Take My Dress Off (8 page)

This was the second time I had heard this request tonight but this time it was sincere. It didn’t take long to make a decision as I glanced at his magnificent shirtless body sprawled next to me. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” I walked back outside to Donny and Danielle who were in a tight embrace, his tall body folded over hers.

“Donny, can you take Danielle home? I’m going to stay.”

“Stay?” They both chimed.

“Shh! Yes.” I plucked my car keys out of Danielle’s hand. “Maddie thinks I’m at your house anyway so I’m covered.” Danielle nodded and headed off through the grass. “And get Dillon out of my car,” I called after her.

Donny stared at me with a strange expression I couldn’t quite make out.  “Good night,” he said and jogged away after Danielle.

I went back into Chaz’s room. He hadn’t moved. I kicked off my boots, slipped out of my shirt and skirt, but left on my bra and underwear. I slid in next to him.

“C’mere,” he growled and pulled me to him. “Staying?”

“Yes, I’m here,” I whispered, reaching up to stroke his cheek. “Do you want to talk?”

He shook his head and his eyes closed. “I just want to hold you.”

I clung to his bare chest as his hands gently caressed my back. I wondered how long before he would pull away. So far our make-out sessions had been pretty brief and incredibly frustrating, he was always holding back. He surprised me when his lips brushed across mine. Every nerve in my body awakened and I had to remind myself that I wasn’t dreaming. His hands traveled down my back and cupped my butt as he pushed his tongue between my teeth. Our tongues entwined and tangled as he rolled on top of me and settled between my legs. His demanding desire pressed against my pubic bone and I didn’t want to stop him but I knew I wasn’t ready to go where he wanted to go. He released my lips from his and we both gasped for air as the heat rose from our sweaty bodies. He slipped his hands between my back and the mattress and unhooked my bra. Eager hands pushed under the cups and caressed my breasts as a million tiny fireworks went off in my chest.

“Let me kiss them.”

He didn’t wait for an answer and lowered his head to my breasts, sucking the sensitive buds to hard points as I buried my hands in his hair. When his hand slipped under the waistband of my underwear alarms went off in my head. No matter how good this felt and how much I didn’t want him to stop, I had to stop him.

Now.

If we didn’t stop there was no going back. His fingers hooked into the elastic and he started to slip my underwear down my hips.

“Chaz, stop.” I reached for his hands.

“What’s wrong?”

I pulled his head up and looked into his glassy eyes. He was high.

“Chaz, I don’t want our first time to be like this.”

He lifted up on his elbows and tried to focus on my eyes. “It’s okay. You know I love you.”

He loves me?

“Let’s sleep on this for now,” I said and wrapped the sheet around me. I rolled over and snuggled my back into him. Two guys had tried to fuck me tonight, one drunk, one high.
Brilliant.
He scooped his arms under me and pulled me against his chest in a smothering hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he sniffed. I could feel his tears falling into my hair. We fell asleep and at dawn I slipped out of his embrace. I kissed him on the cheek and told him I had to go. He didn’t open his eyes but he smiled.

***

“What happened?”

“We almost did it.”

“No fucking joke!”

I took the phone into the bathroom and shut the door. Maddie was outside sunbathing but I didn’t want to take any chances.

“Tell me everything,” Danielle demanded. I told her. Everything. Danielle was the expert on relationships. She knew everything about sex. “Holy shit! People always want sex when they’re grieving. I read it in
Cosmo
. Are you going to see him today? When is the funeral?”

Funeral?
I hadn’t even thought about that.

“I don’t know. Should I call him?” I soaked a cotton ball in acetone.

“No, his house is probably crazy right now. Wait for the smoke to clear. He’ll call you when he can.”

“I hope he isn’t mad at me for last night.” I wiped the soaked cotton ball over a green polished toe.

“Why would he be mad at you? You went pretty far,” she giggled.

“If he even remembers,” I muttered. “Do you think he’ll remember?” I soaked another cotton ball.

“Uh… duh.”

“Have you heard from Shane?”

“No. Fuck him. He had his thirty seconds of heaven. We’re so over. Moving on.” That was Danielle’s way of saying we weren’t going to talk about it.

I changed the subject. “Did Donny get you home okay?”

“Yeah and get this. Right as we got to my house Dillon puked all over the back seat.”

I laughed so hard I knocked the bottle of acetone onto the floor. “Shit! Danielle, I gotta go.” She was still laughing as I hung up the phone.

I didn’t call Chaz, at first. I took Danielle’s advice and waited for him to call me. The next day I called several times, getting a busy signal each time. Finally, I got through but it was the answering machine. I left a brief message for Chaz to call me. Another day went by, still nothing. I went to Jen’s to swim, slowing down as I passed Chaz’s house but his car wasn’t there. When it started to get cloudy we got out of the pool and rode the horses down the dirt road. Now his car was in the driveway.

“What should I do?” I asked Jen as I tangled my fingers in Goldy’s blond mane.

“Go up and ring the doorbell like a normal person and quit stalking this poor family.”

“He doesn’t live in the main house, he lives in the guest house in the back.”

“So go back there.”

I slid down from Goldy’s back and gave the reins to Jen. I jogged up the driveway and was about to cross over to the side gate when the front door opened.

“Hey,” Chaz said coolly. He looked awful, like he hadn’t slept in days and there were dark circles under his dull-green eyes. His face looked older and the lines were sharper. He was wearing dark blue swim trunks and a wrinkled black Depeche Mode t-shirt.

“I was worried about you. I called and left a message.”

“I got it, thank you.” He didn’t invite me in. We stood in awkward silence.

“So, I was worried.”

“You said that.”

“Chaz, what’s wrong?” I pleaded. “I’ve missed you so much.” I reached out to him and he stepped back.

