Talk to Strangers: How Everyday, Random Encounters Can Expand Your Business, Career, Income, and Life (14 page)

Chapter 25

From Unplanned Meeting to Monetized Connection: A Case Study

Everyday encounters in the places to which you journey in your ordinary life can lead to extraordinary opportunities if you are aware, awake, and alive to their possibilities. However, that gets you only halfway there. As we discussed earlier, you can’t put a conversation with a prospective client in the bank; you will have to get in touch—and do so quickly—in order to turn the other person’s interest into an invoice. You won’t increase your salary or job title from merely talking to a potential employer; you will have to circle back with that connection to turn the opportunity into an offer. You simply won’t fully know what’s possible if there is no subsequent contact.

One of the most fruitful random encounters I ever experienced required a carefully orchestrated follow-up. The meeting involved the president of a large industry association whom I met while traveling to Chicago. It was a midday flight, and he was my seatmate. He was dressed casually with his shoes off, reading a book and nestled comfortably in his seat. This was the level of accessibility I would never have had if I met him at a networking event—or worse yet, in his office. He probably would have had his guard up if we had met at an industry function, fully aware that he was the bull’s-eye in the target of a roomful of hungry networkers. The environment would have been hectic, wrought with distractions as countless people engaged in lots of short, superficial, and unmemorable conversations. I might have even been one of them, blending into a sea of faces, elevator pitches, and business cards. This is the environment for high-impact conversations.

But here at 37,000 feet, seat reclined, blanket over the lap, cocktail by his side, and favorite book in hand, we might as well have been sitting in his living room—comfortable, relaxed, and available, the ideal circumstances for quality, engaging, and memorable conversation. Of course, that only created the opportunity; it was up to me to monetize it.

A random everyday connection that doesn’t go beyond the initial conversation is nothing more than a friendly chat. You aren’t likely to expand your client list, advance your career, deepen your contact base, enhance your subject matter expertise, or grow your bank account with conversations that don’t have a follow-on activity. That’s why your ability to leverage the connection becomes so essential.

My new industry association president friend provided a perceived purposeful outcome down the line, one that gave me a reason to continue the relationship. He was looking for something, and I could provide it. I had subject matter expertise, and he had a need to share that expertise with his members.

However, this individual might not have been willing to tip his hand and share who he was and what he did with me if I hadn’t made a good impression right off the bat. The impact you make during your initial interaction is a critical part of your ability to turn your random encounter into a productive relationship. That’s because the other person is far more likely to be receptive and available to you later on if they remember you in a positive way from the beginning. The person you want to leverage is presumably someone of influence, and influential people are far more likely to respond to those who are impressive and memorable. Are you believable? Are you likable? Do you make a lasting impression? This initial encounter is where you establish yourself as legitimate, authentic, and the real deal. And you show the other person that you are someone with something worthwhile to offer.

The formula is simple: ask relevant questions, make appropriate comments and insightful observations, and engage in focused listening to form the foundation you need to cultivate a productive, enduring relationship later on—a win-win relationship of respect, trust, and likability that you can leverage into a mutually productive outcome.

Chapter at a Glance

 

• The initial encounter is only a starting point; the follow-up is what leads to the payoff.
  
 

 

• A good first impression increases the chances that your follow-up will get results.
  
 

Chapter 26

Create a Basis for Continued Contact

Making a new connection based on a feeling of mutual respect is essential to leveraging the relationship later on. As we discussed earlier, people like people who like them—or at least those who
are
like them. Therefore, it’s essential to align yourself with your new associate from the get-go. That means getting on that person’s wavelength, being curious about that person, and showing interest in what he or she is interested in.

To return to the story of my encounter with the association president: I, of course, asked if the book he was reading when we met on that flight was for business or pleasure. “Pleasure,” he replied. So I asked what it was about and remarked that I felt reading is a great way to relax. He agreed, with enthusiasm, and went on to tell me about how much he was enjoying the book. It was a spiritual book, something you don’t typically find in business settings and something that served as a rapport clue for me. He was revealing something about himself: that he had a spiritual side. Presumably, he was a person with ethics and integrity, motivated to live up to a high standard, and interested in improving himself. It would be easy for me to build rapport with him, because I also have a spiritual side, value self-improvement, and appreciate people who bring ethics and integrity to the business world.

“It would be a great day for corporate America if more people read books like that,” I remarked, hoping to establish a bond with him. I went on to ask, “What are the main themes in the book that can be applied to day-to-day life?” I felt that his answers would provide me with a quick and deep insight into his beliefs and value system—among the most powerful levels on which to build a connection—and would therefore make it easy for me to align with and relate to him.

Using trust, credibility, authenticity, and likability as a foundation, you can cultivate the relationship with confidence. But as you learned earlier in this book, you can’t fully leverage the connection unless you know what you want from it. You must have a goal in mind, and you can discern this by asking yourself,
What opportunity does this new connection represent?
Is it the person’s ability to buy from you? Can this connection’s position in his or her company grant you access to others? Does this person have the potential to hire you? Does this contact represent a gateway to new information or resources that will enhance
your
subject matter expertise?

