Taking Chances (Learning to Love) (11 page)

I kept walking until I got around the side of the building and down the grass near a pond. The trees were adorned with twinkling lights and circled the water, casting a sparkling reflection on the surface. It really was beautiful out there at night. I wondered how long it would be before Kat or my brother came looking for me. It wouldn't be long, but I needed as many minutes of quiet as I could get.

Several swans floated by elegantly. As I walked forward, closer to the pond, a memory suddenly flashed through my mind of me at about seven or eight years old feeding ducks. I was happy, laughing, my father crouched down behind me, handing me small pieces of bread one at a time. Footsteps behind me broke me out of the memory.

"What the hell happened in there?" Matt asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me against him.

"Can we just not talk, please?" I wasn't ready to give up my quiet just yet. My brother was always good at respecting the need to not talk about things. Sometimes I thought the only reason he asked those kinds of questions at all was because he thought it was expected of him.

We stood there for a few minutes, then Matt took my hand and led me around the pond along the smooth stone path. He liked to walk when he wanted to think, or avoid talking as it usually was in Matt's case. After about three-quarters of the way around, I broke the silence.

"I remembered feeding ducks with Dad."

"Yeah, he used to take you every Saturday morning." Matt let go of my hand and sat down on a bench facing the water.

"When did he stop?" I only remembered the one time.

"When he moved out." Matt frowned, kissing me on the top of the head.

"Figures," I grumbled.

"It wasn't like that, Lex. Dad tried coming for you every Saturday, for weeks. You refused to go. The day he moved out, you just shut down. If we tried to make you go with him for visits, you would throw a tantrum, and I mean a full blown, screaming your lungs out, kicking the floor, tantrum.

I just looked at him, a little confused. I didn't remember any of that. I was young, but that seems like something I should remember. I thought about it for a moment. I had nearly no memories of my father once he moved out of the house. Sure I could remember my mother standing there behind me as I waited at the door for him. She would run her mouth, saying he wasn't coming because he didn't love me anymore, that he threw me away just like her. She kept it up until I ended up in tears, face-first on my bed. Those were the memories that stuck with me.

"I know you remember things a bit differently, Kitten, but you were little and Mom poisoned you against him. He really isn't as bad as you think. He loves you, even though you think he's a douche," Matt sighed, and draped his arm over my shoulder, staring straight ahead at a pair of swans floating gracefully by.

We heard footsteps coming up behind the bench. My first thought was that it was Kat, but when I didn't hear any bitching about making her walk through the grass in expensive heels, I knew it had to be someone else. Matt turned first, maybe thinking the same thing, then looked back at me curiously.

"What is going on with you two?" he asked, nodding over behind us.

I turned to see Sebastian stopped about fifteen feet from the bench, looking in our direction, as if he was waiting for permission to approach. I shrugged at Matt. When I was anywhere near Sebastian, my brain was a melted pile of goo. The thing was, he had no interest in me, so why did he keep acting like a jealous boyfriend? Matt got up and walked back inside, giving Sebastian the audience he obviously came for.

He sat down, not saying a word at first, and stared straight ahead. Okay, those swans were not that interesting. I turned toward him, irritated. These mixed signals were driving me insane.

"Listen Sebas--" I started at the same time he said, "Lexi, I--"

We both stopped, staring into each other's eyes, suddenly at a loss for words once again. Sebastian took a breath, and tried again.

"I owe you an apology."

"Yes, you do." Damn right he owed me an apology. He had no right to go psycho on Gary. Sure the moron should never have tried to grab my ass like that, but the look in Sebastian's eyes betrayed an anger that was way out of proportion to the crime, not that it should matter one bit to him anyway.

"Okay," he chuckled. "I apologize."

I looked at him expectantly. Was that really the best he could do? A small smile brought up the corners of his mouth, and turned down my irritation, as well as my brain functioning. My eyes were drawn to his lips. Thoughts of feeling them pressed against mine, chased out any idea I had about being angry with him. His smile deepened, as he watched me stare ridiculously at his mouth. This had to stop. I got up and started back inside. I could not be near Sebastian without wanting to get naked and climb in his lap. The only solution was to stay away from him.

"Wait!" he called after me, following.

"No!" I yelled back. I needed to put some space between myself and Sebastian Michelson before I made a fool out of myself again.

"Lexi, please?" He grabbed my arm to stop me from getting further away. My skin tingled under his touch, leaving me unable to pull my arm free, or even wanting to.

"Why, Sebastian? Why do you care? You obviously have no interest in me. I've thrown myself at you, from what I'm told, and you shot me down. You clearly don't want me, yet some guy puts his hand on my ass and you're ready to rip his head off. What the hell is your problem?"

Sebastian stood calmly watching me yell at him like a crazy person. When I finished, he gave me a moment to catch my breath before he answered.

"I have no idea," he said quietly, looking away from me as he spoke.

"You have no idea? Seriously?" I was getting loud again. "No idea, is not acceptable."

Sebastian grabbed me by the shoulders, quieting me, and searched my face for something, a determined, almost frightening, look on his face. I opened my mouth to speak, not having a clue what I was about to say, when he brought one hand up behind my neck and grabbed a fistful of my hair. He tugged hard enough to pull my face up toward his, our faces mere inches apart. I could feel his hot breath against me, mixing together with mine. My heart thumped loudly against my chest echoing in my ears, drowning out all other sounds.

"You really think I don't want you?" he growled, nearly touching my lips.

All I could manage was a small nod, straining against his grip on my hair. He pulled down harder, bringing my neck up to his lips, his breath scorching the soft flesh. Just when I thought he would bring his mouth down onto my neck, he loosened his hold on my hair, our faces once again, nearly touching.

