Taking Chances (37 page)

Crap.

Brandon came back
a few minutes later, Jeremy rushed up to pull me in for a long hug, and the
four of us hung out until later that night when my eyes started to get heavy.
We said our goodbyes and hugged, Carrie made me promise to come around more
often, and I was more than happy to agree. She was too bubbly and fun to not
want to be around. The next thing I knew, my heavy eyelids slowly opened when
Brandon lowered me to my bed.

“I'm sorry,” I
whispered, my voice raspy from the short nap, “I didn't mean to fall asleep.”

He smiled and
tucked a loose chunk of hair behind my ear, “Don't worry about it, you were
tired.”

“Mhmm. I had a
great time though, thanks for taking me.”

“Anytime, get
some sleep.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead softly once. As soon as his
lips touched me, my gummy bear woke up.

I laughed once,
“I don't think that will be happening, he's been asleep until now, he'll start
kicking soon and won't stop for the next few hours.”

Brandon slid
onto the bed and put his hands under my shirt, resting them on my stomach. I
sucked in a quick gasp but didn't say anything. We'd already gone way past our
friend-only-touching-zone when he'd held me and I kissed him on the cheek this
morning. He may talk to my gummy bear every day, but when his hands were on me,
they were always over my shirt. Not now though. Now, I was lying in bed, he had
his hands on my bare stomach, gently caressing it, and was looking at me from
under thick black eyelashes. All I could think about was kissing him. My baby
was going crazy, moving his legs and arms back and forth, and Brandon looked so
happy I closed my eyes and pictured a world where this could be okay. A world
where Brandon and I had stayed together, eventually gotten married and were now
expecting.

After what must
have been at the very least ten minutes later, Brandon leaned forward, his deep
voice husky and hypnotic, “Be good to your mom little man, she needs to sleep.”
and then he kissed my stomach. So soft, so tender, I couldn't be sure if I'd
imagined it. Then he straightened and came closer to me, “Good night, I'll see
you tomorrow sweetheart.”

I wrapped my
hands around his neck and brought his face closer to mine, when our lips were
barely an inch away I paused, giving both of us that opportunity to stop. We
stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments and I finally pressed my mouth
to his. Our lips were still for a brief second before they began moving against
each other in perfect unison. His tongue glided against my bottom lip and I
opened my mouth to him, allowing us to explore each other for the first time in
almost half a year. A wave of heat rushed through my body and I pulled him
closer. Brandon moved his mouth in a line along my jaw to my ear and down my
throat. He nipped at the hollow at the base of my neck and a soft moan escaped
my mouth. I brought his face back up to mine, but our kisses slowed until he
was barely brushing his lips against mine.

“I'll see you
tomorrow Harper, sweet dreams.” He whispered into my mouth before kissing me
hard one last time.

On their own
accord, my hands reached out for him, “Can you stay with me?”

Heat flashed
through his hazel eyes, “Not tonight. I want to be sure this is what you want.”
I started to protest, but he stopped me with another mind blowing kiss, when he
pulled back, both of us were breathless, “Sleep on it, we'll talk tomorrow.”

***

I woke early
the next morning and stayed in bed for almost two hours thinking about what I
want. I know what I want, but I don't know if I can have that. I think I lost
the right to have it, and how would the family feel if I were to start dating
Brandon again? Would they think I'd never actually cared for Chase, and that
every day I wasn't constantly wishing for another stupid time machine so I
could go back and stop him? I felt like it would be one big
screw you
to
them. I mentally kicked myself for letting myself act on my feelings for
Brandon last night as I took a shower and walked downstairs for some breakfast.

“Hey Mom.” I
kissed her cheek and thanked her for the protein smoothie she'd made me. “Good
timing...?”

“I heard you in
the shower, figured you'd be down here soon. How did everything go yesterday?”

“It was really
nice. Like, oddly nice.”

Mom tilted her
head to the side and gave me her,
I'm thoroughly confused but know you're
about to tell me anyway so I'll keep my mouth shut
, face and waited. I told
her about the weird conversation with Carrie after we'd first gotten there and
about the rest of the time with Brandon's family. I finished by lamely
admitting that I'd kissed Brandon last night before he left.

