TAKING OVER TROFIM (Dominion of Brothers series Book 4) (7 page)

Pyotr took in a long deep breath while hiking one leg up on the other and grabbed his knee in his hands like he was holding it up or just using the propped position of his leg to stretch out his arms. “That’s because you’ve never had to.” Pyotr let go his leg and relaxed back, his elbow landing on an arm rest so his chin could rest on his fingers. Blue eyes like Trofim’s, watching him intently.

“You wouldn’t either.” Trofim tried to defend his opposition for staying away from the relationship.

“Oh, but I did.” Pyotr’s brow went up. “Twice even.”

Trofim’s eyes floated up in surprise suddenly, “What do you mean?”

“When we were still in Yugoslavia. You were still just a child when I started at the University. My dorm mate—” the faint smile on Pyotr’s face even made a soft breathy sound, “He was beautiful to me. I was very much in love with Kostandin, and it was frightening to be living in a country where homosexuality came with a death sentence. So we had to hide it. Eventually we moved our affair to his sister’s home just outside of the city, where we could have privacy outside of our dorm room. We told everyone I was courting his sister, Ljena, to make excuses for us being together all the time.”

Pyotr took a deep breath as if recalling it brought up feelings that still ran deep for the lost lover, “I had to hide again when we first came to live here in the U.S.” Pyotr returned to the present, “Here, in the land of the free, things are not so free. I had to hide my sexuality completely or someone would likely have tried taking all of you away from me. Var and Andj were still just babies back then. I couldn’t risk someone taking our sisters. Or Sasha, Rury, Stanislav. You were already 12 years old, yet they might have still been able to take you from my custody.” Pyotr took another deep breath and let it out, “Don’t be so harsh to judge a man for hiding his sexuality from others. Sometimes it’s what we feel we must do in order to survive— when there is no other option for us.”

Trofim dropped his head, staring at his hands in his lap.
So many what ifs, and not enough to stop his heart from aching. Except maybe one
. “But, what about his father? He’ll be trouble for all of us if he finds out Shay and I are back together. I don’t know if I can go through all that again.”

“These are excuses you use to keep yourself away, when you have already made your decision.”

“What do you mean?”

Pyotr smiled warmly, “You just said in your own words, you
are
back together.”

“I- I’m not—”

“Is it not worth more to be with him?”

Trofim dropped his gaze back to his lap, feeling the stress pile up on his forehead, it nearly gave him a headache. “I don’t know if it is.” He mumbled.

“Will the pain subside if you decide he is
not
worth the troubles that are attached to all relationships?” Trofim shrugged avoiding answering. “Did the pain ever stop when you left before?”

Trofim curled forward planting his elbows on his knees, his hair falling over his face, and it shook with his response, “No.” The answer barely audible even to himself. “The pain doesn’t go away. Only when I’m in his arms does it ever go away.” His head popped up suddenly, a spark of panic in his eyes. Eyes that had always poured out what was in his soul, like the ticker tape on the stock market. “Shay’s father did terrible things last time. What’s to stop him from doing it again?”

“Shay’s a man now and quite capable of making his own decisions for his life, but knowing this doesn’t mean some parents don’t try to refute it anyways. Having said that, there is nothing to keep the former senator from doing whatever he thinks he must to prevent any knowledge of his son’s sexuality from going public. And you need to understand,
that
is Benjamin Wilks’ reason for doing what he does. It’s not likely he cares of how Shay sees anything, but how the public will see
Benjamin Wilks
through his son’s actions. For most politicians, it’s a career killer. If it comes to it, we can get Trenton Leos to assign personal security for you.”

“A body guard?”

Pyotr nodded to him.

“And what of you? Or Pavle? What if he tries to ruin you and your professions?”

“Pavle and I are grown men as well. Let us handle our own threats. We’ve been in our hospitals long enough to know our way around such matters. No need for you to pay the price for our concern.”

“But—”

Pyotr held his hand up, stopping him and Trofim fell silent. “What do you feel for Shay when you close your eyes?”

Trofim jerked his head in a shuddered movement. He didn’t want to close his eyes. There was a sea of emotions waiting there to rush him like a deluge and he didn’t want Pyotr to make him feel it.

