Taking Chances (13 page)

“It’s fine. I was just upset because you said that to Greg after you had just told me we weren’t having revenge sex.”

“Listen, I’m not gonna lie. It felt good throwing that in his face— better than punching him even. But I wasn’t lying about it not being revenge or rebound sex or whatever. I was in love with you, Audrey. Look, here we are,” he said. There he went, using that L-word again.

“We’re going rock climbing?” I asked looking at the large building in front of us, giggling.

“Indoor rock climbing,” he corrected me.

“Let’s go,” I said.

“You’re not even gonna fight me on it, saying you’re too scared or some crap like that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I know you’ll protect me,” I said. It was true. If I’d learned anything from our times together in St. Thomas and then at my parents’, it was that he was a good man. He wouldn’t let me fall. Even then, though, my arms and legs shook in intervals as I repelled down the rock mountain. He was the one at the bottom with my life in his hands. I never laughed so hard as when he went up in the air and kept asking if I was sure I could hold him up. I’d never seen him so nervous before, and it was cute. When we were both safely on the ground and done with our adventure, he asked if I was hungry.

“Famished,” I said, and he took us to a nearby French bistro where we had croissant sandwiches and tea outside.

“Thanks for a lovely date,” I said. It had been a fun day, but not exactly conducive to romance.

“You’re welcome. Thanks for coming,” he said. When he dropped me off, he walked me to my door and said goodbye. He didn’t kiss me, and he said nothing about coming inside. I went in confused but happy we’d had a good time.

An hour later I got a text from Harvey:
So I’m trying to be patient and play it cool, but I have to tell you that the only thing I’ve been thinking about since I saw you last night in that lace dress is taking it off.

I text him back right away:
Why don’t you come on over and do that then?

He replied instantly:
On my way.

I gave a little yelp and jumped in the shower, drying myself quickly, and applying lotion to my arms and legs. I put on one of my unused teddies and slipped a silk robe on top. Looking at myself in the mirror, I played with my hair, seeing which way was sexiest until I heard a knock at the door. I braced myself, opened it, and gave Harvey a shy smile. He must have showered because he wore a polo and khaki shorts now, but that didn’t matter because soon they would be coming right off. When he walked in, I closed the door behind him and turned around to offer him something to drink.

Before the words left my mouth, he came up to me, placed his hand on the door above me, and pulled me to him with his other arm. I watched his hungry eyes as we finally came crashing into a kiss I wished would never end. He lit me like a match, and I thought I’d burn up right then and there. We were all over each other, up against my kitchen counter, falling on my couch. He admired my lingerie when my robe slipped from my shoulders, and then he picked me up and carried me to my bedroom.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he said, admiring my nearly naked body. I tried not to be so embarrassed, but I was. The blush in my cheeks spread over me, and I pulled him on top of me.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I said to him when he kissed my neck.

“I can believe it. It’s where I’ve wanted to be for so long,” he said, his voice thick as he reached for my breasts.

I moaned softly and asked, “What took you so long?”

His lips found their way back to mine, and after a long string of kisses, we parted long enough for him to say, “I don’t know. I was dumb, thinking you didn’t want me.”

“Does it look like I don’t want you?” I asked, reaching down to his shorts. He was already hard.

“No, I’d say you’re really into me,” he laughed. I giggled, and then he ripped off the rest of our clothing. We were no longer Harvey and Audrey, but one perfectly concerted being. Our only thoughts were of the other, and I melted with each touch, each kiss, each sound he made. As our rhythm intensified, my own sounds echoed the euphoria of each sensation.

He gave me more with each thrust, and I welcomed it— No, I begged for it. He was everything I didn’t know was missing in my life. I realized just how close I’d come to losing this chance forever, and I gripped his arms tightly. Sensing my desperation, Harvey flipped me over. He pushed my hair out of the way and ran his fingers down my back. Already I missed having him inside me, but the electricity coursing through me as he kissed my ankles up to my inner thighs was equally delicious. Then I sank under his weight as our bodies joined. My hands shot out to cling to the sheets as each thrust drove me closer to insanity.

I pushed back, wanting more. He was happy to comply, and it was hard not to give in entirely— to be at his absolute mercy. So I was. Everything that had been holding me back from happiness evaporated, and I let Harvey take me to heaven.

The sound of his grunts as he finished mingled with the expletives I uttered as I came crashing back down on the mattress. My senses were a foggy mess, but a few moments later I found clarity and absolute bliss when he enveloped me in his arms.

