Tales from the vulgar unicorn- Thieves World 02 (6 page)

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Authors: Robert Asprin

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BOOK: Tales from the vulgar unicorn- Thieves World 02
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He stopped walking.

'We're opposite the isle now.'

It wasn't visible from the road. The plain sloped upwards from the road, becoming a high ridge near the river. The tall spreading blackish hukharran bush grew on top of it. They walked the horses up the ridge, where they hobbled them near a pool of rainwater. The beasts began cropping the long brownish grass that grew among the bushes.

The isle was in the centre of the lake and seemed to be composed mostly of a purplish rock. It sloped gently from the shore until near the middle, where a series of peculiar formations formed a spine. The highest prominence was a monolith perforated near its top as if a tunnel had been carved through it.

'The camel's eye Benna spoke of,' Smhee said. 'Over there is the formation known as the ape's head, and at the other end is that which the natives call the dragon's tail.'

On the edge of the isle grew some trees, and in the waters by it were the ubiquitous tall reeds.

There was no sight or sound of life on it. Even the birds seemed to shun it.

'But I floated down past it at night several times,' he said, 'and I could hear the lowing of some cattle and the braying of a donkey. Also, I heard a weird call, but I don't know if it was from a bird or an animal. And I heard a peculiar grunting sound, but it wasn't from pigs.'

'That camel's eye looks like a good place for a sentry,' she said. 'I got the impression from Benna that that is where he entered the caves. It must've been a very dangerous climb, especially during the dark.'

'Benna was a good man,' Smhee said. 'But he wasn't prepared enough. There are eyes watching now. Probably through holes in the rocks. From what I heard, the mage had his servants buy a number of excavating tools. He would have used them to enlarge the caves and to make tunnels to connect the caves.' She took a final look in the sunlight at the sinister purple mass and turned away. 9

Night had come. The winds had died down. The sky was cloudy, but the covering was thin. The full moon glowed through some of these, and now and then broke through. The nightbirds made crazy startling sounds. The mosquitoes hummed around them in dense masses, and if it hadn't been for Smhee's ointment would have driven them out of the trees within a few minutes. Frogs croaked in vast chorus; things plopped into the water.

They shoved the boat out to the edge of the reeds and climbed in. They wore their cloaks now but would take them off when they got to the isle. Masha's weapons were a dagger and a short thin sword used for thrusting only. They paddled silently as possible, the current helping their rate of speed, and presently the isle loomed darkly to their right. They landed halfway down the eastern shore and dragged the dugout slowly to the nearest tree. They put their cloaks in the boat, and Masha placed a coil of rope over her shoulder and neck.

The isle was quiet. Not a sound. Then came a strange grunting cry followed by a half-moaning, half-squalling sound. Her neck iced.

'Whatever that is,' Smhee said, 'it's no spider.'

He chuckled as if he were making a joke.

They'd decided - what else could they do? - that the camel's eye would be too heavily guarded after Benna's entrance through it. But there had to be more accessible places to get in. These would be guarded, too, especially since they must have been made more security-conscious by the young thief.

'What I'd like to find is a secret exit,' Smhee said. 'Kemren must have one, perhaps more. He knows that there might come a time when he'll be sorely in need of it. He's a crafty bastard.'

Before they'd taken the boat, Smhee had revealed that Kemren had fled Sharranpip with many of the temple's treasures. He had also taken along spiders' eggs and some of the temple's animal guardians.

'If he was a high priest,' Masha had said, 'why would he do that? Didn't he have power and wealth enough?'

'You don't understand our religion,' the fat thief had said. 'The priests are surrounded by treasures that would pop your eyes out of their sockets if you saw them. But the priests themselves are bound by vows to extreme poverty, to chastity, to a harsh bare life. Their reward is the satisfaction of serving Weda Krizhtawn and her people. It wasn't enough for Kemren. He must have become evil while performing some magic that went wrong. He is the first priest ever to commit such a blasphemy.

'And I, a minor priest, was selected to track him down and to make him pay for his crime. I've been looking for him for thirteen years. During that time, to effect the vengeance of Weda Krizhtawn, I have had to break some of my own vows and to commit crimes which I must pay for when I return to my land.'

