Swoon (10 page)

I wore a long-sleeved, fitted black sweaterdress and heeled ankle boots. The March air was chilly at night, so I grabbed a scarf to wind around my neck. When I saw Justin’s headlights pull up in front of the house, I grabbed my purse and keys and walked out, locking my door behind me. Yes, I locked my house on campus. I wouldn’t trust these bitches as far as I could throw them.

I settled myself into the seat of Justin’s shiny Mercedes, and he leaned over to kiss my cheek. I smiled blandly.

“How was your day?” he asked.

“Fine, yours?”

He nodded. “Busy.”

“So who are we having dinner with?” I figured I ought to be prepared.

“The owner and manager of the new resort outside town. My firm pitched them today, and now is just a dinner to seal the deal.”

Justin was in advertising and marketing. That was all I knew.

I hadn’t been paying attention to where we were going until we pulled into a parking area. I looked around at the still-barren trees scattered around the gravel lot that Justin was grumbling about. It was the same restaurant I’d come to with Lawrence and his dad, along with Ethan and Lissa. That first night we hooked up. It’d been almost two years ago. A wave of nostalgia washed over me, but I quickly squashed it down, pushing it deep down inside where it belonged.

We exited the car, and Justin took my hand so I could balance on my high heels across the gravel. We’d never held hands before. His was cool and soft. It felt odd and feminine, in stark contrast to the hands of the man I’d just been thinking about. And whom I thought about all too often.

As soon as we reached the concrete walkway, I removed my hand from Justin’s, pretending to rifle through my purse. He placed his hand at the small of my back as we walked through the front door. The maître d’ led us to a table elegantly set for six, but we were the first to arrive. Justin politely pulled out my chair, and I smoothed my dress underneath me as I sat and folded my napkin into my lap. He sat across from the table and did the same. We each took a sip of water. And then another.

Fortunately, the rest of the party arrived quickly to break our silence. We stood back out of our chairs to greet two older couples in their sixties. The men both had gray hair, neatly trimmed, and wore dark suits. They looked related, and I found out as we sat back down that they were actually cousins. Their wives also had close-cropped gray hair and wore suits, though the fabric looked more like carpet or floral drapery. There was something about Virginia that caused women to dress older and frumpier than their time. I hid an inner shudder behind my water glass.

After drink orders were made, the men discussed a little business and the women stayed mostly quiet. Our presence seemed superfluous, but I was getting a nice dinner out of it, so whatever. I tried to pay attention to some of the conversation around me in case I was called on, but I never was.

My mind wandered to the last time I was here. The laughter, the lively conversation, the feel of Lawrence’s hand teasing my thigh under the table despite the fact that his father sat across from us. But especially the laughter. It’d been so long since I’d laughed.

Thinking back to that time brought all the sounds to life in my head, my imagination running to the point that I swore I could hear it again. It took a moment for me to process that I heard actual laughter. His laughter.

I tried to be discreet, but all sound, including his laugh, faded away as I met Lawrence’s eyes from across the room. Both of us were frozen, stricken, and drawing the attention of our tables. A stunning girl seated next to him had her mouth set in a grim line, irritation evident on her features. I broke away from his gaze and pushed my chair back suddenly, excusing myself to use the restroom. Justin was staring daggers at me, but I needed some air. My heart was racing, something it hadn’t done in several months, so it wasn’t used to the exertion.

I saw Lawrence stand out of the corner of my eye and knew he was going to follow me. I was pretty sure everyone else noticed too.

I hurried out onto the front porch, sucking in a breath of cold air as I leaned back against the door until it nudged me forward. Without looking, I stepped carefully in my heels across the wooden boards and leaned against a post at the front steps, listening to Lawrence’s slow footfalls as he approached.

He didn’t say anything. I simply felt his fingers pick the hair up off my back, smoothing through the ends and letting it fall. My heart was still racing, my breathing erratic. He stood close. I could feel his heat at my back. But he didn’t touch me anymore.

“How long did that take you?” he asked.

I felt a small bubble of laughter rise in my chest at his first question. “Hours.”

“I didn’t recognize you at first. I noticed you as I walked in from behind. I saw a beautiful, bored girl, but I never imagined it was you.”

Tears pricked my eyes at his words, and I tried to hide my sniffle by taking long, deep breaths.

“Why are you crying?” he asked.

