Take Me Home: Home is Where the Heat Is, Book 3 (10 page)

“No.” Chloe’s voice softened. “You’re human. Go make it right. There’s a Grumps Jeans Company fundraiser in Dallas a week from tomorrow. If he’s an ass and doesn’t want to see you, you can always use that as your reason for being in Texas. I gave Grumps his contact information, just so you know.
StyleU
couldn’t offer him much after the cover. Reuse is abuse, you know. Rumor has it,
Grumps
offered him a contract and he’s going to sign.”

Chapter Thirteen

Cash scrubbed a hand over his face and dumped his half-eaten dinner in the waste bin. Several nurses and CNAs smiled or said hello as he made his way out of the cafeteria, but he just nodded. He’d been at Gram’s side for three days, and he needed some air. Two grown cousins, one brother and an aunt and her brood had stopped in over the last few days, but he expected more as the news of Gram’s decline spread.

Shaking away the strain in his shoulders, he followed the long hall leading toward the entrance. He waited at the locked double doors until a young nurse buzzed him out. Damn, he hated this place. Not that the staff weren’t amazing. They’d taken great care of Gram. She’d said so. It was the expectation of death hanging in the air. The silent, unseeing elderly in their wheelchairs, staring off into space… The babbling, mindless wanders, trying to piece together memories… The petite ninety-eight-year-old woman who sat at the entrance desk, and called him Peter with heartbroken longing, always crushed him.

He was glad that wasn’t Gram. Her mind was intact. Too much so at times. She’d been sleeping peacefully when he’d left her room, and he knew it would be a little while before the struggle to breathe would wake her again.

Stepping out into the evening air, he inhaled deeply, trying to wash the image of her frail body covered in warm blankets from his mind. Losing Gram was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever been through. He followed the pathway through a garden and lost himself in the silence of the night. Nick had called to say he was on his way back from New York, but Gram wasn’t his real reason for coming. His brother was coming back to support him.

No matter how much he’d asked Nick to stay in New York and work on his relationship with Chloe, his brother had refused. Shawn and Miya Dalton had stopped in twice in the last few days and he’d welcomed his friends’ company. The only problem was, watching their newly married euphoria reminded him of what he didn’t have. What he wanted. Family. Not strictly the kind you were born into either. He wanted the kind of family that was considered such because he knew they had his back, and they knew he had theirs.

Miya and Shawn had gone through a hell of a time, but they’d found each other again, fallen in love all over and married. Now, they were expecting their first child.

Nick was coming home with Chloe.

Things were on the right track for his brother and his friends. When would it be his turn? He looked through his messages and found Shawna’s name. He read the text. She’d sent it yesterday, and he’d looked at it nearly a hundred times. Probably would a hundred more.

So things kind of got crazy. Chloe told me about Gram. I’m so sorry. Stay strong and know I’m thinking of you.

He hit the home button and shoved the phone in his pocket. Fuck her and her thoughts. She hadn’t believed in him. Hadn’t trusted that he’d never do anything to hurt her.

He rounded the corner and realized he was outside of Gram’s room. He should go back. She needed him, and he owed her more than he could ever repay. She’d been the only constant in his life, but watching her heart rate slow, her body fail, her nails turn a bluish tinge day after day was taking its toll. He needed a second or two more to regroup.

He didn’t know what he was going to do without her.

Shadowy figures crossed the drawn curtains in her room. Two or three people. That meant something was wrong.

He rushed back around the building, his heart racing. If she woke up and he wasn’t there, or worse, if she passed and he wasn’t at her side, he’d never forgive himself.

Shawna thanked the young nurse and took a seat next to Clara Dillon’s bed.

She was a wispy thin woman with a silvery white braid hanging over her shoulder. The hospital bed swallowed her dainty frame, but even her dull green eyes couldn’t hide her saucy spirit as she considered Shawna. “Do I know ya?”

“No,” Shawna admitted, not sure why she was sitting at Cash’s grandmother’s bedside. Desperation? She didn’t even know what she’d say to Cash when she saw him. She just knew she had to. His neighbor had told her he never left his grandmother’s side, so here she was. “Cash is a—friend—of mine. He always speaks very fondly of you.”

