Taken In by the Pack: Second Chances (21 page)

“Look, Adalyn, I’m sorry.” He looked back to me then, his eyes sharp and so intense they almost seemed to glow. It was as though he were trying to make me believe him by sheer force of will. “I don’t know how else to say it. Leaving you was the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I didn’t have a choice, and I thought giving you a clean break was the best thing for you. I see that was wrong now, but I can’t go back and change it. Fuck, you have no idea how badly I wish I could, wish I could go back and tell myself that I didn’t have to leave you, that we didn’t have to have these years of pain and separation.” His voice broke, more than once, from the emotion behind his words.

I just listened, watching him in silence, though his image grew rather blurry from half-formed tears before he was finished, especially given how rough his voice became. How would my life have been different if he
had
known then? So much pain, so much bitterness and distrust, so many nights crying myself to sleep, all gone. Him by my side, supporting one another, all these years.

I suppose most people would just assume it would have been replaced with some other pain, but somehow I didn’t think that would have been the case with me and Bryson. We just seemed to fit together so well, all of this confusion and distress because of the shape-shifter issue notwithstanding. I don’t think we really argued even once the whole time we were dating in high school.

Not to say we were exactly alike, far from it. In most ways we were complete opposites. But opposites in a complementary way; strengths in one shoring up weaknesses in the other. We disagreed, but we always had a way of talking it out, of either convincing one or the other or reaching a compromise.

“I can’t fix the past, Ada, but we can fix the future. We don’t have to hurt anymore; we don’t have to be alone.” His tone was taking on a pleading timbre, and it tugged at my heart again. Miss Madge must have been right; we must have bonded to each other all those years ago. This just wasn’t normal, feeding off each other’s emotions like this. Was it? I’d certainly never experienced it with anyone else.

“We don’t have to ever be alone again, Adalyn. We can be together. I want to be with you; gods above, I want to be with you so bad it hurts.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears himself. He took a step forward, as if he wanted to come to me, to take me in his arms again, but he stopped himself. He looked at me with those honey-brown eyes, full of pleading.

❖ ❖ ❖

I looked at him, one emotion after another flashing through my mind like a slots machine; I had about as much idea where it would land as a slots machine, as well.

Snarky anger won out, apparently. “But you’ll only have me if I have your babies, right?” I spat and him, narrowing my eyes. My heart was racing again, and I was trembling slightly. Why was I being so emotional lately, having such wild mood swings? He’d implied it had to do with being around the wolves. I assumed it was coming
from
them, and some of it at least seemed to be, but was it coming from within me as well?

He looked taken aback at my angry words, his eyes widening and her head jerking as if from a physical blow. He held up his hands in a warding gesture. “It’s not like that, Ada!”

“That’s sure what it sounded like you were saying to me! If that’s not how it is, then please enlighten me, how is it exactly?”

He frowned again, his own eyes narrowing a bit, though it looked more thoughtful than angry. “I’m the Alpha of this pack, by right of blood and by consensus of the pack. And even more than that, my family is one of the strongest bloodlines. I
have
to have a shifter mate, who will give me shifter children. It’s my responsibility and obligation. It just so happens to also be the best way to ensure your wolf blood wins out and enable you to shift.”

I started to object, to say how that sure sounded like he’d only have me if I had his babies, but he held up a hand, talking over me.

“That doesn’t mean it has to be
now
, though! I wouldn’t want you to get pregnant now, either! We’re both students, and even though the pack would never let us, and certainly not any potential children, go hungry. . . Well, that’s just— not right, particularly for the Alpha pair.”

Alpha pair? Wait, what?
I had the oddest jolting-sideways feeling as new thoughts occurred to me.

“Alpha pair?” I finally asked, my voice thready.

He raised a brow. “Of course. The Alpha male and the Alpha female.” He said it so matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I was beginning to feel light-headed; I slid down the counter to one of the barstools tucked under it, and tugged it out so I could perch on it to keep myself from collapsing.

“So, wait— let me get this straight— if I agree to this, I’d be, what, like your queen or something?”

His brows rose and he snickered a bit. “Well, that seems a bit dramatic, but, I suppose the comparison is valid as far as it goes.”

I am sure to many people that would have been unbelievably tempting, but to me it was mostly just terrifying. I wondered idly if he had been terrified like that when he found out he was to become the Alpha of the pack before he’d even shifted for the first time himself, and thus hadn’t really been involved with the pack much, yet.

“That— that explains a few things about your grandmother, I suppose.” I smiled tremulously.

He actually laughed at that, a laugh that reached his eyes, making him seem both warmer and younger, more like his actual age. “Yeah, she and Poppa were the head of the pack for a very long time. She respects my authority, of course, but it can be hard for her to hold back sometimes, especially if she thinks I’m being a — what did you call me? Furbrain?” He grinned.

“So, what you’re saying is, it’s always hard for her to hold back?” I grinned in return.

He pouted at me, but it was a playful expression; his eyes were still smiling, still dancing with humor.

❖ ❖ ❖

After a few moments, his face grew more somber again, though clearly in a lighter mood now; his posture seemed more relaxed, and his eyes were warm.

“In all seriousness, though. I just want to be with you, Ada. Gram thinks I bonded with you back in Charlottesville, and especially after being around you again now, I don’t think she’s wrong.” I felt a warm fluttering deep inside as he said that; more and more I thought she was not wrong, too. “But I thought then that it wasn’t possible for us to stay together, that I had to find a shape-shifter, a wolf, to continue my bloodline.” His voice was filled with regret, and he sounded so very earnest that I couldn’t doubt that he meant every word he said.

