Swim Again (12 page)

“It’s not Sam, Kaz!” I said.  “Sam would never do that.”

We were frustrated and at a standstill with our investigation; everyone on our list was on hold.  No further proof came out.  And Kaz was obviously reaching.  We were sitting on his living room couch.

“He’s clearly jealous of any man around you,” Kaz said.  “If I remember correctly, you told me that.”

“Sam is a nice guy.  He’s just looking out for me.  He wouldn’t do that.”

“Mauri, he’s your friend!” Kaz said.  “And he happened to be there when the guy swung his fist at me.  You happened to be there when the guy swung a fist at me.  How do you account for that?”

“It’s a big club.  It’s coincidence.”

“How do I know you two weren’t discussing your final plans for me?”

“Agh!” I said, and got up to walk across the room.  “You can’t be serious?  You said you were sorry the first time for blaming me.  And now, you’re doing it all over again.  Whatever happened to ‘I changed Mauri?’ ”

“I can.  You’re adamant about Sam like you know everything about him.  Like he has nothing to hide.  Like you know all of the details.”

“You think I want to hurt you Kaz?  Take away your dreams?  Just give me one reason
why
I’d to this to you!  Why Kaz!  I’ve had nightmares about your first attack!  Over and over again over the whole year.  I’d never want to hurt you.  I don’t know where you’re getting this from.”

“Where I’m getting this from?  Mauri, you can’t handle all of the fans that want to take some time to talk to me.  You want me all to yourself.  And I catch you watching the pool, hiding that you’re nearly about to cry every time.  Why aren’t you going after your dream?  You want me to come and quit with you?  So you never have to look at that pool again.

“Don’t get me started with Sam,” Kaz continued.  “You have him wrapped around your finger.  He’d do anything for you.  He’s obsessed.  And if he was acting alone, obsession has him in a powerful mindset.  If Kaz isn’t swimming anymore, maybe she’d love me.”

“You’re insane Kaz!”

“Well, why don’t you competitively swim then huh?  Or at least try.”

“This is not about me!  This is about who is tracking you down, trying to end your career.”

“Yes, it is.  Just tell me why don’t you swim?”

“Goodbye Kaz.”  I said and marched to the couch to pick up my purse then out the door.  I peeked back in to say.  “I’m going to find who did this.  Even if you think I have something to do with this, I’m going to find them, and you’re going to feel sorry that you lost one of the only true friends you ever had.”

I slammed the door and stomped off.  There was no way I thought he’d return to such psychotic conclusions.  The fame, the reigniting of all of the girls and attention was getting to his head.

The next morning, I found myself back at the coffee shop.  Sam lit up when he saw me.  He waved, but didn’t switch places with the cashier.  I had to ask to have Sam meet me.  We sat around the corner, next to the window.

“So you’ve finally come to see me,” Sam said and smiled.

I nodded.

“What did he do?” Sam asked.

“Sam, he’s talking crazy,” I said.  “And I have to ask you something.”  I made sure to look Sam in the eye.  “You wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone else would you?  You didn’t arrange for the situation at the club to happen did you?”

“There’s
no way
I’d do that.  No way ever.  This is insane.”

“I know.  He blames me too.  He says I probably put together both of the ambushes on him because I wanted him to be miserable too.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“Tell me about it,” I said.  “And on top of that, we’ve exhausted all of our resources.  There’s no one left on our list.  There’s no way of knowing who did what.”

“Hey,” a familiar voice said.  It was Vincent.  He invited himself to our conversation, pulled up a chair.  “How are you Maureen?  We’ve been missing seeing you.”

“Good,” I said, hiding what I truly wanted to express. 
Shock would be an understatement.

“And you, Sam,” Vincent said.

“Alright,” Sam said.  He looked at Vincent as if something was wrong.

“I told Brayden he really messed up when I heard you two broke up,” Vincent said to me.  “He didn’t agree until a few months later when he realized his life wasn’t as good without you.”