I bit down on my bottom lip in anticipation and he let out a small groan, pulling me hard against him. Evidence of his need pressed into me, leaving me more confused and questioning my earlier assumptions. As if no longer being able to hold back, he brought his mouth down on mine, parting my lips with his very eager tongue. His mouth consumed me, leaving me breathless and wanting more. When he pulled back, I moaned in protest, bringing a small grin to his mouth.

"I don't understand," I questioned, only barely finding my voice.

"Neither do I," he said, shaking his head and released his hold on me. "Something about you…" He pulled his eyes from mine. "I can't control myself around you."

"Lexi? Is everything all right?" Kat called from the terrace overlooking the grassy area where we stood.

My guess was that she saw the whole thing. I took the opportunity to escape and nearly ran up the hill to her.

"Did he just kiss you?" she whispered, whisking me inside past the group of people gathered around the terrace to see who was yelling out there. I seemed to be unable to stop making a spectacle of myself.

"Kat, please, I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go home."

***

I thought for sure Kat was going to want to talk when we got home, but to my surprise, she didn't say a word. No sooner had we walked in the door and she disappeared into her room with Matt. I knew something was up, but I had enough on my own plate at that moment. I just couldn't deal with that too.

There was so much going on in my head that it hurt just to try to think. I downed a couple ibuprofen and took a steaming hot shower. I let everything melt down the drain with the water. Sam, Sebastian, my father, all of it, gone for just a little while. There would be tomorrow. Plenty of time to deal with the world, as long as it wasn't in that moment.

CHAPTER EIGHT

The last thing I wanted to do after last night was have lunch with my father and the next addition to his collection, but despite what I wanted, that's exactly where I found myself.

"Lexi, sweetheart, I've missed you," my father beamed, pulling me into an unwelcomed hug. "This is Greta, my fiancé." The poor woman stood there smiling, having no idea what she was getting herself into.

"Larry, Greta," I said flatly, taking the seat across the small table, pulling Matt down next to me. I didn't want to take a chance that my father would sit too close. Across the table was bad enough.

Greta was a plain looking woman with short, neatly styled brown hair, matching brown eyes, and a slightly plump frame. She was nothing like the other women I'd seen my father with, though I'd apparently missed a few, so I couldn't be sure it wasn't a longer term trend.

My father had been a handsome man, his features similar to Matt and very much the charmer. When I was a little girl, I'd look at photos of my him and swear I would one day marry a man that looked just like him. Now, he was getting older and didn't have quite as much hair as he used to. He also wasn't in as good shape as he used to be, not that he totally let himself go, he hadn't. He was still an attractive man, I had to admit, but it was his charm that really carried him. He passed that same charm down to Matt who never missed an opportunity to use it to his advantage with the ladies. It made me sad that my brother thought so highly of Larry and acted like him around women. Matt was better than that. I knew he was.

"So, Lexi, your father tells me you are a journalist for the Ledger. That sounds like an exciting job. How are you liking it?" she asked, trying to sound interested. I felt bad for her. It wasn't her fault and I didn't want to be mean to her intentionally.

"Technically, I freelance. It's difficult to get a full time position right now with the economy and all. It's an okay job, not too exciting," I answered, my eyes down, scanning my menu.

"Lexi really wants to move to the city and work for some hot shot paper there, Greta. She is much too talented for the likes of our lowly local newspaper," Matt boasted, trying to make poor Greta feel less awkward. He nudged me under the table with his knee and I knew he wanted me to make more of an effort.

"Well, that sounds even more exciting. My daughter wants to be a writer when she grows up. She is always off with her journal scribbling something down or writing poetry." She smiled warmly as she spoke of her daughter, something my own mother never did.

"How old is your daughter?" I placed the menu down on the table, resolving myself to be nice and get through the luncheon.

"She's twelve. Her name is Jenny. She would love to meet you. When I told her you were a journalist she was so excited." Greta's eyes lit up and she smiled, clearly she was expecting me to be a total bitch or something and was pleasantly surprised.

Larry put his arm around Greta and squeezed gently. "They will get to meet soon dear, Lexi has agreed to be a bridesmaid," my father said and beamed at me.

Wait, what?

I agreed to no such thing. Just as I was about to open my mouth and say there was no way in hell I was being part of their wedding, that just showing up was all I could bear, Matt kicked me hard under the table and grabbed my hand tightly.

"Lexi, I forgot, there's something I need to speak with you about. Dad, Greta, would you please excuse us?" Matt took me by the hand and led me from the table out to the lobby.

"What the hell is he talking about?" I nearly yelled, my heart thumped loudly in anger and I knew he needed to say something quickly or things were going to go downhill fast.

"Calm down, sis. I was going to tell you last night out by the pond, but then Sebastian showed up and I didn't get to. What is up with that guy anyway? Kat said she saw you two kissing? Is there something I should know?"

"Oh no you don't. You aren't getting away with changing the subject this time, Matt. Why on earth would you tell him I'd be a bridesmaid? I never agreed to any such thing. I wasn't even asked! You know I only agreed to go to this wedding for you. Expecting me to be a part of it is going way too far," I said, pacing back and forth across the small lobby.

"I know this is a lot to ask, but Greta doesn't have any family. It's just her and Jenny. All of her friends live two thousand miles away. Please do this for me. Dad wanted you as the maid of honor and me as best man," Matt begged, giving me those sad puppy dog eyes.

"Oh, so it's maid of honor now? This is unbelievable. I don't even want to attend the wedding. I certainly don't want to be a legally approving party. Why are you doing this to me?" My mind flashed to Greta's face and how excited she was when my father told her I agreed to be in the wedding. She really did look genuinely thrilled.