Taking What's His (Entangled Brazen) (14 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Holt kissed Lydia, every moment of pain he’d felt since telling her he didn’t give a shit about her fading away to nothing. Now that she was in his arms again, the world felt as if it was back on its axis. She hadn’t gone to Delaware, but it hadn’t been because of him. She hadn’t gone because she hadn’t wanted to move away from her family.

So that meant they could be together, thank fucking God.

Because he’d realized, over the past few days, that he missed her. That she meant more to him than he’d ever realized. That he could love her, if given the chance.

He really fucking could.

Her hands curled in his shirt, and she made a small sound that went straight to his heart. When he’d walked away from her, he’d thought he’d been doing the right thing. The last few days had been pure hell without her, and now she was here, and she wasn’t leaving…and he’d do anything to get her back. Any-fucking-thing.

Because he missed her more than he missed feeling normal.

Reluctantly, he broke the kiss off. Resting his forehead on hers, he took a shaky breath. It was time to tell her all of that, and hope to hell that she forgave him.
Please forgive me.
“Lyd, I’m so fucking sorry.”

Lydia pressed her fingers to her mouth. “Why did you do that? Why didn’t you ask me—?”

“What the fuck, man?” Steven came up behind them, grabbing Holt by the shoulder and shoving him backward. “What the hell are you doing?”

She rushed forward, standing in front of Steven. “Stop it! He—”

“Why did you kiss her?” Steven demanded, ignoring Lydia as if she didn’t even exist. “You think I wouldn’t notice? I mean, she’s the only one here with wavy red fucking hair.”

“Strawberry blonde,” Holt said without really meaning to. “It’s strawberry blonde, not red.”

“Whatever. It doesn’t—” Steven staggered back a step. “Wait a minute. That’s how you described that girl you went out on a date with a week or two ago. Tell me you aren’t fucking around with my little sister behind my back.
Tell me
.”

Holt flinched, remembering all the things he’d said before he realized that the woman he’d been intrigued by was Steven’s little sister. “I didn’t know who she was, at first. I swear it. By the time I found out, it was too late.”

“Steven…” Lydia said, wringing her hands. “This really isn’t any of your business. I can take care of myself. And I can answer for myself, too.”

Holt held his hands up, but not because he was scared or anything. It was just a measure of respect. But now that he knew Lydia wasn’t leaving, it was time to come clean. “I know you can, but he needs to understand what’s up.”

“What’s the point?” she asked, crossing her arms. “It’s over.”

The hell it was.

“What’s over?” Steven asked, not turning away from Holt as he dragged a hand through his hair. He didn’t even blink. “What’s going on?”

“I was the guy that was fucking with her life.”

Lydia growled. “No one was—”

“I’m going to kill you. Slowly and painfully. Twice.” Steven stepped closer, his fists clenched at his sides. “How long has this been going on?”

Holt leveled a look on him. “You know the answer to that question already. I told you about her the day after I met her.”

“Son of a bitch,” Steven growled, swinging at Holt.

Holt ducked, barely missing a nose shot. “It’s not what you think, though,” he said quickly. “I—”

“It’s exactly what I think,” Steven said, lunging for Holt again. “And I’m going to fucking kill you.”

“Dude, I lo—
argh
.” Holt leapt back again, getting caught up on a branch that had been hidden in the leaves. He hit the ground hard, slamming his head on another branch. Stars swam in his vision, and his glasses flew off his face. He knew he was going to get hit, because he didn’t have the time to get to his feet before Steven pounced again.

And, he kind of deserved it.

The fact that his best friend was defenseless didn’t stop Steven. He leapt for Holt, obviously intent on shedding some blood. “You son of a—”

“Steven, no!” Lydia screamed, grabbing his fist.

He shook her off and hauled back his arm. This time, he would have connected, but someone grabbed him from behind and yanked him backward. “What the hell is going on here?” Cooper asked, his voice hard.

