Taking Chances (34 page)

It had been
four days since the accident.

Four days since
he told me he loved me, and I didn't say it back.

Four days since
he died. 

~~~

Twenty minutes
after Chase left, Mom, Dad, Bree and I were sitting around the kitchen table
talking through everything that had happened that day. Everyone was more
shocked than I had been, but then again, they hadn't been there for every maddening
moment of our relationship throughout this last school year. Bree's phone rang,
and I knew it was Konrad by the way she answered it. I glanced at the clock, he
should be back with my car soon from dropping Brandon off at Chase's house.

“No,” she
whispered, face drained of color, eyes wide, “no you're lying. That's not funny
babe.”

I tilted my
head towards the phone and almost jumped out of my chair when she screamed
bloody murder.

“NO!”

“Breanna!”
Claire hissed, “Calm down!”

Bree was now
staring at the phone, horrified, “We have to go!” She screeched and ran out of
the kitchen, “WE NEED TO GO!”

The three of us
stayed at the table until we heard the front door slam shut and her car start
up. Bree was screaming from the car for us to hurry, fat tears falling from her
eyes. Robert opened the driver door and pulled her out, depositing her in the
back seat which I slid into after.

“Oh my God, oh
my God, oh my God! DAD GO!” She screamed, cradling her head and rocking back
and forth slightly.

I rubbed my
hand across her back, and after I shared a confused look with her parents, he
finally backed out of the driveway.

“Breanna honey,
where is it I'm going?” He was talking soft and melodic, like she was a patient
and he was the therapist.

She rattled off
an intersection through her sobs.

Mom turned
around from the passenger seat and pulled Bree's hands from her face, “Breanna,
you're being dramatic, calm down and tell us what's wrong.”

Bree's phone
rang again and she pushed the talk button, but didn't say anything. I grabbed
the phone and managed to get it out of her death grip, checking the screen
first, I brought the phone to my ear and spoke, “Uh, Konrad? Wha –”

“He's not
waking up! I can't get him out, there's blood everywhere and he's not waking
up!”

“Who Konrad?”

“The ambulance
is pulling up, you need to hurry!”

I heard him
screaming for whom I'm guessing were the EMT's, and then the call ended. I
realized then that we could hear sirens from the car as well and looked up to
see we were only a few blocks away now. Bree was still harshly whispering
unknown words.

“I think he
might have wrecked my Expedition?” I guessed, still confused. Then it hit me.
Brandon. He was supposed to be taking Brandon home. Oh God no. Please no. Don’t
take him from me.

We rounded the
corner and saw the ambulance, fire truck and three SDPD cars blocking off part
of the street. Dad drove down the street enough so he could park, and not block
the rest of traffic, and that's when I saw everything. Konrad being pulled away
by two police officers, struggling to get back to Chase's truck that looked
like it was fused to the front of an eighteen wheeler. A scream that rivaled
Bree's ripped from my throat and I bolted out of the car before it had stopped.
I ran past the officers holding Konrad and made it by another few before a
fireman caught me and swung me away from the wreck.

“CHASE!” I
screamed and wailed on the man to put me down, “CHASE!” Everything was so
silent, yet so loud at the same time. I couldn't hear the sirens, I couldn't
hear the shrieks and sobs from his family, I couldn't even hear my own voice anymore.
I can't describe what filled my ears, only that it was deafening.

I continued to
struggle to get to Chase, and somehow realized I was no longer being carried
away. I must have fallen to the ground and now two people were holding me so I
couldn't get back up. I saw Konrad crushing Bree to his chest a few feet away
from me, both sobbing and falling to the street as well. I didn't know where
Claire and Robert were, but I couldn't make myself look around for them. My
eyes snapped back to the truck as a few men pulled Chase through the passenger
side door. He was limp, his blond hair and body covered in blood. A surge of
adrenaline shot through my body and the next thing I knew I had pulled away
from the people holding me and was running towards where they had put him on a
stretcher in the street.

“Chase! Wake
up! Please wake up!” I grabbed his lifeless hand before a female EMT could
begin to remove me from the area again. I screamed at her and reached back
towards him, “Don't leave me like this! Wake up Chase,
please!
”

I was taken to
the back of a police car where an officer was trying to calm me down, and find
out my relationship to the victim. I couldn't concentrate on him anymore, the
high pitched silence was back. I looked over to Chase's family where they were
standing next to a couple officers. Robert was the only one speaking, Claire
and Breanna were clutching each other as Konrad was being taken to a second
ambulance so the medics could tend to his arms. He had torn them up pretty
severely when he tried to get Chase out of the truck. Another medic walked up
to the family and spoke to the officers, I didn't need to be near them to know
what he said. Bree's jaw dropped in a soundless scream and Mom fell to the
ground while Robert bent at the waist, gripping his chest with one hand, his
hair with the other. My arms cradled my belly as my little gummy bear gave a
soft kick. “Daddy's gone baby.” I whispered.