“I don’t know!” I covered my mouth with my hands when I realized how loud I’d been.

Lawrence took my arm and gently turned me to face him. Even in the dimness of the porch light, I could see his blue eyes studying me. I couldn’t tell if he liked what he saw.

He shook his head. “I don’t like it.”

Well, that answered my question.

He brought a hand back up to my hair and ran his fingers through it again, his brows furrowed.

“It’s just hair.” I shrugged. “It’ll go right back to being curly.”

He dropped his hand to my hip, and I shouldn’t have been able to feel the heat from his palm, but I did. And I shouldn’t have liked it. But I did.

I had no idea what to say. So many things had happened, so much time had passed. And yet suddenly it didn’t seem like it had been that long.

Our moment was broken by the front door swinging open and Justin leaning out, clearing his throat.

“Excuse me,” he said, his voice laced with restrained irritation. “If you two are finished, I need Stephanie back at my table.”

I stared at Lawrence a moment longer before stepping away. As I turned to walk back to Justin, Lawrence let his hand sweep from my hip, across my abdomen to the other side, leaving a trail of heat in its wake. I watched Justin’s eyes narrow at the move, and my step faltered just long enough for Lawrence to whisper in my ear.

“I don’t think we’re quite finished.”

* * * *

Lawrence

“Okay, man. Something’s gotta give. What the fuck is going on?”

I stormed into Ethan’s office the following morning, letting the door slam behind me with a loud crash.

He paused in sipping his coffee. “What are you talking about?”

“Steph. I saw Steph.”

His eyes widened and he started to shake his head slowly. “Dude, I can’t say. Lissa made me swear on my ability to reproduce.”

I glared at him. “I swear I’ll kick your ass if you don’t tell me.”

He snorted, dismissing my threat. Asshole. It could happen.

“Let me ask you something,” he began. “It’s been a long time. And as far as I know, you haven’t so much as asked about Steph in months. Why does it matter so much? Why now?”

I thought for a while, taking a moment to pour myself some coffee.

Sitting across from Ethan’s desk, I propped my feet up and sipped on my hot brew. “Man, Steph and I, we’ve always had this… thing. I felt it. You saw it. I always knew we were something more than whatever she wanted us to be. But she pushed me away, from the beginning really. I always thought she’d come around though. I wanted to stay with her and figure things out. I wanted her.”

“Past tense?”

I took a deep breath but didn’t answer his question. “I always assumed she was living her life, doing her thing, and the reason I didn’t ask was because I didn’t want to hear about
things
she might be doing. But the girl I saw last night… that’s not the girl I knew. Something… happened. Something bad. And I need you to tell me what it was.”

Ethan studied me for a long time. I actually squirmed a little under his scrutiny. Fatherhood had really done a number on him.

And then he told me. Everything. The accident at work. The fallout. The rumors. Her father. Life had royally fucked her over. And not in a good way.

And the whole time I’d been going about my merry business, assuming she was doing the same.

“I feel like an asshole.”

“Why?” Ethan asked.

“I wasn’t there for her. I mean, I would have gone to Texas, or done something. Just been there for her. Anything.”

He shook his head. “She wouldn’t have let you. For whatever reason, she needed to do it on her own. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“Well does she still need to do everything on her own? What’s she doing now? Where does she work? And who the fuck is the pansy she’s dating? That was her boyfriend last night, wasn’t it?”

Ethan’s eyebrows rose high. “You sound like a woman. Keep your panties on. I’ve never even met the guy, so I’d hardly call him her boyfriend. And I’ll tell you where she works or you can hang here for a little while and she’ll be here. She’s bringing clients to look at horses.”

“She’s coming here?”

He nodded.

“With clients?”

He nodded again.

I shook my head. “I don’t think what I need to say should be said around clients.”

Chapter 12

Steph

“S
o, not one of the twelve horses we’ve looked at today has felt right?” I asked Jessica as I drove back to the school, resignation washing over me. I’d rearranged an entire schedule so that Jessica and her parents could look at horses on a Sunday, and they canceled anyway and asked me to take her myself.

“I just know that I’ll feel it when I find the right one,” she gushed at me, a dreamy, faraway look in her eyes.

“What is
it
exactly?” I wondered aloud.

Jessica turned and blinked at me. “Well, it’ll just be a special feeling. A connection. I’ll know. But, oh my gosh, it was so fun spending the day with you. Now we’ll just get to do it again!” She clapped her hands and squealed.