Lydia fell to her knees beside Holt, her face pale. Her soft fingers touched him. “Are you okay? You hit your head.”

He caught her hand, squeezing. “I’m fine. I’ll have a headache, but I’ll be okay.”

“We should get you home so you can take a pill, just in case.” She pressed her lips together. “I mean,
you
should go home. And take a pill.”

“No, you had it right the first time,” he said. He swallowed hard when she wriggled her hand free and scooted away from him. “Lydia, please. I—”

Cooper cleared his throat. He still had his arm around Steven, who was glaring at them and shaking with the urge to kick ass. Holt knew him well enough to recognize the murderous glint in his hazel stare—the one that matched Lydia’s perfectly. “Would someone like to tell me why our work function turned into a soap opera?”

Steven flexed his jaw. “Let me go. You might be my boss, but it won’t stop me from kicking your ass to get to him. He’s messing around with my baby sister.”

“
Steven
,” Lydia snapped, her cheeks going red. She could feel all the attention at the party focused on her. “Enough.”

“I’m not messing around with your sister,” Holt said from between clenched teeth. He stared at Lydia, who watched him with wide eyes. “Can we talk…alone? Just give me one more chance to tell you why I did what I did.
Please
.”

Lydia hesitated, but then nodded once.

She’d give him that much, at least, but that was it. It was all he’d get, and he knew it. He swallowed hard. “Thank you.”

“Hell no.” Steven growled, wrestling to be free of Cooper. Everyone else had dispersed, giving them their privacy. It was just Steven, Lydia, Cooper, and him. “You’re not getting anywhere near her. No way in hell I’m letting her become another girl on your list.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Cooper rolled his eyes. “I swear when I fell in love with Kayla, I somehow became the love doctor of Shillings Agency.”

“Not her, Steven,” Holt said, finally turning away from the woman who held his heart in her hands, even if she didn’t know it. “She’s never been just another girl to me.”

Steven crossed his arms. “Meaning?”

You know exactly what I mean.
“I-I…” Holt cleared his throat and took his glasses from Lydia, who had gathered them off the ground. “Meaning, I need to talk to your sister. I refuse to do this in public. This is between me and…” He looked at Lydia. “You. Just me and you. Us.”

“Us?” Lydia gripped her knees. “I didn’t know there was an us.”

Steven growled. “The hell there—”

“Dude.” Copper hauled him back again. “Don’t.”

Steven glowered. “Why the hell not?”

“Open your fucking eyes. They’re in love.”

“What?” Steven said, looking back and forth between Lydia and Holt. Neither one spoke. They were too busy having a stare down. “Oh.
Shit
.”

“Yeah. Exactly.” Cooper slung his arm over Steven’s shoulders. “Come on, I’ll get you a drink…or ten.”

They left, leaving Lydia and Holt alone.

Holt inched closer to Lydia, trying to gauge her reaction to Cooper’s statement about them being in love. He knew how he felt about her, but he didn’t have a fucking clue if she felt that way about him. It was time to find out, one way or another.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and sighed. “You want to talk? Talk.”

“Not here.” He rubbed his temple. It was throbbing like a bitch, but not the way it did before an episode. It was because he knew he had one shot at making her forgive him, and if he fucked it up…it was over. Actually over. “Can we go back to my place?”

“Oh. Right. Your head.” She stared at the spot he’d rubbed. “Are you—?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m fine.”

Standing, he held his hand down for her. She hesitated, but then slid her fingers into his. He pulled her to her feet, but didn’t release her.

He never wanted to let go again.

And I won’t.

“Let’s go.” She bit her lip. “Once you take your pill, you’ve got five minutes, and then…I go home. That’s all I’m willing to give right now.”

He flinched. “Okay.”

They headed for the parking lot, not speaking. He’d give anything to know what she was thinking. What was going through her head. He knew he’d hurt her, but he could make it better. He knew exactly how to make it better, if she’d give him the chance. And he’d never stop making it better until the day he died.

