Take a Deep Breath (Lake of the Pines) (14 page)

“What?”

“Nothing. I love you.”

“I love you back, Mom! Now let’s go home!”

“You got it,” Hannah said and eased out on to the main road.

The road back to Lake of the Pines winded through the hills
dotted with stands and stands of white pines. Liv watched out her window,
taking in the familiar sight of the now huge trees that shadowed the sun from
her face. She wondered what the trees would tell her if they could speak. The
timeless trees had seen many changes she imagined. She closed her eyes a moment
to rest them. She imagined herself laying at the foot of one the big trees.
Looking up into its branches, she inhaled the pine fresh fragrance and listened
for the secrets it had to tell. People coming and going, the sun rising and
setting day after day, nothing really changed. The cycles stayed the same. When
Liv opened her eyes next they were pulling into the driveway of her grandma’s
cottage.

“Sorry Gram, I must have dozed off.”

“You needed the rest. Neither of you has had much sleep
lately.”

Liv turned around and Sara slept soundly her head resting
against the window. She had her new hippo from Cam and her tried and true bear
in her arms. Liv looked at the clock on the dash of the car. It was almost 4:30
PM. Her stomach rumbled.

Hannah smile. “Let’s get this stuff inside and I’ll make us
some dinner.”

Liv agreed. She looked around the yard as she gathered
Sara’s things in her arms. The fallen branches were gone and the yard was
neatly mowed. Liv noticed two notes taped to the front door.
Cam,
she
thought. She flushed as the warmth she always felt thinking of him flooded her
body.
Stop that,
she mentally reprimanded herself. She stuffed the
note addressed to her in her pocket. She took the one for her grandmother
inside with her and put it on the kitchen table along with the flowers and
other get well items she had. She then headed back out to the car to help
Hannah bring Sara in. Liv lifted the little girl into her arms. She was a lot
heavier than she used to be, especially with a cast on her leg. Hannah held the
door for them and Liv somehow managed to get Sara situated on the couch without
breaking her own leg. Liv propped Sara’s leg up on two fuzzy pink pillows.
Hannah turned on the TV and gave the remote control to Sara.

“Can I get you anything Sara?”

“No, Mom. I’m okay. I’m sorry I ruined your vacation.” Sara
suddenly became sullen.

“You didn’t. I had a great vacation with you. And now, I’m
going to focus my attention on getting you better.”

Pup-Pup came running around the corner and jumped onto Sara’s
stomach.

“Ouch!” Sara winced in pain.

“I’m sorry Sara,” Hannah called. “She got away from me.”

“It’s okay, Grandma.” Pup-Pup seemed to sense that Sara
wasn’t up for playing and curled up next to the little girl, resting her head
on Sara’s arm. “You’re such a good girl.” Sara cooed to the puppy. Pup-Pup
lifted her head and licked Sara’s face.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything? Some juice? A
popsicle?”

“No, Mom. Really I’m fine. I’m just a little sleepy.”

“Yeah, the pain medicine’ll make you sleepy. Why don’t you
try to get some rest? When you wake up we’ll have some supper together. I think
Grandma’s making chicken and mashed potatoes.”

“Mmmm. That’s my favorite. But, Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Remember when Cam said maybe Pup-Pup would name herself by
doing something special?” Sara changed the subject.

“Mmm hmm, but I kind of thought we’d settled on Pup-Pup.”

“That was just a
temporary
name.”

“Yes, and?” Liv encouraged her daughter to get to the point.

“Well since she likes chipmunks so much, I think I want to
name her after a famous chipmunk. You remember that Chipmunk movie don’t you?”

“How could I forget it?” Liv laughed. “You only watched it
about a hundred times.”

“Well, it’s a really good movie Mom!”

“It is, Honey. So what’s her name going to be then? Albert?”

“No, Mom! That’s a boy name. I’m naming her after one of the
girl chipmunks – Brittany. You know the lead singer? We can call her Brit for
short.”

“I like it. Brit it is.”

“I can’t wait to tell Cam.” Sara fell asleep the words
barely out of her mouth.