“I want you to take a long deep breath, Trofim, and then I want you to close your eyes and let it out.” Pyotr’s voice always calm and soothing. An unspoken, —
jump, and I’ll catch you
— his words always carried that tone of unbreakable support. They told Trofim that if he, himself, fell into the cataclysm of emotions he had been running from since the day he fled his love’s side without so much as a goodbye or sorry, his brother would be there to catch him. But making the jump into that rocky sea was not so easy, even with a safety net.

“I can’t.” The words nearly cracked from Trofim’s lungs.

Pyotr remained relaxed in his chair, just the soft sound of a deep breath, his fingers cosseting slow circles on one knee, and just waited Trofim out without saying another word. Trofim knew this part too. Pyotr could wait out the pyramids if he had to, it was what made him good in his profession, and how he’d managed to raise ten siblings as they started a new life in a new country.

Trofim forced himself to settle in the chair. He held Pyotr’s gaze as he took the deep breath and as if his brother’s deep blue eyes had the power to lull him to sleep, Trofim’s lids became heavy and finally closed.

“Who do you want most in life?” Pyotr’s warm deep voice spoke to him and instantly Trofim saw Shay coming over him to lay next to him.
His lover’s lips lowering to kiss him and the instant Trofim felt the kiss, he felt everything else, as if Shay were there with him right then. The want— the need— and the warmth he had with Shay.
There was no denying the pain Trofim would continue to endure if he had to go on without him, because when Shay was in his life, he filled the empty cavern of Trofim’s soul. Having Shay and then having lost him made Trofim too aware of loneliness.

A tear escaped before he could stop it. He wanted to be with Shay. It wasn’t even a matter of it being the
most;
Shay was the
only
one.

He heard a shuffling and then a drawer opening. Trofim opened his eyes to find Pyotr had gotten up from the chair. He turned, seeing he’d moved behind his desk, a moment later and Pyotr’s hand was pushing something across the surface of his desk towards him with a gentle smile on his face.

Trofim forced himself to his feet and walked over to the desk. Instantly seeing what Pyotr wanted to give him and he couldn’t help the tearful smile. He couldn’t believe there was possibly another man like Pyotr in the world, because only his brother had Band-Aids made for mending broken hearts. The token gesture worked every time. That and a big damn hug for reassurance.

~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~

That evening, Trofim showed up at the hospital’s ER. And with the courtesy of one more brother’s help, he waited in room-123. His shirt unbuttoned and the bandage Pyotr had given him taped over the center of his chest.

Shay walked in, eyes on the clipboard in his hand, “So what seems to be the problem tonight?” The doctor asked in a routine manner, but when Shay’s gaze came up to meet his patient, he took one look at Trofim and immediately turned on his heels to go back out.

“Wait!” Trofim slid off the examination bed, reaching out for Shay.

Shay stopped at the door, but didn’t turn to face him.

“I’m sick.”

Shay spun, “Why? What’s wrong?” Sudden alarm for concern, obviously voiding out his anguish.

“I’m sick from living without you.” Trofim almost whimpered the confession.

The pain of being rejected just days ago flashed back into Shay’s expression as quickly as it’d gone. “I’m not interested in a pity fuck.”

Trofim’s fingers tightened around Shay’s arm. “I’m serious.”

Shay closed the door and leaned back against it. He shrugged away from Trofim’s grip, folding his arms across his chest like a barrier, warning Trofim he had precious few minutes to get his point across.

Trofim’s gaze stalled on the golden tan of Shay’s arms viewable where he’d pushed his white coat sleeve up. Powerful muscles corded around them, and Trofim’s body shivered, remembering how they felt coiled around him. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. You may not like it, but at least you were able to stay in school, and finish your medical degree.”

Shay shifted, a ripple of impatience flashed over his face, “You didn’t leave to save my ass from getting kicked out of school.”

Trofim took an intercepting step, “You’re right, I didn’t.” His eyes floated up to meet with Shay’s. Trofim never told him how severe Shay’s father came down on him. About the fire or the threats Senator Wilks made towards him and his brothers: Pyotr and Pavle. Telling Shay about them now would still not serve either of them well. “But, I got tired of being away. Away from my family
and
away from you.”