“Cash.” The woman closed her eyes. “He’s my best boy.”

“He’s a good man,” Shawna agreed, not sure what else to say. Coming right out and asking where Cash was would be rude. Even if she was desperate to know.

“He’s the only one of my boy’s kids that gives a damn ’bout family.” Her eyes took on a dreamy look. “Always been there for everyone, even when he shouldn’t have.”

Her heart monitor beeped at a higher rhythm as she spoke, and Shawna reached out to touch her hand. “I’ll go. You need to rest. I just wanted to check in since I was in town.”

“I’ll rest when I’m dead.” Clara chuckled, stalling her retreat. “Why waste a minute o’ what I got left?”

Shawna couldn’t keep a smile in check. Cash’s Gram was a hoot.

“What are you doing here?”

Shawna swiveled around at Cash’s question. She wasn’t sure how he could look amazing when he was going through such a tough time, but he did. Beyond looking tired, no one would know he was watching the most important person in his life waste away. Her heart broke for him. “I was in town for the Grumps Jeans fundraiser. Chloe told me you were probably going to sign with the company, and since I was in town, I thought I’d stop by to see how you and your gram were doing.”

Cash nodded and took the seat opposite Gram’s bed. “How ya feelin’, Gram?”

“Tired.” She let out an impressively exaggerated yawn. “But I’d be forever beholdin’ to ya if you could find me one o’ them super-sized Twix bars.”

Cash scowled. “I don’t think that’s on the doctor’s orders.”

“So?” Gram shot back. “What’s it goin’ to do? Kill me?”

Shawna bit back a surge of emotion. It was easy to see the love between the two. When Cash stood, she stood as well. “Let me go get it. That way you can stay here.”

Cash ran a hand through his hair. “Won’t take ya long to know Gram.” He leaned over and kissed the old woman’s cheek. “That was her way of getting me out of the room.”

He left then and Shawna stared after him.

“He’s a smart boy.”

Shawna settled back in her seat and studied the older woman. “His world revolves around you.”

“As it should.” Gram cackled. “No. I’m joshin’ ya. He seriously needs to get a life.”

Shawna laughed. She’d once shared that kind of bond with her parents, and she missed it terribly. “So is that why you got rid of him just now?”

“Yes,” she snapped. “Between him fussin’ over me and all the medical people buzzin’ around like mosquitoes, an old girl can’t even close her eyes an’ pass without interruption.”

Her honest response was surprisingly strong. Shawna leaned forward. “You’re not scared?”

“Oh, honey.” Clara reached over to pat her hand. “You get to be my age and you’ll understand. I raised a passel of rowdy kids, and a shit-ton o’ grandkids. Some of ’em weren’t even my own. I had great times, good times and bad times, but not a one I’d trade for all the time in the world. I had me a life I can hang a hat on. Having these sweet nurses changing my diapers ain’t how I pictured the end o’ my life.”

Shawna found Clara as fascinating as any novel, movie or documentary she’d ever seen. “How did you imagine it?”

The old woman’s eyes lit up, and Shawna glanced at Cash as he slipped into the room, hanging back to hide behind Gram’s privacy curtain. “No one can truly imagine their death, girl. No one knows. But there’s any number of ways I’d like to go out o’ this world besides here. Goin’ to sleep and not wakin’ up would be nice. Or one o’ them instant heart attacks. If I wanted a blessed end, I’d have to go with death by sex, chocolate, or food as the top o’ my list.”

Shawna covered her mouth to stop an all-out guffaw. Mostly because of her grandson’s pallor at having heard her admission. Hoping to alleviate some of his shock, Shawna tried for meaningful acceptance. “I think your ways sound magnificent.”

“No. My way is an old woman’s bucket list.” Clara stared at her hard, her chest heaving. “You have more in store for ya. You’re young. You still have a lot o’ livin’ to do. You have to lose someone close to you and find a friend who’s there all your life. You have to bury a pet, and watch a baby come into the world. You have to love someone so hard it’s ruthless just to hear their name. It’s a beautiful kind of pain that tells you you’re alive.”

