Sympathy for the Devil (24 page)

       She stood up and cupped my face. “I don’t see you. And I miss you. So yes, let us go and get
buzzed
!”

       Sounded all right with me.

       Pierce walked with me to the park bench, where in less than five minutes, Toni would arrive. He seemed calmer. Less angry. A lot less angry with everyone and everything. Behind designer sunglasses, he sat down and stretched his legs out, crossing them at the ankle.

       “Ready?” he asked.

       “Nope.”

       He breathed out noisily. “Any idea what you want to say?”

       “A lot.”

       “Any of it helpful to getting you back together with her?”

       “Probably not.”

       I sat down next to him and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. The last time I felt this ill, Pierce had been the one chucking sambuca shots down my throat for my eighteenth birthday. Loathe to admit it, but long ago, I accepted that he’d been right. Whatever I said, however much I’d wanted to rip him to pieces, my friend still sat beside me, metaphorically holding my hand, supporting me. It was the least he could do, and yet I knew I didn’t deserve the time.

       “Maybe try with the ‘l’ word. And repeat the ‘s’ word. Carry on from there until one of you caves.”

       “Great advice,” I muttered.

       Pierce shrugged. “It’s all I’ve got.”

       “How did you get Cari to forgive you?”

       “Prada,” he answered bluntly.

       “The non-monetary version.”

       He lifted his glasses to the top of his head, the black lenses turning his hair almost white. “I didn’t do anything. She did. I couldn’t force her to give me another go, she saw I was genuine and that I love her.” He gave another helpless shrug. “Everything else was down to her generosity.”

       He said in that pub around the corner from my work, that Cari and Toni were more alike than simply having names ending in “i”. I hoped it ran true when it came to forgiveness. Moreover, I hoped she wanted to be sorry as well. To understand how much she’d hurt me. How much it still hurt.

       I saw Toni round the corner, wearing a bright yellow dress and her hair loose around her shoulders. She had her hand tight in Cari’s, who swung their arms between them. I couldn’t see her eyes. She wore sunglasses as well. As Pierce got to his feet, Cari manoeuvred Toni to sit next to me and released her hand.

       Pierce tugged gently at the hem of Cari’s shorts. “Where’s the rest of it?”

       “They’re not going to grow if you do that,” she warned him. “You two.” She pointed two pink-tipped fingers at Toni and me. “Talk. Don’t fight. We’re just over there.” She pointed to a patch of grass in the centre of the park.

       Pierce gently patted me on the shoulder. “Call us when you’re ready.”

       With that, he curved an arm around Cari’s shoulders and they wandered off. Toni looked as glamorous as I’d ever seen her. Moreover, she looked completely unattainable. A world away from the jeans, T-shirt, and messy-hair girl I knew and loved.

       “How are you?” I asked, feeling like a grandpa at a rave, trying to make conversation with the “yoof”.

       “I’m all right.” She tucked a loop of hair behind her ear. “You?”

       “I miss my girlfriend.”

       She sighed. “You can’t call me that any more. That’s what you told me.
We’re done.
”

       Anger bubbled inside me. “You slept with someone. Else. Do you get that? Do you know what that did to me?”

       Toni lifted her glasses to the top of her head and she looked me in the face. Her eyes were puffy and red, tears starting on her lashes. “Don’t you remember standing on the Winner’s Steps in Wembley? You promised that we’d start from there. You promised you’d let the past go. And you lied.”

       “But...”

       “You lied too.” She accused me, her voice wobbling with emotion. “Making all these promises and then the minute, the second you’re tested, then I’m a cheating bitch again.”

       I felt my throat tighten unbearably. Didn’t she understand what she’d done to me? To us? How couldn’t she see what she’d taken away by running to the guy who disappeared on her?

       “I’m still here,” I said eventually. “Trying to stick by what I promised. But, you have to know… You… you kicked me in the nuts, T.”

       She wiped her eyes, breathing unevenly. “I thought we were finished. I was convinced. And then you said we could start from day one again and I wanted to. So badly. Just let it all go and pretend it didn’t happen.”

       “Don’t you want to do that?” I asked. “Start again? Forget about it? I mean, Pierce said sorry for what he did.”

       “It’s not all his fault.” Toni scooped her hair over one shoulder and patted me on the knee. “You know we both had a hand in this. Pierce set out the trap, you laid the bait, and I took it.”

       I couldn’t admit that. Why would I say sorry, when all I’d wanted was honesty? And a faithful partner? I had reason to be wary. To ask her about the people she went out with. So I could feel secure. Even then, she’d still gone behind my back.