'Won't she pardon you for these because you have done them in her name?' Masha had said.

'No. She accepts no excuses. She will thank me for completing my mission, but I must still pay. Look at me. When I left Sharranpip, I was as skinny as you. I led a very exemplary life. I ate little, I slept in the cold and rain, I begged for my food, I prayed much. But during the years of my crimes and the crimes of my years, I have eaten too well so that Kemren, hearing of the fat fellow, would not recognize me. I have been reeling drunk, I have gambled - a terrible sin - I have fought with fists and blade, I have taken human lives, I...'

He looked as if he were going to weep.

Masha said, 'But you didn't quit smearing yourself with butter?'

'I should have, I should have!' he cried. 'But, apart from lying with women, that is the one thing I could not bring myself to do, though it was the first I should have done! And I'll pay for that when I get home, even though that is the hardest thing for a priest to do! Even Kemren, I have heard, though he no longer worships Weda Krizhtawn, still butters himself!

'And the only reason I quit doing that is that I'm sure that he's conditioned his real spiders, and his guardian animals, to attack anyone who's covered with butter. That way he can make sure or thinks he can make sure, that no hunter of him will ever be able to get close. That is why, though it almost killed me with shame and guilt, I bathed this morning!'

Masha would have laughed if she hadn't felt so sorry for him. That was why his eyes had looked so red when he'd shown up at her apartment after bathing. It hadn't been fatigue but tears that had done it. They drew their weapons, Masha a short sword and Smhee a long dagger. They set out for the base of the ridge of formations that ran down the centre of the isle like serrations on a dragon's back. Before they'd gone far, Smhee put a restraining hand on her arm.

'There's a spider's web just ahead. Between those two bushes. Be careful of it. But look out for other dangers, since one will be obvious enough to distract your attention from others. And don't forget that the thorns of these bushes are probably poisonous.'

In the dim moonlight she saw the web. It was huge, as wide as the stretch of her arms. She thought, if it's so big, what about its spinner?

It seemed empty, though. She turned to her left and walked slowly, her head turned to watch it.

Then something big scuttled out from under the bush at her. She stifled her scream and leaped towards the thing instead of following her desire to run away from it. Her" sword leaped out as the thing sprang, and it spitted itself. Something soft touched the back of her hand. The end of a waving leg. Smhee came up behind it as she stood there holding the sword out as far as she could to keep the arachnid away. Her arm got heavy with its weight, and slowly the blade sank towards the ground. The fat man slashed the thing's back open with his dagger. A foul odour vented from it. He brought his foot down on a leg and whispered, 'Pull your sword out! I'll keep it pinned!'

She did so and then backed away. She was breathing very hard. He jumped up and came down with both feet on the creature.

Its legs waved for a while longer, but it was dying if not already dead. 'That was a real spider,' he said, 'although I suppose you know that. I suspect that the false spiders will be much smaller.'

'Why?' she said. She wished her heart would quit trying to leap up through her throat.

'Because making them requires energy, and it's more effective to make a lot of little spiders and costs less energy than to make a few big ones. There are other reasons which I won't explain just now.'

'Look out!' she cried, far louder than she should have. But it had been so sudden and had taken her off guard.

Smhee whirled and slashed out, though he hadn't seen the thing. It bounded over the web, its limbs spread out against the dimness, its great round ears profiled. It came down growling, and it fell upon Smhee's blade. This was no man's-head sized spider but a thing as big as a large dog and furry and stinking of something -monkey? - and much more vital than the arachnid. It bore Smhee backwards with his weight; he fell on the earth. Snarling, it tried to bury its fangs in Smhee's throat. Masha broke from her paralysis and thrust with a fury and strength that only fear could provide. The blade went through its body. She leaped back, drawing it out, and then lunged again. This time the point entered its neck. Smhee, gasping, rolled it off him and stood up. He said, 'By Wishvu's whiskers!

I've got blood all over me. A fine mess! Now the others will smell me!'

'What is it?' Masha said shakily.