She had no idea how on target she was, but with Cash in the room, Shawna couldn’t admit how hard it was not having him around. She’d become used to his presence. “I can relate, on some level.”

Clara met her gaze with knowing eyes. “You like my Cash. More than you want to admit. You’s one o’ them independent gals, ain’t ya? Strong and able to do everythin’ a guy can do?”

“Kind of.” Shawna hadn’t ever really seen herself that way until now, and she could see how someone else might. Even more, she was impressed by the woman’s ability to read her so easily. No one else had. Except her grandson.

“That’s all well and good.” Clara nodded, pressing a fist to her chest. “But a gal’s got to know when a good man crosses her path. Trust me, I let one go. Nothin’s worse than the regret of not takin’ a chance.”

Clara’s comments touched a long-dormant place in her heart. Cash was a good man. He didn’t see her size, weight, or legitimize her insecurity. He liked and wanted her for who she was.

Clara’s stats were dropping, her heart rate erratic. “I need to call the nurses.”

“No.” Clara grabbed her hand with more strength than she expected. “Every time they come in, they prolong the inevitable.”

“Clara,” Shawna pleaded. She looked at Cash but he just stood there, staring at them both. Frustrated, Shawna clasped her cold hand. “Please?”

“What will your regrets be?” Clara asked.

After years of hiding, years of shutting everyone out, and five minutes of an old woman’s psychology, she had more regrets than she thought possible. Giving Clara what she needed, and maybe purging her own demons, Shawna glanced at Cash and said, “I regret not accepting, and realizing it was enough, when someone special walked into my life.”

The heart monitor slowed dangerously, and Clara closed her eyes for a long moment. “You talkin’ ’bout my Cash, ain’t ya?”

Cash ran to the hall to yell to the nurses, and Shawna leaned in close to her ear. “Damn right.”

Clara smiled softly, her grip so strong Shawna experienced a moment of hope that she’d last a bit longer. “You tell ’im. There’s nothin’ worse than hidin’ love, baby. An’ my boy deserves to be loved.”

Then Cash was there, holding her hand, talking to her so softly Shawna couldn’t hear what he said. He spoke with such emotion tears burned her eyes. Cash and his gram exchanged soft words, their eyes locked. It was a humbling moment. One she wasn’t worthy of witnessing. One she’d shared with her father and then her mother what seemed like a lifetime ago. She’d always relived the last moments with her parents as a curse. A cross she carried. Watching Cash and his grandmother, she saw it for the first time as what it was. A gift. A chance to say
I love you
, and
thank you
, and
goodbye
…

The line on Clara’s heart monitor stalled and went flat.

Shawna walked around to Cash’s side of the bed. His pain was tangible, and she squeezed his shoulders, letting him know she was there. His hand came up to cover one of hers and tears spilled over her cheeks.

They stayed that way for seconds, hours, minutes… She couldn’t be sure. When a young nurse entered the room to shut off the monitor and check Clara’s vitals, Shawna stepped back. She was the odd man out. She needed to go. He needed his moment with the woman closest to him. He needed his
beautiful kind of pain
.

She made her way down the long halls, and out to the parking lot, wondering if any of the people she passed were his family—wondering if she should go back. The sad reality was, no one else was there. She remembered being alone. Nobody should have to endure that pain on their own.

She turned back. She couldn’t leave him like that. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it from her pocket. It was Chloe.

You with Cash?

Shawna hurried back, texting as she walked.
I am. Gram passed just now.

By the time she reached Gram’s hallway, Chloe replied.
Nick and I r ten mins out.

The room was filled, and she stopped at the door. Cash held a little girl on his lap, cradling her sobbing frame against his chest. Shawna stepped back. He wasn’t alone anymore. He didn’t need her.

Shawna turned away before anyone noticed her and managed to make it to her car, swiping tears from her cheeks.

Shooting Chloe a final text, she pulled out of the parking lot.
I’m leaving. Family showed up. Take care of him.

Chapter Fourteen

Cash looked at the clothes set out on his bed and took a deep breath.

He could do this.