“Yeah,” I said.  “He told me.”

“You still going to the Olympics?” Vincent said.

“Yes.  I’ll be there.”

“Cheering on the whole team, I hope.”

“Yeah.  I want us to win.”

“Well, I won’t take up more of your time.”  Vincent glanced over to Sam for the second time in the entire conversation.  “I’ll see you all around.”

We said goodbye to Vincent, and he made his way over to the book store area.

“What was that?” Sam said.

I shook my head.  “Vincent, he just likes to talk to me every chance he gets.  I started hiding when I saw him.  He still wanted to chat and talk about how Brayden wants me back every time I saw him.”

“That’s strange.”

“Tell me about it.”

“You think he likes you?  That’s why he wants you around.”

My mouth dropped.  “I hope not.”

“Well, he
never
and I mean never speaks to me,” Sam said.  “He rubs me the wrong way, and always comes into the shop at bad times.”

“What do you mean?”

“Whenever some sort of tragedy, or sad news happens, he’s in here.  Don’t know if that means anything.”

“I don’t know.  All I know is he’s sneaky.”

“So, back to what we were talking about,” Sam said.  “You were saying.”

“We’ve run out of options.”

“Did you speak to Mark?”

“Yes.  It’s not him.  He has everything to lose if Kaz doesn’t make it.  He let go of Brayden and focused on Kaz.”

“Well,” Sam said.  “Yesterday Mark came in here, and he wasn’t looking to happy.  He barely spoke.”

“He tends to be serious.”

“Maybe out there when he’s coaching, but we usually chat for a few minutes when I see him out and about.  He’s a coffee connoisseur.  He rarely comes in here during the week.  He has one of the best machines at his house.  And he wasn’t looking serious.  He was sad.”

“OK, so he was sad.”

“He spent about fifteen minutes staring out the window.”

“And.”

“That means something,” Sam said.  “He did the same thing when he found out his wife was cheating.”

“Woah,” I said.  “And how do you know that?”

“He told me.  She was hanging around some guy.  He never said the name although I do know she is fond of Kaz.  Mark told me that.”

“So you’re saying Mark might be behind all of this?” I asked. 

“I don’t think so, but he knows something.  He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong exactly.  He may be covering for his wife.”

“Might, but she would want Kaz to have his full stamina, if you know what I mean,” I said.  “An injured guy wouldn’t help her.”

“What if she was expressing her anger?” Sam said.  “She might have seen that Kaz loved you for a while, and no matter what she did she couldn’t have him, but you did.”

I nodded.  “She was so happy around Brayden; was on the border affectionate with him around me.  She smiled when she saw me watching.”

“It’s worth checking out.”

“Thanks Sam,” I said.  “I’ve got to talk to Kaz somehow.  Got to tell him before he finds out.  I don’t want him to confront Mark alone.”

“No problem.”

Talking to Kaz was the last thing I wanted to do.  I had a hard time wanting to see his face.  His words still repeated in my mind.  The part that bothered me was after all we had been through he refused to trust me one hundred percent.  How could he not trust me?  I always was there for him, and that was his problem—people too close to him always wanted something, in his mind.  The only people allowed to have a pass were his parents.  He may have healed physically, but mentally he’d be scarred forever if we didn’t figure this thing out.

I raised my fist a few times in front of his door.  It was as though my unconscious self was telling me to turn away.  On the fifth attempt to knock, the door opened.  Kaz was in better spirits.  His lips cocked up on one side. 

“How many times were you going to practice?” he said.  “Or where you waiting for me to come to your rescue?”

“Look,” I said.  “I came to help you.  That’s it.  No small talk.  None of your jokes.  Let’s get this thing solved, so I can go home, and you won’t feel threatened anymore.”

“Ouch,” Kaz said.

“Did you forget what you said?”

“No, I was trying to lighten the mood,” Kaz said.  “Come inside.”  He widened the door, extended his arm without the welcome.

I passed him for my ex favorite seat on the couch.