When he started leading her to his truck, she dug her heels in. “I’ll take my car, and you take yours.”

He nodded once, despite the fact that he didn’t want to separate from her for even a minute. He’d been a starved man without her, dying for her smile. Her laugh. Her touch. The last thing he wanted to do was watch her walk away…again.

“All right.”

As he walked her to her car and opened the door for her, she pressed her lips together and slid into the seat. “Thanks.”

Nodding, he walked over to his truck. As he started it, he took a deep breath and stared at himself in the mirror. His reflection watched him judgmentally, narrowing his eyes. “What the fuck are you looking at?” he murmured. “You’re as much of a screw-up as I am.”

Shaking his head, he reversed and led the way back to his apartment, checking the rearview mirror every so often. Lydia followed him, her face impassive and pretty damn pissed off, as she should be. He’d acted as if she didn’t matter to him, when she did. That had been wrong, and he knew it now. He’d learned that lesson the hard way. But he could fix it.

He
had
to.

Chapter Eighteen

Lydia pulled into Holt’s driveway, her fingers tight on the steering wheel. The whole afternoon had been warped and twisted and confusing as heck. One second she’d been running from Holt, not wanting to see him or hear his voice at all. And the next, he’d been kissing her and begging for a chance to explain himself.

She didn’t know how she felt about that yet. Or about him. Or her. Or anything, really, because her thoughts were all mixed up. And so were her feelings.

Those were a mixture of dread and anger. And hurt, too, because if he’d truly tried to break it off with her so she could be free, then that pissed her off. She was done with men telling her what was best for her. She got enough of that from Steven.

He came up to her door and tugged on it. It was locked, so of course it didn’t open. When she didn’t move, or unlock it, he stared at her through the glass, his somber blue eyes silently asking her to open up. She still didn’t move. She couldn’t. Her heartbeat thudded in her head, echoing, and she adjusted her grip on the wheel.

If she let him in…he’d just hurt her all over again.

She’d barely made it through intact last time.

“Lyd…” He tugged on the handle a little harder. “Open the door.”

She knew what was going to happen if she did. If she went into his house and let him talk to her, she’d forgive him even though he didn’t really deserve it. He was never going to love her like she would love him. He’d told her as much, had told her that he was only going to stay with her until the urge had passed…

Which he’d said had happened.

So why was she going to put herself through this pain again, in a day or two? A week, if she was lucky. What was the point? Eventually, he’d be ready to move on for real. And she’d be left hurting another time. She shook her head and reached for the shifter with a trembling hand.

He paled and placed his hands on her window. “Wait! Don’t go.”

“I-I can’t do this.” She shifted into reverse. “I’m sorry.”

And then she reversed, leaving him standing alone in his driveway, wearing a navy blue suit, his glasses, and a devastatingly sad look in his eyes.

And her heart broke a second time.

The whole way back to her apartment, her heart raced at full speed. She’d done it. She’d fallen in love with a guy who’d flat out told her he would
never
love her back. What was wrong with her? She parked in her spot and rested her head on her steering wheel. “Idiot, idiot,
idiot
.”

A knock sounded on her window. She jumped and lifted her head, half expecting it to be Holt. But it wasn’t. It was Steven. Of course it was.

Sighing, she shut her car off and got out. “I’m not in the mood.”

“What happened?” He stepped up next to her, his hands curled into fists. “What did he say? What did he do?”

“He didn’t say or do anything.” She shut her door and gripped her purse strap tight. “I didn’t even give him a chance to say anything. I just… I left.”

“Why? He obviously cares—”

She blew out a breath. “No offense, but you know nothing about what he feels. Or in this case, doesn’t feel.”

“True enough. But I do know him. After I cooled off, I was able to think about this more clearly. About how he’s been acting, and why. The Holt I know doesn’t get worked up over chicks.” He dragged a hand down his face. “The guy I saw at the party, fighting with you and asking you to listen, isn’t a guy who doesn’t care.”