~~~

Konrad was
driving back after talking with, and dropping Brandon off at Chase's house, he
had seen the whole thing. Chase blew through a red light, never once slowing
down, the driver of the semi had been going almost sixty miles per hour.

“If there is
anything we can do for your family, please let us know.” A couple I vaguely
remembered from the New Year's Eve party hugged the four of us and turned to
leave.

My eyes glanced
over to the coffin and I felt the air leave my body. I'd been careful to keep
my gaze on everything
but
the coffin, and now that I was looking at it,
I couldn't seem to stop. I gripped Bree's arm and struggled to catch my breath.

“Breathe
Harper.” A deep voice commanded as someone wrapped their fingers around my
wrists.

My breaths came
but they were coming too fast, and my ears were ringing. Chase was in there.
Chase was in that box, dead. It was my fault, why did I let him leave that
night? Big hands cupped my cheeks and turned my face, effectively tearing my
eyes from the front of the church. As soon as the coffin was no longer in my
sight I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on my breathing.

“Good girl
Harper, keep breathing.” Thumbs brushed tears away from my cheeks, “Just keep
breathing.”

I opened my
eyes to see worried hazel eyes staring back at me.

“Better?”

I nodded and
wrapped my arms around him, pressing my face to his blue shirt, “Thank you for
coming Brandon.”

He rubbed
soothing circles on my back until I unwrapped myself from him and latched back
onto Bree. Ever since I'd been dragged out of Chase's bed this morning to
attend the funeral, I felt like I constantly had to be touching someone, to
make sure that this was all real. I desperately wanted to go back home, curl up
in Chase's bed, breathe his scent in and numb my heart and mind again. This was
all so much easier to deal with when I didn't feel anything.

Bree's next
intake of breath was audible and her entire body tensed. “You have a lot of
nerve showing up here.”

Trish was
standing next to Mom, who after looking at her body covered in tattoos and pin
up girl looks, put two and two together and stepped away. “I need to talk to
you Harper.” She choked back a sob.

Brandon and
Konrad moved so they were in between us, “I'm not sure that's the best idea,
and this definitely isn't the place.” Konrad warned calmly.

She peered
around Brandon, her eyes pleading, “I have to talk to you, you don't
understand.” Trish burst into tears and took a step towards me, “You have to
know.”

Pushing through
the guys, I stepped up to her and waited for her to say whatever it was she
felt was so important she would confront us here.

After a few
moments of Trish trying to contain her tears, she finally began, “He didn't
cheat on you, he loved you all he ever did was talk about you. I admit, I was
jealous and I thought you had gotten pregnant on purpose, so he would have to
be with you.” She looked nervously between Chase's family and myself, “That
night at the party, I uh – I drugged him.” My face fell. What was she saying?
“Those pictures weren't real. He was completely passed out.” She cried into her
hand, her body now trembling, “I'm so sorry, you will never know how sorry I
am.”

My palm
connected with her face so hard, the sound bounced back to us from the walls of
the church. “None of this would have happened if it weren't for you!” I
screeched and brought my hand back again, but Brandon caught it and held both
arms down at my sides, “He's dead because of you!” I began sobbing and crumbled
in Brandon's chest.

“I think you
should leave now.” Konrad growled at her from my side.