Having a clear understanding of what outcome you’re hoping to achieve by making a particular connection provides focus and direction to the conversation. Without this, you don’t have a destination and won’t know where to steer the conversation. But with the right guidance and a clear intention in your mind, you can learn all the key things about your new connection. You will be finding out about your new connection as you converse, gathering information about where this person works, what he or she does, who he or she knows, where this person lives, what his or her hobbies and interests are, and anything else that will allow you to assess the possibilities for further contact—including, of course, how this person can be of value to you, and you to him or her. This is how you discover the leverage point—the sweet spot where the two of you connect to mutual profit. And when you find it, you will guide the conversation toward it—
delicately
.

I asked high-quality questions when I met the industry association president. I made a point of understanding what the association’s issues and challenges were and determining how he was dealing with them. But I didn’t do this until after I had built a rapport and established a level of comfort and trust. I discovered as the conversation unfolded that his company had communication problems; the industry was under increasing pressure from the public, and the association wanted its members to be ambassadors for the profession.

I began to formulate a plan in my mind as to how I could help as my new connection was giving me this information. When he mentioned that he was planning an annual conference, I envisioned myself standing in front of their members—lots of them!—while sharing the finer points of effective communication. This was my sweet spot, and in this case, my leverage point. The more he talked, the more I knew that my expertise in communication would be useful to his organization’s members as they attempted to speak on behalf of their industry. And at that point I honed in on my goal: to position myself as a potential keynote presenter at their conference.

Chapter at a Glance

 

• When people like you, they are more likely to pay attention to and respond to your efforts at following up.
  
 

 

• The more you glean about your new connection, the more you can appeal to that person and his or her personality when you follow up or reconnect.
  
 

 

• Identifying what you want from the relationship helps bring focus to your message when you circle back.
  
 

Chapter 27

Add Velocity to the Relationship

Once you have the rapport in place and a basis for further contact, it is up to you to keep the exchange alive. Influential people have busy lives, and the random encounter they’ve had with you may or may not stay on their minds as much as it does on yours—or as much as you would want it to. Just as massage therapists will never take their hands off their client for fear of breaking the therapeutic connection, successful random connectors will keep new relationships alive through sustained communication. It’s your job to turn your random encounter into an opportunity—and that means constantly moving the relationship, conversation, and opportunity forward.

Sometimes you part ways and make a vague agreement to be in touch again. In this case, it’s your job to stay on the other person’s radar screen as he or she returns to a fast-paced workweek. On the other hand, if you get your new contact to commit to staying in touch by agreeing to some kind of next step upon parting ways, you increase your chances of having a successful follow-up.

A lot of people talk a good game in the moment but flake out in the follow-up. It’s rare that someone actually circles back and stays in touch. So that’s how to differentiate yourself and build credibility; be the kind of person influential people want to know and with whom they want to be involved.

If there’s a specific action step, of course you will respond accordingly. If there is no agreed-upon follow-up, you can stay in touch with occasional notes, interesting links and articles, and other meaningful communication. You can simply exchange e-mails and phone conversations to maintain the relationship.

As I mentioned in the prior chapter, timing is of the essence in following up with a new random connection; you want to keep the relationship alive and leverage the opportunity. Send an e-mail within a day or two of your initial meeting telling your new friend that you enjoyed the meeting, found the conversation interesting, and learned a lot. (Or if you’re really motivated, send this message via snail mail on paper. Yes, real paper; it gets attention!) If you have a previously agreed-to action item, reference it and elaborate accordingly. Suggest yet another step.

After landing at O’Hare Airport on that flight, my new association president friend and I walked toward baggage claim. We talked about how and when I should be back in touch with him. “So what’s your schedule in the next week or two?” I asked. “Will you be around?” Wanting to increase the chances of a reply based on his preferred method of communication, I asked, “Should I drop you an e-mail or give you a call?”

He explained to me, “I’ll be at an offsite meeting for the next two days but back in my office after that. Send me an e-mail toward the end of the week and make sure you give me a link to your website. I have a meeting with the association board in two weeks and we’ll be discussing the speaker for the conference, so the timing is good. We can talk on the phone after that.”

“You got it,” I said. “I’ll be in touch accordingly.”

In this case, I immediately discovered how this new connection and I could be of service to each other, but sometimes the initial interaction doesn’t lead to a clearly defined leverage point or follow-up plan. You may discover multiple areas of leverage, or there might be none that surface initially. It might seem pushy to nail down a specific leverage point in the first interaction in some cases; in fact, sometimes the relationship will be better if it develops slowly. But whether or not you have a defined next step, it’s essential to follow up within a few days, lest the memory of your random encounter fade in the mind of your new connection.

Wait a day or two for a reply after you follow up. If you receive the kind of response you want, you are on your way to leveraging the relationship. If your e-mail or voice mail box is empty, simply make another attempt, perhaps asking if he or she received your first one. Inquire if there is anything else you can provide. If there’s still no reply, a phone call might be in order, simply to determine whether there is, in fact, something there to pursue.