She twisted her purse in her hands. “You’re wrong. He—”

“No, I’m not. I know Holt.” He cocked his head. “But I have to wonder… Do you?”

She swallowed hard, her eyes feeling dry and sandy and broken. Just like her heart. “I…yes, of course I do. I know things you don’t know, too.”

“His headaches? He told me and Cooper about them yesterday. He said he’d been worried about admitting the truth about his ‘shortcomings.’” Steven air-quoted that word with a wince. “But he didn’t need to worry about that. Cooper would never have fired him for that. It’s not how he rolls.”

She stilled. “He told everyone?” she asked, her voice coming out way too soft.

“Yeah,” he said, shrugging. “He said he hadn’t wanted to come clean, but that a girl who he cared about made him see it wasn’t such an embarrassment after all. And from now on, if he feels another episode coming on, all he has to do is let Cooper know that he’ll need time off. I’m guessing that the girl he talked about? Yeah, that was you.”

“O-Oh.”

“So tell me…” Steven crossed his arms and leaned on the doorframe. “Does that sound like a guy who doesn’t care?”

I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.
She swallowed hard, doubting herself for the first time since driving away, and averted her face from him. “One second you’re punching him for touching your little sister, and the next you’re championing him?”

“What can I say? I had time to cool down, and I realized if you’re going to be with some guy, it might as well be one like Holt. He’ll treat you right…because he knows if he doesn’t, he’ll answer to me.” Steven rubbed his jaw. “Want me to talk to him for you, too?”

“No. God no.” She opened her door and walked in, blocking him from entering. “Look, I love you. You know I do. But I need to be alone right now. I need to think.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Sure.”

“Thanks.”

After closing the door in his face, she leaned against it and let out a long breath. Sinking to the floor, she dropped her head on her knees. Maybe she shouldn’t have run away like that. What if, by some crazy long shot of fate, he’d been about to tell her he wanted more, too? She should have given him the chance to talk.

Maybe, just maybe, she would have liked whatever he’d been about to say. But she’d left. Hadn’t listened. What the heck was she supposed to do now? Go back and say, “
Well, you know, maybe I’ll listen to you after all. Sorry for that dramatic exit
.”

Someone knocked on the door, and she had no doubt who it was. Steven, of course. He never could leave her alone when she was upset, which was admirable most of the time. But not today. Growling under her breath, she stood up and cracked the door open. “Steven. I told you to—”

The words died in her throat. Because Holt stared back at her through his thick-rimmed black glasses and slid his foot in the crack of the door. “Don’t close the door in my face. Just give me a second to explain.
Please
.”

“I-I won’t.”

He nodded once, but didn’t seem to relax at all. “I’m sorry, Lyd. I’m so fucking sorry I said the things I did. I didn’t mean them. I swear it. I was an idiot.”

She gripped the door, not opening it, but not closing it either. She’d been wishing that she had given him a chance to explain, and now he was here. Like magic. Now, it was time to listen. “Which things, exactly?”

“I didn’t lose the feeling. I don’t think I ever will. And you’re right, I shouldn’t have lied to get rid of you, but I thought I was being noble or some shit like that.” He rested a hand on the wall outside her door, staring at her with those deep blue eyes of his that killed her. “I swear on my honor to never try to be noble again.”

She choked on a laugh. “Um…okay.”

“And I swear to never lie to you again. I won’t try to protect you from me, and I won’t hide the fact that we’re together from anyone or anything ever again. Hell, if you take me back, I’ll shout it from the rooftops. Tattoo it on my forehead. Whatever the fuck you want.”

Shaking her head, she forced herself not to laugh. This was the most untraditional grovel ever, but it was perfect, because it was so very Holt. She almost didn’t want to say anything, because then he would stop. And he was saying the best things. “Holt…”

“Life is filled with choices that lead us down roads. And you know what sucks? The roads you don’t take never get explored. The choice I made the other day led me down a road I didn’t want to take.” He swallowed hard. “I don’t want to leave the road that we would have lived on untouched. I don’t want to be the other me, the one who let you leave. I want to be the me that keeps you by my side forever.”