He wasn’t sure where the offer had come from for an exclusive contract with Grumps Jeans Co., but he was eternally thankful they’d come along when they did. Gram had the kind of memorial stone he’d only dreamed of because of the advance he’d received from signing with the global company. Her funeral had been beautiful and he’d been able to set up a foundation for rescue animals in her name. He couldn’t ask for much more.

So when the Grumps representative had asked him to make an appearance at their fundraiser, he felt he couldn’t say no.

It had only been a few days since Gram passed.

Life was funny, and cruelly ironic.

He hadn’t seen Shawna since the night Gram died, and he was pretty sure she’d be there tonight. She’d walked in and out of his life at pivotal moments, and he wasn’t sure where she’d gone from there. All he knew was that he wanted to thank her. For showing up. For giving Gram a focal point. For just being who she was when she wasn’t being city cold.

Shooting her a quick text, he hardened his heart. Maybe someday she’d come around. Truth was, he wanted to spend more time with her. He wanted to show her that they had something hot and instant, and that it would have gone beyond sex if she’d given it a chance. For now, all he could do was move forward.

His phone rang and he hit answer as he dressed. The woman on the other end told him his limo would arrive in five minutes.

Cash hung up and grabbed the clothes. The jeans were pretty sharp. He pulled them on, surprised by the comfortable fit. Gram’s voice lived on in his head though, because she was caterwauling about the holes at his pockets and knees.

Dang, she would have had a kitten.

Pulling the shirt and boots on, he headed out to the limo.

He waved the driver off, imagining Shawna’s reaction. She’d laugh and shake her head. Hell, he was who he was, and he’d never get used to some guy holding any door open for him.

He pulled the door closed behind him and hit the button to roll down the privacy window. “I know you have to get me to this fancy shindig, but I won’t mind if you feel the need to stop at the next neon light so we can grab a beer and a whiskey chaser before we have to deal with the Richie Rich set. Name’s Cash, by the way.”

“Allen,” the driver offered. “And I wish we could. But I’ll lose my job if I get you there late, and I have a new baby depending on my paychecks.”

“I get it,” Cash responded. “Can’t blame me for trying, you lucky bastard.”

The driver laughed and broke into a bragging session about his two-month-old son. Cash settled back and listened as his hometown of Dead End grew smaller in the distance.

Sometime later Cash heard the driver’s voice through a fog. Realizing he must have dozed off, he asked, “Where are we?”

“Houston.” The limo sliced through a city nearly as complex and convoluted as New York. “Almost there, Mr. Dillon.”

“Great.”

“Not your usual digs?” Allen asked.

“As far from it as you could get, man.”

Shawna eyed the gathering with distaste. The elegance was almost overpowering. Crystal glasses, seven courses, women and men in designer clothing. When had she lost her craving for this?

She saw numerous familiar faces, but tonight, she just didn’t want to mingle. This was more Chloe’s thing, and now with Chloe leaving and Shawna’s promotion, it had to be her thing.

Truth was, the only reason she’d really agreed to come at all was for the chance to see Cash again. The fundraiser had been the perfect excuse. She’d learned he’d signed with Grumps, but knowing Gram had passed, the chances of him showing were slim. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from scanning the crowd.

Skirting a huge ice sculpture of incredible abs and low-slung jeans, she searched for her table. There were close to a hundred cloth-covered tables arranged in the huge banquet hall, each decorated with a beautiful blue-and-white hydrangea centerpiece. The walls were laden with massive black-and-white posters of Grumps Jeans Co. models. People were milling around everywhere, and at five hundred dollars a plate, the annual Grumps charity auction was bound to rake in huge funds.

Grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing server, Shawna took a long swallow. She nearly sprayed it on the couple in front of her when she was grabbed from behind.

She swiveled in the offender’s arms to find Ian Malcolm smiling down at her.

“Lucky it’s you,” she faux-snapped, “or you’d have a black eye right now.”

He wore a sapphire-blue tuxedo with a baby blue vest. But the tie was the kicker. It was bright peach and tan. She leaned back in his embrace to really look him over. Hot-tastic. “You look like a news topic as usual, my friend.”