“I’m sure Dillon’s been keeping you company.” He stood in the doorway stiffly.

“Dillon? I don’t understand…”

“Cut the shit, Paige. I heard you were making out with him at Piper’s party.” His eyes were cold.

“Who told you that?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Chaz stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind him.

“Well, it’s not true.”
Not really.

“You two weren’t going at it in the garage?” He crossed his arms over his chest and glared, his beautiful green eyes clouded with shadows.

I felt my throat tightening, a sour taste creeping up. “So that’s why you’ve totally been blowing me off? Why didn’t you just ask me?” I put my hands on my hips. “You just automatically assume the worst of me, great. I’m so glad we have trust.” I felt tears building behind my lids. I didn’t want to cry.
Please don’t cry
.

“Dillon was drunk,” I continued. “HE came on to ME, like he always does.” I was raising my voice.
Stop raising your voice.
“I was looking for Danielle and he trapped me in the garage. You know how he gets, Chaz.”
How I get…

“So you’re not interested in getting back with him?”

“Of course not. I told him about us and he got angry. That’s when he told me about your… dad.” Chaz winced and closed his eyes. “As soon as I heard we left and came right over.”

Chaz stared at the ground and stroked his bare foot rhythmically over the welcome mat as I shifted on my legs from side to side. Goldy snorted and I turned to see Jen yanking the reins to stop the gelding from eating the well-manicured grass. It was painfully apparent our conversation had ended. I turned to leave.

“Okay,” said Chaz.

I stopped and turned back to him. “Okay? What does that mean?”

“I believe you,” he said and pulled me to him. He stroked my hair and nuzzled into my neck. I could feel his tears falling against my skin.

“Chaz, I would never intentionally hurt you.”

“I know,” he sniffed. “Paige, I’m sorry. I’m so fucked up, everything hurts so fucking bad right now I can’t even think.”

“What can I do?”

He stepped back, his green eyes shiny. He looked over my head and waved to Jen. “Take me for a ride.”

Chaz slipped on checkered Vans and we walked hand in hand over to where Jen was waiting with the horses. He pushed me up onto Goldy and I pulled him up behind me. We continued down the road, his hands circling my waist, his head resting on my shoulder. Jen chatted excitedly about getting ready for college and as summer raindrops began to fall the world fell away and everything, for this brief moment, was perfect.

***

Later, that evening, I stood in the back of the small church in Mission San Luis Rey as people filtered in for Chaz’s father’s funeral. I had never seen a dead body before so I was a little freaked out. But I knew I had to be strong for Chaz. He greeted guests and comforted his mom and sisters. Donny came in with Danielle and gave Chaz a pat on the back the way guys do when they don’t want to get emotional. I felt useless but I knew from Chaz’s brief glances that he was glad I was there.

Chaz’s mom had the same summer golden hair and green eyes as Chaz but his sisters were brunettes and took after their father. I wished that I was meeting his mom and sisters on a happier occasion but they were warm and friendly. Mrs. Serna thanked me for coming and insisted I sit in the front row with the rest of the family. Chaz’s Uncle Oscar spoke first, then his Uncle Victor followed by Chaz’s sisters, Sandy and Kelly. Mrs. Serna couldn’t say anything. She stayed seated and sat stiffly.

Chaz spoke eloquently of his father and handled his eulogy with the maturity of someone much older. He was confident and beautiful as he stood behind the podium in a charcoal suit and dark navy dress shirt. He glanced at me for reassurance and I felt so proud of him. My heart swelled with love for this young man who suddenly had big shoes to fill. Father Ignacio closed the wake with a benediction in Spanish that I didn’t understand. Everyone chanted in response to the phrases and I felt awkward because I wasn’t Catholic and I didn’t speak Spanish so I sat silently.  Later that evening, as we sat in the idling Mustang in my driveway, Chaz thanked me for coming.

“I didn’t feel like I did much, more in the way than anything.”

He reached out to stroke my cheek. “I couldn’t have gone through that without you. Just knowing you were there meant the world to me.”

“You asking me to be there meant the world to me.”

He helped me out of the car and walked me up to the front door. I asked him if he wanted to come in for a little while as Maddie was at work.

“I wish I could but I have to get back to the house. We have a lot of people coming over and I don’t want my mom stressing out trying to entertain them.”

“I understand,” I said softly.

“I’ll call you later,” he said and leaned down to kiss me. Then he kissed me again, then again, each time more demanding. He pressed me up against the door, his tongue pushing between my teeth as his hands ran down the sides of my black lace blouse. His hands settled under my skirt and I cried out as he lifted me up against the door. I looked over his shoulder as he held me there, his lips grazing my neck. A neighbor walked by with his dog and peered at us.

“Chaz?”

“Paige?

“We shouldn’t be making out on my porch.”

“Sorry, you’re right,” he said and set me down gently.

I opened the door and pulled him in behind me. He closed the door and turned to press me up against it, his tongue searching for mine. We made our way to Maddie’s formal living room sofa. His body covered mine as his hands tugged my blouse out of the band of my black pleated skirt. I could feel his arousal pressing into me and I reached down to feel his desire.

I wanted him.

Now.

I freed his shirt from his slacks and ran my hands up his back, gliding my fingers over his muscles that stretched and relaxed under my touch. I reached down and searched for his belt, tugging and releasing the buckle from the leather. Chaz stilled and hung over me, his eyes wide and wild as he gazed into mine.

“What’s wrong?” I tried to catch my breath. My heart was pounding and I was aching for his touch.

“This is,” he said and sat back against the sofa. He ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, Paige,” he said and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “I want you so bad right now but this isn’t right. I’m such a mess right now. I don’t want to be alone.”

“You don’t have to be.” I sat up and took his hand into mine.