“My divorce is finalized next week,” I said. The words filled a thoughtful silence for several minutes.

I came to realize that it didn’t matter anymore. He was Harvey, not Natalie’s ex-husband. Natalie— who I hadn’t spoken to since that day in St. Thomas— featured only in my past. He was no longer her husband, and I was no longer Greg’s wife. We were just a man and a woman, savoring the afterglow.

“Let’s go get dinner,” he said. I hadn’t even realized it was nighttime already. Dinner was simple at a local seafood restaurant, and we spent the entire evening (and practically every other free evening that week) just enjoying each other’s company.

The one night we couldn’t see each other because he had to work late, I was on the receiving end of several text messages. A few of them were him grumbling about some customers, and how he couldn’t stand the owner. I felt bad and sent him a picture of myself with a thumbs up sign and a huge smile, hoping he’d take some joy from it.

Harvey replied:
I don’t know what the hell kept me from coming to see you before that night. You’re the best.

I texted:
We’re here now, so let’s forget everything that’s caused us pain before.

He responded:
You’re right.

A
week
later we celebrated my divorce (which I was all-too-happy to be finished with, though Greg did not look his best). We took a short road trip for the weekend to a cabin two hours away. I was afraid we would die from lack of eating and so much exercise in bed. I didn’t even notice if we had a TV or not because we were each other’s entertainment.

Before undressing me on one of our many bedroom rendezvous in the cabin, Harvey’s tone turned solemn. “Can I ask you something? Why is it you are so against giving or receiving oral sex?” I sighed, hating to have to explain this, which I never even told Greg.

“Greg and I started dating after he saved me from my ex-boyfriend, Justin, who almost raped me,” I started, giving up my long-held secret.

“What?” he spit out.

“Yes, my high school boyfriend would make me give him blowjobs, even when I didn’t want to. Sometimes I even threw up from him pushing my head so far. I didn’t know how to leave the relationship, and I was in love with him. Thought I was, anyway. I don’t know... I was young and dumb enough to think he loved me and that what I was doing showed him I loved him too. But then one day he wanted to have sex with me, and I refused. I was technically still a virgin and felt I wasn’t ready yet. He started struggling with me. We were in his car, and that’s when Greg saw us through the window and pulled me out of the car. I’ll be forever grateful to him for that,” I said, knowing I’d ruined the mood. “Greg didn’t know about the forced oral sex. He probably thought I just thought it was gross or something.”

“Well, thanks for telling me, but you should have had that fucker arrested,” he said, pulling me into his arms. I put my arms around him too and his warmth seeped into me.

“It’s way in the past now, and I don’t like to think about it, but I wanted you to know. And I always felt bad that if I couldn’t return the favor, then I didn’t want anyone giving me oral sex. It’s how I felt.” I shrugged my shoulders.

Harvey held me close for a while longer and whispered, “I don’t ever want you to be hurt again. I want to be here to protect you. Will you let me?” he asked, sincerity deep in his eyes.

I nodded, a tear running down my face. Oh, how I wanted that. How I wanted him! Not just physically, but completely and forever. It hurt to think of losing Harvey again. He hadn’t crossed my mind in months because it pained me too much to realize that the best man in the world was out of my reach. But there he was... telling me he wanted to protect me.

I kissed him, falling onto him. He kissed me back, proving with each touch and kiss he meant what he said. He was gentle in his caresses, in his nibbling of my ear, neck, breasts... and then he traveled farther down. I made to stop him, but he asked me to trust him. Nervous, I let him proceed past my stomach and lower still with his tongue. The first flick was like a flame, and I cried out, grabbing his shoulders. The second one, I tightened my grip, and when he spread my legs apart and increased the tempo of his tongue, my insides were about to explode.

“Come for me,” he said as he continued to work sheer magic and adding a couple of fingers to the mix. I shattered, trembling in wanton abandon, moaning to each spasm that wreaked havoc on my body. He lay next to me, trailing his fingers over my stomach, my breasts, playing with them.

“Oh my god,” I said.

“Yep,” he said, looking proud of himself. I giggled and touched his cheek, kissing him, tasting myself on his lips. I reached between us, finding he was hard, and happy that he was still ready. I moved my hand up and down, watching his face as he enjoyed my touch. He closed his eyes, and I stopped. I kissed his chest, then his stomach, but when I went lower, he pulled me back up.

“You don’t have to just because I did,” he said between labored breaths.