Cam. Liv pulled the note from her pocket. She’d almost
forgotten about it. She wandered toward the back porch as she unfolded the
white paper and sat at the picnic table.

Livvy,

Please tell Sara that I am sorry I missed seeing her at
the hospital. I hope she had a good visit with her dad and is feeling better.
Let her know I said she can drive the boat after she gets her cast off.

I heard what you said about needing time to think. I
understand and respect your needs. I just want you to know that I’m thinking about
you and care about you deeply. Take whatever time you need to find the answers
you’re looking for. You know where to find me when you’re ready. I’ll be
waiting.

Love,

C

Liv wiped a tear from her eye.
Don’t wait for me
,
she wanted to scream.
I’m not worth it.
Cam deserved someone normal.
Her life was too complicated. She didn’t want to suck him under too. She stared
at the note and read it several more times before folding it back up and
tucking it into her back pocket. Liv knew staying away from Cam, letting him go
would be too hard with him so close. The temptation to see him and fall back
into a relationship with him would be too much. She and Sara needed to get back
to their lives in Ohio. In the morning she’d call Dr. Brack and get a referral
to an orthopedic surgeon back home. The decision made, Liv went inside to start
packing.

“What’s going on?” Hannah watched Liv remove her clothing
from the dresser and neatly fold and stack them in her suitcase.

“I just think it’ll be easier for Sara to recover at home.
She won’t be able to swim or boat or hike and watching everyone else do the
things she loves isn’t fair. At home she’ll have her own room and can visit
with her friends.” Liv rationalized her need to leave Lake of the Pines so
suddenly.

“I see. I guess that makes sense. I can’t help being
disappointed though. I looked forward to spending a few more weeks with you
girls.”

“I know Gram and I really am sorry. I was looking forward to
a long summer with you too. But, things will be easier for Sara this way.” Liv
tucked a stray hair behind her ear and continued packing.

“If you say so.” In the back of Hannah’s mind she wondered
if it would be easier for Sara or for Liv if they left now. “What about Cam?”

“What about Cam? We’ll stay friends, if that’s what you
mean. I’ll stop by and say goodbye to him on our way out of town.”

“Okay then.” Hannah wasn’t sure what else to say. “Well,
I’ll leave you to your packing. Sara’s still sleeping, but I imagine she’ll be
hungry when she wakes up. I put the chicken in the oven. I’m going to go peel
the potatoes, if you need anything.”

“Okay Gram. Thanks.” Liv moved into Sara’s room and began
gathering her things as well. Within twenty minutes she had all their gear in
three bags ready to go.

The next morning, she hugged Hannah goodbye. The car loaded
and ready, she slowly pulled away from the cottage. Brit put her paws up on the
passenger side window and barked. Hannah waved to them from the porch. Sara
rolled the backseat window down and yelled, “Goodbye Grandma!”

“Goodbye Sara! Goodbye Liv! Goodbye Pup, I mean Brit! Have a
good trip!”

“I wish we could stay longer.” Sara pouted.

“I know you do baby, but it’s best to get home. It’ll be
easier for you to rest there.”

“I guess.” Sara wasn’t at all convinced. She sat quietly as
Liv navigated the curvy road around the lake and through the pine woods. As
they came around a corner, Sara recognized Cam’s summer house.

“Hey Mom, isn’t that Cam’s house? Can we stop?”

“I’d like to, but it doesn’t look like he’s home now. His
truck isn’t in the driveway.”

“Oh.”

“I know. I’m disappointed too. We’ll give him a call when we
get home.” Liv had every intention of stopping to say goodbye to Cam, but fate
wasn’t with her.
It’s probably for the best,
Liv thought with relief
as she drove on by.

“Okay.” Sara watched out the back window as Cam’s house got
smaller and smaller in the distance. When she couldn’t see it anymore, she
settled in her seat for the long drive home.