'A temple guardian ape. Actually, it's not an ape but a very large tailless monkey. Kemren must have brought some cubs with him.'

Masha got close to the dead beast, which was lying on its back. The open mouth showed teeth like a leopard's.

'They eat meat,' he said. 'Unlike other monkeys, however, they're not gregarious. Our word for them, translated, would be the solitary ape.' Masha wondered if one of Smhee's duties had been teaching. Even under these circumstances, he had to be pedantic.

He looked around.' Solitary or not, there are probably a number on this isle.'

After dragging the two carcasses into the river, they proceeded cautiously. Smhee looked mostly ahead; Masha, behind. Both looked to both sides of them. They came to the base of the ridges of rock. Smhee said, 'The animal pens are north. That's where I heard them as I went by in the boat. I think we should stay away from them. If they scent us and start an uproar, we'll have the Raggah out and on our asses very quickly.' Smhee stopped suddenly, and said, 'Hold it!'

Masha looked around quickly. What had he seen or heard? The fat man got down on his knees and pushed against the earth just in front of him. He rose and said, 'There's a pit under that firm-looking earth. I felt it give way as I put my foot on it. That's why it pays not to walk swiftly here.'

They circled it, Smhee testing each step before taking another. Masha thought that if they had to go this slowly, they would take all night before they got to the ridge. But then he led her to a rocky place, and she breathed easier. However, he said, 'They . could carve a pit in the stone and put a pivoting lid over it.'

She said, 'Why are we going this way? You said the entrances are on the north end.'

'I said that I only observed people entering on the north end. But I also observed something very interesting near here. I want to check it out. It may be nothing for us, but again...'

Still moving slowly but faster than on the earth, they came to a little pool. It was about ten feet in diameter, a dark sheet of water on which bubbles appeared and popped. Smhee crouched down and stared at its sinister-looking surface. She started to whisper a question, but he said, 'Shh!'

Presently, something scuttled with a clatter across the solid rock from the shore. She jumped but uttered no exclamation. The thing looked like a spider in the dark, an enormous one, larger than the one they'd killed. It paid no attention to them or perhaps it wasn't at all aware of them. It leaped into the pool and disappeared. Smhee said, 'Let's get behind that boulder.'

When they were in back of it, she said, 'What's going on?'

'When I was spying, I saw some things going into and coming out of this hole. It was too far away to see what they were, though I suspected they were giant spiders or perhaps crabs.'

'So?'

His hand gripped her wrist.

'Wait!'

The minutes oozed by like snails. Mosquitoes hummed around them, birds across the river called, and once she heard, or thought she heard, that peculiar half grunt, half-squall. And once she started when something splashed in the river. A fish. She hoped that was all it was.

Smhee said softly, 'Ah!'

He pointed at the pool. She strained her eyes and then saw what looked like a swelling of the water in its centre. The mound moved towards the edge of the pool, and then it left the water. It clacked as it shot towards the river. Soon another thing came and then another, and all of a sudden at least twenty popped up and clattered across the rocks.

Smhee finally relieved her bursting question.

'They look like the bengil crab of Sharranpip. They live in that hole but they must catch fish in the river.'

'What is that to us?'

'I think the pool must be an entrance to a cave. Or caves. The crabs are not water-breathers.'

'Are they dangerous?'

'Only when in water. On land they'll either run or, if cornered, try to defend themselves. They aren't poisonous, but their claws are very powerful.'

He was silent for a moment, then said, 'The mage is using them to defend the entrance to a cave, I'm sure. An entrance which is also an exit. For him as well as for the crabs. That pool has to be one of his secret escape routes.'

Masha thought, 'Oh, no!' and she rolled her eyes. Was this fat fool really thinking about trying to get inside through the pool? SL. 'How could the mage get out this way if the crabs would attack Bum?'

'He would throw poisoned meat to them. He could do any number of things. What matters just now is that he wouldn't have bothered to bring their eggs along from Sharranpip unless he had a use for them. Nor would he have planted them here unless he needed them to guard this pool. Their flesh is poisonous to all living things except the ghoondah fish.'

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