       “Would you do it again? How can I know you won’t?”

       “You don’t.” She sighed heavily. “I’ve been thinking about you every single minute of every day since we broke up. What I should have done different. How I could keep you in trust and love with me…”

       Fury rose in my stomach. “You could have maybe not fucked someone else.”

       “…and it made me realise that it would have happened. Anyway I stepped. Because I’m not secure. Pierce said it the first time he met me. That pub in Parsons Green. You were so drunk you didn’t hear him. But he read me, dead on. James undermined me at every turn, and I could see you doing the same thing. You thought because I’d done it before, I’d do it again. And you were right. I’ve always done what’s expected of me. If we got back together, you would have the same doubts, and there’d be nothing I could do to help you. To help us.”

       She leaned into me and kissed away the tear trickling over my cheek. “I’m so sorry I did this to you. The only thing I can do to make it right is to leave you to be with someone you don’t have to worry about.”

       I caught her by the arms and roughly pulled her into my arms. “Don’t say that,” I whispered into her sugar-sweet, scented hair. “We can do this. We can, T.”

       “Bye, West,” she murmured, untangling herself from me and walking away. Right then, my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. Through blurred vision, I saw Pierce running over to me. No one could help either of us. However well meant. That “goodbye” encompassed the death of something that was nearly so perfect.

       I let us into the house with my key, waiting for Pierce and Toni to enter before I closed the door behind us. The journey from the common had been little more than distressingly uncomfortable. Pierce hailed a taxi for us, in an attempt to avoid the public witnessing a proper wailing breakdown. But Toni, dry eyed and silent, simply stared out of the taxi window. Pierce and I lacked any words of comfort for her.

       Toni announced, “I’m going to my room. Think I want to just sleep the rest of this day off.” She turned to Pierce and to my surprise, she leaned into him and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you for trying. But I know now…West and I can’t come back from this. I know,” she interrupted his protest. “I know you want to do more, but it’s not going to work. Thank you.”

       She rubbed my forearm affectionately and left us alone. “Drink?” I offered, as he sat down, exhaling heavily, his arms stretching over the back of the sofa.

       He glanced at me, eyes wary. “Come here a minute.”

       I sat a prim distance from him, and I watched a familiar coldness gather on his face. Uh oh. “What’s up? Hungry instead? We can go to that new place down the road. Does fancy fried chicken?”

       “It didn’t work,” he said slowly.

       I winced. “We had an idea it wouldn’t.”

       With a groan, he put his face in his hands. “I can’t believe she just did that. I thought she wanted to be with him!”

       Hmm. My dear boyfriend, the artful manipulator, seemed most unused to his subjects not toeing the line. “I think she’s made the right decision…”

       “Are you leaving me?” he demanded, lifting his face from his hands, eyes narrowed at me.

       The words made me jolt upright. The hell? “What? Where’d that come from?”

       “You said if I couldn’t straighten this out, we as you and me were in trouble. It didn’t work, so what do you want to do? Is that it? No more us?”

       He sounded so hurt, it brought tears to my eyes. “Oh, my God,” I muttered, shuffling closer to him until I could wrap both arms around him. He stayed stock still for a second before crushing me to him. “Pierce…”

       “I’ll try something else,” he promised against my shoulder. “Anything else. Let’s stay together. Please.”

       I dotted kisses over his skin. “You can’t do anything else. Let it go. You and me, we’re not reliant on what happens with Toni and West. Not anymore.”

       He held me away, examining every millimetre of my face for even a hint of a lie. It only made me press my mouth to his frown. “Are you sure?”

       “Pierce.” I said his name warningly. “Don’t make me change my damn mind by going on and on about it. I don’t just fall in love with every sneaky, rude bastard who crosses my path. There we are then.”

       A smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “You said the ‘l’ word.”

       “I say it all the time.”

       He shook his head. “Not to me you don’t.”

       My fingers filtered through his hair. “I do love you. And I’m not breaking up with you. I’m not leaving you. Not yet, anyway. I’m sure you’ll do your best to wind me the fuck up… I’m willing to give you the chance not to.”

       His breath came out in a whoosh as he hugged me again. “Love you too. So much.”

       Heh. Me and Don Freezer could be okay. Naturally, one of us would kill the other first. I planned on that being him…

Two years later

       “Fucking bullshit we can’t throw our caps,” Pierce said irritably, as the entire graduating class got to their feet to greet their families. Cari tucked her hand into her boyfriend’s and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

       “You should be glad. You’re tall enough that all the sharp points will knock you on your big head.”

       He glanced down at her. “Why are you so mean to me? Don’t I look after you? Don’t I give you chocolate and orgasms and drinks and taxis home?”