“Now, though, we know that you can bear me shifter children. Like I said, not now, not before you’re ready. But eventually. If you’re willing to eventually become a shifter by bearing me children, we can be together.” His rough, emotional edge to his voice and his fixated expression were so intense, so powerful, it was difficult to keep thinking clearly.

“Why can’t your issues be a deadbeat dad, or a crazy sister, or a meddlesome overprotective mother? Why does it have to be something like this?” I pouted at him overly-theatrically, pushing my bottom lip out. He laughed, shaking his head.

“Believe me, sometimes I wish my life was that simple. It’s not all bad, though. It’s not even mostly bad, if you ask me. Sure, there are some drawbacks, but the perks outweigh them by a wide margin in my opinion.”

I swept my eyes slowly but pointedly up and down his tall frame. “Some perks are better than others, I’m sure.” I smirked a bit, and he responded with another of those eye-crinkling grins.

“To be sure. But man, I think the best perk I could think of would be to run through the night, on the hunt, with you beside me.”

My insides went all warm and melty at that; it was all I could do to stop a whimper. It sounded like an odd compliment, but I understood enough about these wolves now that I could appreciate it for what it was.

“It would mean giving up almost everything besides the pack, though, wouldn’t it?” I asked, proud that my voice only trembled slightly.

He winced slightly, but nodded. “Not completely, of course, but yeah, it’s hard to maintain many connections with normal humans.” I must have made quite a face, because he nearly tripped over his words in his hurry to continue. “It wouldn’t be as dramatic as when I left Charlottesville, though, it’s not like you have to just disappear. But as you’ve already seen, just being around us is starting to affect you, starting to change you. It’s— it’s almost like another puberty, when your wolf nature starts to assert itself, and you have to learn to balance yourself all over again.”

I grimaced. Puberty had not been a fun time for me; I had been overly emotional even for a hormonal teen. “Well, that explains a lot, I suppose.”

He chuckled softly. “Well, the sooner you embrace it, the sooner you can get stabilized at your ‘new normal’, as it were.” He paused, then swallowed, looking suddenly a bit pale. “Or— or deny it, I suppose. You do have the option of just walking away. It’s an option none of us had, but being a halfbreed you do. I don’t know how many of us would have chosen this life, or a normal human one, had we been given the option.”

❖ ❖ ❖

I pursed my lips, considering, watching him. “I— I
think
I want to. Embrace the wolf, I mean. Part of me definitely wants to.” His face lit up, like a child given a lollipop, and it was hard to make myself continue, but I managed it.

“I just don’t know if I
should
. We were so perfect back in high school, but now…” I trailed off with a little sigh, shaking my head. “I don’t know. There’s so much I don’t know, so much you haven’t told me. Things I need to know in order to make this decision, this irrevocable decision that will change the entire course of my life.

“A lack of communication this severe doesn’t seem like the most stable of foundations for a relationship. And then there’s just this — whatever it is — between us. Sometimes it almost feels more like you’re offering me all this because your hormones or your wolfy side or whatever it is tells you that you have to, or even just as a way to get me into the pack. If I am going to consider consigning myself to someone for life, I want— well, more than that,” I finished lamely, but I hoped he understood my meaning.

He just stared at me for a long moment, his mouth slightly slack, his eyes a bit wider than normal. I began to wonder if I’d broken his brain somehow.
It would certainly be fair if I did, as often as he’s left me too stunned to think straight!
As the seconds ticked by, I grew more and more uncomfortable, though. He wasn’t just going to stand there in my living room staring at me all day, was he?

Finally, after a minute or two, he literally shook himself all over, like a dog shaking off water. I had to stop myself from giggling at the movement.

Impulses to giggle were quickly forgotten, though, as he stepped forward, and before I could process what was happening, he had closed the small distance between us, and my face was framed by his big hands, as if they had simply materialized there. He lowered his head, looking into my eyes, our noses no more than an inch or two apart. I was completely mesmerized, returning his gaze in surprise and awe. The heat of him, his sheer physical presence, took my breath away, but in the best possible way. I could feel that knot deep in my belly again, like a spring coiling tighter.

“Obviously, I have been every bit as unclear as Gram accused me of being, and you deserve far better than that. I can only promise to try to be better about it.” His voice was deep and husky with his emotions, but soft as velvet, too. The spring inside me coiled tighter still.

“I love you, Adalyn Royse. It breaks my heart to think you weren’t even sure of that fact. I’ve always loved you, and I will always love you.”

My eyes filled with tears again, but before I could gather myself enough to respond, he pressed his lips to mine in a kiss. Not just a kiss; a deep, passionate kiss, and there was no room left to doubt his words, to doubt that yes, he absolutely loved me.

Chapter Fourteen

All my doubts, all my reservations, all my questions — they all just melted away under the heat of that kiss. I felt like
I
was melting. My heart was racing, and I could feel my body beginning to tremble under the onslaught of desire.

His big hands slid down my body slowly, arms wrapping around me, tender and supportive. How could I doubt how he felt? Like the song says, if you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss. It said far more than mere words ever could. His kiss was warm and tender, it was passionate and supportive; it was every girl’s dream kiss, and more besides.