Now it was my turn to blink at her.

“You know,” she continued, oblivious to my lack of enthusiasm, “maybe I should rescue a horse, or buy an off-the-track Thoroughbred!”

“That’s an idea,” I said hesitantly. “I’m not sure it’s a great one, but it’s something we can think about.”

That was a no. First of all, the girl wouldn’t be able to ride one side of any kind of racehorse, even if it was dead lame. Second, my commission on an off-the-track horse wouldn’t cover my gas bill from driving around today. Not gonna happen.

We pulled up back at the barn, and I sent Jessica off to the dorms with a wave. I shouldn’t have been in my office on a Sunday, but I had some show entry forms to fill out since it never worked out to have the girls do their own. And I’d been working all day anyway. And I had nothing else to do.

I made coffee and grabbed my mug and spun around in my office chair a few times before powering on my computer. After each form was completed, I spun around a few more times in a desperate attempt to keep myself entertained and my thoughts off last night.

I heard the door creak open behind me, and assuming it was one of the girls, I pointed at it without looking and called, “Out! It’s still my day off, and I’m not answering any questions.”

But I didn’t hear the retreating footsteps I’d been expecting.

I slowly turned toward the sound of booted feet, staring up into Lawrence’s smirking face. I sat up quickly, my arm striking out and knocking into my mug, but Lawrence caught it before it toppled. He studied me for a long moment.

Then he raised my mug to his lips and took a large sip. His eyes widened and watered a little. Pansy.

Clearing his throat, he set my coffee aside. “That is no longer coffee.” He pointed at the mug.

I shrugged. “It stopped being coffee about four hours ago.”

He sat back, propped on my desk. “What’s going on with you? You’ve changed, the least of which is day drinking.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s been the better part of a year, Lawrence. So much is going on with me I hardly know where to start.”

He nodded his head and slowly lowered himself to his knees in front of me, his hands resting on my thighs. “I finally got the whole story from Ethan. I’m so sorry, Steph. I had no idea. Henry… and your dad. I would have been there if I’d known.”

“I was fine. You didn’t owe me anything.”

“Owe you?” He shook his head slowly. “Not because I owed you. But because I cared about you. I still do.”

I shrugged, unsure of what else to say, but my hands drifted forward and just barely touched his fingertips, sending my heart skipping.

His fingers gripped my thighs harder. “How are you? Really. Your dad—”

I felt a familiar stinging behind my eyes, and I interrupted, unwilling to break that dam. “I’m fine. Really. It was just… weird. Everything just got weird. And not in a good way.”

He laughed a little and reached up to cup my cheek. I leaned into his touch. It felt so good, so right.

My door swung open, breaking our moment once again. An irritated Justin stood in the doorway, dressed in khaki pants, a blue shirt, and a pink tie.

“Oh shit!” I jumped to my feet. “We have that thing. I’m so sorry. I can be ready in ten minutes.”

I looked at Lawrence, who’d risen to his feet as well. “I have to go. It’s a polo thing. Um… I…” I, once again, had no idea what to say.

“It’s okay,” Lawrence said, quietly. “We’ll catch up.” He leaned forward and kissed my forehead before brushing out the door. “Nice tie.” He raised an eyebrow at Justin as he left.

Justin looked at me as he walked closer. My eyes were still on Lawrence’s retreating form.

“What did I just walk in on?” Justin brought my attention back to him.

I chewed on my lip. “Nothing. Just an old friend. It’s complicated.”

“It looked more than complicated,” he said, his jaw tight.

I decided to change the subject. “I better go get ready. I’ll meet you back here?”

He cocked his head to the side. “I’ll just follow you back to your house and we’ll go from there.”

I nodded and stood, walking out in front of him. We drove in separate cars down to the parking spot in front of my lodging. I got out in front of him and unlocked my front door, leaving it ajar. I was lost in thought as I walked back to my room, forgoing a shower and simply applying minimal makeup, sweeping my hair up into a messy but chic do, and grabbing a long, floral print maxi dress paired with a sweater. I slid on a pair of flip-flops from the back of my closet and appeared in the living room in under ten minutes, ready to go.

Justin was sitting on my couch, expressionless. “What are you wearing?”

I looked down at myself in confusion. “A dress?”