“Nature gave us tongues. The gods made me so I can keep them wagging. Simple,” he joked, hooking his arm through hers. “You look smashing tonight. I’m glad we’re sharing a table.”

Shawna breathed a sigh of relief. With Ian at the table, she wouldn’t have to worry about talking too much. Ian couldn’t help being the center of attention. “Show me the way.”

She was even happier to find Ian’s boyfriend, Jimmy, in attendance. She hadn’t seen him since he’d returned from a stint in Somalia with Doctors Without Borders. She adored Jimmy, but as she slid into the seat next to him, she noticed his weight loss immediately. That and his smile never really reached his eyes when he hugged her.

She reached out to grab his hand. “Are you okay?”

He nodded, taking in the people around them. Ian abandoned them almost instantly, and Jimmy relaxed. “He’s driving me crazy.”

Uh-oh. “Why?”

“Shawna, what I saw—I can’t let it go.” He shook his head. “Ian thinks I just need to get out, talk to people and get used to normal life again. But sitting here, looking at all these people unaware of the truths in the world around them… It’s hard. The waste of food tonight alone is staggering when people are starving.”

The sadness in his eyes was heartbreaking. “We should do an ice cream, bitch-session movie night soon,” she said. “That always makes us feel better.”

“I would love to.” He laughed softly. “Our date nights were always fun. But I’m going back next week. Please don’t say anything. Ian doesn’t know yet.”

“Doesn’t know what?”

Jimmy’s expression fell. He turned to face Ian. “Let’s talk about this later.”

“No,” Ian demanded. “What don’t I know?”

Jimmy reached for his arm but Ian backed away. “I have to go back.”

“No.” Ian shook his head, his face a mask of pain. “You can’t. I worried every minute. I barely slept. You have no idea what it was like waiting, wondering. You take crazy chances—even your boss said so. You need to take a step back. I know you want to help, but getting yourself killed won’t help anyone.”

He walked away then, and Jimmy followed.

Shawna stared at her champagne glass. God, relationships sucked. Both men had viable arguments, each hurting. What hit her hard was Ian’s reaction. She didn’t find it selfish. He’d spoken from the heart. He knew what Jimmy needed to do, he was just scared of him getting hurt. Of losing him.

But Jimmy’s motivation hit her harder. She understood his need to do more. Even when that risked leaving behind the person he loved. If he didn’t go, he’d always wonder, always feel like he could have made a bigger difference.

Her phone buzzed and she swallowed hard as Cash’s number appeared on her text message alert.

I don’t understand why you came to see me or Gram, but thanks for showing up. If knowing you made a mark in someone’s life was your end goal, you can cross it off the list. I won’t forget you, or the fact that we could be so much more.

So much more… Was it possible? Her heart said yes, but her brain didn’t know what to think.

“Interesting they seated us together.”

Shawna looked up to find Kalen from
Concepts
magazine staring down at her. Somewhere in the background, the MC asked everyone to be seated. Jimmy and Ian hadn’t returned, leaving her with Kalen and a couple she didn’t know.

Shaking away the remnants of regret from Cash’s text, Shawna forced a smile. “The event planners probably figured rival editors at one table would be good promo. Great PR if we chat, and even better gossip if we claw each other’s eyes out.”

“Win-win,” Kalen conceded. “You scored big with Cash’s cover. I was surprised you were in it too.”

Shawna caught the subtle snideness in the remark but didn’t bother to comment. Chloe had hit the ceiling this time. She’d created a cover everyone was talking about.
StyleU
’s sales had exploded. “We’re happy with the cover’s success.”

“No doubt,” Kalen scoffed. She raised her glass. “I’ll give you gals props for landing the hunk, but I have to say his devotion to you and Chloe was nauseating. One or both of you must have rocked his world. I couldn’t entice him away from you, and trust me when I say I tried.”

Shawna wanted to ask for details, but at that moment, the MC was asking her to come up to the stage. She grabbed her speech from her purse, staring at Kalen. “Devotion?”

“Yeah.” She huffed out a long breath. “Something about committing to
ya’ll
. Then he went on some convoluted euphemism about how a cowboy doesn’t switch hay suppliers just because one has a fancier twine holding the bales together.”