A week passed by and Cam hadn’t seen or heard from Liv. He
jogged the Big Loop trail every morning hoping to find her sitting on the bench
again. Waiting for her to come to him grew harder each day, while the urge to
reach out to her grew stronger. His fear of losing her began to seep into every
thought.
Maybe I was wrong about her feelings toward me.
The nagging
at the back of his mind made him second-guess his passive approach. He had to
know where he stood.
Giving her space,
he reasoned,
didn’t mean
not seeing her, did it? Besides it’d been more than a week since they’d spoken
to each other. How much space did she need? She’s probably just too busy with
Sara to get away. Talking to her now couldn’t hurt,
he thought.
Yes,
his line of thinking continued,
talking wouldn’t hurt.
He could be in
the same room with her without touching her or pressuring her. They were
friends first.

Convinced he needed to make the first move, he wavered
between sending her a text message, calling or driving over to the cottage on
the other side of the lake to talk to her in person. The deep need to see her
again won out. Before he could change his mind, he got in his car and drove
over to the Adams’ cottage. When he arrived a sinking sensation washed over
him. Only Hannah’s Honda sat in the driveway. He knocked on the door, hoping to
hear the barking of Sara’s little dog.

“Hello? Is anybody home? It’s me, Cam.”

Hannah appeared in the doorway. “Why Cameron, it’s good to
see you. Come in, come in. I was just doing a bit of baking again.” She wiped
the flour off the side of her cheek with the back of her hand and held the door
open.

Cam stepped inside and scanned the room for any sign of Liv,
Sara or Pup-Pup. “I just thought I’d stop by to visit Sara and see how she’s
doing. I noticed Liv’s car’s gone. Is she out shopping or something?”

“I’m sorry Cam. She and Sara went back to Ohio a few days
ago. I thought you knew. I’m sure Liv told me she was going to stop and see you
on her way out.” Hannah’s brow furrowed as she tried to remember her
conversation with Liv.

“I guess I must’ve been out...”

“She sometimes has an odd way of showing it, but I know she
cares a lot about you Cam. She over-thinks everything.” Hannah patted his arm
as she watched the once happy expression on his face crumple into disbelief and
pain. “Don’t give up on her yet…She’ll come around once she works her feelings
out.” Hannah didn’t know what else to say or how to comfort him.

“I have to go…” Cam stumbled down the porch stairs and
headed toward his car.

“Cam, please wait…” Hannah wished Liv had at least talked to
Cam before leaving. She felt for Cam and hated to see him hurting. Liv had put
her in an awkward position. Running away wasn’t going to solve Liv’s problems;
Hannah only hoped she realized it before she lost Cam for good.

Cam turned back to Hannah. “I’m sorry. I have to go. I have
to think.” He got into the driver’s seat and pulled the door shut. He drove in
a daze.
I can’t believe she left without a word. How could I have misread
her again? How could she do this?
The shock of Hannah’s news settled in
his chest. He hurt so much he could barely breathe. As he drove through the
woods, he played back the various conversations he’d had with Liv over the past
few weeks. Just when they’d found each other again, she’d run away. He couldn’t
believe she’d just left. There had to be some other explanation. He knew deep
down that she loved him.
What had gone wrong then?
He’d been so sure
after she’d had time to think about it, she’d realize Sara’s accident wasn’t
her fault that it didn’t have anything to do with them. She’d know without a
doubt that they belonged together. He’d kept his word and given her the space
she wanted. How could she turn her back on him without even letting him know?

Forty-five minutes later, Cam found himself pulling into the
parking lot of the Little Falls. The trail followed a small creek that wrapped
two miles to the bottom of a rocky crevice. After the spring rains, water
poured over the edge into a small pool that fed the little creek. At this time
of the year though it would only be a trickle, if that. Cam got out of his car
and pulled his running shoes out of his trunk. He needed to run. After lacing
up his shoes, he leaned against the car and stretched his calf muscles. He put
in his ear buds and selected one of the fast-paced workout playlists on his
iPod. He jogged slowly toward the head of the trail as “Party Rock Anthem”
blared in his ears. Hoping the rough terrain and the pounding music would
distract him, he picked up his pace. His feet pounded the dirt as he made his
way down the trail. The air felt cooler against his hot face the further he
descended into the gully. He was alone on the trail but for an occasional bird
or chipmunk.