       She gave an artless shrug. “Sometimes. When you’re not bouncing between Milan and Edinburgh. Speaking of the Italian-Scottish truce…”

       Pierce barely released Cari in time to receive Rhona’s leaping embrace. “We’re so proud of you! Dad’s still crying!”

       “Shush!” Andrew Callun dismissed his daughter’s accusation to reach over his daughter’s head to half strangle Pierce in a one-armed hug. “Congratulations to you, little missy,” he sniffed, pushing his son aside to kiss Cari on both cheeks.

       “Thank you! Mind out, Collins invasion coming,” she warned. Cari’s parents were awash with their congratulations for their child.

       Her eldest brother said, “Let me show you the bit where you nearly face-planted the stage because you’re a midget and your heel caught your robe. Classic. Going on YouTube.”

       “Do it and I’ll sue you.”

       “She will as well,” Pierce replied. “No morals, your sister.”

       Cari’s second brother shook his head. “You’re going out with her. What does that say about you?”

       “Far too much,” Cari said smoothly. “Are we rocking back to Chez Collins?”

       Cari’s mother made a face. “Are you ready to have people around?”

       “Do you think I’m tidying anything up today?”

       Pierce lifted Cari’s board from her head. “I had strict instructions. That’s why I didn’t hear my name first time around. She worked me like a slave.”

       Pierce’s mother sighed. “I still think you’re too young to be travelling together.”

       Pierce and Cari exchanged looks, warning each other not to say what else they were planning that his mother would be sure they were too young to do. “Never mind, Mum,” Pierce consoled her. “I bought that wine you like. Come on, let’s roll.”

       The families organised themselves in transport to the home Cari shared with Toni, Phoebe, and Amy. In the throng of parents and well-wishers, Cari bounded over to Toni as she shook her hair free from her cap.

       “Hat hair!” she proclaimed, accepting Cari’s embrace. “Party on?”

       “To the break of dawn!” She shimmied her shoulders in time to the words. “See you there.”

       Parents and siblings mingled with other graduates, with glasses of champagne and nibbles made by Pierce’s dear neighbour, Amy, and Phoebe. Music played in the background, a soundtrack to the many photographs taken to mark the occasion. Toni sat on the staircase to make a phone call.

       “Benjamin Franklin.”

       “Curtis! I’m just finishing dinner with my folks and I can meet you later. That okay?”

       “That’s perfect. See you later.”

       She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to West. “Hi!” she said in surprise. They’d avoided each other for so long, his amiable greeting came as a bit of a shock.

       “How are you?”

       “Free!” she proclaimed, with a laugh. “No more exams, studying, nadda. Well, until I start training.”

       “I heard you’re off travelling.”

      
Pierce and his big mouth
, Toni thought. She didn’t mind, given she knew what happened in West’s life. “Yeah, Ben and I are doing the South Americas. Starting in Columbia, then doing Brazil, Honduras, Chile, Argentina.”

       “When are you off?”

       “Next month. Waiting for our visas to be approved. Can’t wait! What about you? What are your post-graduation plans?”

       “I’ve started work.”

       “Really?”

       “Yeah, had to get government clearance and all sorts. Freaking weird, but good work. What I’ve wanted to do. Not sure when I’ll get a holiday though.”

       “You know they have to give you one.”

       West laughed. “Yeah, Cari’s been giving me the lecture on knowing my rights. Has she told you?”

       Toni sent him a look. “Of course she has. Don’t know the big deal. They practically live together as it is. And getting a pet isn’t a huge thing, either.”

       “My mate doesn’t do pets. It’s close enough to having a baby.”

       “Don’t say that!” Toni hushed him. “Freak the hell out of their parents. Jeez. Besides, they’re not doing moving in together until after they’ve seen us in Argentina.”

       A strange look crossed his face. “They’re joining you?”

       “Only for a few days before they’re off on their own thing. They’re both deferring their ‘careers’ to have a bit of time together.” Toni rubbed his arm lightly. “Don’t worry. They haven’t just abandoned you. They’re abandoning everyone.”

       “Good to know.” He gazed at her for a moment. “Nice to see you, T.”

       “And you.”

       He got up and disappeared into the party. For a while, Toni sat and watched people mill around, Cari and Pierce sneak into the corridor for a long and overtly arduous kiss, and more shrilly, heard Pierce’s mother shriek, “What do you mean you’re moving in together?”

       Toni got to her feet as the doorbell rang. “At least it’s not my drama,” she murmured, opening the door to Ben and a bright, shiny new start.

The End