Shawna laughed. She couldn’t help it. She’d heard enough of Cash’s odd country-bumpkin slang that she could easily imagine what Kalen was talking about.

Damn. She missed that.

Walking up to the podium, she tried to focus her thoughts on her job and not the cowboy resurfacing like a redundant dream. She was the new representative for
StyleU
, and she needed to shine. This was her venue to bigger and better things. This was where she started making her mark on a world that forgot a person as quickly as it made them a star.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” she introed. “As always, Grumps Jeans Co. has outdone itself. I’m certain all of you feel the same as I do when I say I’m humbled to be a part of such an important occasion. A Home for Me is an amazing organization that has placed over sixteen thousand homeless men, women and children in shelters or homes, and I applaud Grumps Jeans Co. for supporting such an amazing organization. AHFM offers incredible life skills workshops, job search assistance and emergency funds for medical issues.

“Homelessness is an issue in every country. Here in America, it’s ridiculous that it continues. Tonight you’ll see the names and faces belonging to stories that will break your heart. As we have in the past,
StyleU
magazine is happy to work with Grumps Jeans Co. to fund, staff and coordinate new and continuing shelters nationwide.”

She paused for effect, not completely ready to share her past, but knowing she needed to. “I find myself especially close to this cause, because at seventeen, I lived on the streets, cold, scared and alone. Trust me when I say, there is nothing as humbling as finding yourself willing to do anything for food.”

Shawna lost herself in the cause. This was her time to shine. To make something of herself. To matter. Relating her life story wasn’t easy under normal circumstances, and tonight, it really came hard. Maybe it was seeing herself through Cash’s eyes, or his grandmother’s advice. Maybe it was standing in a thousand-dollar, designer-donated dress, in front of rich people, eating exotic foods and drinking ridiculously expensive champagne.

Whatever it was, she realized she’d become a hypocrite. She’d forgotten what it was like to be lost, in need, scared. She’d lost sight of her humanity for what? A job? A chance at something bigger? To leave her name written in history?

She stalled in her speech, glancing at the people seated at the tables.

This wasn’t what she’d wanted. Helping on the fringe, wearing clothes that could feed a family for a month, or sipping ninety-dollar champagne wasn’t her at all. Making a real difference, fighting homelessness in the trenches, getting down and dirty, was. Maybe only a few people would remember her if she did it her way, but they’d be people like who she used to be. Like her parents, Jimmy and Gram. Like Cash.

Setting her speech cards aside, she gripped the podium. “I forgot. I was given a chance to climb out of the pit I was in. And I forgot what it was like. Until now.”

Cash sat near the back of the banquet hall.

Shawna looked amazing, her gaze soft as she spoke to the crowd, passionate about her cause. The night she’d told him about being on her own, living on dimes, moving from foster homes to shelters, came back with a rush. She’d never told him she’d been on the streets, and his heart heaved. He couldn’t imagine this strong, beautiful woman alone and scared. The way she spoke now, from the heart, her words powerful and gripping, told everyone that she meant what she said.

He glanced around. Almost everyone in the room was focused on her. How could they not? She was magic. She tugged at heartstrings. And damn it all, he loved her for it.

“…abuse victims, natural disasters, fires, veterans, all starting over. Can you imagine knowing that you didn’t have a warm shelter, or worse, that you couldn’t provide one for your family?” She paused dramatically. “Now imagine what you could give up in your own life. Pedicures? That new pair of designer shoes? How would going a day without food feel? What about two or three?”

The room was silent.

“Life can be brilliant and amazing,” she continued. “And it can be cruel and dark. Just when we think we have it figured out, life rearranges the cards. No one is safe from a drastic fall. No one is safe from finding themselves lost, alone and beaten down. Chances are, even if you don’t realize it, someone you know, or knew, has ended up homeless.”

Her message was powerful and real and evocative. Cash found himself standing. He hadn’t thought much about the fundraiser other than its inconvenience and the nagging feeling of needing to be here because of the contract. Now, after hearing her speak, he understood why she so passionately wanted to help change the world.