“I want to,” I said. “Trust me.” And I went down again, taking his full length in my mouth and pleasing him like I’d never wanted to please a man before. It seemed to work because he gave low groans, and before long we both fell onto the bed, naked and satiated. After a few minutes, I got cold and pulled the covers over us, and turned to him.

“Was it OK?” It had been so long, and even when I’d done it last, pleasing my partner hadn’t been on my mind.

“Oh, it was more than OK. You’re more than OK,” he said pulling me to him and hugging me to his chest. We lay content for a few minutes, soaking in each other’s warmth.

“I’m afraid I told you a lie,” he said. I pulled my head back and looked at him.

He laughed. “That day in my office when I told you I was in love with you back at your parents’ house, I made it sound like it was only then. But that’s not true. I loved you when you were crying about Greg after you found out, when you kicked him out of your hotel room, when you were scared to go zip lining, when you kissed me that time at my mom’s house, when we made love on your bed at your parent’s, that day at the picnic, ever since, and now. I love you now, and I always will, Audrey. I didn’t know it, really, until I saw Greg show up at your parents’ that day.” My heart expanded with each word, and I was speechless.

“But, you were still married at that time,” I whispered.

“I had known my marriage ended way before that trip. But you. You have put me under a spell. Your sincerity and understanding... your courage.... your beauty... I mean, what’s not to love about you? I’m not married anymore. My divorce finalized a month ago. Did you hear me tell you that I love you?” he asked expectantly. All of these things he loved about me— saying I was shocked is putting it mildly. I’d never been so afraid and happy at the same time in my life.

“Harvey, I’m scared,” I confessed. “Relationships haven’t been good to me.”

“Cause we found each other a bit late, darlin’, but here we are now. Tell me you don’t love me. Break my heart and I’ll leave, but that’s not what you want, is it?” he asked, running a finger along my jaw.

I shook my head, took a deep breath, and said, “I love you too, Harvey. I’ve loved you longer than I’ve let myself admit. You’re a good man, funny, and always taking care of me.” I had to catch my breath after that, especially after the kiss he gave me. “And you’re hot as hell,” I blurted out, sending us both into an argument over who was better looking. He kept insisting I was, which still surprised me.

Soon we were making love again, and nothing ever felt so right as having him inside me. It was liberating and enslaving at the same time, being with this man who let me be myself and loved me for it. I’ll never let go of him again.

“Tell me one more time,” he said as we lay on the floor of the cabin bedroom after our lovemaking. His eyes searched mine.

“I love you,” I said, kissing his arm.

“I love you, too,” he said, caressing my cheek.

When, at last, I talked to my mom a few days after our weekend road trip and explained to her about us, she couldn’t believe it. She was overjoyed when she got used to the idea. But then she said the strangest thing.

“That Lucy. She told me something was going on, but I thought she was letting her imagination run wild.”

“What do you mean? I didn’t tell her anything about Harvey,” I said into the phone.

“I’m going to ask her for the lottery numbers,” my mother said and laughed at her own joke.

“How’s dad doing, mom?” I asked, hoping the cardiologist appointment the day before had gone well. She gave me the good news that everything was fine, and I hung up with her convinced my life was finally back on track.

A month later, we celebrated Harvey closing the deal on his own bar. He’d decided to give it another try on my encouragement. While I still helped with events at the company I worked for, I realized that my talents were useful in helping him at the bar as well, which he rented out for events (my idea).

S
everal months after that
, for the second time in my life, Tammy suggested I take a pregnancy test.

“Girl, you don’t remember when you had your last period, you keep eating all of my ice cream, and afterward you want to throw it up? Let’s go to the drug store right now.” Which we did. As I sat on the toilet at the drug store and saw the plus sign turn a bright pink, I covered my mouth in shock. I pulled up my pants and opened the door, waving the stick in the air. We both screamed, attracting attention from the people at the pharmacy, and I hurried us outside.

“Oh my gosh!” I yelled. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!”

“Oh my gosh!” Tammy yelled with me. “How are you going to tell Harvey?” she said.

“Oh, crap!” I said, turning from absolute delight to absolute terror.

“What? For sure he’ll be excited! You said he’s always wanted kids,” she tried to reassure me.

“Yes, that’s when he was married and with Natalie. This is different. I’m only his girlfriend. Oh my gosh. But you’re right. He loves me. He tells me that every day without fail. It’ll be fine,” I tried to convince myself. That night he was supposed to take me out to dinner, so I’d tell him then, or maybe when we got back so that it’s not in public. Right?

