Swoon (5 page)

I grabbed a bag full of wine bottles and kicked the door shut, tromping to her front door, knocking once, and swinging it open. She called a greeting from the kitchen, and I set the wine down with a clunk. Leaning against the counter, I stared at her back while she was chopping away at something. She was wearing a long, soft-looking black skirt that brushed the floor and a tight pink tank top that showed off her tan skin. Her bare feet poked out just a little, and her hair was a mass of wet curls wound on top of her head with a few tendrils hanging down haphazardly.

“Thank you so much for coming out today,” she said without turning around. “It was great to see you with Henry. I wish you could stay longer.”

Scraping onions into a pile, she laid her knife down and faced me with a bright smile.

Nodding slowly, I said, “Yeah, I had a good time with him. It’s neat what you do.”

She looked at me with a puzzled expression, no doubt picking up on my mood, then turned again to keep working in the kitchen. I knew I was acting weird. I couldn’t help it. Or I didn’t want to. I wanted her to ask me what was wrong. For fuck’s sake. I’d turned into a woman.

I shook my head to clear it, reminding myself that growing up in a house full of women does not mean you have to have a vagina.

“You ready for wine?” I asked suddenly. Alcohol was always a good subject change.

“Sure. I’ll take white for now. There’s beer in the fridge if you want.”

“Nah, I’ll drink with the winos tonight.”

I gathered glasses and poured us each a drink. After sliding a glass to Steph, I sat myself at the kitchen table. “Can I do anything?”

“You mean after you already sat down?” She snorted at me.

I shrugged. “I can stand back up.”

She slid the sliced onions into a pan with a sizzle, sprinkled a little salt, and gave it a stir. Then she grabbed her glass and sat across from me.

“That’s all I have to do. Everything else is done.” She smiled.

“I thought I was here early to help.”

“It’s not my fault I’m Superwoman.”

“Clearly.”

We continued our banter, sipping our drinks and waiting for the newlyweds. Steph was playing with her phone while we talked. Not as in a game, but she literally kept flipping it around in her fingers, letting it slide down, catch, flip, slide. Finally I rolled my eyes and snatched it out of her hands, laying it in front of me as it barked loudly with a text message. I pushed it over to her annoyed self, but not before my eye caught Paul’s name. Fucking Paul. He was her fuck buddy when I first met her at the beginning of the year. I’d never guessed he was still around. I mean, he was a good enough guy. But…

“You’re still seeing Paul?” I raised both eyebrows.

She looked down at her phone and set it aside. “Kind of. I mean, we’re friends. I don’t know if I’d say we’re seeing each other.”

“So you’re still just fuck buddies.” My teeth were clenched together, but I was trying to keep my voice on the lighter side. It was none of my business.

She shrugged her shoulders and started chewing on her full lower lip. “It works.”

“How exactly does that work?” I don’t know why I couldn’t help asking.

She rolled her eyes and took a long drink from her wineglass. “Did you know that women like to have sex?”

Now it was my turn for an eye roll. “Yes. I’m actually aware of that. In fact, I often depend on it.”

Her lips pursed as she tried not to smile. “I’m sure. Anyway, I enjoy sex. But nothing else.”

“I—” I stopped myself short. “Explain.”

“Look, I believe in love and relationships and all that. But I’m just not into it. I can’t understand how you go from point A to point Z. So I don’t,” she stated simply. Like it was simple.

“That’s not normal,” I said after a pause.

“I never said it was normal. I said that it works.”

“But… you’re actually nice when you want to be.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” She furrowed her brows at me.

“I just mean you’re a good friend. You’re smokin’ hot. You’d be good girlfriend material.”

“Wow. That’s a glowing recommendation.”

I threw my hands up. “You know what I mean. You seem perfectly capable of having a healthy relationship.”

She shrugged. “What about you, Lawry? Why don’t you have someone back home?”

“I haven’t found the one.” I cocked my head at her. “But I’m at least open to the idea if she presents herself.”

We stared at each other for long moments, considering. I could tell Steph had something to say, but the front door swung open with Ethan carrying Lissa across the threshold.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake. Aren’t you two done with that yet?” I called out from the kitchen.

