Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life (21 page)

There must have been a big sale at the mall yesterday or something, because four girls were wearing the exact same outfit.

I hadn’t really noticed it until I overheard MacKenzie ridiculing them in the hall.

“OMG! Look at that! They’re ALL wearing the same butt-ugly ensemble! Wait, don’t tell me. They were giving them away for free with a purchase of a McDonald’s Happy Meal!”

It was only 7:45 a.m., and I was already visualizing duct tape over her mouth.

When MacKenzie finally noticed me, she tried to act all innocent.

“Just in case you’re wondering, I DIDN’T write ‘Bug Girl’ on your locker. Lots of people wear Ravishing Red-Hot Cinnamon Twist, you know.”

I just rolled my eyes at her. That girl is SUCH a liar! I didn’t believe her for one second.

MacKenzie flipped her hair and gazed at her perfect image in her mirror.

“Besides, even if I did it, you don’t have any proof!”

Then she applied her morning layer of lip gloss.

Since I was stuck having a locker next to MacKenzie’s for the rest of the year, I decided to utilize the mind-over-matter coping strategy that Zoey had developed.

In my MIND, I was so OVER being impressed with MacKenzie, because she didn’t MATTER!

Although, I have to admit, those hoop earrings she was wearing were to die for.

Why is it that huge dangly earrings look really GLAMTASTIC on the CCP girls? But when normal girls (like me) wear them, we end up needing reconstructive cosmetic surgery.

Zoey, Chloe, and I sat together at lunch at table 9, and a lot of people stopped by to ask about tattoos. Since our Ink Exchange Program was such a big hit, and we had already collected almost two hundred books for charity, we decided to continue
it for just three days each month, starting in November. It was going to be great NOT having to hide inside my locker between classes, due to my fear of angry mobs—I mean, my shyness.

But the strangest thing was that I was actually starting to look forward to attending National Library Week at the NYC public library. And we had a good chance of being selected. I mean, just think about it! Chloe, Zoey, and me in Manhattan for five days without our ’rents! How EXCITING would THAT be?!

We were going to have Friends, Fun, Fashion, Food & Flirting like it says in
That’s So Hot!
magazine. And maybe even get tickets to the

TYRA BANKS SHOW! I just LOVE that GIRL!!

I also planned to take full advantage of the “Meet-n-Greet” with all those famous authors. I had no idea an autographed novel was so valuable.

I planned to collect a half dozen and then sell them on eBay for big bucks. Then, KA-CHING!! I could buy that iPhone I’ve been wanting! Am I NOT brilliant?!
!

BTW, I decided to save the $500 prize money for art camp next summer. It was going to be my fifth year attending, and my instructor said I already had an art portfolio strong enough for college. Which is pretty fantastic, seeing as I’m not even in high school yet! She said if I continued to work really hard, I could maybe land a four-year scholarship to a major university.
SWEET!

Brandon stopped by our table to ask if he could interview me about winning the avant-garde art competition, since it was “breaking news.”

I thanked him for taking the photographs of my tattoo designs and told him what a great job he had done on them. But he said it was no biggie, and he planned to use the photos for the article he was writing.

Then MacKenzie came over, acting all friendly, and actually congratulated me. I was so shocked, I almost puked my lunch on her Jimmy Choos!

But I think she really just wanted to flirt with Brandon, because she kept batting her eyes at him all fluttery, like she had accidentally stuck a false eyelash to her eyeball or something.

How does she have the nerve to do that right to my face?! Probably because she has the IQ of lint.

In spite of the fact that we had agreed not to do any tattoos until next month, Chloe and Zoey insisted that I do just ONE more…

FOR MYSELF. My tattoo totally ROCKED!

Okay, I admit I was wrong about Grandma being senile. But I was correct about that DEMENTED puppet, Miss Penelope.

After lunch was over, Brandon walked with me to biology class. He brushed the hair out of his eyes with his fingers (again) and smiled at me kind of shylike.

“So I…um…was wondering if…um…you wanted to be lab partners for ‘structure of mitochondria’?”

I could NOT believe he asked me that. So I looked deep into his eyes, all serious, and said:

“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!”

I’m sure he thought I was CRAZY.

But, hey! I can only be myself, right?

I’M SUCH A DORK!