Taking Chances (16 page)

He looked up, smiling, and leaned over the top of her, “I told you I was going to taste every part of you.”

“No one’s ever… I have never felt…’ Her voice was weak as she tried to speak between breaths but found it difficult to even form a full sentence. 

“Is it too much? I can stop?”

Clair shook her head, raking her fingers down his neck. “No, please don’t. I want to feel you inside of me.”

He brushed the hair away from her eyes, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. He searched her face; as if looking for any hint of uncertainty.

“Don’t you want me?” she asked, worried he might have changed his mind.

“More than anything.”

“Then take me… make love to me.”

Alex kissed her lips, “Let me put something on,” he said, as he pushed away from her and sat on the side of the bed. She watched him reach into the drawer of his nightstand and open it. He pulled out a small silver square from inside the drawer. Clair couldn’t help but wonder how often he’d been in that drawer, doing exactly the same thing with other women? But she knew that if that were the case, it was part of his past and she decided it didn’t matter. She wanted him, no matter what his past relationships might have been.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Clair

Alex lay on his side next to her and Clair turned to face him. She twisted her legs between his and her eyes closed automatically when he stroked his hand across her cheek. Alex slid his hand down her neck, sweeping her hair back behind her. The mood had shifted, the urgency gone, but the passion still showed in his sensual touch. Clair kept her eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of his hand as it traced her curves. Goose bumps rose over her skin and she felt his breath against her lips before he kissed her. She opened her mouth, allowing him to slip his tongue inside. Soft and tenderly he kissed her, his hand roaming over her body until it found her breast, where his fingers pulled and rubbed at her nipple. 

The pace was slow and steady as Alex built the hunger inside of her. She wrapped her leg over his hip, spreading herself open to him. His hand played between her legs, caressing the tender skin. Clair shifted her hip hard against his hand, moaning loudly against his chest when he slipped his fingers inside her. He growled in her hair, whispering something about her wetness but she wasn’t coherent enough to hear his words.

She couldn’t handle the teasing any longer; she had to feel him inside her. “Now,” she breathed, gripping his shoulders. He pulled his hand away, pressing her back to the mattress before sliding deep into her. Clair gasped, as she enveloped him. Slowly he pulled in and out of her. Alex looked at her, as if testing her reaction. But it didn’t hurt. Even though she hadn’t had sex in a while, what Alex was doing to her felt incredibly good. She slid her hands down his back, pushing her hips into him with every thrust he made. Seeing he wasn’t hurting her, Alex rocked back and forth harder, moving in and out, increasing his speed with every stroke.

A shock burst through her core, so intense, Clair gripped his upper arms, digging her nails into him. She cried out, a loud moan escaping her mouth. Her body convulsed, the sensation that ran through her felt as if she were releasing years of disillusionment. The emotions she desperately wanted to share with someone she loved pumped through her. It was the most amazing feeling she’d ever experienced.

Alex breathed heavily into the crook of her neck, the rhythm of their bodies becoming one. He lifted his upper body off her slightly. His breath blew over her face as he pushed faster and harder into her. Crushing his mouth over hers, he plunged his tongue deep inside, nipping her bottom lip with his teeth.  His head bent beside her, as he pressed his face into her hair. Then he grunted, his rhythm slowing, but his thrust kept pushing hard into her. With a final push, his body tensed, firm and ridged before he exhaled, lying on top of her. He cupped her face with his palms, rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs, and kissed her gently. Pressing his forehead to hers, Clair could feel the sweat on his brow. They lay together in silence for a moment, their breaths coming out as one, savoring the beauty of what they just enjoyed from each other.

Alex rolled to his side, laying his arm across her stomach as he moved his head to the corner of her pillow. After kissing her several times on the shoulder, he said, “I don’t even know what to say… that was… great.”

His words pierced through her. Clair couldn’t help but remember the road she’d been down before. She wanted to believe this was different, that he was different, but she couldn’t. Would he be similar to the last guy who claimed he loved her? Alex had yet to say he loved her, and she didn’t know if he would. She wanted to believe Alex felt as much for her as she was starting to feel for him, but didn’t know if it was her own delusions making her imagine everything. The negativity seeped through her, overwhelming her mind and she didn’t know what to believe. Tears welled up and slipped from her closed eyes, dropping into her hair. Quickly, she wiped the tears, hoping Alex wouldn’t see, but she was too late. He leaned over her, his face full of concern, and wiped her cheek.