“Never!” Lissa called back.

Ethan’s hand gripped Lissa’s hair, and he pulled her in for a kiss that left even me wide-eyed.

Steph was grinning ear to ear, watching the two of them. “Good trip?”

Ethan set Lissa down gently and placed a hand on her hip, squeezing playfully. They exchanged a look full of adoration.

“It was perfect,” Ethan said.

“See.” I looked to Steph. “This is why I stayed away all day. I can’t handle all that. I might get pregnant.”

Steph laughed loudly and stood to hug her friends. Lissa ran over and squeezed me before Ethan clapped my shoulder, hard.

“Thanks for holding down the fort here. Sounds like everything went smoothly?” he asked for the umpteenth time.

“Nothing to worry about, man. No complaints. No issues.”

We all sat at Steph’s tiny square table and clinked our glasses together in a toast to the married couple. I know Lissa seemed young on paper, but it was so evident how these two worked together. They might have had other worries in the world, but their love wasn’t one of them. I didn’t understand how Steph could watch them and think she had to settle for less. For nothing.

Lissa and Ethan sat together while Steph and I insisted on serving them dinner. Might as well keep their honeymoon going a little bit longer. Steph had made lamb chops with caramelized onions and roasted vegetables. It smelled incredible. Another reason I could have held off going home. These girls could cook. When I was home alone, I ate whatever was in the fridge.

We were fully entertained by tales of Caribbean island adventures, and I was sure I wasn’t the only one living vicariously through the details. Not too many details though, thank goodness. But it was a well-deserved break for our friends. The wine was flowing, and by the end of dinner, pretty much all that I had brought was drained. Lissa was giggling, and you could see the concentration it took for her to blink her eyes and open them back up. Steph was more lucid, but she was starting to laugh louder and gesture wildly with her hands. A sure sign that her words would slur shortly.

Ethan nodded to me as he dragged Lissa to her feet. “See you at the house in a bit?”

“Yeah, man,” I answered. “I’ll help Steph clean up and come crash. But I’m leaving pretty early in the morning.”

“No problem. We’ll…” He stopped and looked down at Lissa. “Well, I’ll at least be up to see you off.”

I leaned over to kiss Lissa’s cheek and shake Ethan’s hand. “Good night, guys.”

They exited the front door, and I turned to Steph who was already busying herself cleaning up the kitchen. Wordlessly, I pitched in, scraping plates and passing them to her. The kitchen was so small we were in close proximity, skin brushing every now and again. My body was strung tighter and tighter with each touch when Steph’s breath hitched and skipped. When the last dish was finished and the counter was wiped clean, I tossed a towel aside and sat back down in my chair. Steph turned to me, leaning the small of her back against the sink.

“Paul and I… we’re not important,” she said out of thin air.

“I realize that.” I nodded my head, rubbing my hands over my shorn hair.

She nodded as well and ran her hands through her wild mane, pulling the band out of it and gathering it into a new knot at the nape of her neck. “So… home tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Home.”

“Are you looking forward to it?”

I looked up at her from under my lashes, tightening my lips. Standing upright, I answered, “A little.”

I took two steps closer to her small frame. Her hands reached back to brace herself on the counter. It might have been defensive, but really it just stuck her tits out farther. My eyes fixed on them for a minute before my left hand settled on her hip. My thumb found the edge of her tank top and dipped beneath to graze her skin. I watched the action, fascinated by the quick intake of her breath when our skin met.

I knew exactly what I was doing. Would I regret this? Absolutely. Kind of.

I moved forward another half step until she was pressed close against me and I felt her heat. Her chest rose and fell with her breath, each movement intensifying. My right hand skimmed up her back and over her shoulder, trailing up her neck to tangle into the hair at the base of her skull. Up until that moment, I’d only been watching my hands on her. Now I looked into her eyes, which were searching mine. Her hazel eyes were now a dark brown, staring at me through heavy lids. Her lips were parted, allowing her breath to pant through. I slowly brought my mouth to hers… as slowly as I could stand. Our lips touched in the barest brush, breaths mingling as we exhaled together. I felt our chests press together as our bodies relaxed into one another; she melted against me, and I used the opportunity to pull her hips closer, roughly. My fingers squeezed in her hair and I crushed my lips to hers, brutal and consuming. Her knees buckled, but my grip was so tight she never shifted except closer to me. Without any coaxing, our mouths opened, tongues warring, the only sounds our synchronized inhales and exhales.