Sometimes what you thought was interest by the other party might have just been empty encouragement.

However, it’s also possible that the new connection is just busy and focused elsewhere for the time being. It’s easy to assume lack of interest, believing that otherwise the person would have responded. But successful random connectors never make assumptions about the lack of a reply; they gather the facts before drawing conclusions.

Generally, people don’t reply because of one of two primary reasons: they’re temporarily too busy, in which case it’s just a timing issue, or they’re not interested. As a random connector who is following up, you will either reference the topic or action step from the initial encounter or keep the connection going by sending short e-mails focused on the relationship (for example, by asking, “How are you?” and “How are things?”). You can also send along articles, links, or other pieces of information to show you are thinking of the person and to add some value into the relationship. Here are some e-mail examples I’ve used that you can work with:

Example 1: To the industry association president, where we had a focused conversation and agreed-upon plan for follow-up

Subject line:
Our meeting and possible next steps re: communication skills for your members

Hi Pat, I trust this finds you well and that you arrived safely at your final destination in Chicago. I also hope you found the last part of the book as interesting as the first.
(This would remind him of our initial conversation, a part of the discussion that built a lot of rapport between us.)

(Wanting to keep that level of rapport and bring his attention to the possible business we could do together, I went on to say in the e-mail:)
It was a pleasure meeting you and learning about the association and its goals for next year. We discussed how my expertise in effective communication would make an ideal presentation at the conference—providing an entertaining and educational experience for all.

If you haven’t already, please take a look at my website (
www.topus.com
) and then let me know how you’d like to proceed.
(Putting this in the e-mail and getting him to my website would help ensure he continued to have a good impression of me.)
I’d be happy to send you an outline of the presentation, or at least share some thoughts on what it could cover.
(This gives him something specific to respond to.)

Again, I enjoyed the initial conversation and looking forward to our next one.
(Keeping the door wide open for continued communication.)

Example 2: Follow up when someone offers to put you in touch with an influential contact

Subject line:
Our conversation on shuttle and your offer for key contacts

Hi Tom. I trust this finds you well, and that you remember me from our brief “random encounter” on the car rental shuttle the other day. I hope they were able to get you the vehicle you wanted without too much trouble, and that you were able to find your way to New Jersey without too much traffic!
(This comment would show that I was interested in him and that I remembered what we talked about in our initial conversation, keeping the follow-up very personal.)

(Wanting to get a specific response that would be of value to me and also reiterate how I might be able to provide value there, I said:)
You were kind to offer to give me the names of the key decision makers in the residential lighting group, and I’d like to take you up on it. Can we talk later this week, or is there a better time for me to call you? I believe my program would fit well there, and it would help a lot if I knew the key players in that division. Thanks in advance for whatever you can do on this. Looking forward to your reply and with best regards in the meantime.

Example 3: When there is no specific “business” to be done or follow up on but you want to cultivate the relationship

Subject line:
The people you meet in coffee shops and the essence of great leadership.

Hi Karen. I trust this finds you well. When we met the other day at Starbucks we were talking about the traits of great company leaders. Here is an article that you might find interesting . . . it was written by one of the top “leadership gurus” and has some great pointers for anyone who finds themselves in the executive “C-suite.” Note the last section about fearlessness as a key trait these days!
(This kind of reference to our initial conversation and the allusion to the article would position me as a professional—someone who is aware of current market trends and who can also be of service by bringing her attention to the article.)

I enjoyed our conversation and look forward to staying in touch. Maybe we can do lunch the week after next; let me know your schedule.

Best regards until then.

These examples show the great advantage to one-way communication, as it might be much too soon to attempt a two-way real-time follow-up conversation with your new contact at this point. You probably hold “new acquaintance” status in this influential person’s mind—and a telephone call might put him or her on the spot. This kind of correspondence allows you to continue to establish your credibility and earn your way into this person’s trusted circle before asking for too much too soon.

A short e-mail or voice mail is perfect for nurturing the interpersonal relationship, restating the leverage point from the initial conversation, and/or simply demonstrating your interest and credibility. For example, I sent an e-mail telling the association president how much I enjoyed our “random encounter” on the flight, made reference to the book he was reading and how much I enjoyed hearing about it, and then restated his issues with the association and how I could be a valuable resource. And, of course, I included the link to my website.

Chapter at a Glance

 

• Follow up within a day or two via e-mail or voice mail, unless a time is already set to call or meet again.
  
 

 

• Reference the meeting in the subject line, comment that you enjoyed the conversation, and recap whatever topic or idea was discussed in the initial encounter.
  
 

 

• Ask for what you want—be it a follow-up meeting, a chance to make a proposal, the names of key contacts, or information per whatever you discussed in the initial conversation.
  
 

 

• If a response comes, reply accordingly and keep things moving forward.
  
 

 

• If you don’t receive a reply after two days, send another e-mail asking if the first one was received and if he or she needs anything else from you.
  
 

 

• If there’s still no reply, call to assess the situation.