“What’s wrong Clair? Did I hurt you?”

“No,” she said, sitting up. She pulled the sheet over her chest. “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t…”

“A mistake?
Really? Is that what you think? What the hell, Clair!” he said, his voice rising. “Are you serious right now?

“No, that’s not how I meant it. Getting this involved with someone again… I promised I wouldn’t let it happen. I’m sorry. I just can’t go through it again. It’s best if I just leave.” Clair looked down, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “It’s okay though. You got a good time out of it and you’re commitment free… and I don’t have to worry about getting my heart broken. It works out well for the both of us.”

“What? You think I just wanted a good time?” he asked, shocked.

“I’m sorry, but…”

“This isn’t a game to me, Clair. You’re just not some random girl and a quick fuck.”

She gasped, stunned at his words. Fat tears streamed down her face, knowing he was mad at her.  Alex closed his eyes.

He looked at her, grabbing her hand from her lap. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just… what we just shared, that was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had. I’ve never felt like that with anyone. Like I told you before, I have feelings for you and I don’t want to be with anyone but you.”

Alex pulled the sheet over his lap and scooted closer to Clair. He cupped her cheek in his hand and she leaned into it, feeling the warmth and comfort of his touch. “Tell me what happened. What did he do to make you so guarded and afraid to let people in?

“Are you sure you want to hear my sob story? I was pretty naive.”

“I want to know everything about you, the good and the bad.”

Clair nodded, taking a deep breath before she spoke. “It was over a year ago.  One night, my roommate, Jessica, and I had gone out to a club to hear her boyfriend’s band play. That was the night I met Seth. He was different from anyone else I’d ever met. For one, he was only interested in me and not Jessica, which was nice for a change. That one night of hanging out turned into six months of dating. I saw him nearly every day during the week and sometimes on the weekends. Usually he left on Fridays and I wouldn’t see him again until the following Monday night.” Clair let out a dull laugh and shook her head, “Thinking back on it, I should have known. It seems so obvious now.”

“What happened?”

“We were out having dinner one night. He left to use the bathroom and while he was gone, his cell phone rang next to me on the table, so I answered it. The woman on the phone said she was his wife. When Seth came back to the table and saw me on his phone, it was pretty much the end of things.” Clair stared off in the distance. She felt Alex’s fingers drawing circles inside the palm of her hand.

“The bad part is, it wasn’t so much that he was married that hurt me,” she said softly, dropping her head. “I thought I was
in love with him. I expected him to tell me that he was sorry and that he was leaving his wife, or that they were separated or divorced... something believable. But he didn’t. Instead, Seth said he never had any intentions of leaving his wife for me, especially since she was pregnant.” Clair closed her eyes, picturing Seth sitting in front of her, confessing to his lies. She knew she didn’t love him anymore, but the memory of his betrayal still hurt when she thought about what he did to her. Clair rubbed her eyes, feeling more tears welling up.

Alex gripped her hand, “Clair, you don’t have to do this. I’ve heard enough, I can see how badly he hurt you.”

“No it’s okay. It’s time I told someone.”

“What? You haven’t told anyone about this? What about your friend, Jessica?”

“No, I never got the chance. The night I found out about Seth, I took a taxi home. I couldn’t stand to be near him and refused to let him take me. I was devastated over it and Jessica wasn’t home. I cried myself to sleep and woke up the next morning to Jessica jumping on my bed, showing me her engagement ring.” Clair smiled, remembering the look on her face.

“I couldn’t tell her. She was just too happy and I didn’t want to bring her down and ruin her moment. A couple days later, she told me her fiancé wanted her to move in with him, which was great, but I had to either move out or start paying the full rent all by myself. I could hardly afford paying my half of the rent as it was, so I knew that wouldn’t work. And there was no way in hell I was moving back home. Jessica thought I was moving in with a relative, which was the easiest thing to tell her. I didn’t want her worrying over me. She was starting a new life.”