The creek bed that ran along his right was dry and cracked
except for a stagnant puddle here and there. Although the day was hot, the tall
pines provided shade and blocked most of the sun. Cam picked up his pace again
as his thoughts turned back to Liv.
Why?
Inevitably his mind returned
to that one question. He cursed Liv’s ex-husband. Cam blamed him for Liv’s withdrawal.
Sure the man was concerned about his daughter,
Cam reasoned,
but
that didn’t give him the right to lash out at Liv like that. Couldn’t he see
that Liv was already doing a good job of beating herself up? Did he need to
make her feel worse by blaming her? Damn him, damn Liv.
Cam swore under
his breath. She could have at least told him where her head was before leaving.
Anger pushed him harder and further. His anger turned toward Liv. She should
have told him where he stood with her. Now he was left hanging. Wondering what
her silence meant. She should have at least given him some sort of closure.

He slowed his pace to a walk as he approached the bottom of
the ravine. He stopped and scanned the rocky sides for the water fall. After a
few minutes, he made out a small trickle running down the face of the rock. He
climbed up a lone boulder near the wall of the ravine and sat in the single
beam of sunshine that filtered through the trees above. He scanned the various
names and years that people had carved. Vandalism at its finest marred the
smooth, rock walls. People couldn’t seem to resist leaving their mark behind.
He leaned back and closed his eyes and let his pulse slow to resting.
Depression replaced his anger, as he realized that Liv’s silence, her retreat
was more powerful than any words she could have spoken to him. He realized now
that he stood alone. He’d lost her again.

A hawk screeched overhead and Cam’s eyes caught a glimpse of
the powerful bird gliding across the piece of blue sky peeking through the
trees and canyon walls. His legs felt stiff and his body numb. He glanced at
his watch surprised to see he’d been sitting for more than an hour. He stood
and stretched his legs. He didn’t feel much like running anymore as he retraced
his steps back to the parking lot. He knew in his mind that wallowing in
self-pity wasn’t the answer, but at that moment he didn’t care. He needed a
drink. He needed more than one. He turned his car toward the boardwalk. At 5:30
on a Tuesday evening, Cam had no problem finding a parking spot. He locked the
doors and pocketed the keys.

Cam didn’t want to be reminded of Liv or run into anyone he
or his father knew. He walked past The Bistro and instead headed toward the
Pinewood Tavern, a local bar that sat at the opposite end of the boardwalk from
the Italian place. The tavern catered to the townies or those that stayed at
Lake of the Pines all year round. He’d only been in it once or twice, but
remembered the owner seemed friendly and the prices were reasonable. Cam pushed
the door open and walked in. A couple of guys playing pool gave him the once
over and went back to their game. After a few moments Cam’s eyes adjusted to
the dimly lit bar and he made his way to an empty stool. He placed his palms on
the smooth surface of the mahogany counter and took in the ambience. A long
mirror with bottles and bottles of various types of liquor and mixers lined in
front of it ran the length of the back wall behind the counter. The flat screen
television that hung above the bar was tuned to a baseball game with the sound
turned off and closed captioning turned on.

Cam swiveled his stool and scanned the room. The door to the
men’s room was in the far right corner under a bright neon Budweiser sign.
Several more of the traditional neon beer signs hung on the scarred, paneled
walls throughout the room. Sports memorabilia, beer posters and several mounted
wide-mouth bass rounded out the eclectic decor. A country song that Cam didn’t
recognize blared over the speakers. The cloud of smoke that Cam remembered
hanging in the air was no more, thanks to the state-wide no-smoking laws.
Except for the guys playing pool and a young couple sitting at a table in the
corner, the place was empty.

