone wants to have a baby today.” A chubby woman with red, curly hair approached Mom and took her pulse just as the contraction ended. “How long has this been going on?”

Stan stepped forward. “Not long—an hour maybe.”

“How far apart are the contrac–”

Mom moaned again and clutched her belly.

The woman chuckled. “Oops. Never mind. I can see for myself.” She turned to her partner—a beefy guy with a radio. “We need to get going, Mike.”

“Breathe, honey.” Stan sucked in air and then blew it out. “Like this, remember?”

Mike squatted down in front of her. “Mrs. Sanders, we’re going to move you now. We’ll get your vitals and the other information we need while we’re on our way to the hospital, okay?”

Mom nodded. “Just hurry.”

Grams!
Lilly texted her a message to meet them at the hospital then watched in horror as they got Mom settled on the gurney and into the ambulance. Helpless. Her mom writhed on the little bed—what if she fell off? Those straps couldn’t possibly hold her. Could they?

What if something happened on the way to the hospital? “Can I ride with her?”

Redhead turned to Lilly. “Sorry, hon. Just your dad. She’s in good hands, I promise. Do you have a way to the hospital?”

“He’s not my—” Who cared who Stan was? Get it together! “Yes. I can drive there. Hurry, though.”

Mike stepped up. “Okay, but we’re going to go fast and go through red lights. You make sure you drive the speed limit and pay attention to traffic signals. We don’t want you in the ER tonight.”

Rushing through the sliding doors to the hospital, Lilly found Grams sitting in the waiting room. “Where’s Mom? How is she?”

“She’s upstairs in labor and delivery—I waited for you here so I could take you up. Come on. We’ll go together.” Grams put her arm around Lilly, squeezed her trembling shoulders, and guided her to the elevator. “It’s going to be okay, doll.”

The elevator beeped, and the doors slid open to the maternity floor. They stopped at the nurses’ station, and a nurse looked up at Grams. “Can I help you?”

“We’re looking for Peggy Sanders.”

“Yes. You can have a seat in that waiting room right there.” She smiled and nodded toward the room. “Someone will come for you when we have news.”

Lilly’s heart sank. More waiting. What if something had gone wrong? “Please, is there anything you can tell us?” Lilly wanted to grab the nurse and shake the details out of her.

“No. I can’t divulge information about patients.” She looked around and dropped her voice to a whisper. “I will tell you this. If you listen really closely, you’ll hear a lullaby from the overhead speakers. We play one every time a baby is born. The next time you hear that song, it will be because your baby brother or sister has come into the world.”

Lilly nodded, her eyes glued on the speaker.
Come on. Play
. She walked into the waiting room and sank into a chair, never taking her eyes off the speaker.

Grams sat beside her and held her hand.

They waited.

And waited.

Finally, the softest twinkling sounds of Brahms’ “Lullaby.” Lilly jumped to her feet and turned to her grandmother. “They’re okay! He’s here.” She jumped up and down and hugged Grams. “When do you think we can see them?”

“How about right now?” The nurse stood in the doorway, smiling. “They’ve asked me to bring you two to her room if you’re ready.”

“Lead the way.” Grams held out her arm for Lilly to go first.

Lilly gritted her teeth as they walked toward the labor room. What if it was gross in there with blood and stuff everywhere?

The nurse stopped before a closed door and knocked softly before opening it. She held it for Lilly to enter first.

Lilly stepped into the bright room just as a nurse turned down the lights. An orderly wheeled a cart of soiled linens past them and out the door—no blood anywhere. Two nurses stepped away from the bedside, and Lilly finally saw her. They locked eyes. “Mom, are you okay?”

“I’m perfect. Come meet your baby brother.” She smiled down at the bundle in her arms.

Lilly stood rooted to the spot. “He’s here … right now?” Didn’t they usually take the baby to the nursery or something?

“Yes, this is Matthew. His name means ‘God’s gift.’ “Mom tilted her arm to raise his head. “Come on over.”

Lilly took a few hesitant steps. Once she reached the bed, she peered over Mom’s shoulderat her brother.
My brother
. A single tear fell when she gazed into his huge eyes. She reached out a finger and touched his tiny hand, then gasped when his teeny fingers wrapped around one of hers. “He’s amazing. You’re amazing, Mom.” Mom had never looked more beautiful.

Mom sat up a bit and lifted Matthew into Lilly’s arms. As he nuzzled in, Lilly felt something she’d never experienced before. A complete and overwhelming sense of purpose—a reason for being who she was at that moment in her life. Suddenly, everything she’d been trying to figure out finally made sense. God’s timing, relationships, sacrifice, obedience, unconditional love—all wrapped up in a tight little bundle right there in her arms.

Matthew … God’s gift.

True love
.

Peeking through the window on the double doors, Lilly counted six girls and Heather. One rocked a blue baby carrier with her foot. One had a box of Twinkies in her lap and at least two empty wrappers on the floor by her feet. A girl about thirteen had her arms crossed on her chest and stared straight ahead. Two girls held Bibles. A very pregnant girl was crying. Heather passed her a box of tissues.

I can do this
. Lilly took a deep breath and opened the door.

Heather’s eyes brightened. “Lilly! I’m so glad you made it. Come on in and have a seat.”

Lilly slid into an empty chair beside Twinkie Girl.