I shouldn't
have slapped her, I shouldn't have yelled at her, but I couldn't stop myself.
Because of this woman, the Grayson's lost a son and brother and my baby would
never meet his father. Because of her actions, Chase's last conversation with
me consisted of me telling him I didn't trust him, breaking up with him, and
keeping myself from telling him I loved him. Because of Trish, my heart
shattered, and Chase's stopped. I would never forgive this woman for taking him
from us.

People came by
the house for a couple hours after the funeral, continuing with their condolences,
bringing meals and telling stories of Chase. Once everyone left, Dad, Mom,
Konrad, Bree and I held each other, said
I love yous
over and over, and
cried. Everyone split to take naps sometime later, Konrad with Bree, Dad with
Mom, and me with my gummy bear. I was aware of the time passing, the room
changing from light to dark, Mom bringing food and sitting there until I
finished it all, and Bree coming in every few hours to lay next to me and cry.
Other than necessities in the restroom, I didn't leave the bed for quite some
time. I couldn't find a reason to, I just wanted to be surrounded by his
things.

Brandon sat
down on the bed, I don't know when it was, I just registered there was light
coming through the windows.

“Hey
sweetheart.” He whispered and let his fingertips trail along my back.

I tried to ask
why he was there, but I hadn't used my voice in who knows how long, and it was
so hoarse and low I was surprised anything came out at all.

“You need to
get out of bed Harper. You're going to take a shower, we're going to get you
out in the sun, and you're going to try to resume your life.”

Shaking my
head, I roughly whispered, “I can't.”

“You need to.
Chase wouldn't want this, and you need to take care of your baby.” I opened my
mouth and I swear it's like he read my mind, “Eating and taking your vitamins
isn't enough. The funeral was five days ago Harper, you need to get out of this
house.”

“Why are you
here? And why aren't you in Arizona?”

“Bree called
me. They're all worried about you Harper. This family is hurting, but they're
trying to cope and move on. You need to too.”

“I don't know
how,” I sobbed, “this is all my fault.”

“No it's not,
this isn't anyone's fault.” Brandon pulled me onto his lap and cradled me to
his chest.

“I should have
told him I loved him. I shouldn't have let him leave. I should have trusted
him. He died thinking I hated him!” I soaked his shirt in my tears as I
continued to tell him everything I wish I could have changed from that day.

Brandon sat
there silently rocking me back and forth until my sobs quieted and my tears ran
dry. A few minutes later he climbed off the bed, with me still in his arms and
walked me to the bathroom. He set me on the counter and turned the shower on,
testing the water after a few minutes. Bree must have been waiting for this
because she walked in moments after the water had started running. Brandon
pulled me off the counter and kept his hands around my shoulders until I was
steady. When he was convinced, he kissed my temple and walked out, saying he'd
be waiting downstairs.

Bree helped me
undress and shower, I couldn't even find it in me to be embarrassed by her
having to care for me like I was a toddler. Actually, I think a toddler would
have been easier. I just stood there not moving or helping at all. I had to
admit though, I felt more alive after pouring out my thoughts to Brandon and
the shower, than I had since I saw Chase get pulled from his truck. We dried my
hair, Breanna put make-up on my face and picked out an outfit for me to wear. I
would have been perfectly happy with wet hair, sweats and a bare face, but
according to her, unless I began taking care of myself I wouldn't start
healing. What those two things have to do with each other? I have no idea. But
she just lost her brother, and she seemed to be doing much better than I was,
so I didn't complain or ask questions.

I heard sighs
of relief when I walked down the stairs and immediately went into Mom's arms,
then Chase's grandmother's. Claire's mom had decided to stay with us for a
while, I just hadn't realized she was still here. I apologized for hiding from
them and promised to start living and taking care of myself. Once again, I’d
failed to think of everyone else, I had only been concerned with my own hurt.
We all sat around the kitchen table talking while Mom kept shoving pieces of
fruit my way. I really wasn't hungry, but I knew she was worried so I kept
eating everything that was set in front of me. Konrad walked in an hour later
and after a lingering kiss to Bree, he hugged the rest of us and patted my
stomach. I'd forgotten he was living here now too. After the accident, he'd
decided not to go back to Oregon. From his wet hair, I'm guessing he'd just
gotten back from working out and showering.