She smiled and
grabbed my hand, “I know you think you can't, but you
can
move on in
that area of your life too. In fact, you should. Chase wouldn't want you to
raise the baby and live your life alone.”

“I won't be
alone,” I countered, “I'll have you guys.”

“You will have
us, always, but don't shut love out of your life. Chase would want you to have
a husband, he would want the baby to have a father.” She wiped a tear from her
cheek.

“But isn't this
too soon? I'm so confused, it's like when I was fighting my feelings for Chase
when I was dating Brandon, only now I feel like I'm acting as if Chase didn't
matter to me by even considering anything with Brandon.”

“For a lot of
people, two months is too soon. But your situation is entirely different
because of what happened between the three of you before. So that doesn't
exactly apply to you and Brandon now. If you're worried about us Harper, don’t.
We all want for you to be happy, and we agree Brandon makes you happy. We
wouldn't have called him to help you out of your mourning if we were afraid you
would eventually go back to him.

“If you want to
do this on your own, then you should. But, if you want to be with him, don't
miss your chance with him again. He's good for you, and though he has every
right to be bitter about your baby, he already loves him more than we could
ever hope a man in your life would.” She paused for a minute and leaned back in
her chair, “I know what Chase thought of him, and I promise he would be happy
with your choice. He knew Brandon could take care of, and love you, better than
anyone. That's why he didn't interfere with your relationship for so long.”

We sat in
silence a few minutes while I let that sink in. It's like she knew exactly what
I needed to hear, to know the family wouldn't judge me, and most importantly,
for someone to tell me Chase would want me to be happy and move on too. Claire
leaned over and hugged me tight before speaking again, “I think the real
question is, how did you feel after you kissed him?”

“Like I could
finally breathe again.” I answered honestly. “I still love him Mom.”

“I know you do,
sweetie.”

“Is that
wrong?”

“Not at all,
and it doesn't dismiss the love you had, and still have for Chase. I know how
you've always felt about both of them. Tell me,” she switched directions, her
face suddenly mischievous, “how
was
the kiss? He sure was up there
longer than I thought he would be, seeing how he had to carry your sleeping
butt up there.”

Heat flooded my
cheeks and a wide smile quickly stretched across my face, “Amazing.” I said a
little breathless, remembering his lips on mine and moving down my neck. Mom
chuckled at my expression.

“Hmm...” Bree
walked sluggishly in the kitchen with Konrad, “Mom's giggling, and Harper's
blushing. I have to know what's going on here.” She hugged me and sat on
Konrad's lap in the seat next to mine.

“Harper kissed
Brandon last night.” Mom was leaning over the table like she was sharing some
seriously juicy gossip.

“Well it's
about damn time!” Bree said faking a little exasperation.

I looked at her
stunned, “How can you even say that? It's only been two months Bree.”

Her face fell
to a sympathetic smile, “I know, but you're only holding back because you're
afraid of letting go of Chase's memory. Tell me friend, has anything changed in
your heart? If Brandon asked you right now to marry him, what would you say?”

Yes. I didn’t even
have to think about that or answer it for that matter, “But Bree –”

“Allowing
yourself to be with Brandon isn't a bad thing. It's also not discarding what
you had with Chase, and it's what he would want for you. We all do.”

That's exactly
what Mom had been saying, I looked between the three of them, my eyes
narrowing. “Have you guys been talking about this? Why am I just finding this
all out?”

“Because you
needed the time to heal enough to the point where you would know if you wanted
to be with Brandon or not. We didn't want to push you either way by saying it
was okay too early.” Mom said simply. “Sweetie, honestly, if you want to be
with him you should. Don’t let anything stop you from loving him and letting
him love you and your baby.”

“But I don’t
know how to go about this. What would be okay in a relationship with him?”

“What do you
mean?” Bree asked.

“I mean – I
don’t know. This whole thing is just so weird and confusing. I already,” I
looked at them quickly, my cheeks heating with shame, “um, I already think
about him playing Dad for Gummy Bear. He’s so sweet with him and I find myself
thinking how good of a father he would be. I’m afraid if I were to be with him
again, I would just assume he would want to play that part and that isn’t fair to
Brandon. Or what if he didn’t want that role at all? I can’t pressure him into
even having to make that kind of a decision.”