I hesitated all day, and even took two more pregnancy tests to be sure, but they were clear as could be. For a moment, fear took over, and I panicked. I immediately called my gynecologist (whom I had seen almost as soon as I got back from my vacation), and since they’d had a cancellation, her assistant told me to come in right away.

I sat in the room for a few minutes before Dr. Rice came in.

“Hello, Audrey,” she said. What a nice woman she’d always been with me.

“Hi, Dr. Rice. Sorry so last minute, but I want to be sure as soon as possible.”

“I understand. Especially after last time. So let’s see what’s going on here. You had positive tests?” I nodded.

“Well, let’s see if we find anything on an ultrasound since you don’t know when your last period was.”

“It’s been so strange since after the miscarriage that I kind of stopped trying to keep track of it,” I said.

“Let’s take a look then. This will be a bit cold.” A few seconds later I was looking at a black and white mish mash I couldn’t understand.

“Well you’re definitely pregnant,” she said, and I put my arm up to my head, as tears fell. “And, hold on… You’re quite pregnant. I’d put you at three and a half months.” I dropped my arm and gasped.

“Shut up!” I said.

“Yes, ma’am, give or take a week, but the size of the baby, which looks to be healthy, is that of a three-month gestation.”

“Oh wow,” I said, tearing up again. “Boy or girl?”

“We won’t know for several weeks more, but you can make the appointment to follow up with Clara up front. Here’s a picture of the ultrasound and a prescription for vitamins.” She went on with instructions on foods and medicines to avoid, and what to expect in the next few weeks, but I kept staring at the photo in my hands. I walked out of there in a daze, looking at the ultrasound picture every few minutes to make sure the pregnancy was real. The time on my phone said it was almost 5:30, and I had to go home to doll up for dinner.

It was supposed to be at an upscale restaurant. I made a joke over the phone about him requesting a bottle of wine from the manager, to which he told me to wear something nice, ignoring my joke. I’d never heard him worried about a fancy dinner or what I wore, but I played along.

Dinner was delicious, but I noticed we were both rather quiet. I knew I wasn’t being as talkative because I was trying desperately not to show him the ultrasound photo I had in my purse. But I was nervous about his silence. When they brought him the wine and I refused (not to his surprise), he wanted to toast.

“Here’s to seven months together, the happiest seven months of my life,” he said, and I raised my water glass to his wine glass.

“Oh, Harvey, you’re sweet. I didn’t even remember.”

“I have a surprise for you for our anniversary back at my place,” he said.

“So do I,” I said enthusiastically.

“You said you didn’t remember our anniversary.”

“Oh, I didn’t, but I guess it’s a coincidence. Anyway, I have one too.”

“I bet mine is better,” he said, grinning. I laughed and shook my head.

“I don’t think so.

As we walked to his apartment, my nerves got the better of me. My legs weakened, and I considered getting it over with.

“Harvey, let’s stop for a moment.”

“No. Come on, let’s go inside,” he said.

“But my surprise…”

“Just come inside,” he said and unlocked the door. I walked in, searching for the switch in the dark. When the light came on, I saw everyone I knew in his living room. It had been decorated in black, white and gold, and everyone yelled, “Surprise!”

“Oh, my!” I said, taken aback. “It’s not my birthday!” I turned around for Harvey to explain (before telling my parents they had forgotten when my birthday was) when I saw he got down on one knee. In his hand he held a suede box with an enormous diamond ring, and he wore the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his face. My knees started to tremble again, and I covered my mouth as tears welled up in my eyes.

“All my life I hoped there was someone out there who would make me this happy, and now that I’ve found you, I want to keep you with me forever. Audrey, will you marry me, make me happy the rest of my life? I’ll do the same for you.” I grabbed his face and kissed him, unable to speak.

Finally, I cleared my throat and said, “Yes.” Cheers broke out behind me as Harvey carried me off my feet and twirled me around.

“Wait, careful, careful. Put me down,” I said. Confused, he returned me to the ground, and I rummaged through my purse, looking for the ultrasound photo, which I found and promptly shoved in his face.

“What?” he said, trying to focus on it, his eyes growing.

“My surprise!” I yelled.

“What?” I heard my mother calling out.

“I can’t believe this. Is this real?” he asked. “Ours? Yours and mine?”

I nodded. “Three and a half months,” I told him, tears now freely running down my face.

“What is it?” my mother said, now next to me grabbing my hand.

Harvey grabbed me again, kissed me, and shouted, “We’re having a baby!”