“You just walked away, didn’t you?” Alex asked.

“Yep, I packed my bag and just started walking. I was tired of caring about anyone or myself. It was the stupidest and hardest thing I’ve ever done, but at least I was by myself, with no one else to worry about.  It took me six months to get here to Virginia with all the stops I made. I never stayed long anywhere. I didn’t plan on staying here either. But I guess everything happens for a reason, right? If I hadn’t gone through all of that,
how would I have gotten the chance to meet you?”

“I don’t care how you got here,” he said, reaching for her face and kissing her on the forehead. “I’m just glad you’re here with me now.”  Alex pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her neck. “Thank you for telling me your story,” he mumbled in her hair.

“You wanted me to take a chance, right? I’m trying.”

“That’s all I can ask for.”

Clair sighed when she saw the clock. God, it’s already ten, she thought. “I can’t believe it’s already so late. What time are you supposed to meet Stu in the morning?”

“He wants me at his place at five-thirty.”

Clair’s face fell. She didn’t want the night to be over already. “Oh, that’s early. You better take me home so you can get packed and plenty of rest before your long drive.” She slipped from the bed and crossed the room, collecting her clothing from the floor. Clair felt shy being naked in front of him, despite the fact that he just explored every inch of her bare body. She hurried to the bathroom.

After getting dressed, she found Alex sitting on the edge of the couch, his forearms resting on his knees. He wore sweatpants, although his chest was bare. He stared at the coffee table in front of him, not looking up when Clair sat beside him.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier. Are you still mad at me?”

Alex turned to her, “Mad?
No, not at all. I mean, I’m not going to pretend what you said didn’t hurt. But from what you just told me, it really explains a lot. I understand now why you belittle yourself and why you’re scared to trust other people... to trust me.”

Clair scooted closer, her hip touching his, and leaned her forehead on his shoulder, wrapping her arm around his back. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be. It’s like a reflex. I’ve had this wall up for so long… it’s going to take a while to knock it down. But I actually feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I should have told someone… you, sooner what I went through with Seth. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

Alex turned and angled his body towards her, brushing the hair over her shoulder. He skimmed his finger down the side of her jaw, kissing her lips lightly. “Will you do me a favor?”

Clair nodded.

“Stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s up to me to earn your trust and I’ll do whatever it takes… if you still want me around.”

“Yes, of course I do.”

He kissed her on the forehead. “Good. I was hoping you’d stay that.” Alex looked at his watched and sighed. “It’s getting late and I know you have to work tomorrow, so I better take you home.”

“I have an idea.” Clair said.

“What’s that?”

“Stay with me. Let me help you pack. I have to be in at six and you can drop me off early before you go to Stu’s. But that’s only if you want to. I just want to spend whatever time I can with you until you leave. If you say no, it’s okay.”

Alex grinned, “I’m already packed. You get the food and I’ll get my bags.”

It took them less than fifteen minutes to gather their things and go to Clair’s house. It was no surprise that Roz wasn’t home; she was probably with Stu. Clair changed into a tank top and shorts and reheated the Chinese food they were supposed to eat hours ago. After working a full shift that morning, making love to Alex, and talking about what happened to her with Seth, Clair felt exhausted. She wanted to lie down and rest but didn’t want to feel like she was wasting what little time she had left to spend with Alex.

He sat beside her on the couch with his eyes closed. Her own eyes were getting heavy and Clair knew she’d fall asleep any second. She grabbed his hand, “Come on, I need to lie down, I’m so tired.”

Clair pulled the covers back and lay down in the middle of the bed. Alex took his shirt off and climbed in beside her, bringing the covers up over them.  Alex wrapped his arms around her waist. His skin was warm, and Clair snuggled up
close to him, pulling him into her arms. He slid his hand under the back of her shirt, lightly fingering a random pattern across her back. His touch soothed her and she closed her eyes, relishing the comfort of being with him.

There was still a little voice in her head that kept telling her this wouldn’t work. That Alex will come to realize it was a mistake, she was a mistake. But she couldn’t let the doubt plague her mind anymore. Not now. She only needed to concentrate on what was in front of her - Alex.