Tears blurred her vision, and she bit down on her lip, letting him say his piece.

“And I
know
. I know I fucked up big. I chose the wrong fucking road.” He tapped his fingers restlessly. “I knew the second I sent you away that I was going to regret it, but I didn’t realize how much, and how fast.”

“Then why did you do it?” she asked, gripping the door tight.

“I already told you that. I thought I was being noble.” He lifted his hands, then let them fall. “I swear to never do that shit again. I’m not kidding. I’m not noble at all—I need you.”

Her lips twitched. “You do?”

“
Yes
.” He dragged a hand through his hair, and shoved his glasses back into place, his attention focused on something over her shoulder. “And you know what? For the life of me, I don’t know how the hell you can like that moment when Rose and the Doctor are separated forever by a fucking wall.”

She blinked. “It’s emotional, and heartbreaking, and—”

“Yeah, no shit. I learned that.” He kicked at a piece of crumpled paper in the hallway. He hadn’t stood still for more than two seconds at a time this whole speech. “Because when you wouldn’t open the car door, and all I could do was stare at you through the fucking window, I got to feel what he felt a little bit. Actually, I’m feeling it now, too.” He placed a hand on the door and glowered at it. “We’re still separated, and it fucking sucks. I’m sorry, Lyd. So sorry. But please,
let me in.
”

She tightened her grip on the door. Obviously, she was going to let him in. She’d missed him, and she wanted everything he wanted.

But she was
scared
, too, so she didn’t move right away.

He dropped his head on the door. “I will not give up, damn it. You can lock me out. You can refuse to answer my calls. You can burn the teddy bears and flowers I send you in a barrel.”

“I wouldn’t burn—”

“But nothing, I repeat, nothing, will stop me from showing you that I…I…” He paled and lifted his head, locking gazes with her. “I love you, Lydia. I know it’s fucking crazy, and it’s only been a few days, really, but I saw my life with you and without you, and I want you back. Please give me another chance to make it right. To love you right. You said if I knocked, you’d always let me in. I’m knocking.”

She blinked back tears and opened the door, not saying a word. She didn’t need to, really, but she opened her mouth and tried anyway. “I—”

Eyes blazing with determination, he took one step forward before she started speaking, then another when she did. By the third, she was in his arms and his mouth was on hers, taking away all ability to speak. His mouth melded to hers, and he closed his arms around her, holding her tightly against his chest.

And she’d never felt so safe, so
cherished
, before.

He backed her out of the way, and kicked the door shut behind them. As soon as it latched, he picked her up and set her against it, stepping between her legs. Groaning, she wrapped them around him and swirled her tongue around his. As they kissed, he arched his hips, pressing against the spot she needed him most.

Breaking off the kiss with a moan, he dropped his forehead on hers. “I didn’t come here just for this. I came here because I don’t want to live without you. Because I need you to be happy.”

“I know.” She cupped his cheeks, smiling up at him. Slowly, she removed his glasses and set them on the table by the door. “I don’t want to live without you, either.”

He swallowed hard. “You don’t?”

“No. Because…” She leaned in and kissed him gently, pulling back before she got too distracted by the feel of his lips on hers. “I love you, too. Have since probably day one, but I didn’t want to admit it. I thought you’d never feel that way about me, so I shut it down. Ignored it all.”

His eyes turned bluer than the ocean on a sunny, summer day. And the smile he gave her was as warm as the shining sun. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” She nodded, not breaking eye contact. “Very.”

“I’m the luckiest guy on the earth, then. Maybe the whole fucking universe. In all of time and space and continuum and—”

Laughing, she shook her head. “Oh, just shut up and kiss me already.”