Cam read over the specials written on the light board by the
bar. The blue, pink and green handwriting indicated that Rolling Rock was the
featured beer, Long Island ice teas were only $2.00 until 8 o’clock and the
chicken strip basket with fries was only $4.95. Cam grabbed a handful of
peanuts out of one the bowls placed along the bar counter. He wondered where
the bartender was as he chewed the salty nuts, dropping them in his mouth two
or three at time. Just as the thought left Cam’s mind, a tall, thick man with
an easy smile came through the swinging doors from the kitchen area. His head
was shaved and various tattoos wrapped around his muscular arms that stretched
the black t-shirt he wore. The man looked to be in his late forties or early
fifties. Even so, he definitely was in shape and not anyone to mess with. He
wiped down the countertop with the towel he was carrying as he made his way
toward Cam. He made one last swipe at the area in front of Cam and tossed the
rag in a bin underneath the counter. The man rested his hands on the edge of
the bar as he leaned down toward Cam.

“I hope you weren’t waiting too long. What can I get you?”

“What’s on tap?”

“We’ve got Bud Lite, Rolling Rock and Sam Adams...”

“I’ll take a Sam Adams.”

“Tall or short?”

“Tall.”

The bartender nodded and straightened to his full height.
Cam ran his hand through his hair as he watched the man in one fluid motion
pull a glass out of the chiller, tilt it at a slight angle, open the tap and
close it again at just the precise moment to fill the glass to the edge without
overflowing it. The bartender smiled at Cam as he placed a small white napkin
on the shiny surface in front of Cam and set the cold, tall glass on it. The
creamy, white foamy head sat perfectly on top of the deep amber-colored beer.
It almost looked too beautiful to drink.
Almost
, thought Cam as he
brought the glass to his lips and relished the taste of the cool, hoppy beer.
He set the now half-full glass back on the counter and reached for another
handful of peanuts.

“Do you want me to run you a tab or would you rather pay
now?”

“A tab would be great.”

“Can I get you anything from the kitchen?” The bartender
pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

“No thanks. The peanuts will do for now.”

“Okay. Just let me know if you need anything else. The
name’s Matt.” He extended his hand.

Cam wiped his hand on his pants before shaking Matt’s. “I’m
Cam.”

“Good to meet you, Cam. Like I said, just give me a holler
if you need anything.”

“Great. Thanks. I will.” Matt pulled out his towel from
under the counter and began to wipe down the counter again. He then made his
way over to check on the young couple in the corner.

Cam watched the baseball game as he mindlessly drank his
beer. He really had no idea who was playing or what the score was and he didn’t
care. In less than twenty minutes, he’d drained his glass. After taking the
young couple their chicken strip baskets and the drinks they’d ordered, Matt
came back around the bar.

“Matt, can I get another?” Cam held up his empty glass.

“Sure thing.”

Less than forty minutes later, Cam ordered his third beer.

“Are you sure you don’t want some food with that?”

“Nah, I’m not really hungry right now.” Cam started to feel
the buzz of the alcohol in his head.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Matt took on the traditional
bartender/therapist role.

“What?”

“Woman troubles?” Matt guessed. Nine times out of ten, it
was.

“Yeah and I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“I figured as much. Are you driving home?”

“No. I parked my car in the back lot, but I can walk home
from here and pick it up later.”

Matt nodded in satisfaction as he served Cam his third beer.
The bar was starting to get crowded. Both pool tables were full now as were
most of the tables. Three guys who looked to be band members were setting up
their equipment on the far side of the room while the fourth was doing a sound
check. Cam couldn’t remember the last time he’d listened to live music and was
suddenly glad he came. He turned as he felt the weight of a hand fall on his
shoulder.

“Hey there, Cam, how’s it going buddy?”

“Luke, man, how you doing?” Cam recognized the search and
rescue worker that had helped find Sara.

“I’m good. Just shooting pool with the guys and letting off
a little steam. Do you want to join us?”

Cam shrugged. “Sure, but I’ll warn you I’m not very good.”

“Me either.”

“Just a second, let me get us some beer. What’re you
drinking?”

“Rolling Rock.”

“Matt, can I get a pitcher of Rolling Rock and a pitcher of
the Sam Adams? Also I need a round of shots for the guys. Make it Jack.”