“As I understand it, you came back almost a year ago.”

Trofim nodded. “I just needed some time. I thought maybe just being home would be enough to give me the strength to stay away.” Trofim swallowed so he could keep going, “That day at the masters, when I saw you walking up—” he shrugged, “I panicked. And then I saw the article in the paper announcing the engagement. I couldn’t believe it and I was so angry with you. I felt betrayed.”

Shay rolled his eyes and pushed off, grabbing the door handle, “I don't have time for this.”

“Wait! I’m not through.” Trofim insisted.

Shay turned and glared at him not letting go of his annoyance, but even that didn’t hide the deeper pain in his crystal grey eyes.

“You act like I have no right to feel confused by all this! You say you want me to be with you, but you’re engaged. How is that supposed to make me feel?”

“I didn’t ask her to marry me!” Shay protested.

“But, you
are
engaged!” Trofim was going to come undone any moment. He felt so much, but with the engagement hovering overhead, it doomed any future.

“So says my father. Not me!” The words that came out of Shay’s mouth tainted with bitter tones.

“Your father has control on your life.” Trofim interjected.

“Not for much longer. I told you this.”

“But, would you go through with it if you had to?” This wasn’t really the road Trofim had planned to travel, but he couldn’t shake the pain the arrangement caused him.

“Of course not! I only have four months left on my internship, and then it won’t matter what he does with my money.”

Trofim stepped up, closing the gap between them. His hand floated up to touch Shay’s cheek.

Shay closed his eyes and let a hard sigh go. His head drifting down to surrender to Trofim’s palm. The touch Trofim always meant to remind Shay he was worth the extra effort. Shay used to always say he was a sucker for his touch.

“You can’t keep running from me.” Shay spoke, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can’t take it. Can’t take being without you.”

“I know.” Trofim leaned in, lifting his head and pressed his lips into Shay’s. He kissed Shay over and over, each one giving a little more of his mouth, a little more pressure until Shay’s hard exterior crumpled. The man’s arms sweeping around him, pulling their bodies tight and Shay took over, his tongue slipping past Trofim’s lips, licking over his tongue in a deep embrace. Instantly, Trofim felt himself falling, hard and fast. His only cushion to soften his landing was Shay. Trofim pushed in, searing their mouths together, kissing Shay with a silent plea for everything he needed and wanted, but didn’t know how to ask for or surrender to.

~  *  ~

Shay’s mind and every nerve of his body tingled with the sensation of Trofim’s body against his. Having him in his arms once again. He felt like they were floating off into space. It was just that good being with him. He didn’t let up until they both needed air and they broke apart, both gasping.

He reached up brushing the mop of hair from Trofim’s eyes, caressed the side of his face and strummed over the fullness of Trofim’s lips with his thumb. That’s why they were so good for kissing. Full and pouty. Shay let out a soft growl, just thinking about all the carnal things he wanted to do with those lips. “You should probably go, before I tie you down for good.”

“I like the sound of that.”

Shay was about to say something but then his eyes dropped, then stilled— focusing on the out of place item on Trofim’s chest. His mouth twisted up pondering the thing, “There’s a bandage on your chest.”

“Broken heart.”

Shay gave him a grin filled with all kinds of scoundrel ideas. “Want me to kiss it and make it better?”

Trofim’s eyes lit up with deep blue that sparkled up at him. “That’s a really cheesy line.”

“Try and say that after I’ve kissed you.” Shay popped his eyebrows up for emphasis, “Besides, you’re the one who showed up in my ER claiming to be sick with a bandage over your broken heart.”

There was a soft knock on the door, “
Times up you two
.” They heard Pavle’s voice on the other side, “
Wilks,
I need you to scrub in for surgery in five minutes
.”

“Yes, Doctor Laszkovi.” Shay called back through the door, then turned to his returned lover with a warm smile that showed his deep relief.
Trofim had agreed to come back
. Those words lifted the weight of the world off his shoulders. “Tonight, at your place, and don’t plan on leaving anytime soon.”

“Okay.” Trofim kissed him again. “No. Wait. I leave for London day after tomorrow.”