“I was just about to open the session with some news.” Heather looked around the circle. “Kendra had her baby. She’s fine and home from the hospital. The adoption went through as planned, but we’ll let her share about that when she returns next week. She’d appreciate your prayers—this isn’t easy.”

The pregnant girl shook her head. “I think she did the right thing, but I couldn’t give up my baby. No way.”

Wow. Could I do that?
Lilly shook her head.
I sure hope I don’t have to find out
.

Heather smiled. “We all have to find our way with God’s guidance. So let’s support Kendra’s choice.”

“We have two new girls this week, so let’s go around the circle and introduce ourselves. I’m Heather. My husband, Zach, is the youth pastor here at this church, and I lead this group because I’ve been where you all are.” She looked at the pregnant girl to her left.

“I’m Paige. I’m about to pop, obviously.” She grimaced and patted her belly. “I’m seventeen, and I’m keeping the baby—by myself.
Papa
isn’t interested.” She rolled her eyes and snapped her gum as she dabbed the corners of her eyes with the tissue. “What else is there to say?”

Heather patted her arm then turned to the next girl, who wore a nurse’s uniform and seemed older than the rest of the group.

“I’m Beth.” She held up her left hand and pointed to a delicate diamond ring. “My fiancé and I decided we wanted to reclaim our purity in God’s eyes before we took our vows to each other in a few months. We were living together, but I moved out until after the wedding. It’s been hard, but we both believe it’s worth it.”

As the girls told their stories, the image of Sam sitting at the lunch table describing her own experience flooded Lilly’s mind. She’d invite Sam to the next group meeting—Sam needed it as much as Lilly.

“I’m Monica. This is my first time here. My boyfriend dumped me when he found out I was pregnant with his baby. I thought we’d get married—he had other ideas. So, I … um … had an abortion a month ago.”

Lilly gasped involuntarily. Monica looked just like everyone else. She could be anyone’s daughter, sister, friend. How many others were like her?

Monica looked down. “I really thought it was the best thing, but since then, I just can’t stop crying. I throw up at least once a day. My doctor says it’s post-traumatic stress something or other. My mom hopes that by hanging out with some girls who are going through what I am, I’ll get better.”

“Welcome, Monica. I’m very sorry for your loss. We’ll talk more about seeking forgiveness and forgiving yourself as we go on.” Heather turned to Twinkie Girl. “Debbie?”

The next girl wiped the crumbs off her baggy sweatpants and tightened her ponytail before speaking. “I’m Debbie. I … um … I was raped. Well, I guess it’s called molested—it was my uncle.” Her eyes darted around the circle, and she unwrapped another Twinkie. “I can’t stop eating junk food. My therapist says it’s because I want to gain weight so men won’t find me attractive. I don’t think that’s it … but”—she broke the snack cake in half and stuffed a piece into her mouth—”maybe.” She shrugged.

My turn
. “I’m Lilly—sixteen. I … uh … had sex with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. It was my first time.”

Several girls rolled their eyes.

Lilly sighed. “I know. You’ve all heard that before, right? But it really was my first time. I had wanted to wait until marriage, but I messed up. Then, when I wanted to go back to the way things were before we went all the way, my boyfriend dumped me. And now I don’t even know if I’m pregnant or not.” More tears. Where did they keep coming from?

Monica clucked her tongue and shook her head. “Giiiirl. Why do they
do
that?”

“I hear you about the waiting. It’s the not knowing that’s the hardest.” The young angry girl practically whispered. “I’m waiting for the results of my HIV test. There’s a good chance they won’t be good.”

Oh God. HIV?

Heather cleared her throat. “Carrie, will you stay after for a few minutes? I’d like to talk to you about that and pray for you if it’s okay.” She smiled at each of them. “I’m so glad that each one of you has decided to be a part of this group. Every single one of us has pain involved with our stories. So, over the coming weeks, we’re going to spend a lot of time talking about forgiveness and identity.”

“Identity?” Monica’s eyebrow furrowed.

“Yep. How do you see yourself? How do you think others view you? How do other people
really
see you? And most important, how does God see you?” Heather looked up as though choosing her words. “Often, the reason behind an improper sexual relationship stems from a lack of self-confidence. Girls either don’t think highly enough of themselves to protect their bodies, or they just want love and acceptance from anyone so badly they’ll do whatever it takes.” She reached for her Bible. “Understanding how God sees you is the first step toward a proper self-image.”

“Can I ask a question?” Lilly raised her hand about shoulder height.

Heather leaned forward. “Please do.”

How do I phrase this without sounding crazy?
“Well, my counselor helped me pray to reclaim my purity. I believe that God sees me as whole … pure. However, nothing will change the fact that I’m not a virgin physically. I can’t fix that for a future husband … can I?”

Beth nodded. “That’s true—I’m in the same boat. We all are.”

Heather nodded sadly. “Unfortunately, the physical effects of some choices cannot be undone. God has an order for things, and we can only get back on His path where we veered off. We can’t go back to the beginning.”

“But it’s still
His
path for us, right? Even though we messed up?” Lilly’s voice raised in hope.

“Absolutely. It might be a different path than it would have been had you made a different choice. But that no longer matters to Him.” Heather grinned excitedly, shaking her head. “Don’t you see? He meets you where you are right now, sets a new course before you, and calls you to walk with Him. From this moment on is all that matters.”