Man.  I messed up.  I really messed up bad.  Not only did I ruin our relationship, but lost my best friend over trust.  There was no reason for me to say what I did other than to get under her skin.  I really didn’t believe she would use me for personal reasons, but nothing was adding up.  There were no viable suspects and she was the common denominator in both of the situations. 

After winning gold, everyone came out of the woodworks, asking for favors, asking for money, saying they were my cousin.  I had to be more careful about who I let in.  My own coach turned his head, put aside his anger and pain, to his cheating wife.  As long as we won he won; in the end it was worth it.  Even though there were good times, I saw the turmoil in his eyes.  He taught me an important lesson.  The people I loved, I knew already, could potentially hurt me the most. 

As I took my seat, I saw that keeping my deepest thoughts to myself wasn’t an option.  The joke I told had no chance at breaking the mood.  She’d hate me forever.  And after winning the gold, I’d search for her in the stands.  She wouldn’t be there.  I’d be all alone again.  My pride didn’t have her smile.

“Mauri—” I said.

“Maureen,” she replied.

“Maureen, I’m.”  My shoulders hung over as I let a breath of air escape. 
Look at her now. 
Lifting my eyes off of the ground I said, “I’m an idiot.  I have one of the best women in the world as my best friend.  The woman I loved, and have loved forever, in my life. And I-I I’m scared.  Why?  I don’t know.  You’d make my life perfect.  I wouldn’t have to win any metal, or do anything great to live as the happiest man of all time. 

“It’s like I have some sick obsession to have to work for you.  To say not yet; I have to work more.  I don’t deserve you now.  You’re supposed to be hard work, and practice, and pain, and sweat, and tears, and you’re not that.  You’re so sweet.  So kind.  So caring.  So smart.  So beautiful, so much more that, in my mind, you couldn’t be true.  There had to be a lie.  You had to have a motive.”

I sighed again and shook my head.  Her eyes were filling with tears that she blinked and wiped away.  Frantically, she dug through her purse for tissue.  In two swipes I grabbed some from the side table and offered it to her.

“Thanks,” she said and dabbed her eyes as she sniffed.  Seeing those tears work so hard to try and come out, tears that I caused, hurt me.  It had always been my job to protect her.   

“I’m so sorry Maureen,” I said.  “Meeting you that day was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  I’m sorry I blamed you for my fears, and I’ll never do that again.”

Mauri nodded and sniffled.  “I didn’t come here to cry.”

“You’re too hard on yourself.” 

“Maybe.”  Her voice was broken with sadness.

I shifted myself to land next to her.  I hesitated then rubbed her back.  Expecting Mauri to be Mauri, I was ready for her to chop my hand away.  She gave me a face that said what in the world are you doing?  If you don’t be a man right now…  I took her into my arms and laid her head on my chest.  She didn’t push back.  She didn’t embrace me either.  For once I realized it felt really good to have her close to my heart.

We didn’t say much the rest of the day, but I let her have the bed and she spent the night over.  When I went to my couch, she told me I was too tall to be sleeping on it again and made me sleep on my side.

The next day, I had the TV on in the living room area.  She had eaten the breakfast that I cooked for her and sat next to me on the couch.

After a long while she said, “You really believe that?  What you said yesterday.”

“I don’t believe it; I know it,” I said and turned all of my attention to her.  I wrapped her back up in my arms and was thrown off because she didn’t resist me.  Again, she laid her head on my chest.

“Humph,” Mauri said.

“What?”

“It’s accurate.”

“One hundred percent?”

“I’ll give it a one percent margin of error, but really Kaz.  One of the best women in your life?  I know, you your future wife, but…”  She raised her head up to see my reaction.

“My mother,” I said and couldn’t stop smiling.  “Grandmothers.  Your sister.  My cousins.”

A smile. She cracked a smile.  “Are you going to keep going, or—”

“Future daughter… if I’m so lucky.”

“You forgot the ‘s.’ ”

“ ‘S?’ Did you go see that fortune teller again?”