I ripped my mouth away from hers to think, to gather myself for a moment. Foreheads resting together, I barely heard her whisper, “Stay.”

The word washed over me like ice.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t?” she asked, pulling back from me, confusion written across her face.

“I won’t.”

I pressed a final kiss to her forehead and turned and walked out.

Chapter 7

Steph

F
our frigging months later and I was still thinking about that kiss. Every. Single. Day. It had thrown me off-balance, and I hadn’t quite regained my equilibrium. I tried going out with Paul, but it fell flat. His kisses didn’t evoke a feeling even close to what Lawrence’s had. My mind kept wandering to the rough feel of his shaven head in my hands, the scruff of his jaw scraping my cheek, his lips and tongue robbing me of breath.

That last kiss to my forehead.

Lawrence would soon be back in town for the first time since then. We’d texted a couple of times, but I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t sent the first text, he never would have contacted me. Mostly he’d asked about Henry, who I was happy to report was doing better and better. He’d even regained a little sensation in his legs.

There’d been a hole in me ever since that magical two weeks. I hadn’t realized how close friends we had become, until we… weren’t. I was anxious to see him tonight. We were all meeting at the Tavern.

Truth was, I was also hurt and pissed off. I knew he’d gotten all weird about Paul and my choice of relationships. But I was just being honest. And then he kissed me, not the other way around! He’d acted insulted when I asked him to stay. It seemed like a natural next step to me. Why else would you grab someone and kiss the life out of them?

But we were supposed to be friends. Friends should stay friends. The incident really proved my entire point. Unfortunately, I couldn’t help if my hormones responded to him crossing the line. Stupid feelings.

I have to admit I took a little extra time with my appearance for the evening, taming the frizz in my curls and leaving my hair down, wearing a cute low-cut sweater with a snugger pair of jeans. I tromped quickly up the steps to the back door, not bothering with a jacket so I didn’t have to cart it around. When I spotted Ethan and Lissa seated at a table in the corner, I waved and headed their way.

They both stood and kissed my cheek. There were four waters already on the table and a bottle of wine. Ethan and Lissa’s hands were linked together, resting on her thigh under the table. She was glowingly happy, and I loved seeing it. She knew all about my conflicted feelings about Lawrence, though she didn’t understand it. Things were simpler for her in the feelings department. She felt it, she said it. It didn’t bother her. She was so well-adjusted it was weird. I needed to have a talk with her parents and figure that out.

“Is Lawrence here already?” I gestured to the glasses on the table.

“Should be any minute,” Lissa answered. “We’ll probably skip out a little early, so we just got organized.”

“Gotcha. Did you get a nice crop of horses down?”

Ethan nodded. “They all seem great. More or less the same as last year.”

“And how’s Lawrence doing?” I fidgeted with a napkin.

“You can ask him yourself.” Lissa nodded behind me.

I swiveled in my chair, knocking a fork off the table. It clanked its way onto the hardwood floor loudly. Way to play it cool. Lawrence sauntered his way over with long, lazy strides. He was wearing faded jeans and a blue button-down shirt that he’d left untucked. His blue eyes were narrowed on me, and he chewed the inside of his lower lip as he approached. I started to stand, but his eyes moved past me to Lissa, who was walking around the table.

“What the hell happened to you?” he exclaimed loudly, pulling her into a bear hug.

He set her down carefully and put a big hand over the adorable bump that was her belly. It wasn’t that big yet, but it was very obviously a foreign object. She hated when I said that.

Ethan sat back in his chair laughing, a smug look on his face. “Man, it was hard to hold this in all day.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! What the fuck!” He pointed a finger at Lissa. “You’re not sitting on my horses in your condition.”

She rolled her eyes and sat back down. “I know, you asshole. That one will barely let me in the barn.” She waved her hand to Ethan, who nodded his agreement. “Don’t worry, we have a jockey hired and your dad knows all about it.”