“Kid,” Konrad
snorted, “I’m sorry, but really? You really think all that?”

“No. But I feel
like I’m taking advantage of him or something.”

“Okay, it’s
painfully obvious to us that he would be there for you and GB in a heartbeat.
But hearing you say that, it’s just so frustrating knowing that you two are
doing this to each other. You sound just like Brandon.”

“What do you
mean?”

“I love you
Kid, but God you’re so dense sometimes. He freaking loves you. And I know you
know that. But he’s terrified that he’s going to push you away with his
feelings for you and GB. It doesn’t help that you keep telling him you guys
can’t be together.” He momentarily took a hand off Bree’s thigh to stop me when
my mouth opened, “I know why you say that, and he gets it too. But all of us
are just waiting for the day when you guys finally acknowledge the fact that
you can’t live without each other. So you’re sitting here telling us you’re
afraid of pushing him into something you think he might not want to go into, or
you think he shouldn’t have to. And when we go work out or surf, all he can
talk about is wanting to take care of you and GB for the rest of your lives,
but he’s worried that if he says anything you’ll shut him out for good. You
know he told me he’d rather be your friend for the rest of his life than risk
not being able to make sure you guys are happy and okay?”

“Oh Brandon.” I
whispered. “God I’ve been so selfish, he needs to go live his life. I need to
make him leave.”

“No, you’ve
been stupid. I’m sorry,” his hands went back in surrender as he looked at Mom,
“but someone needs to say it to her. Harper,” he waited until I was looking in
his eyes, “you love him, and you want to be with him. He loves you and GB and
would give anything to be with you. So stop fighting it, this is like ten times
worse than you not telling Chase you were pregnant. And yeah, I knew then too.”
Bree, Mom and I all stared at him in shock, “I was with you and Bree all the
time, it was obvious right away what was going on.”

There was a
knock on the door and the three of them turned to me with smirks on their
faces.

“Konrad’s right
friend. If you really want this, then tell Brandon. You’re the only one who’s been
stopping it.”

I blushed and
went to the door, heart fluttering. Brandon's gray eyes and wide smile were all
I could look at when I opened the door. He hugged me quickly and crouched down
to tell my gummy bear about how he'd gotten his ass handed to him by one of the
guys at the gym because he'd been so distracted all morning. An elbow jabbed me
and Brandon kissed where he'd felt it, then stood up and searched my eyes. If
Konrad was right, and honestly I had no doubt that he was, then I
was
being stupid for trying to stop this. I loved him and the thought of not being
with him for even another moment felt like the purest form of torture. I needed
to change this. Fix it. Now.

“Morning.” His
warm voice was soft and unsure.

“I'm glad
you're here, I was worried after last night you wouldn't come by again.”

“Of course I'm
here. Are you okay? After what happened, I mean. If I pushed you too much, you
can tell me and I'll back off.”

I smiled and
grabbed his arm, “I seem to remember being the one who started it.” Pulling him
closer in, I leaned up on my toes and kissed him soundly.

“Harper,” he
rested his forehead against mine after we pulled away, “I need you to tell me
what you're wanting from this. It would probably be a bad idea for me to just
assume what’s happening between us.”

I took a deep
breath and ran my fingers across the back of his neck, “I can't imagine my life
without you in it, and I'll take that any way I can because I don't deserve
you, but –” I huffed out a frustrated laugh, my earlier fears threatening to
stop me, “It's not fair to even ask anything from you.”

“Let me be the
judge of that.” He kissed my nose then rested his forehead against mine again.

He wants
this too. He wants this too. And you’re stopping it.
I took another deep
breath in and out before talking, “Even though I messed up before, I never
stopped loving you, and I want to be with you in every way possible. The way
you talk to him, and take care of us even though there's no reason for you to,
well, I get flashes of you helping me raise him, as a family. And I want that.
I want it bad. But I feel horrible for even telling you this. He's not yours,
and what led to me getting pregnant is what broke your heart. So I can't ask
you to do that. No matter how much I want it, I can't ask for a future with you
because of what I did, it would be selfish.”