“I don’t have to see anyone to know that you will have at least two girls.  You look like you’re going to have girls. 
Maybe
one boy. 
Maybe.
”

“Naw, Maureen.  I’ll be with my wife all the time, and you know that gives you a higher chance at having boys.”

“You’ll get tired.” 

I snorted.  “What!?  I’m not going to get tired.  I’m
never
going to get tired loving her.”

Mauri rolled her eyes and pushed away from me.  “Please, you will get tired.  And you’ll make up some excuse, and be over at my house, complaining about it.”

“Mauri, I’m not going to be complaining to your mother.  What would I look like, complaining to your mother?  And I think she’d remind you that she bought that house a long time before you were born.”

“All I’m saying is that was a nice speech.”

“Mauri, I poured out my heart,” I said.  “That’s the best I can do.”

“And I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“But everything isn’t magically OK,” she said.  “You apologized before.  What makes this different?”

“Because we’re destined to be together.  And there’s no margin of error on that.”

Mauri didn’t seem to be as pleased as I wanted her to.

“And if there was,” I said.  “I’d find it.”  I started pointing, speaking with my hands again.  “And I’d grab it.  And strangle it.  And I’d drown it.  Then burn it.  Chemically evaporate every single particle left.  Every electron, gone.”

“OKKK,” she said.

“I’d do that for you.”  I wanted to taste her lips so bad.  But she’d slap me.

“Well, allow me do something for you,” Mauri said.  I must have licked my lips or was noticeably feeling her because she said, “Don’t stare at me like that.  Like you’re salivating just to kiss me again.”

“OK, I’m not trying to.”

“I know, but it makes me want you.  And I want to jump on top of you, and I don’t want you to stop kissing me, but we can’t.  You’re not good for me at this moment, and you’re going to pull me back into this.”

“I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to—”

“Of course you don’t, but your eyes start twinkling and all of that, anyway.  Let’s get back to the reason I came.  We need to talk to Mark.  Sam said—”

“Sam…” I said and shook my head. 

“Mark has valuable information Kaz.  He has to.  You yourself said he holds back and releases the rest of his furry randomly sometimes.”

“Not even believing, but having a suspicion that Mark even thought…”

“He has the best motive,” she said.  “His home life was wrecked by the guys he put all of his work and time into.  He had the most respect and trust for you all.  And to find out that his wife had not only been cheating on him, but sleeping around with Brayden and whoever else.  You were about to.  We can’t stop giving him a pass anymore.  We have to tell the police.”

“No,” I said.  “Telling the police isn’t going to help.  He won’t open up to them.”

“I agree, but he may know things about his wife, and doesn’t want to turn her in.  He didn’t expose her for who she really is in the past.  Why would he do it now?  Maybe he wants our help.”

“Yeah.  He’s been broken enough already, but sending the police over there will hurt him even more.  We go.”

“We don’t know if he’ll hurt you.”

“He won’t,” I said.  “Remember he chose me after the whole cheating thing.  He will protect his investment.”

“How do you know he’s still the same guy?  If this was his plan… build up your confidence, chance to win again.  Tear you down.  Would that not be the greatest victory?  All of the stories they’re putting together for you.  All of those interviews you have up and coming.  All to not make it or lose in the end. 

“I know how that feels to lose on a semi big stage, and it doesn’t feel good,” Mauri continued.  “You can multiply that feeling by 100.  Then Mark could slide out the gossip on his wife.  Spin it the wrong way.  No one would feel sorry that you were attacked and injured.  You had it coming.  Or this didn’t have to be Mark.  It was Dakota.  She was jealous you were the champion and didn’t take her for a ride to the top.”

Wow.  That’s another reason why I needed Mauri.  She knocked the confidence I had for my comfort with Mark right out the park. And mirrored my sentiments about Dakota.  I know she hinted at it before but that time it made more sense.

“Mauri,” I said.

“Yep.”

“I’m right behind you.”